Spill Over (19 page)

She laughs and pulls away
, running down the stairs
.

“Wait!”
My eyes have adjusted.
Now
I can see her.

Her laughter t
urns to shrieks as I get closer, but she’s fast and escapes my grasp. She disappears into the light.
I run
out behind her
,
but the
sun hits my eyes,
and
once again
I
stop, unable
t
o
see. S
he grabs my shirt from t
he side and pulls me toward her as she leans against the side of the rock tower.

“There’s something sorta nice about being disoriented, isn’t there?”
She’s as breathless as me.

I start to laugh again
,
but she pulls me too close. I don’t have time to think about how I want to touch my lips
to hers, we just do. She’s warm, tastes sweet,
and it feels like something
big
, something important.
We’re
f
inally kissing the way I’ve been thinking about for way too long.

I lose myself in her, in her mouth, the way I haven’t sin
ce maybe my first kiss ever. I press our bodies together
as I pull her closer.
I feel Amber in my chest, in places where I still hurt, like pin pricks on a fresh bruise.
As if this simple act of liking her, of really liking her, completely changes what a kiss is. As much as the familiar touch of a girl’s li
ps is what I thought I wanted—
it’s more with her. Too much. I step back.

Our eyes meet, and even that pushes into me, on the rawness left by losing Mom.

“
You okay?
”

“I really like you.”
My
shoulders slump down in honest realization
. “Really.”

Her smile spreads wide
,
and I blink a few times as the familiar feel of hot tears hit the back of my eyes. I’m completely messed in the head. Or the heart. Or something like that.

Her hand takes mine, and I may be crushing her with my squeeze, and my need for her to feel something like I do, but her smile never falters.

My body’s in this weird state of shock thinking of what I’ve missed out on. This adds to my thought that I might
not
be one of the nice guys. How have I never liked a girl this much? It’s not like I’m lacking in experiences.

Amber breaks our gaze first, staring at the ground.
“I don’t… you know I haven’t, or that I don’t
. I’ve just never
been with someone
like you.” H
er forehead presses into my chest.

I pull her close
, maybe if she’s closer, all the ache will blend in, but she’ll overpower it
. “
Me either
.”

She shakes her head and puts her arms more tightly around me.
“That’s not what I meant.”

She means actual, physical, experience.

“You just do what feel
s good. T
he rest just…
comes
.”

“That sounds like a guy thing to say.” I can tell by the way she isn’t even trying to look at me that we probably won’t
kiss again. Well, we’ll definitely kiss again, just
not right now.
I lean down and
press my lips to
her temple, just because I can.
Still hurting, but still really feeling how much I like her.

“Ready to walk back down?” I ask.

“Ready.” She steps away from me more quickly than I’d like, but keeps my hand in hers
, hopefully wanting to keep the connection as much as I want to
.

But as we walk, her hand feels better and better. Normally holding hands just gets uncomfortable. My fingers start to feel all stretched, and then my hand
gets too hot. But this is nice. S
he’s nice. Every time our eyes catch, which is often, because she’s looking up a
t me
, she smiles. The same strip of white teeth I noticed on my first day.
And now it’s for me.

F
inally I can’t stand it anymore. O
ur hike is almost over. I pull her to a stop, lean down and kiss her twice, very softly. I’m going to have to keep telling
myself this is a big deal for her
, the physical stuff
.
She
leans up to give me one last kiss and
as the s
weetness of her falls through my body
,
pushing away more of the hurt,
I know this is
probably
a big deal for me, too.

- - -

We
’re
both sitting cro
ss-legged on my bed, a book of D
ad’s movies between us.

“For one movie, and then I’m going back out to my own b
ed.” Her jaw is set. She’s actu
a
lly
serious.

“You spent the night in here last night!” I’m hoping it sounds teasing, but I’m sor
t of amazed. We’re kissing now, and t
hat makes spending the night together
way
better.

She starts flipping through
the small book. “It’s just..
.”

My fingertips touch the soft spot under her chin. “
I’m not going to try anything crazy, you know.”

Her eyes still won’t meet mine. “Look, Antony, I meant it today wh
en I said I have
like
no
experience.”

“But you’re eighteen, and you’re beautiful.” She can’t have NO experience.

“I’ve spent all my time on Mom’s boat, traveling here, there and everywhere.
I’ve had braces and glasses.
I’ve kept to myself
, and when you’re the older girl in the home-school groups who’s never done anything, you avoid being close to anyone.”
The whole time she talks, she flips through the book, not meeting my eyes.

What does she mean by
never done anything
? “Is it totally rude of me to ask?” Will she know what I’m talking about?

She covers her face for a moment before resting her hands flat on her cheeks. “I have kissed three boys ever. You’re one of them. And…”

And the silence stretches on.

“You don’t really want to know this, do you?” Her eyes finally meet mine.

“I feel like…yeah…
I kinda do, because now I’m worried I’m just going to push you too much or something.” It’s hard to take a deep breath in here.

“
Everything
feels like too much.”
Her cheeks are bright, and her eyes go back to the movie book between us.

“Relax, Amber. It doesn’t have to a
ll be so serious
.”

Her brows pull together. “This is the side of you that scares me.”

“I’m sorry.” Only I’m not sure what I’m apologizing for.

“No, don’t be. I just…
I guess I need you to know that I’m not ready for anything else, you know?”
Once again her thick lashes come up, and her liquid blue eyes push against all the best places in my chest, and also some of the bruised ones. It’s all just become part of feeling things.

“Okay.” I lean forward and kiss her lips softly. “But this is nice, right?”

“Very.” Her breathing has already changed, and she may be scared
to go further
right now, but I don’t think it’ll take her as long as she thinks
it will for her
to want more.

“So, you’ll stay in here with me?”

“Maybe.” She pulls away.

“I promise to
be nice. D
oes that help?” I
lean over the book to
kiss her chee
k. That’s a
sweet gesture, but I don’t move a
way. S
he’s too warm.

“It helps.” Her lips graze my neck and it takes some serious deep calming breaths for my body to not get excited the way it wants to.

“Stay and I won’t touch you unless you beg,” I whisper.

“Right.” Her laugh is light and her lips touch my neck again.

“Deal?”

“Deal.”

And then I take advantage of her moment of weakness, pull her into my arms and
hope she won’t pull away—
at least not for a while
.

- - -

In a desperate attempt to take control of all the crap that feels out of my control,
I write to Mom’s manager.

I write. I want to do Mom’s memoir. Can we talk?

             
Antony
             

I get an email back almost immediately.

             
Antony –

             
I love the idea. I will fly you in from wherever you are.

             
This makes me laugh.
Really? Cause I have no freaking idea where I am. Somewhere in the Pacific.

             
Let’s meet. I’m sure you have some pictures we’ve never seen. Timing on something like this is everything. I’d love to see you in New York at your earliest convenience.

             
             
Mel

And instead of thinking about it I look over my computer. “We’
re not far from Vancouver
, right?”

“A few hours,” Dad says.

“I need to go to New York. Just for a few days.”
The more I say it out loud, the more I know it needs to be done.

He chokes on his eggs
, and nearly drops his fork
. “What?”

“You’re the one who wanted me to check e-mail.
I have a few things I want to take care of
.”

“It can’t wait?”
His eyes
are wide and focused hard
.

Can it wait? I don’t know. It’s like I’ve made the decision to go, so I just want it over with.
“No. It can’t wait.”

Dad lets out a sigh. “Can I come with you?”

I slump, really wanting to take care of
things on my own, and not completely sure if I’m ready to tell him why.

“Never mind. You
want to be on your own
. B
ut here’s the deal, Antony. No parties like last time.
Even though I’m in Seattle, and you’re in New York,
I n
eed to know where you are
. Got it?”

“Got it.”
And as Dad and I slowly understand each other better, I’m not as offended as I would have been a few weeks ago.

“And don’t pull any
I’m eighteen now
, shit. Okay? You still live with me, and you’re
not
done with high school.”
He even points.

I smile because I’ve never heard my dad
cuss
. “Okay.”
Now I need to tell Amber.

- - -

I pa
cked one small bag for New York.
I have stuff there, and now Dad and I are sailing straight for Vancouver Island.

Dad and I are on deck while the girls fix lunch below. The small r
ibbons on the sails are goin
g all wrong.
“If we trim it a little tigh
t
er, we should be able to pull an extra knot or two out of it, right?”
I point to the mainsail.

“Try it.” Dad doesn’t move.
He’s engrossed in whatever email he’s reading on his phone.

“What?”
Me?

“You’ve helped
with the sails a bit. Try it. S
ee if it works.
”
He looks
up only briefly and then goes back to reading.

Wow. Me. Sailing. I check the autopilot another time and the stand up to
find
the lines I need to tighten. Everything can be controlled from this one spot on the boat.
Now I know. I remember how to wrap the
line around the crank
, so I find the mainsail lines, work them through,
and I tig
hten. I check the little string things on the sails and they’re more straight back and flowing than before. I step back and check the Garmin. “We gained two knots!”

“Great job.”
Dad gives me a wide smile. “And I feel great. I just got another
email from my agent. My next
book
is
up, out
,
and heading to print.”