Spill Over (18 page)

“Keep the door open, please.” He latches this little hook that keeps the door locked open when we’re sailing and then walks away.

I want to protest, but it’ll probably make Amber more
unc
omfortable anyway, and I mostly just want to get back to talking. I still push out an exasperated sigh before lying back down next to her. “Can we just pick up where we left off?” I smile.

Her fingers slide through mine
again
,
and we lie in silence for a moment before she speaks.

“
Even though I don’t think it’s fixable, it sucks to not know my dad
, you know?”

“I don’t know. I’ve always thought of my da
d as kind of a weirdo.
”
I hope she knows I’m mostly kidding.

She smiles. “Your dad’s
a nice guy.”

“Yeah, I’m getting that. It’s just. With Mom, things were so different. New York, all over the world. When we were in the cities, we were always at nice hotels. I made friends with all the super rich kids, the ones who made
mom look blue-collar.
And
then to visit Dad, in all his…
natural man stuff.
I don’t know. I guess I looked down on him for a long time.”

“And now?”

“No.”

She raises a brow.

“Okay, maybe still a little. But I like him now, and that’s sort of a big step for me. And I can’t believe the crap that just comes out of my mouth around you.”
I raise our hands up to touch her cheek.

She
looks away and
giggles. It’s sweet and makes me want to kiss her cheek, right over that little indent off the corner of her mouth
, the one I just touched
.
How did she stay so
sweet
at eighteen?

“I’m serious. Stuff never just comes out. I’m always careful about what I tell people.”
Our hands rest between us again.

Her brows twitch once, as if she’s concentrating on me.
“Isn’t that exhausting?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “It is.” I just didn’t realize it
until very recently
.

“I’m tired.”
She takes the remote. “Do you mind?”

I shake my head.

She turns off the TV, and drops the remote on the bed.

I have no idea what to do
, but I feel desperate, like our night can’t possibly be over
.
“Don’t I get a goodnight kiss?” I ask. Maybe I’m pushing her, but
if she was anyone else,
I’d have kissed her by now. A lot.

“Is that what you’ve been thinking about all day?” Her lips push together, trying not to smile.

“Not
all
day.” I let
my
smile spread across my face.

“Fine.” She leans forward and quickly pecks my cheek. “Goodnight.”

“That totally doesn’t count.”

“Well, it does to me.” She pulls the blanket up. “Good night.”

“You’re forcing me to share my bed with you, and that’s all I get?” I tease.
Even though I’m thrilled she’s still here and plans on staying.

“Just take it, Antony.” She gives me a gentle slug to the shoulder.

She tugs on the
blanket again and closes her eyes.

I stare at her in the dark. Her small brows, tanned skin, thick lashes. Her eyes open.

“Stop staring. Y
ou’re making me self-conscious.” Her cheeks turn pink, even in the dim light.

“Sorry.” I close my eyes. “Your turn.”

“What?”

“You can stare at me, instead,
”
I say.

She lets out a half sigh, half laugh.

I lie still and quiet and try to settle my nerves at having her so close. When I open my eyes, she’s staring. “Caught ya.”

“Fine.” She rolls away from me. Her s
houlder curves down to her thin
waist, and then the curve of her hip.

Fl
ashback to my night with Gem—
the curves I love so much. I want Amber way more than I’ve ever wanted Gem. This is different. I like Amber.
Really
like Amber. Enough to know I’d love to just hold her, have my arms around her.
This is all kind of a big deal for me.

I don’t know if she’ll just chase me away, and I barely remember the last time I was dying j
ust to get my arm around a girl.
I scoot in behind her and
slide my arm around her waist
.
“I promise to behave.”

She answers by resting her hand over mine, and pulling me closer.
The warmth of her
next to me, her hand over mine, feels like everything I’ve been missing.

I breathe in the peach scent of her hair and
wonder if I’ll ever get to sleep with wanting to touch more of her
.

Fourteen

Dad puts his arm over me as I stumble out of bed in the morning. Amber’s awake and chatting with her mom.

“Happy Birthday,” he whispers.

I nearly double over. She promised. My birthday. I’m supposed to be in Paris today, celebrating eighteen.

“I…uh…
” I turn and go straight back to my room.

Dad follows, closing the door behind him and making the air hard to breathe.

“Antony?”

I put a hand over my face, enough deep breaths will make it go away, push it away.

“What’s going on?” he whispers.

“She pr
omised she’d be home by my…
” But if I keep going, I won’t be able to stop the tears.

He sits next to me on the bed, resting a large hand on my back. Any comforting now will just make things worse. “Sorry.”

“We’re all
sorry, aren’t we?” I blow a breath out as I stare at the ceiling. “
I’m okay. I’m fine. I just…
”

“We’re ignoring this one?” Dad asks.

I don’t meet his eyes. “Yeah. We’re ignoring this one.” And maybe every one that comes after it.

- - -

“Son of a bitch!” I slam my laptop closed.
I thought I’
d take my new
found
adulthood and do something grownup
like sort email, but that was a stupid mistake.

Three sets of eyes are on me. My hands are shaking and my breath’s coming hard. “Some stupid asshole who didn’t even know Mom is writing a biography.”

“Unauthorized,” Dad says.

I nod.

“You could pick someone to do an authorized one, so you’d have
some say as to what g
oes in there,” he suggests.

Amber’s eyes are wide and on me.

Great. I’ve probably just scared her away, too.

“You could do it,” she says. Her voice is quiet, soft, tentative.

“I couldn’t do her justice.” And how would I even be able to start? All the stuff I’ve been cramming down starts to roll around inside me, but there’s no way I’m going to stand inside this stupid boat with three sets of eyes on me while I cry over my mom.

Amber stands up. “Let’s get out of here. Get off the boat.”

My shoulders relax. “Sounds perfect.”

Let’s run and never look back. Leave it all in the dust. Mom’s promise, her stupid decision to go to some other third-world country, and my birthday.

- - -

“This
break from the boat
may kill me.” I try to laugh
as I follow Amber up this never-
ending trail to a watchtower she says we have to climb.
A few hours off the boat, her having no idea it’s my birthday, and me not wanting to tell her, means that we just are. We’re just together, and it’s exactly what I need.

“Wimp.” She laughs and keeps moving at the same impossible pace.

Now,
I’ve always worked out in gyms
,
but this is different. This isn’t sets and running. This is prolonged uphill torture.

“It’ll be worth it.” She’s grinning as she turns to face me.

That smile hits me in a million different happy places. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking
needing to talk to Hélè
na. Right now, this is enough. I’
d love it if it was
more, but this is enough.

So, I’ve practically cried in front of this girl,
told her
way more
than I normally
let people in on, slept
all pressed together,
and she still hasn’t let me kiss her.
My world has definitely changed.

We’re on a rocky hill, and the tower’s the only thing up here. Already I can see islands in every direction.
The frustration and ache from this morning is dissolving as much as it ever does anymore.

“Look.” She steps in so close to me that our bodies are touching, shoulders to hips, maybe more.

I am looking, but not to where she’s pointing. I’m looking at her. Her tank is cut low and my fingers itch to trace her collarbone and slide down her shoulders.

“Your dad’s boa
t is right down there.” Her arm
’s stretched out pointing,
but I can’t take my eyes off
her.

“What?” Her nose almost touches my cheek, putting our lips dangerously close together.

“I like you.” What? That’s my smooth line? I couldn’t come up with anything more clever than that?

But
her eyes practically sparkle as
she leans in.

Finally
, touching her lips with mine has become more of a need than anything I’ve imagined in a long time. Just before our lips touch, she turns away.

“
Where are you
going
?
” I try to laugh but
don’t pull it off.

“We’re climbing the tower, silly.” She jogs ahead of me.

“You’re killing me, Amber.”

Her laughter floats through me, punching holes in the darkness.

I jog to catch up to her. The tower is stone, tall
,
with
only
tiny windows for light on the winding staircase leading to the top. Her light
steps on the boards are
all I can hear, and black
ness
is nearly complete once I step inside
.

When I break back out into the sun
at the top of the stairs
, I pinch my eyes shut for a few moments before daring to open them. The view from up here is even better than below.

“Wow.” I step to the railing on the edge, and rest my arms there, looking across the ocean and scattered islands.

“I know. Worth it, huh?
” Her hands touch my waist from behind me and slowly slide around my stomach.

There’s
no way she could know that this is o
ne of my favorite ways to
be
touched. Her chest presses against my back and then her face as she rests
her head
on my shoulder blade.

“Very worth it,” I answer. My arms rest on top of he
rs
,
and
I slide
our fingers together
.

She’s practically begging me to kiss
her;
all pressed into me like this.

I
turn around and take
her in my arms.

She stretches up.
I lean down
.
Her
breath
touches
my lips.

“Not yet.” She breathes out, spins around and
runs
for the hole to the stairs.

“Oh come on!” I laugh.
“Surely I’
ve earned it by now!”
Killing
me.
But this little game we have going on is also pretty awesome. Distracting, if nothing else.

She laughs back and disappears into the blackness below.

I take one last look around
and head for the steps.
The stairs look even blacker than before
, but I
move
into the darkness
. Her han
d takes mine. She’s just a blur. M
y e
yes aren’t adjusted
. I smell her breath and then feel her lips against m
ine
,
sending a wave of
want through me
. Our fingers slide together.
I lean forward and feel
her smooth lips
again.
I need more of her. She feels even better than I’ve been imagining.
Soft. Warm. Comfort. Electric.