Songs without Words (37 page)

He laughed. “She couldn’t come along this trip and meet the wacky family?”

“No, she’s teaching. They have year-round school and the summer break is over.”

“Too bad, since it’s your birthday tomorrow. She’ll miss that. The big three-nine, right? Wow, nearly forty! How does that feel?”

“Not as bad as you make it sound.”

“You’re still young at heart, though.”

“Yes, even though I’m not young in body, apparently.”

“Didn’t really mean it that way. But, as usual when you’re here on your birthday, you’re sharing your party with a real youngster.”

“Yes, Sarah is about to turn seventeen, a scary prospect, I’m sure, for her parents.”

“Wow,” Danny exclaimed, “what did you think when she showed up at your house?”

“I was shocked, of course.”

“Yes. Everybody here was so relieved, though. Before you called, we were imagining all kinds of horrible things. Poor Neil was out of his mind.”

“I guess that was sort of a dangerous thing she did.”

“We’re lucky she made it safely.” Danny adopted a pseudo-Asian accent and said, “There is much evil in the world, Grasshopper.” Harper smiled. “Well, all’s well that ends well. They seem to be happily reunited.”

Danny nodded. “Was she a pretty big handful, then?”

“No, not really. She was actually a lot of fun. She’s really smart. She’s got the motivation, you know, to do something with her life.”

“What does she want to do?”

“I don’t think she knows. She seems to have suffered from a lack of role models. Her head is bursting with undirected ideas and passions. Before I leave, I want to talk to Neil and Kathy about their plans for college.”

“So you feel like you have a stake in that, do you?”

“Well, she is my niece. She’s got potential. No point wasting it.”

“No, you’re right. We should do what we can for her. Do you see yourself as a role model for Sarah, then?”

“Well, not really. I see her too rarely because of the distance. I’m hoping she’ll get a couple of really inspirational professors.”

The book in her lap lay open to the story of Icarus. The accompanying illustration showed him falling out of the sky, his wings dripping molten wax. Harper stood. “I think I’ll go talk to them about it now, while it’s on my mind.”

She stepped into the house and immediately heard yelling from the kitchen. She arrived to see Sarah in tears, confronting her father whose face was a deep and alarming shade of red.

“Did you think you could just run off like that,” he said, “and worry us all to death and then waltz back here without any repercussions?”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this!” Sarah screamed. “This is such bullshit! I wish I’d never come back! I wish I was dead!”

Neil and Sarah both noticed Harper simultaneously. Sarah ran past her out the back door. Neil took a deep breath, frowning.

“So?” asked Harper, leaning against the counter.

“Apparently she’s surprised that she’s being punished for all of the trouble she caused us, and you, by running off to California.” “What’s the punishment?”

“I’ve grounded her for three months, and that includes pushing back her driver’s license.”

“Yikes,” Harper said. “That’s got to hurt.”

“Yes, well, that’s what punishment is about. They have to be punished.”

“I suppose.”

Neil, gradually calming himself, sat down at the kitchen table.

“Unfortunately,” she said, sitting in the chair beside him, “that punishment is the same thing that drove her away in the first place. Are you sure you aren’t just trying to prevent her from growing up?”

“What are you trying to say? Do you have some special insight, now that you’ve been in charge of her for, what, one whole month?”

Harper realized that Neil was angry at Sarah and that it was spilling out onto her. She didn’t resent it. “No,” she said. “I really can’t imagine what frustration you must feel.”

He drew a hand through his sandy hair and looked dejected. “Sorry. I know you’re just trying to help. And we appreciate the time you spent with her the last few weeks. She couldn’t stop talking yesterday about everything she did while she was there.”

“We had a good time. This may not be the best time to discuss it, but I was wondering what your plan is for her higher education.”

“Oh, Harper, I don’t know. I don’t think we’re even going to survive high school. We were hoping to send her to Wheaton and let her live at home. At this point, I don’t think any of us would go for that. Kathy and I have discussed other possibilities, like sending her to the university and letting her live in the dorm. The money isn’t really a problem. We’ve prepared for that, but I just wonder what we could expect from her if we gave her that much freedom. I’m afraid she’d just go wild.”

“Sarah isn’t into drugs or anything like that, is she?” “Not that I know of. She’s just defiant. Up until recently, she was the most well-behaved girl you ever saw. We were patting ourselves on the back for what a good job we did raising her. No sex, no drugs, no crime, not even cigarettes. And then all of the sudden, bang, she turned into Ms. Hyde.”

“It would be a real shame if she didn’t get a degree.”

“Yes, it would. She’s a bright girl. The offer is still on the table, but I don’t think she’s going to take it. She can’t wait to get away from us. If she thinks she can do it all on her own, she’s going to be in for a shock. Maybe one semester, maybe two if she’s determined. When you first start supporting yourself, money is tight and, suddenly, you just don’t see the point of pouring it all into school when the whole world is lying at your feet, or so you think.”

“I did it,” Harper pointed out.

“Yes, you did. You were exceptional. Sarah reminds me of you. That little scene just now, in fact, reminded me of the day you told Mom that you were going to California no matter what. You said you would rather die than stay here.”

“I don’t think it’s unusual for teenage girls to rather die than do what their parents want them to.”

He laughed shortly. “I guess that’s true. Maybe Sarah will run off to California too and make a fine life for herself. She definitely seems to think it’s the land of enchantment.”

After giving Neil a reassuring hug, Harper left the kitchen and went looking for Sarah. She found her, eventually, sitting at the end of the dock with her legs dangling over the water, just where the two of them had sat two years earlier talking about epic poetry.

Harper sat next to her, noting the solemn look on her face.

“Hey,” she said, knocking against Sarah’s shoulder with her own.

“Hey,” Sarah replied half-heartedly.

“This is a beautiful place, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. I’ve always liked visiting Grandma and Grandpa.”

“I really missed this place when I left.” “You like California, though, right?”

“Oh, sure. I love it. That’s why I’m still there. But a lot of people do go back home, later, after they’re over being impulsive, angry or whatever it is that drove them away in the first place.”

“What drove you away?” Sarah asked.

“That was something I couldn’t have answered for most of my life. At the time, I thought I was just playing follow the leader, the leader being my best friend Peggy. She was going to California, so I wanted to go too.”

“But?”

“I think it was fear of failure. Your grandfather is a brilliant man, which you may not see so much when you’re sitting in a fishing boat watching him sleeping under his hat. He always put a lot of pressure on us to accomplish something. There was never any question about all three of us being college graduates.It was so thoroughly understood that I don’t think any of us ever imagined not doing it. I know I didn’t. Your father did excel, as expected. He was a science whiz, just like your grandfather. I looked up to him all through my childhood as the model of what Dad wanted from us. He was about to graduate from college when I was graduating from high school and I just couldn’t imagine doing as well as he did. I always thought of myself as average. That wasn’t tolerated in our family.”

“Average?” Sarah looked shocked. “You? No way.”

Harper nodded, amused by the disbelief. “So I left. Nobody could watch me from way over here. Nobody would know if I screwed up.”

“And that’s why you left?”

“Well, that and a little bit of the other too. I think I was sort of in love with Peggy, but I didn’t know it.”

Sarah smiled. “I guess it worked out okay.”

“It usually does. Sometimes we think everything hinges on some decision that we make at some crossroad, as if one choice will lead us to success and happiness and the other to utter destruction, but I don’t really think most decisions in life are that critical. I think it usually ends up okay, whichever way we go.” Sarah, her face tinted pink from the setting sun, looked Harper in the eye and said, “Are you trying to tell me something?”

“No. Just making conversation.”

Harper had been chewing on an idea for a while, something she’d kept to herself because it was unformed and she was unsure. But it seemed to be taking a concrete shape now in her mind, so she decided to explore it further. “Do you have any particular college that you feel compelled to go to?”

“Not really. Wheaton is the default, of course. Mom went there. It seems okay.”

“What about Berkeley?”

“Berkeley? You mean, your Berkeley?”

Harper nodded.“What if you applied to Berkeley this coming year, and maybe San Francisco as a backup? If you work hard and really want it, you can turn yourself into a desirable commodity. If you didn’t get accepted right away, you could start at one of the California state colleges and then transfer as a resident after a year or two.”

“A resident? Aunt Harper, what are you talking about?”

“I’m inviting you to come live with me while you go to college.” There, she’d said it. Sarah didn’t go running off screaming to her mother like she had two years ago when Harper had invited her to visit. She sat calmly where she was and gazed thoughtfully at her aunt.

“Why would you do that?” she finally asked.

“Oh, you know. Education is important. It will make a big difference in your life. I want to see you fulfill your dreams.”

Sarah looked away, looked out across the lake, her eyes moist. “Wow,” she said quietly.

“It’s an option,” Harper said. “Think about it.”

As Harper moved to stand, Sarah turned to her and threw her arms around Harper’s neck, hugging her tightly.

It was only on her way back to the house that Harper thought about the ramifications of her plan. She called Chelsea and told her what she had just done.

“Are you serious?” Chelsea asked. “You’d have to be her mother, you know. You couldn’t let her run amok like you did for the last month. It would be a big responsibility, an investment of time and money and peace of mind.” “No, I know that. I’m sure there would be problems. But I think it would be worth it.”

“It’s an incredible gift you’re offering her. Do you think she’ll accept?”

“I don’t know. She might.”

“That’s a very generous thing to do.”