Speak to the Wind (29 page)

"Understand? I'm losing something intensely important to me, a part of my past—my life—that will never be the same again, and you act as if I should be gracious and generous. Sorry, Joe." She stood and walked steadily to the door.

"So am I, Maria." He watch
ed her go, feeling like the big
gest heel in the world
. He wore
the heavy weight of leadership square on hi
s shoulders, but with
a great sadness in his heart.

Even after all this time an
d the bitter words exchanged be
tween them, he knew that what he felt for this woman was love. Love beyond reason and understanding. And he was losing that love because of s
omething he'd originated and di
rected. And he could do nothing to stop either.

Chapter Thirteen

It had been a
scorcher all week with temperatures over 110 degrees for five straight days. The
news medias all
led their newscast with the local weather. Maria was tired of the heat and tired of hearing about it. She
played some cool music
, thinking she should be in the White Mountains right now.
This was when she usu
ally took a break from Phoenix's incessant heat and escaped to the cabin. Her time there was limited, so why was she staying away?

She knew. She
didn’t want to
run into Joe.

Dammit, he was responsible for her losing the cabin. But she shouldn't let him keep her from enjoying her last year there. She'd check her calendar and plan a mountain trip sometime soon. Maybe nex
t week. Satisfied with her deci
sion, she began humming with the
music
. Abruptly she halted. The
tune
was
Bocelli and Celine Dion’s
beautiful rendition of "
The Promise
." She recalled listening to it with Joe... and how they'd talked and drawn closer and made love....

No! S
he couldn't do this to herself.
Everything brought memories of Joe. And yes, she had been fool enough to think their relationship, their love, would last forever. And it just hadn't.

The knock on her door was so low that she could hardly hear it over the music. She wasn't expecting anyone and wasn't dressed for company, but the knocking continued, so she went to the door and looked through the peephole.

Joe
. Her heart pounded. It was a
s if some
evil
witchcraft made him appear when she least wanted to see him.

Maria jerked the door open, suddenly filled with fire. He stood there boldly, wearing a
blue
shirt and
jeans
, looking as devastating as she'd ever seen him. A rush of heat surrounded him and pushed inside her air-conditioned room. She braced herself and muttered, "You've got nerve, coming here after our last encounter
.
"

"I know. Can I come in so we can talk?"

"About what? I have nothing more to stay to you."

"Well, I have something to say to you. It's about the cabin."

Maria hesitated. She figured he'd come around to try to mend the rift that had torn them apart. She hadn't expected him to have any other interest, like the cabin. "You said it was out of your hands."

"It is. But I have... Maria, can I come in?"

She uttered a resigned sigh and stepped back.

Joe entered the coolness of her apartment. The familiar music surrounded him, filling him with memories and old feelings. She was dressed in pale blue shorts and a matching pullover. Her blond hair was twisted up on her head, and a few tendrils escaped seductively around her face. She looked fabulous, and he was overwhelmed with the desire to take her in his arms and soothe her hurt feelings. And repair the dam
aged relationship that kept
them apart. But he could do nei
ther.

He gazed at her with incredible sadness in his deep ebony eyes. A tightness gripped his chest as a rush of old feelings surfaced, and he wanted to reach out, to touch her, to hold her close. But he didn't dare. His hands flexed in frustration.

"I thought you might come up to the mountains to get out of this heat," he began weakly.

So he had been watching for her. "I couldn't get away.
Working hard.
"

"
You w
ork
too
hard, Maria
.
"

She nodded.
“Probably. What else is there to do
?
Sit around and think about lost loves? "

“That hurts.”

“Aw, sorry.” She shifted and pretended not to care. “
And you, Joe?"

He shook his head wearily. "Every day
,
another challenge. One headache after anothe
r. But we're making small accom
plishments that balance it out.
I wish you were there to share them with me.
”

“Oh, I doubt that.”

"
Sometimes I
wish
I
'd never agreed to it
. Especially since I lost you.”

"
But they
need
you
there and that's
what’s most
important."

“What’s most important is that
I need you there with me, Maria.
”

"
Funny way of showing it
." She gestured toward a chair, "Have a seat since you're here. I'm sure you didn't stop by to talk about the weather or our jobs."

"Right." He moved across
the room and settled into a bar
rel chair. His chest strained his shirt, and his long arms curved around the chair, making his shoulders appear even broader. When he crossed his ankle
over his knee, he looked power
fully masculine. One large brown hand rested on his ankle, and she noticed he wore a massive turquoise ring now. He was incredibly handsome, and Maria struggled with her self- control.

Damn! H
ow she still loved the man
, even after all he’d done to her.
For a crazed moment s
he wondered what difference any
thing else made.
Maybe t
heir love was all that mattered.

She took a deep breat
h, regaining control of her emo
tions, and sat in the chair opposite him.

"Maria, I..." He halted and looked at her
with sad, dark eyes
.

"Would you like something to drink? I have Perrier or sparkling water."

"No, thanks. I...
y
ou know, you look fabulous, Maria. I miss you."

She squeezed her hands together. "
You’ll get over it
."

"No, Maria. I'll never forget you. I'll never lose this feeling for you.

"Joe-"

"No, that's not why I came here tonight. But when I saw you again, in this place, our music, everything the same yet so awfully different... I don't know, Maria. Something just came over me, and I had to say... I still feel the same way about you." He looked away and sighed. "I hadn't intended on making that speech at all. But now that it's out, at least you know where I stand."

"I can't lis
ten to this, Joe. I just can't."
She pushed herself to her feet and walked to the balcony window, hugging her arms.

"Look, I'm sorry. Forget it."

"I wish I could. Wish I could forget everything.
But I can’t.
"

There was silence, then Joe said, "Maria, do you know what we're saying here?"

"Don't interpret anything, Joe. We have
difference
s, big ones. Some that I can't overlook, even if you can. Or think you can. We come from different worlds. We took a chance and it didn't work out. That's all there is to it. I'm glad we both found out before it was too late."

"
It isn’t too late.
"

"
Yes it is. It’s over.
"

"
I’m sorry you feel that way.
I came to give you some of your own advice. And to make a suggestion—that you can certainly refuse if you want— about the cabin."

She turned around slowly and curiously approached him again. "My own advice?"

He placed both feet on the floor, then leaned forward in the chair. "You see, I'm an attentive student, Maria. I've applied
many of the things you tau
ght me to a wide variety of cir
cumstances. For instance
, remember the negotiating tech
niques you helped me memorize before I faced McAndrew in Mexico? There's yes, no, give me more information, give me more time and the counter
offer. Now, you're telling me that you can't take the option offered by the tribe to move your cabin."

"Moving might tear it a
part. And dismantling and recon
structing would cost thousands.
I don’t have that
..."

"So your answer is no."

She nodded. "Not my choice, but it's what I'm stuck with."

"Well, why not make a counter
offer?"

"A counter? I thought that
's what we discussed in your of
fice."

"
A counter is something different, something win-win,
that you can make
to the High Meadow Apache Tribe."

"Like what
?
" Sh
e gave him a derisive chuckle.
"On bended knees I'm begging you to scrap this project!'"

“
That isn't a counter
offer. That's begging."

“
It's all I have left!" She felt near tears.

"That's not so, Maria." His tone was low and calm. "I have an idea."

His tone attracted her, and she sat down again. "What?"

"I think it's understood that you can't keep the cabin and live in it the way you have in the past years."

"Yes, you've made that perfectly clear."

"And you won't move the cabin for fear of tearing it apart, right?"

"Absolutely. Otherwise, I'd have it moved immediately."

"So your goal now should be to keep your father's cabin from being destroyed."

"That seems impossible. If I don't move it, the Indians will tear it down after it's abandoned."

"Not if you propose a good use for the cabin. A counte
r
offer."

She frowned. "What are you talking about, Joe?"

He leaned farther forward, bracing his elbows on wide
spread knees. "Think about
this. What if you offered some
thing in exchange for occasional use of the cabin?"

"Something? Like money? I thought we'd been through that and the Indians want the land, not more rent."

"That's right. We do. And money—" he shrugged "—that's not the issue here. We figure to make more money in the long run by getting rid of the cabins."

"So what could I offer?"

"A service. Something we don't have, something we need or could use."

"A service? From me?"

"Exactly. Something you, and only you, can offer. Like classes in Smile, Rise an
d Shine. Or the Speak Easy tech
niques. Teach our people some of your skills. Organize a short program that you could
give several times a year in ex
change for a few weeks' vacation in the cabin."

She considered this suggestion for a moment. "Well, I've often thought I'd like to develop a program that could be used in high schools. If we could teach young people to be at ease and to communicate better at earlier ages, we wouldn't have adults who are terrified of standing in front of a crowd to speak."

"Then why don't you develop a pilot program for teens? And present it to the council. I think it's a great idea, Maria."

"And how would the cabin fit into this?"

"You'd have to show how it could be used year-round."

“
It wouldn't be... just mine?"

"No, I'm afraid that situation will
have to stand. But if we can
, you can show how the building itself can be put to
good use, perhaps we can persuade the committee not to tear it down." His broad hands gestured, almost imploring her to agree. "Maria, I don't think it's possible for you to keep the cabin for yourself. Not at this point, with the structural problems in moving it. What I'm suggesting may possibly save the cabin from destruction, though."