Sought...Book 3 in the Brides of the Kindred series (32 page)

“Don’t say that,” Kat said softly. “You’re
brothers—twins. You ought to be close.”

“How can I want to be close to him when he’s
killing the only relationship that ever mattered to me?” Lock
demanded. “What he’s doing to you—to
us
…I cannot forgive
it.”

“Of course you can’t.” The new voice
startled them both.

Kat jerked her head up to see Deep lounging
in the bedroom doorway, one broad shoulder pressed against the door
jam. There was a mocking look on his dark face but his eyes were
fierce. “Well, well,” he murmured. “You two look so
cozy
.
I’d join you but I don’t think that bed is big enough for
three.”

Lock sat up, shielding Kat protectively with
his arm. “What are you doing here?” he snarled.

“The same thing you are, dear brother.
Little Kat’s pain called to me—dragged me like a magnet all the way
across the ship from the Unmated Males section.”

Lock’s brown eyes flashed. “What were you
doing there? You’re not unmated!”

Deep raised an eyebrow. “I practically am.
Anyway, why should you care?”

Kat looked back and forth between them
uneasily. She wasn’t sure exactly what went on in the Unmated Males
area—but she thought there must be some kind of sexual element to
it. She’d never heard of prostitutes aboard the Mother ship but
vague whispers and rumors seemed to indicate that there was
some
form of release available to the unmated warriors.
Which made sense when you considered the uncharted amount of
testosterone in the average alpha male Kindred.

“I care because it’s disrespectful to the
lady Kat,” Lock growled. “But why should I expect anything
different? You disrespect everything and everyone. You don’t care
about anyone but yourself.”

Deep threw up his hands. “That’s me—I’m just
a self-centered bastard, pissing on everything you hold dear.
Ruining your life.”

“Yes, you are!” Lock’s hands were curled
into fists and his normally mild expression had turned to one of
hatred. He started to get off the bed but Kat stopped him with a
hand on his arm.

“Don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head.
“Please, don’t.”

“Let him.” Deep gestured to the half-healed
bruises on his face. “If the only way he can express his emotions
is through his fists. Why not?”

“Because.” Kat hated how weak she sounded,
how her voice trembled. She wanted to say something cutting or
witty. Wanted to defuse the tension somehow, the same way she had
sometimes when she was a little girl and her parents fought.
If
you can make them laugh or make them hate you instead of each
other, they’ll stop fighting,
whispered a little voice in her
head.
And maybe they won’t hit each other anymore…
But
nothing came to mind. “Please,” she repeated softly. “Please, just
don’t.”

“I won’t, my lady, forgive me.” Lock
gathered her protectively into his arms. “I’m sorry we upset you,”
he murmured into her hair.

Kat closed her eyes, feeling bombarded by
their emotions. Lock was feeling
sorrow/worry/protectiveness
and Deep was filled with
despair/rage/hatred.

No, not just hatred…
self-hatred.
Kat opened her eyes to see the dark twin
smirking at her, an insolent expression on his handsome features.
But underneath that look of indifferent scorn, she thought she saw
a flash of something else. A sorrow so deep it was nearly
unbearable. A desolation so dark it made her heart knot like a fist
in her chest.

“Guess I’ll leave and let you two finish
comforting each other,” he said.

“Wait!” The skin to skin contact she’d had
with Lock gave Kat the strength to jump out of bed and run after
Deep as he was turning for the door. “Wait,” she demanded again,
putting a hand on his arm.

“What is it now?” Deep growled, turning to
face her.

Now that she was facing him, Kat didn’t know
what to say. She wanted to shake him, to demand he stop acting this
way and admit his true feelings. But part of her was still shaken
by the fight—or almost fight that had just occurred. Part of her
was still the scared little girl, huddling in the corner, listening
to hatred and insults fill the air and praying that the people she
loved wouldn’t hit each other this time.

“Well?” Deep demanded and she realized she’d
been standing there silent for too long.

“Don’t be this way.” She looked at him
pleadingly. “Please, Deep. I…I know you care about me. And I know
you love Lock—he’s your brother. Please don’t act like you
don’t.”

He raised an eyebrow at her mockingly. “You
think I care? How very touching. And, unfortunately, how very
wrong.”

“You
do
care,” Kat insisted. “Why
else would you take my pain? The scars on your back prove it.”

“They prove nothing, other than my honor as
a warrior,” he snapped. “I couldn’t let a female whose safety I’d
been charged with die. That is the
only
reason I did what I
did. Nothing more.”

Kat felt herself freezing inside. Despite
her outward self-confidence, she’d suffered a lot of rejection in
her life. It was hard—incredibly hard—to stand there, insisting
that a huge, gorgeous, muscular man who would have been dating a
supermodel if he was human and lived on Earth—loved her. Especially
when he was saying in no uncertain terms that he
didn’t.

Still, she tried one more time.

“I know something bad happened to you in the
past,” she said quietly, meeting his eyes.

“Oh you do, do you?” Deep’s black eyes
blazed. He looked up at Lock. “Thank you, Brother, for revealing my
most private and painful shame.”

“I said nothing,” Lock growled.

“I’m just saying that I know about it, not
that I know any details or that I judge you for it,” Kat said
hastily. “I was thinking that whatever it is, maybe it had
something to do with the way you’re acting now.”

Deep shook his head. “What happened is in
the past—over and forgotten. It has nothing to do with what I feel
for
you
, little Kat.”

Kat lifted her chin, her heart pounding.
“And what
do
you feel for me?”

Deep leaned down until they were almost
close enough to kiss. Looking into her eyes, he murmured, “Nothing.
I feel
nothing
for you.”

Kat sucked in a breath. It felt like someone
had punched her in the gut and she couldn’t get enough air. “Oh,”
she whispered.

Deep nodded and straightened up to his full
height. “Are you satisfied now, sweetheart? Can I go?”

“You can go, all right.” Tears of pain and
rage filled Kat’s eyes but she blinked them back fiercely. “Go
straight to Hell!”

Deep winked at her. “I prefer the Unmated
Males section. There are so many more…
distractions
there.”

“I don’t care where you go—as long as you’re
back in time for our trip tomorrow.” Kat kept her voice steady
though she wanted to sob. “So we can go get this damn bond cut once
and for all.”

Deep grinned insolently. “I wouldn’t miss
it.” He sauntered out of the bedroom and through the suite.

Kat held herself in until she heard the
front door
whoosh
shut behind him. Then the tears came—tears
of shame and pain and embarrassment. Tears of rejection that stung
worse than all the others put together.
He really doesn’t care.
Doesn’t want me.
Putting a hand over her mouth, she sobbed.

Lock was there suddenly, enfolding her in
his arms and raining soft, consoling kisses on her hair. “Oh my
lady,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m so sorry. So very sorry.”

“I shouldn’t let him get to me.” Kat blotted
her eyes against the back of her hand. “But I feel so stupid. Liv
kept saying tonight that maybe he was just afraid to love me or
that he felt unworthy.” She shook her head. “I’m the unworthy
one.”

“No, you’re not!” Lock took her face in his
hands and looked at her earnestly. “You’re beautiful and
intelligent and
perfect.
If only I could be free of him, I
would bond you to me as quickly as I could. If you’d have me, that
is.”

Kat sniffed and straightened up. “Thank you,
Lock. I wish I could,” she whispered. “But I can’t be with a man
who doesn’t want me and there’s no way to separate the two of you.
I’m sorry.”

A look of sorrow passed over Lock’s face.
“Will you let me hold you tonight, at least?” he asked softly.
“Since tonight is the last night I’ll ever be able to do so?”

Kat knew by now that he didn’t care about
the pain the physical contact would cause him. “Yes.” Turning her
head, she kissed his broad palm. “Yes, I’d like that very
much.”

“Thank you, my lady.” Lock swung her up into
his arms and carried her back to bed.

Kat laid her head on his shoulder and closed
her eyes, trying to forget the hurt and humiliation she’d endured.
But in her mind’s eye, she just kept seeing Deep’s mocking grin and
hearing him say over and over,
“Nothing. I feel nothing for
you.”

She wished she could say the same about
him.

Deep didn’t go to the Unmated Males area. In
fact, he barely made it back to the suite he shared with Lock. Just
inside the front door, he collapsed, sliding down the wall to sit
with his knees drawn up to his chest.

She hates me now. Utterly and without a
doubt. Hates me.
Well good—that was what he’d wanted. Wasn’t
it?

Self loathing rolled through him in waves
like nausea until he knew he was going to be sick. Heaving himself
to his feet, he just made it to the bathroom in time to void the
contents of his stomach.

When he was empty, he splashed water from
the sink in his face and rubbed his cheeks and mouth vigorously
with a towel. Looking up into the viewer, he saw emptiness—a male
with nothing left to lose. Nothing left because he’d just thrown
away the most precious thing in his life. Thrown it away like a
piece of garbage to lie rotting and festering in a dump.

“I killed it,” he said aloud, addressing the
hated face in the mirror. “Anything she felt for me is dead
now.”

But that was good—that was how it had to be.
Closing his eyes, he remembered again the moment of total panic
he’d experienced when she fainted during their love-making.
I
would have hurt her. Would have been the death of her—the same way
I was with Miranda. She’s better off without me. Better off with
Lock.

Yes—that was the truth of it. The real heart
of the matter. Deep knew he didn’t deserve to love and be loved in
return by such a beautiful, intelligent elite female. But Lock did.
And Lock would take care of her, he would shelter Kat and protect
her from the fiercest danger.
He
was the one she needed to
be with. But how?

I know a way.
Deep thought of the
schematics for the Scourge torture device called the psychic knife.
He’d been studying them before he was called away by Kat’s pain.
When he’d first suggested using it, Deep had fully intended to
simply sever himself and Lock from Kat once and for all. But after
reading over the specs, a different plan was emerging in his
head.

Forgive me, little Kat,
he thought,
wiping his face one last time and going in to the bedroom to study
some more.
Forgive me for hurting you but you’ll see—it will be
for the best in the long run. I promise it will.

Kat was dreaming. At least, she
thought
she was—she seemed to be floating disembodied in an
empty room.
Where am I?
she thought, looking around. The
room seemed familiar—the large leather sofa built for three, the
small, cozy fireplace, the pictures on the wall of a world with
golden oceans…
Deep and Lock’s suite,
she thought.
But
what am I doing here?

Her question seemed to be answered when Deep
walked in and settled himself at the desk in one corner of the
room. Opening a drawer, he pulled out a long, thin tube and
unrolled it to form a personal memory pad. Kat watched with
interest as the liquid crystals within the pad’s black surface came
to life and began to form shapes. What was he doing? The dark twin
didn’t strike her as the introspective type—the idea that he might
keep a memory journal surprised her greatly. But then, a lot of
things about Deep surprised her. And not all of the surprises were
pleasant.

Deep looked over his shoulder for a moment,
almost as though he could sense that someone was watching him.
Then, having satisfied himself that he was alone in the room, he
leaned closer to the pad. “Enable memory five-two-six. Replay
nonstop. Allow no interruptions,” he murmured.

There was a soft clicking and then the
display screen enlarged substantially as the crystals expanded. By
the time the memory began, it was large enough that Kat could have
seen it from across the room.

The memory looked like a scene shot with an
old fashioned handheld camera. It was clearly from Deep’s point of
view and seen though his eyes because Lock was walking right beside
him and they were talking in low voices. They appeared to be moving
down a clean white sidewalk along a row of well cared for
houses.

The neighborhood could have been in any town
in America, as far as Kat could see. The houses looked to be upper
middle class—prosperous without being gaudy. There were luxury cars
and minivans in the driveways and the lawns were green and well
tended. All the houses were quiet and peaceful…except for the one
at the end of the block.

It was a white two story house with green
gingerbread trim and a green door to match. But the white gravel
driveway was crowded with emergency vehicles, their lights
flashing. People in official looking uniforms were swarming over
the neatly mown lawn.

“Is that the place?” Lock asked, pointing to
the house. “You always see it so much clearer than me in the
dreams.”