Spilled Milk: Based on a true story (17 page)

“It’s true,
he’s right, we would lose everything,” Mom chimed in.

Mom never asked
what would make me say such things. Neither did Dad. They never asked if I had
a grudge, or if I watched too much TV or if someone had put me up to it. They
didn’t care what the reason was, they just wanted to make sure that I kept
telling social services that it wasn’t true. And I did.

The case was
unfounded and closed within two weeks time. Elise asked me for the last time if
I wanted to tell her anything and I shook my head, my eyes still focused on my
hands. If anything, I was thankful for the break I got. Dad seemed afraid and
the investigation was too fresh for him to try anything, so he stayed away from
me for over two months.

I tried to talk
to Paul numerous times but he never returned my calls, and chatting online
always ended in him calling me pathetic or a long line of names before he would
block me or sign off.

I didn’t
understand what I did to make him so angry, and he refused to give me the closure
I needed. We both got our licenses and with the money I had saved up from
working I got myself a used car, asking my mom to co-sign. Dad was furious Mom
co-signed for me but since I had the money Mom didn’t see the issue.

Then I got a
phone call from my Aunt Jean asking me to come visit them on Long Island. She
said it was important, and she wanted me to sneak away without telling anyone.

“Tell your mom
you’re staying at a friend’s house and come visit. I don’t like you lying, but
it’s really important I see you.” It was the first time I drove outside of
Kunkletown and I was a nervous wreck driving over the bridges to get to Long
Island.

I pulled up in
front of Aunt Jean’s house and wondered what she had to tell me that was so
important. The front door opened before I could even knock.

My cousins met
me at the door and I was hugged a million times before I even took off my coat.
Aunt Jean handed me a cup of hot cocoa and Uncle Bruce took me into his arms
for a bear hug.

“Tell me about
your license and school. Jr Prom is coming up soon, right? Do you have a dress?
I can’t believe you’re sixteen already, my goodness.” Aunt Jean rattled on as
Uncle Bruce picked up his newspaper.

After I tucked
my coat into the hallway closet I pulled up a chair next to Uncle Bruce. It felt
like home to be around family. I missed living on Long Island. New York had so
much character and culture, it was impossible to ever be bored and a mouth
watering slice of pizza was always available on any corner.

“Hey guys, why
don’t you go put on that movie we rented for you?” Aunt Jean coaxed my cousins
away.

“What movie?
I’ll watch with them.” I picked up my cup of cocoa.

“Actually
Brooke, we’d like to talk to you.” Uncle Bruce folded his paper. He patted the
seat to invite me to sit back down. “Take a seat.”

I settled in-between
them at their kitchen table. Their faces looked drawn and I could foresee bad
news coming my way. The tension was uncomfortable.

“Brooke, your
mom called us a few weeks ago and told us about the letter she got in the mail.
You know the one?” Uncle Bruce said.

I shook my head
and took a long sip of cocoa. I had no idea where this was about to go.

“Right. Well,
we uh, your Aunt and I, we talked about it some. And we need to let you know
that, sometimes…” He held up his hands like he was holding an imaginary
basketball. “Sometimes, people need to know about the bubble that surrounds a
family. This bubble protects everyone, it keeps everyone safe, and it’s like a
safety zone.” Aunt Jean nodded in agreement as Uncle Bruce continued. “Our
family has a very strong bubble.” He reached out for Aunt Jean’s hand.

“We want you to
know that you are a part of our family, and we know you are a very smart, very
strong and beautiful young woman.” His face started to turn several shades of
crimson. “We are worried about you, and we want you to know that the bubble we
have in our family will protect you too.” He pointed to me. “Anything you are
going through or anything you say. We will protect you, Aunt Jean and I.” Uncle
Bruce turned his face away.

“Brooke, sweetheart,”
Aunt Jean said, stepping in. “We need you to know that this is a safe place.
Uncle Bruce and I can protect you, your mom, and your siblings. All of you. In
fact, we talked about it, and if we needed to we would move you and your mom
back here to stay with us. We already set up the rooms. There is room for
everyone.”

Uncle Bruce
nodded. “We’ll take you in, all of you. So you can stay together, if that’s
what worries you. But Aunt Jean and I are worried about
you
. And this
bubble…” he held up the imaginary basketball again, “Baby girl no one can hurt
you anymore. Not while I got this thing wrapped around you.”

Aunt Jean’s
knuckles turned red as she squeezed into Uncle Bruce’s hand. “Brooke honey, is
anything going on in your house with your dad? Has he hurt you?”

I lowered my
head, my hand covering my eyes. They had just told me exactly what I needed to
hear. They were going to keep me safe, all of us. It was time to tell.

 “Yea, he’s
touched me. And-” I started.

Aunt Jean let
out a sob as she reached across the table. “Oh, my baby, oh Brooke I’m so
sorry.”

Covering my
face in shame, I couldn’t bring myself to speak again. Uncle Bruce stood up
from the table and slammed his fist against the wall in the kitchen, his face a
bright burgundy with tears sliding down both cheeks.

“I need to talk
to Gina,” I said finally.

Aunt Jean got
up from the table. “I’ll call her. She’ll be expecting my call, I told her you
were coming here to talk. She’ll know what to do from here.”

“You did? How
did you-”

Suddenly the
second phone call that Elise had told me about to social services was clear. It
wasn’t a teacher. It was Gina. While she never straight out asked me, she poked
and prodded like she knew all along. Maybe she knew it would take sitting down
with family, having them tell me they would catch the pieces as they fell, that
would finally get me to talk. I closed my eyes in silent thanks.

As I sat at the
table with my hands over my eyes I felt a hand over mine. Uncle Bruce looked at
me, his eyes hurting for me. “I got you now, okay? No one’s gonna hurt you
anymore.” He patted my hand, and I believed him.

Aunt Jean told
me that I should eat dinner with them and then head back to Pennsylvania and go
straight to Gina’s house. Gina wanted to sit down with me before heading over
to the police station since they were going to have a lot of questions. Aunt
Jean and Uncle Bruce would meet me there in the morning and we would all go to
the police station together.

Instead of
eating, I asked to take a shower. I scrubbed and washed every inch of my body
three times, and when I thought I was finished, I washed again. After a few
spoonfuls of soup I asked to take a shower one more time before I left. My body
wouldn’t stop shaking.

Three times I
got lost making my way back to Pennsylvania. My mind was in too many different
places and I couldn’t concentrate on which way to go. When I finally pulled
into Gina’s driveway, it was a little after ten at night. I hadn’t been to
Paul’s house since we broke up, but it was a needed comfort when I walked in
the door and smelled the faint aroma of gravy coming from the kitchen.

“Brooke, I told
Paulie what was going on. I wanted him to have time to process everything
before you got here. I’m sorry if that was wrong…”

I shook my head
and hugged her. “No, it’s fine. I don’t know how I would say it. Thank you.”

The front door
opened and Paul walked in, his face sunken from crying. He kicked off his
sneakers as he made his way over to me and before the tears started falling
down my face he had me wrapped in his arms, his face buried in my hair.

Gina stood off
to the side for a minute before interrupting. “All right Brooke, I want you to
try to sleep. I have a warm blanket here.” She opened a quilt and threw it over
the couch.

“Ma, she’s
sleeping with me tonight.”

Gina looked at
Paul. “Paul, honey I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Mom, please.
She’s trembling. Nothing’s gonna happen. She needs me.”

He was right, I
did need him, and I was glad Paul suggested I stay in his room.

Gina sighed. “All
right, please don’t make me regret it.”

She kissed Paul
on the forehead and me on the cheek. “Night kids.”

Gina gave me a
pair of pajamas and after washing my face I snuggled in next to Paul and put my
head on his chest. I listened to his heartbeat and traced his fingers with mine
in the dark. “Paul,” I whispered, “I’m sorry your mom had to tell you.”

He sighed.
“It’s all right. She didn’t know that much anyway, yet. You’re here now.” He
tilted my chin and brought my lips to meet his. I melted into his arms and
tried to focus on his hands moving around my stomach and down my hips.

“Paul, not
now.” I pushed his hand to the side and put my head down on his chest. Why
would he try anything right now? “We aren’t even together.”

“So?” I could
feel him shake his head in the dark. He shifted his weight and slid me off his
chest and onto the mattress. I could tell he was staring at the ceiling. “You
know, Brooke, it’s a shame. You’re never going to find a guy as good as me.” He
rolled over with his back to me and within a few minutes I could hear him
breathing rhythmically in his sleep.

My body
stiffened, I didn’t doubt Paul was right. No one would want to be with me
knowing what has happened to me.

Paul’s TV
blared on at nine thirty the next morning. I searched for Paul with my hand and
when I found nothing I opened my eyes to see him sitting in his bean bag chair
watching cartoons. “Hey,” I said, half asleep, “Why don’t you come lay here for
a while? It’s not every day we get to sleep in the same bed.”

He clicked
through channels. “Just because you’re here doesn’t mean I’m going to change my
whole routine. This is what I always do Saturday mornings.”

I shook my head
and sighed, sinking back down into the pillows. His mood swings were
exhausting. The TV clicked off a few minutes later. “I’m going to my cousins.
Later.”

With no energy
to chase after him, I fell back asleep. When I woke up again it was almost
dinner time and my Aunt Jean and Uncle Bruce were in the kitchen of Gina’s
house.

“Morning
sleepyhead,” Uncle Bruce said, kissing my forehead.

“You hungry?”
Gina poured a bowl of soup before I could answer.

“Why am I so
tired?” I rubbed my eyes and sunk into a chair at the kitchen table. My head
throbbed and I felt like I needed a day’s worth of sleep to catch up.

“This is very
emotional for you honey, it’s going to take a lot out of you. Here, eat up.”

Lou came home
about an hour later and embraced me. “You’re a strong, brave girl. We’re all
here for you.” He crossed the kitchen and kissed Gina and shook hands with my
aunt and uncle.

The plan was to
wait until Dad went to work that night, sometime around seven. Aunt Jean and
Lou were going to go to my mom’s to tell her what happened while Uncle Bruce
and Gina took me to the police station to file a report. Then Aunt Jean and
Uncle Bruce wanted mom to follow them to Long Island with all the kids until we
knew he was locked away and it was safe to come home.

“All right
Brooke, we need to write down dates, where things happened, what happened.”
Gina looked up at me. “This won’t be easy, so let’s start from the beginning,
okay?”

“Why do we have
to do this?”

“The police
need to know that we have all this information, so they know what to
investigate. They will ask the same questions, so I want you to feel confident
that you have everything you need to say.”

I nodded. Gina
wrote as I talked. Lou, my aunt and uncle sat at the table too, listening. I
told them about New York, about him coming into my room as young as I could
remember. I told them about moving to Pennsylvania and how it happened more
frequently because we didn’t have family around. How he would bring me into his
bedroom and then pretend the next day that nothing had happened.

“Okay Brooke,
good, good. Now, try and remember, when did he first rape you?”

The word made
me flinch. My uncle looked away and Lou cringed under the word. I was
embarrassed enough listing everything he had done to molest me, I couldn’t
bring myself to talk to them about the rapes.

I hung my head.
“Brooke, you’re doing a great job. We need to know the dates. It’s important.”
Gina put her hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“We thought he
touched her,” Aunt Jean said sounding frantic, “The report from children and
youth only mentioned touching. Not rape.”

I covered my
face with my hands. My skin burned as I tried to rub the shame off my skin.

“Brooke, I
picked you up,” said a soft voice.

I looked up at
Gina.

“I picked you
up from school the day after, remember? That’s one date.”

I couldn’t
believe she remembered. Gina’s eyes looked moist. I wondered how long she knew
and didn’t say anything to me. She just waited for me to feel safe enough to
tell her. It must have been killing her inside that I never did.

“Is it true,
Brooke?” Aunt Jean pressed through tears.

Uncle Bruce
nodded. “It’s okay Brooke, the bubble, remember?”

I shook my head
and lowered my forehead to my hands. These four adults were about to be
crushed. I didn’t want to watch.

“He did.” My
voice screeched. “He raped me.”

I could feel my
Aunt Jean hit the floor in hysterics and I turned my whole body away from
everyone, covering my face and trying to fall into the background.

Lou and Gina
had their arms around me. “Don’t you dare be ashamed.” Gina’s voice was strong
through her tears. “This is not your fault. Come here, oh, let me hold you.
It’s okay, it’s okay.”

I sobbed as my
body shook.

“I’m gonna get
sick,” I said. Once in the bathroom I could hear Uncle Bruce trying to comfort
my Aunt as she sobbed and cried out. A genuine nightmare was unfolding before
them.

When I sat back
down at the table, tissues were getting passed around and everyone’s bloodshot
eyes were worn. “Feel better?” Gina nodded in my direction.

I closed my
eyes. Years of suppressing and ignoring and denying just escaped and beneath my
trembling skin I felt something I had never felt before.

Peace.

There were so
many incidents, but I couldn’t tell them that. I didn’t think they would be
able to handle it. I wasn’t sure
I
could. So I chose the one’s I knew
the most about.

The one time
Gina picked me up from school the next day, which also gave me a witness, and
the time when my mom was in the hospital since I had tried to fight back and
escape. Gina said it would be enough, and didn’t press me to try and remember
the dates of any more.

I didn’t want
to anyway. It wasn’t like a birthday or vacation memory I was trying to recall,
I tried to push many of them to the back of my mind, never to be thought about
again.

After eight
o’clock, Gina drove me to the police station with Uncle Bruce in the front. I
watched the trees float by from the back seat and tried not to doze off again.
My body had a hard time coping with the amount of adrenaline over the past
twenty fours hours and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open at that
point.