Sophie's Smile: A Novel (35 page)

I’ve realized that love is powerful and beautiful and all we could do is treasure every single moment we may have with each other. Life is a puzzle and we shouldn’t try too hard to solve it, just live in it, every moment we may have, loving each other.

I love you.

-Sophie

I folded the paper and placed it in the shoebox. I went downstairs and threw away all the groceries from the night before.
Poured myself a bowl of cereal.
As I ate, in the heart of Balboa Park, a young waitress was carefully crossing out “Sullivan, party of two” on a piece of paper. And that night I went to sleep, eyes dry, heart lifted, and in peace. In the morning I would inevitably find, wilting by the front door, a bouquet of sunflowers and calla lilies with a card that read:

Happy One Year, baby doll.

Loving every moment with you.

Liam
.

~ Liam ~

61

“
Em
,” I rushed over to hold her frail and shivering body. It was 105 degrees outside and she was shivering. I held her close. Held her until her breathing subsided and her ugly tears turned soft. She looked up and noticed Dad, silently waiting from afar.

His fists were held to his sides and his face was red with rage. His entire body was shaking in anger as if he were a bomb threatening to explode. His menacing presence left me in awe. Instead of feeling scared and afraid, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride and reverence. For the first time in years, he seemed to come alive, out of his turtle shell, his secluded and sunken recliner, without a beer in his hand, and without the emptiness behind those forever-sullen eyes. His eyes were no longer empty, but fixed. His brain spun rapidly, and his pulse thrummed. He was a father, and for the first time he seemed to embody that position. I couldn’t help but smile.

Emily let go from my grasp and staggered toward our father. She stood there for a moment, hesitant to close the gap that separated them all these years; when his eyes softened and his color turned pale, she ran into his strong carpenter’s arms and cried.
Flooding tears of joy, pain, and sadness.

She was home.

“Where is that little Fucker?” Dad growled. He had death on his mind and his hands were molded into weapons—ready and willing to kill.

“No,” Emily gasped, “please don’t go after him. I’m safe now. Please don’t go. Let’s just leave,” she pleaded, her eyes crazed and panicked.

Dad wasn’t giving in so I had to intervene, “Please Dad, listen to
Em
. Let’s just go. That bastard will get what’s coming to him in the end. Don’t do anything that will land you in jail.”

Glaring at me he countered, “I don’t care. I’d love to rot in jail, just to see that Fuck-Face cry, plead, and suffer.”

“No.” I stood firm between Dad and
Em
.

I was not going to let this Dan kid destroy my family. At least not more than he had already. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“For
Em’s
sake, we need to leave for Lake Tahoe, right now. I can’t lose either of you.”

Knowing what I was about to say would hurt us both, I braced myself before letting the harsh words escape from my chapped lips: “You can’t leave us like
Mom
left you.”

That did it. Blindsided, he wheeled back on his heels and froze. He looked at me, eyes full of hurt and confusion, and he relented.

Trying my best to compose myself, I quickly added, “I think the next flight is in two hours, we should get going.”

Emily whispered, “Thank you.”

62

We were landing in Reno, after a long, tense, and quiet flight. Dad held onto
Em’s
hand as if she were a two-year-old, afraid to let her out of his sight. She was too weak to walk, traumatized from the events that preceded our rescue, so Dad carried her in his arms. He never complained or let on that her weight was too much for his aged back and bad shoulder to handle. Either the weight was manageable or irrelevant. His senses were fixated on anger, his limbs working on fumes. What mattered was protecting his baby girl, not the week that followed of lying in bed, chasing down painkillers, recovering.

I never learned the extent of everything Emily went through, and I would never pry those details out of her. I was frightened about what she might uncover. What dark alley and hole did Dan make her crawl into? How did he turn a vibrant and empowered woman into a timid and weak girl? However horrible the images might be, they weren’t true until they came directly from
Em’s
lips; selfishly, I was glad she didn’t feel the need to share them with me. There was something to be said for staying in the dark, moving only forward, and never looking back.

The air was brisk and still. The sky was hazy as the sun began its descent toward the western horizon. The smell was clean and welcoming. As a lighthouse glows amidst the dark and looming sea, there, out in front of us, stood the log cabin, calling out to us with its familiarity and warmth.

Mom and Grandma were already stationed by the door, expecting our arrival. The pink room had already been prepped and scented with lavender; the bed already made up with clean, pressed cotton sheets; the bureau already filled with new, freshly laundered clothes; and, placed squarely on top was a vase brimming with yellow chrysanthemums,
Em’s
favorite. The room fluttered and glowed as the filtered light and the breeze swept in through an open window.

They stood by the door; tears streaming down their careworn faces, with lines revealing the many hours that passed without repair from sleep, as Dad carefully carried his precious baby girl through the house, around the corner, and to the pink room. He placed her under the covers, tucked her in, kissed her gently on the forehead, and took a minute to study her now lax face. He brushed off the single tear that escaped from his eye, whispered good-bye, and closed the door quietly behind him.

Without a detour, a single glance their way, a single word, he trudged steadfastly onward, back outside to the taxi that was waiting idly, letting the meter run.

Mom turned toward the open door, hesitating. She took one step toward the taxi and stopped. She sighed
wistfully,
eyes filled with sadness and regret, and addressed me instead. “So how is he?”

“Dad’s doing well.”

She nodded, unconvincingly. I was never good at telling a lie.

“Please thank
Ja
—, I mean,” she sighed, “thank you for bringing her back to us.”

I
 
nodded
. “Tell Grandma and
Em
that I love them and I’ll
come
visit with Sophie soon.”

She nodded, unable to speak through the tears, and hugged me.

“I love you too, Mom.”

63

Blinking, I was suddenly unaware of my surroundings. I rubbed my eyes, hoping that everything had been a bad dream and I would be under the covers in my bed with my beautiful wife cuddled up next to me. No, I was in a taxi, tainted by cigarette smoke and
Febreze
. Dad was paying the driver and was about to open my door and wake me when he saw me fumble awkwardly with the handle.

“Dad, can you get the bags and tickets while I give Sophie a ring?”

“Sure, Bud, I’ll meet you inside.”

My heart filled with longing and love as I heard the frantic soft voice of my Sophie.

“Liam? Are you okay? Is everything okay?”

“Hi Sophie.
Yes. Everything is fine. We brought
Em
back to Grandma’s and Mom is also there caring for her…”

“Liam?” her voice softened, “are you okay?”

“Yes,” I stifled a tear, my throat burning from the never-ending knots, “you should have seen her Sophie…she was so frail…”

“At least she’s fine now,” Sophie was quiet, “I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

“Are you coming home soon?”

“Yes, I’ll be home in a few hours. We can celebrate our Anniversary. I’m so sorry I missed it.”

“That’s okay. I just want to see you and hold you and never let you go.”

“Okay. It’s a date.”

She giggled, “Yes. It’s a date. Be safe and I love you.”

“You be safe. I love you, too. See you soon, my love.”

The plane ride was excruciatingly long, but at least it gave me time to think of a way to make it up to Sophie. I knew she would be mad that I left her, and I probably could have done it better, but at the time it was hard to think things through. My head had been clouded over in distress. I really only wanted to protect Sophie.
No, there was no other way around it.
That was the only way to save my sister, and at the same time, protect Sophie. At least for the time being, that was the truth I chose. As I exited the airport into the balmy San Diego air, I stood still for a moment, just a moment. I closed my eyes, and turned my head to the sky.

My Sophie, I am coming home to you now. I wish with all my heart to never leave you alone again. We belong together.
Together forever.
Oh, my Sophie…my precious Sophie. I love you.