Southern Admirer (Southern Loving Book 2) (6 page)

“I know your intentions are good but you can’t put
a time limit on grief after the person you thought you would spend the rest of your
life with passes on.” Shane moved away from Dena like her touch burnt him.

“I’m sorry.” Her face became sad. “Shane, I think
of you like a son and want the best for you. Learn to move forward.”

Shane knew that Dena just wanted to help. Mrs. St
Clair was a psychologist who always seemed to give her unsolicited advice to
unwillingly parties. He heard his daughter cry, and it took all his strength
not to go to Shay. Looking toward the sound of cries, he saw the back of
Jasmine as she walked to the bathroom.

“I should be going,” Shane said. “Maybe we can
finish this conversation later.” He kissed Dena’s forehead and went to the
checkout counter. A sigh of relief washed over him as he watched Jasmine’s
mother put her items on the counter across from his to check out. They could
finally escape the store without being seen. “I’ll be glad when everyone
knows,” he said under his breath.

Jasmine waited under the safety of the store’s
awning as Shane pulled his shiny new Ford F150 up to the curb. Jumping out, he
ran to the store with an umbrella and held it open for her. Shane helped her
into the truck. Jazz smiled when she saw the envious expression on the ladies
standing at the front of the store.

Settling Shay into the car seat, she leaned her
head back on the headrest and stared up at the roof of the vehicle. “What did
my mom say?”

“Well if you asking if Dena knows our secret,” he
said looking in the review. “Then your answer is no, corn muffin.”

Shane’s southern accent made her inside tingle.
“Okay,” she said softly. Jasmine didn’t want to think about the man who was an
arm’s length from her. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on something else
beside the way he smelled and his deep country voice.

“What’s wrong?” Shane asked, looking back at her.

“This is not how normal people co-parent,” she
mumbled.

“How do people co-parent?” he asked.

“I shouldn’t be living with you,” she sighed, and
took a deep breath. “Most people I know who have children co-parent with their
ex by scheduling visitations.”

“What happen to putting our child’s needs before
our own? This means us trying something unconventional.”

“It doesn’t have to mean us living together.”

“What is your problem?”

“Max doesn’t like the fact that we’re living
together.” Her eyes met his in the rearview mirror.

“Who the hell is Max?” he growled.

“A friend,” she replied. “We’ve kind of been
seeing each other since I moved to Denver.”

“You guys have sex?” Shane couldn’t picture
Jasmine having sex. Especially, having sex while she was pregnant with his
child.

“No,” she said with disgust. “That would be
nasty.”

“Why are you just mentioning him? If Max is such a
friend, where was he when you were giving birth?”

“He was supposed to be there for the birth, but he
was called away on business in Boston.” Jasmine could tell Shane so much more,
but she wouldn’t. Her relationship was on a slow path because she was pregnant.

“I don’t want you to talk to him anymore,” he
snapped.

“No.” She folded her arm across her chest.
It
took me a man to get over my crush from you,
she wanted to tell him but
instead she continued to stare out the window and gave him the silence
treatment.

“This conversation is not over,” Shane said.

“Yes it is,” Jasmine said, getting the last word
in.

She thought about Max the man who befriended her
for two years. Just when the thought of thinking that only; her father
Reginald, brothers and Shane were the only good men left on this earth, but she
was sadly mistaken when Max came into her life.

When Jasmine thought about a good man, it wasn’t
about his deep pockets or if he was overly handsome. Let’s face it, some of
those guys with those characteristics were the ones you had to watch with one
eye open. The man she wanted to fall in love with and spend her life with would
share the same values and morals as she did. Such as selflessness,
intelligence, faithfulness, goal-oriented and loving, respectful, family
oriented, honest and most importantly God-fearing.

Looking at Shay sucking on her pacifier, Jasmine
considered the characteristics that she wanted in her dream man, but she had to
admit those were the reason why she crushed so hard on Shane. Slowly her mind
started to drift to Max and she tried to picture herself with a man who brought
her ice cream in the middle of the night during her cravings. It was hard
imagining Max and her bridal toppers on top of a wedding cake. Lifting her head
up, she caught Shane staring at her. They peered at each other for a moment
until his eyes went back to the road.

***

Shane laid in bed thinking about the woman lying in
the other room. Jasmine transformed in his eyes the day he watched her give
birth to their daughter who changed their lives for the better. Just a few
weeks ago he sat on the beach telling Farrah he would never experience the joy
of fatherhood. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that he was a father when he
looked into Shay’s eyes. His firstborn was absolutely perfect.

He sat up at the sound of Shay’s little cries.
Getting out of bed, Shane hurried out his room and went to Jasmine’s door,
opening it. He wasn’t surprised that she was already holding their daughter.

“Does she needs changed?” he whispered.

“Can you?” Jasmine said sleepily. “I need to use
the bathroom.”

“Yeah.” Shane sat on the bed and took the baby
from Jasmine. Grabbing the diaper and wipes, he proceeded to change her. Shay
started to whimper in her sleep. Looking at her black silky hair, he still
couldn’t believe that Jasmine and he made this precious blessing.

The toilet flushed and water in the sink turned on
and off. Jasmine walked out the bathroom with a blank sleepy facial expression.
“I’m sleep deprived,” she whined, taking Shay from his arms.

Shane watched as Jasmine breastfed. “Do you want
to hire a nanny?” he asked.

“We can’t afford that and no one will raise our
child except me and you.” Jasmine yawned, looking down at Shay. “She’s looking
more like you every day.”

For two weeks and five days, Shane been memorizing
Shay’s features. He always thought she looked more like Jasmine; especially when
she smiled in her sleep. “Why does she do that?” he asked, when Shay rolled her
head back.

Jasmine chuckled lightly and looked at him. “Um…
she’s full of milk, here you can burp her.” She handed the baby to him and
buttoned up her button up her nightdress.

Shane was burping the baby, but his mind was on
Jasmine, as she buttoned her nightshirt, covering her juicy, delicious breasts.
Her once round belly he’d witnessed two weeks ago was now deflated, he couldn’t
even imagine a baby inside it. Her black mid-length hair flowed to her
shoulders, and Jasmine still had that glow about her even when she was
complaining about her lack of sleep.

He wanted to broach the subject about this Max
dude, but decided it wasn’t the right time especially since it was one o’clock
in the morning. Settling into the bed holding onto his baby girl, he started to
hum a song that his mother would sing to him until he was six years old, the
age when he asked his mother not to sing to him anymore because he was a big
boy. Shane hoped that his daughter would never tell him that.

“I can put her back in the bassinet,” Jasmine
whispered.

“Jasmine, why can’t we just sleep in the same
room?” Shane said, looking at the baby and back at her.

“I don’t want to share my bed with a married man,”
she said while staring at the wedding band on his finger.

“What...” His eyes went to the ring on his finger
that he hasn’t been able to take off. “You didn’t say that nine months ago.”

Jasmine raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at him.
“Nine months ago, I slept with a drunk, emotional man, who needed comforting
and one thing led to another.”

“Man?” he said, looking at her strangely. “I
thought we were friends.”

Jasmine chuckled. “Friends? I wouldn’t call us
friends.”

“You wouldn’t… why not?” he asked. Shane noticed
how Jasmine looked a little lost as if she was contemplating on her words
carefully, placing the receiving blanket down on the dresser.

She opened her mouth to only close it. “There is
no together between us, just Shay. Just because we have a baby together doesn’t
mean anything.”

“Is this because of what happened?” he asked,
hinting at the time he called Sarah’s name during sex.

“No.” She shook her head. “You’re still grieving
for her and it wouldn’t be fair to me or you. It would be a lie if I said I
didn’t feel some type of way about sleeping next to a man who is emotionally
still married to his dead wife. It’s a little uncomfortable.”

“What do you want me to do, Jazz? I cannot pretend
like Sarah never existed,” Shane replied.

Jasmine nodded her head. “You’re right,” she said
softly. “It’s time for you go to your own bedroom.”

Shane watched as she walked toward him and took
the baby from him. “Jazz…” he started to say.

“It’s getting late,” she said quickly. “I want to
get a few hours of shut eye before this little one wakes up again.”

Shane stood up and exited the room. He went back
to his bedroom where he laid in bed with thoughts of the lack of conversation
he had with Jasmine. Lifting his hand up, he touched the wedding band on his finger.
The ring was a symbol of his commitment and failure to Sarah. He tried to close
his eyes, but he couldn’t, his mind was on Jasmine and Sarah.

Chapter Four

Shane walked through the front door at six a.m. He
was just returning from his morning jog, when he spied Jasmine in the kitchen
and Shay sitting in her bouncer, sucking on a pacifier. The smell of scrambled
eggs, bacon and biscuits greeted him. Shane's stomach grumbled but not only for
food by what Jasmine was wearing, she was utterly cute in her black and white
leggings and white tank top. Her hair appeared frazzled but he thought it was
sexy.

“Good morning,” she said cheerfully

“Morning, baby,” Shane said before he caught
himself.

Jasmine stopped taking plates out the cabinet and
looked at him. “Baby?” she said, looking at him.

Shane face turned a nice shade of crimson red with
embarrassment. “I didn’t think…I’m sorry.” It felt natural for him to call her
baby and he didn’t know why. Was it because she was in the kitchen like Suzy
homemaker?

“Okay,” she said, looking at him strangely. “Sit
and eat.”

“Yes ma’am.” He went to the sink, washed his
hands, and took a seat at the breakfast table. She placed the steamy plate of
food in front of him. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome…I only know how to make breakfast
food,” she confessed.

“Only breakfast?” he said, looking up at her.

“See, I’m the baby and the only girl. My brothers
cooked for me and I never wanted to be in the kitchen.” She shrugged. “That’s
why there are like hundreds of restaurant at my disposal.”

“Well,” Shane chuckled. “Darling, you do have a
point.” Standing up, he pulled out chair next to him.

“I wasn’t going to eat.” She patted her stomach.
“I can stand to lose fifteen pounds.”

“Eat,” he said. “I can always feed you; we can
chalk it up to me getting some practice in when it’s time for Shay to be fed.”

Jasmine laughed at him. “Fine.” She went to the
stove and fixed herself a plate of food.

Her laughter was like gold. He couldn’t and
wouldn’t tell Jasmine how beautiful and perfect she was. Shane was fearful that
if he mentioned his observation of her it would destroy the little comfort
they’d achieved.

Sitting down, Jasmine popped a piece of bacon in
her mouth. “See, I’m eating.”

“You think you’re ready to have all day with
Shay?” Shane asked, looking at the sleeping baby in a baby swing.

“I can manage.” She shrugged. “I use to babysit
the twins.”

Jasmine was referring to her twin nephews, Brody
and Brady. “The difference between babysitting your nephews is that you only
watched them for a few hours and gave them right back to their parents.”

“I know, but Shay is our daughter, and she doesn’t
cry that much. It’s all about eating, diaper changing and hanging out with her
cool mama.” Jasmine smiled. “The real question is if you’re going to be okay
with being away from Shay?”

“Nope,” he said truthfully. Shane was acting like
a new mom who was preparing to leave her firstborn after maternity leave. “I
will call every two hours to check on you guys, not to mention I will come home
for lunch.”

“Errr…You might want to bring lunch,” Jasmine
said.

“I will.”

“Also, you will be working with my brother today,”
she said softly. “I shouldn’t have to tell you how imperative that, Benjamin
doesn’t find out about us.”

“While I’m at work I want you to think about
planning the party to celebrate the birth of Shay. Hire a planner for all I
care, better yet I can see if Farrah can cater the event,” Shane said. All he
wanted was for everything between Jasmine and him to be out in the open. He
didn’t want to have to sneak around, for crying out loud, her family didn’t
even know Jasmine was back in Dallas.

“Fine, the event will be held on Saturday. Make
sure you email me people you want to invite. I will send invitations out via
email and mail.” Jasmine’s voice was shaky.

“You’re scared?” he asked.

“Just a little,” she said, holding her finger up
inches apart. “Can you hear our parents?”

Shane sat there and thought about it. He had his
parents and Sarah’s parents who were still active in his life and treated him
like family. Yep, in a few days all hell was going to break loose. “I don’t
even want to think about it.” Standing up from the table, Shane went to the
sink, rinsed his plate and placed it in the dishwasher.

“Oh, you’re shaking in your cowboy boots now,” she
snickered.

Shane was about to walk out the kitchen but
stopped and made a beeline to Jasmine. Leaning forward, he braced his arms
against the table behind her, causing Jasmine to jump slightly. “I’ll have you
know that I don’t ever shake in my cowboy boots.”

“Is that what you say Ranger McBride?” Jasmine
said softly.

When she turned her head toward him, Shane inhaled
the light smell of strawberries. Without thinking his lips grazed hers gently.
The kiss wasn’t heated or rushed. Her lips were soft and tempting but most
importantly his heart started to flutter unlike anything he’d ever felt. A
simple kiss made him experience something he never felt.

“Waa-aaa.”

Shay’s cries tore their lips away from one
another. “I umm…should get Shay,” Jasmine stammered, nearly tripping over her
own two feet as she tried to get up from the table.

Shane had caught her before she hit the floor.
“Here,” he said, steadying her. “I’m going to go shower.”

“Okay,” she said, going over to pick up Shay.

He left the kitchen and went to his bedroom where
he was in desperate need of a cold shower. Shane didn’t know what he was doing.
One minute he was trying to keep everything strictly platonic, but the simplest
things that Jasmine did were making him see her in a different light. What is
he saying? There was always chemistry between him and Jasmine. At the time when
he was married to Sarah, he always felt like he wasn’t doing something right.
Their marriage was about to become DOA, dead on arrival. The thrill was long
gone and the pulse of their union was dying. Pretending to be happy was
becoming difficult for the both of them.

Stripping out his basketball shorts and tank top,
Shane stepped into the shower and let the cold water rain down on his body. He
tried not to remember the arguments that he had with Sarah before her untimely
death. Shane wished that he was the man who invented time travel, so he could
bring his wife back and right the wrongs between them. The worst things about
loving someone who died, you were left on this earth wondering
What If
.
The only person who knew that his 16-year-old marriage to Sarah was sinking
faster than the titanic was Benjamin. He would always ask his older friend
advice since he was also married.

Shane knew that people in his situation would say,
“Oh you guys got married too young.” Maybe that was the cause in the failing of
a sixteen-year-old marriage. They had a long and rich life together but
somewhere down the road, they grew apart. He commended the young woman who
stood by his side during his army career and then his law enforcement. The fact
of it all was they’re were both unhappy but neither one of them could find the
courage to walk away. Was it because they didn’t want to change? When Sarah
died he blamed himself for not being a better husband, she was gone and out of
touch. Now there was no way of really setting her free and making her happy.

Two Years Ago

Shane just walked through the front door of the
house. He was bone tired and praying that Sarah prepared a nice dinner. All he
wanted to do after working twelve hours was to eat, shower and get some good
shut eye. Instead of smelling a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen, a
burnt stench filled the house along with a smoky haze.

“Sarah!” he yelled, tossing his bag onto the floor
and running to the kitchen where he heard kitchen cabinets being slammed.

“What?” Sarah yelled, turning around looking at
him.

Shane knew this wasn’t the same Sarah he left at
home when he went to work early this morning. This Sarah appeared to be
worried, her blonde hair was rumpled, and her eyes were red from crying, not to
mention the mascara running down her face.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, putting his hand on
her shoulder.

Sarah pulled away from him quickly. “I don’t want
her around you,” Sarah screamed, and went back to slamming doors.

This wasn’t how Shane pictured how he would spend
the evening at home. Especially with an angry wife who was apparently
distraught. He stood there for a few moments listening to her yelling, cursing
and slamming doors.

“Who?” he said, looking at her.

“Jasmine St. Clair,” she sneered. “You don’t think
I know that she likes you?” Sarah pointed her finger in his face.

“I don’t understand where this is coming from.
Jasmine is like family, shit Benjamin and I’ve been partners for four years
now,” Shane said, but he could tell that Sarah wasn’t listening, she was
grabbing a chair to stand up on. “Calm down and tell me how can I help you.”

“Where is that mug, she brought for you?” Sarah
snapped as she peered up into the cabinet.

“Jasmine is a beautiful young girl,” he admitted.
“But I don’t like her in that way. Shit, do you know how old I am?” How could
his wife of fourteen years assume that he was smitten with a college girl?

“Age never stopped anyone before,” Sarah shot
back.

“When did you become so insecure?” Shane asked.

“Where is the damn cup?” Sarah yelled.

“What the hell have you been up to?” Shane looked
out the sliding glass door and saw flames flickering from the fire pit. Walking
outside he saw a pile of items that Jasmine bought him over a course of four
years; small trinkets from her trips abroad, college t-shirts and pictures of
them at her high school graduation. He could smell wood burning, he peered into
the fire and witnessed a picture frame that Jasmine purchased for Sarah and him
on their wedding anniversary.

“Don’t worry about the cup,” Sarah huffed going to
the pile.

Shane shook his head repeatedly. “This is not what
we do.” He managed to snatch two t-shirts from Sarah. “Stop!”

“Do you cherish these gifts?” she asked, taking
what was left and dropping it into the fire. “I think you do, the way your eyes
light up when Jasmine brings you these funky old t-shirts.”

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“You’re my problem!” she shouted. “You don’t look
at me the way you look at her.”

Shane was dumbfounded; he didn’t understand what
Sarah was saying, he never flirted or did anything outrageous to make her
suspect he was doing something wrong. “What?”

“That longing look in your eyes….the way you used
to look at me.” Sarah wiped the tears from her face. “Everyone sees it.”

Shane didn’t have a slightest idea what Sarah was
talking about. The longing in your eyes. “Jasmine is like a little sister to
me.”

“Is that what you tell yourself at night,” she
laughed. “That little bitch has a crush on you.” Sarah began to pace the
pavement. “The worst thing about it is you’re not man enough to admit it.”

Running his fingers through his hair, Shane took a
deep breath and exhaled. “I’m not having some childhood crush on a barely of
age female. You can sit here and try to emasculate my manhood, but I’m not
going to sit here and listen to you.”

Turning around Shane went through the sliding
glass he just walked through a minute ago. Normally he would have stayed and
tried to talk this out, but he could see that there was no talking to Sarah
especially when she was being irrational. By leaving the house, it would give
them both the opportunity to calm down and blow off steam.

“Where are you going? Are you going to her?” Sarah
screamed after him.

Shane could literally feel Sarah breathing down
his neck as she ran after him. Grabbing his bag off the floor, making his way
to the door, Sarah ran in front of him and stood in front of the door.

“I’m going to go to the ranch,” he said. “I can’t
talk to you when you acting this way.”

“No!” Sarah pushed her hair behind her head.
“You’re not leaving.”

Shane threw his hands up in the air. He turned
around and made his way to the office downstairs and closed the door, locking
it. Sitting in his office, he rubbed his temple and listened to Sarah ranting
and raving behind the closed door. He changed over the years but Shane realized
that Sarah hadn’t changed much, she was always worried about what others
thought, and when he says others he was referring to family and friends. They
were growing apart every day, but tried their best to ignore the problems in
their relationship.

“I’ve had enough,” Shane exclaimed.