Southern Spice (Southern Desires Series Book 1) (19 page)

She decided to park as far away from the Wild Sass as possible. The last thing she wanted to do was run into Sissie. Although she thought she would be there a few more days, she knew she could leave now and finish up back at the office. But she wanted to grab her stuff and hide away on the ranch for one last night.

Sadness filled her, thinking this would be her last night in Honeywell. Leaving quickly was a normal process for people in her line of work. There was always another assignment waiting. This time, she didn’t feel like disappearing into the night. There was something about the people here that made it difficult to leave.

Casey turned off the engine and sat in the hot truck. So much had happened in one week that her head was spinning, trying to catch up. When she’d come here she’d had only one thought: do her job the way JT told her to do it and move on. No matter how she tried, she found it impossible. The person he wanted her to be didn’t exist. People were hurting . . . suffering, and she couldn’t distance herself from their feelings.
And I don’t want to either.

These folks welcomed her not as FEMA but as a friend. That was how she wanted to remember them as well. Looking down the street she could see the open sign on the Wild Sass.
Maybe one beer and then I will be able to say goodbye.

She opened the door and headed down the street, wishing this wasn’t the last time. But reality said the job was complete. There was no reason to stay.
The only reason I had to stay, took off to New York earlier. Maybe you did the right thing, Derrick, because I don’t think I could’ve handled saying goodbye to you in person.

Leaning back in his leather chair, his arms crossed behind his head, Derrick thought how good it felt to be back in New York. He could do his work remotely from anywhere, but he liked sitting behind his modern desk with the latest technology at his fingertips. One client said his desk looked as though it belonged in a sci-fi movie instead of an office. Of course, that customer also was in the process of losing his shirt in a business deal, so his opinion didn’t hold any weight. How anyone functioned without hi-tech, he didn’t know. The ranch had an office, but the old mahogany desk wasn’t practical.

He looked at the sign hanging on the wall by the leather couch and chair. It was one he’d made when he’d opened this location.
Stay ahead of the competition or feel their dust in your eyes
. He’d witnessed so many colleagues get too comfortable, and before they knew it, they’d closed their doors. If he hadn’t been such an asshole, he might have offered some guidance, a bit of friendly advice, but instead, he welcomed their clients as his own. He made a point of keeping his business relationships just that.
Business.

Derrick looked at the clock on his phone. His client was late.
I don’t like you already, and I don’t even know your situation yet
.
Ten more minutes then I’m out of here.

Usually, he felt more relaxed in his New York office. This time, he was on edge. He told himself it was a lack of sleep, but he knew it was much more. As if the thoughts of Penny and Kim weren’t enough, he now had a tiny brunette as a major distraction.

He’d been tempted to call her, check how she was doing, but doing so was opening the door again, and that wasn’t something he could do.
She’ll be fine. The last thing someone like Casey needs is to get caught up in my issues. One day I’ll get the proof I need and then all hell is going to break loose. He’ll pay. Even it means I go to prison, that fucking asshole will pay.

The knock on the door gave him a much-needed interruption. His secretary, Martha, popped her head in cautiously. “Mr. Watson is here to see you.”

About damn time.
“Send him in.”

Martha opened the door wider, and Derrick almost fell out of his chair laughing at the irony. Mr. Watson was well known in Texas for being a savvy businessman. He’d even offered Derrick a shit load of money for the ranch when Penny died. Was he here to pitch a deal to him again?

“Mr. Watson, let’s save us some time. My answer is no.”

The man bellowed. “Mr. Nash. You made your point years ago on that topic. I’ll say, it’s a damn shame to see it not being utilized to its full potential. If I had—”

“You don’t and won’t.”
I couldn’t wait to be in New York, now I wish I was anywhere but here.
“I’m a busy man. What do you want?”

“Mr. Nash, are you sure you’re from Texas? Or maybe you’ve been in the city too damn long to remember how to show some hospitality.” Mr. Watson took off his white cowboy hat and tossed it to the couch, then sat in the vacant chair across from Derrick.

Please, make yourself comfortable. At least till I kick your ass out of my office.
Derrick ignored his sarcastic remark about his lack of manners. He wasn’t in the business of making friends. “I’m in the business of making money, not playing host.”

“Oh, trust me. I’m very familiar with your abilities. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”

Derrick rested his arms on his desk and looked at him closely. “You don’t seem like a man in need of my services.”

Mr. Watson laughed again. “I’m not. But you’re in need of mine.”

There was nothing he needed from him. His business was thriving, more than he’d ever dreamed it would. There was only one thing lacking, and that was someone to share it with. “I’ll humor you for now. What exactly do you think I need from you?”

“Information.”

Derrick studied him, but he was straight-faced. If he was here about a deal coming down the pipeline, he could’ve done that with a phone call. No, this man wanted something, he just knew it. Whatever it was he could take it right back to Texas. He wasn’t interested.

“I’m not in the information business, Mr. Watson.”

“Call me Ryan, will ya? All this formality is killing me.” Ryan leaned back, rocking on the chair almost making it tip over.

“Make your point, Ryan.”

“I’m here to talk about what happened in North Carolina.”

Derrick’s heart practically stopped.
Penny. Kim.
Was it possible that someone was actually going to not only listen to what he had to say, but help? Until now, he felt like he’d been beating his head against a brick wall.

Don’t get your hopes up. You don’t know what information he has yet.
He tried to control his voice as he spoke. “And what exactly do you have?”

“My daughter Donna works for FEMA. An agency I’m sure you’re very familiar with.”

I trust no one from there. Well maybe one, but that’s all.
“And are you here to deliver the same fucking message I’ve heard a thousand times?”

Ryan shook his head. “My daughter called me yesterday about a request she’d gotten from a coworker. I believe you may know her. Casey Collins?”

What the hell was Casey doing asking for information about his family? Didn’t I tell her to stay out of my private life? What part of that didn’t she understand? Was this what I get for letting her in? She ignored my one request and went behind my back. So fucking wrong.

“Ms. Collins was in Honeywell on assignment. What does that have to do with my family?” His frustration was no longer under control as his voice filled with anger.

“Donna voiced her concerns after reviewing the report. Seems Casey is digging into something that might be more than she bargained for.”

None of this was making any sense. Why was he here telling him about Casey? She was a big girl, and it was just a report. What effect could it possibly have on her?
Losing her job isn’t the end of the world. She’s brilliant. She’ll get another one. “
I was not aware she requested the report. I have one and could’ve given her a copy if she’d asked.”

“Because you don’t work for them, it might have seemed standard, normal. I will tell you, my daughter is very concerned about her part in forwarding the report to Casey. And from what I’ve learned about their boss, I agree with her.”

“What the hell are you saying? Is Casey in danger?” Derrick stood up, unable to control the panic raging in his body. He didn’t want to dance around small details. He needed to know only one thing:
Casey was safe.

“I really don’t know, but I sent my jet and head of security to retrieve my daughter and bring her home for an extended personal leave of absence. I want her where I can guarantee her safety.”

What the fuck is in that report that made her go crying to her daddy about it? And was it so bad he needed to retrieve Casey from FEMA? Why isn’t she safe there?

Ryan stood up and walked over to the couch, picking up his hat. “I’m not sure what they think they’ve found, but Derrick, I’m sorry no one was listening all those years ago. It might not do any good, but if you need anything at all, here is my personal cell. You just call. You hear?” He held out a business card.

Derrick took it but was only half listening to what Ryan was saying. His sole thought was on Casey and how he’d just left her alone on the ranch.
McLean is a good foreman. He can shoot but can’t hit the broadside of a barn if his life depended on it. I need to get back there now.

“You look like you might want to join us on the flight back to Texas later tonight.”

Hell yeah.
“I’d appreciate that.”

“Good. We got about three hours to kill before the jet lands here in New York. So why don’t you tell me about this crazy-looking desk you got here?”

Derrick didn’t want to talk about work or his desk. But maybe it was time to play gracious host. He needed something to think about other than Casey, or he’d go crazy.
Hold on, sweetness. I’ll be back in the morning. Just hold on.

C
asey had no idea why she’d agreed to stay at the ranch house alone. If she’d been smart she’d have hopped on that chopper with Mark and gotten out of Texas while she could. It was so quiet it felt creepy. It wasn’t the first time she’d been alone there, but it was the first since Mark delivered the news to watch her back.

She’d never had to worry about that before. She’d grown up in a neighborhood where you could go for a walk late at night and never have to look over your shoulder. When other people were taking self-defense classes, she’d taken jazz and ballet. Being the only girl in the family, she was a girlie girl. Right now with each creak from the wood floor or rattle of the windows, she wished she’d at least wrestled with her brothers a bit.
I am so pathetic. A grown woman sitting here afraid of a little bit of wind. Letting my imagination run away from me.

She could turn on her work computer, but work was one of the things concerning her. What was she going to do if there were emails from JT? What if he started to question her about the report? Casey was the worst liar that ever lived. Even if she typed it out, somehow she knew it would still come across dishonest. Besides, he would definitely question why she was online in the middle of the night.

Casey couldn’t sit there any longer, but then again pacing back and forth was getting old as well. For the hundredth time, she moved the curtain and looked out, searching for what, she didn’t know.
This nervous, paranoid crap is ridiculous. There’s nothing out there.

Turning away hastily, she forgot about the small bookcase, which was underneath the window. When she banged into it, several books fell out.
Way to go Casey. The endless klutz.

Bending down, she began to pick them up. There was a book on home improvements. She looked around and couldn’t see why they would need that. The place was perfect. Then a few children’s books. Her heart broke as she put them back on the shelf. Casey could picture the sweet little girl sitting on her daddy’s lap as he read her a story. Derrick tried to act all hard-ass, but she’d seen a compassionate, loving, and caring side to him as well.
No wonder you are withdrawn and bitter, Derrick. You had the perfect family, the perfect life, and now you’re all alone. I would be the same as you. Especially if their deaths could’ve been prevented.

The last book she picked up was one of poetry. She’d dabbled in poetry herself when she was in college. Even submitted a few poems for contests. She’d never won, but that didn’t stop her from trying. It was her way to express a side of herself she’d hidden from her family and closest friends.
When I have time, I really need to go back to it. And after this week, I’ll have a lot of inspiration.

Casey started to put it back in the bookshelf but stopped.
Maybe this is what I need tonight. Read some poems to get me back in the groove. Maybe I’ll even write one.

Taking the book back to the couch, she pulled her feet up and curled under the lap throw. When she opened the book, she found it was an anthology of several poets. She would enjoy that more, as she could compare their different styles. She was on her eighth one when she came across a folded piece of paper. Her first thought was it had been a place holder for the previous reader. But looking closely at the folded paper, she noticed on the outside was written,
my love
, with the faintest hint of lipstick over the words.
Sealed with a kiss. My God, that’s sweet
.

She knew she should close the book and put it back on the shelf, but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. Before she knew it, the paper left its resting place and was being unfolded.

Don’t read it, Casey. This is too personal. It’s none of your business. Reading it isn’t going to make you feel any better.

As though she had lost control of her hands and eyes, she found herself holding it, unable to resist. The words seemed to jump off the paper.

My love,

Quiet down your heart,

Rest in the warmth of my arms,

Let me enjoy the feel of your body close to mine,

Close your eyes and hold me,

Keep me always warm,

Lose yourself in the feeling of this moment.

Time passes so fast.

So, my sweet love,

Lock in this memory of this time we have together

So your tomorrows will always be as sweet as our yesterdays.

Penny

At the bottom of the poem was a date. Casey choked as the tears streamed down her face.
Only a few days before your death. Has this been sitting here all this time? Did she even give this to him?

She folded the paper again and held the poem to her heart. Such tender words, so perfect. Casey’s heart was breaking for Penny. She understood what it felt like to have words left unsaid.

Casey wiped her cheeks, squatted, and put the paper back in the poetry book, sliding it back onto the shelf. Steadying herself on the top of the bookshelf as she stood, the bookshelf rocked again.

Shit!
This time, only one book fell. Looking down she saw the poem from Penny had fallen out. She picked it up as well as the book. When she went to insert it back inside, the title on the page leaped out to her, and the tears flowed all over again.
Goodnight But Never Goodbye, by Derrick Nash.

Her hands trembled as she held the book, trying to read the words through her now blurred vision.

I tucked her in and kissed her cheek,

“Good night, but not goodbye. I’ll be back soon,

So don’t wait up, Daddy’s gotta fly.”

I grabbed my bags and left that night,

Ready to face a new day,

But she’s in my heart from end to start,

It will always be that way.

This book held so much more than words. It was a tribute to a family’s love. Derrick’s love to his daughter and Penny’s love to her husband. There was no way this should be sitting on a shelf.
Maybe he’s forgotten about it. Or maybe he wanted to. Derrick, you can’t run from the memories forever. They are something you should hold on to. They’re precious and should be treasured until the end of time.

Taking the book, she walked toward Derrick’s office. She knew he might not be back in Texas anytime soon, but the next time he came here, she wanted him to know he wasn’t alone. Entering the office, she went directly to his desk. She opened the book once again to his poem, then slipped the one from Penny inside. She made sure to leave the edge of the paper stuck out over the pages of the book so it couldn’t be missed. Putting it in the center of the desk, she turned and was about to leave. Looking back at the desk, she wasn’t sure that was enough to catch Derrick’s attention. Casey walked back to the desk, opened the drawer and pulled out the photo of Penny and Kim that she’d seen before. She placed it so it sat right behind the book.
Hopefully, one day you’ll forgive me for this, but you need this, you all deserve this.
An overwhelming feeling of peace filled her as she left the room.

It was only then she realized what it meant to love someone: when the other person’s happiness becomes more important than your own. Those thoughts were like a sucker punch to her heart. She finally realized what it was like to truly, deeply love someone.
And he is so broken he can’t return that love.
The knowledge was bittersweet.
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. What a horrible saying. What about you can’t miss what you never had? So much easier on the heart.

Casey knew she made the right decision, but now she needed to make another one, equally as hard.
I’m leaving now. I can’t stay in this house, not another minute. My broken heart won’t heal here.

She could call Mark, but what would she say?
I need to go home and lick my wounds?
No. She needed to keep him out of it as much as possible. She thought about calling Sissie, but that was worse than calling Mark.

No, she needed to do this on her own. Grabbing her cell phone and laptop from the table, she headed out the door. Most of her things were still in McLean’s old pickup. Taking the F350 would be a wiser move on her part, but they probably needed that vehicle. As she hopped inside and started the truck, it backfired and stalled. Turning the key again it started and continued running. She shook her head and laughed softly to herself.
No one is going to miss this old thing.
Putting it in drive, she pulled away and thought of the long drive ahead of her.

Looking into the rearview mirror, the house faded away. Never before had she felt such emptiness. It was so hard to close this chapter in her life, especially when she just started it. Doing the right thing was far from the easy thing.

Time to go home.

“Where the hell is she, McLean?” Derrick barked, his fist ready to pound on him. One thing he’d asked of him, just one: to keep an eye on her.

“Derrick, she’s a grown woman. What exactly did you want me to do? Tie her down and make her stay?”

He glared at him. His anger was misguided, and he knew it. McLean had no idea what was going on. Honestly, he didn’t either. All he had was what Ryan told him. For all they knew, Donna had blown this all way out of proportion. But it wasn’t a risk he was willing to take.

Leaving McLean alone in the bunkhouse, he hopped in the truck and headed to the main house. There had to be a note or something he missed.

Why didn’t I call her to let her know I was coming back? Damn it. I should’ve never left. If anything happens to her it’s my fucking fault.

Derrick flew back into the house and called out for her. “Casey! Casey!”

An unknown man came around the corner and said sternly, “She’s not here.”

“Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my house?” The only thing holding him back from slamming the guy into the wall was this man obviously had been looking for Casey as well.

“Her brother sent me to keep an eye on her. Looks like she hightailed it out before I got here.”

Why would her construction worker brother send one of his buddies to watch her? Something wasn’t adding up. He’d already had a strange feeling about Mark; now he was sure something wasn’t as it appeared. Derrick looked the guy over. He was hard-looking, and if he was right, that bulge under his jacket meant he was packing.

“Collins was under the impression you were here watching over her. Where the hell have you been?”

He didn’t like anybody questioning him about his whereabouts, especially in his own home. Apparently this guy didn’t know where Casey was anymore than he did. “If Mark has any questions, tell him to get his ass here and ask me himself. Now if you don’t mind, get the fuck off my property before I throw you out.”

The man glared at him, but before he said anything, the beep of his phone stopped him. He pulled it out and put it to his ear listening. After a minute, he said, “Want me to bring him with me?”

Derrick realized right then and there that this shit just got real. Ryan had given him a warning that things could get bad, but he’d never envisioned walking into his house to find someone there, looking for Casey.
She could be in serious danger.
Don’t let me lose another that I lo . . . Oh. My. God. I have fallen in love with her . . . shit, shit, shit. How did I let this happen? Now she is in danger because of me.

He wasn’t about to go anywhere with him. All he wanted to do was find Casey, bring her back home, and protect her.
And tell you how much I love you, sweetness. Why the hell didn’t I realize this before? Maybe if I had you would’ve stayed. Now it’s too late.

“Let’s go.”

“What makes you think I’ll go anywhere with you?”

“The look on your face. If you don’t want to see her again, stay behind.”

The guy turned and headed back out the door.
Everyone fucking talks in riddles. There’s no way these guys are contractors. At least, not in construction.

Derrick wasn’t going to leave the house without being on a level playing field. Right now he wasn’t even sure Mark had sent this guy. He needed to get his pistol from his office. Nothing added up, and Derrick liked to be prepared for anything.
I’ve had enough surprises this week; I don’t need any more.