Spilled Milk: Based on a true story (18 page)

The radio
hummed a Dixie Chicks song. Gina looked up in the rearview mirror and smirked.
“You know this song?”

The tune
sounded familiar. When the chorus started Gina turned a knob so I could listen.
A smile spread across my face as Gina belted out the tunes.

Well it wasn't two weeks

after
she got married that

Wanda
started gettin' abused

She
put on dark glasses and long sleeved blouses

And
make-up to cover a bruise

Well
she finally got the nerve to file for divorce

She
let the law take it from there

But
Earl walked right through that restraining order

And
put her in intensive care

Right
away Mary Anne flew in from Atlanta

On
a red eye midnight flight

She
held Wanda's hand as they

worked
out a plan

And
it didn't take long to decide

That
Earl had to die

Goodbye
Earl

Those
black-eyed peas

They tasted all right to me Earl

The irony of
the song playing on our way to the police station was suddenly funny. Gina
shook her head. “Oh, oh gosh that’s wrong. Okay, I’m done. But seriously, we
don’t use the name David anymore. Not Dad, not Father, not David. Earl is all
he’s worth. From now on, we call him Earl.”

The thought was
actually a comfort. Now that everything was about to come out, I didn’t want to
call him Dad. He didn’t deserve that title. I didn’t want to call him anything
really, but calling him Earl would give me a reprieve when I spoke about him at
least, even if it was just with Gina.

Gina had called
ahead to explain the situation so we didn’t have to do that when we first got
into the precinct. It definitely helped ease the transition with the police
officer who ushered me into a back room with Gina calling after me that she
would be right there waiting when I was finished.

An orange
haired guy in his mid forties pulled up a chair next to me and cleared his
throat. “My name is Officer Stubaker. You’re here to make a report about your
father?”

I nodded.

“All right, can
you tell me what happened?”

Gina and my
family had really tip toed around asking me to explain the situation. The
bluntness of this police officer was a little uncomfortable. “Um, you mean,
with Ear- uh, my dad?”

He tapped his
pencil. “Yes. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

I sighed and
looked into my lap.

“You uh, you
told your family that something happened to you. I just need to know what it is
you told them so I can write it down for our records too.”

I could tell he
was trying to make the situation as comfortable as possible, but I didn’t know
what to say. I never so much as cursed in front of an adult, and now I was
sitting in front of a stranger and he wanted me to explain such a personal
circumstance.

“From the
beginning?” I asked.

He nodded.

“Okay… Uh, when
I lived in New York, my dad used to come into my room at night and touch me.
When I would bathe with my sister he would use his hands to clean us instead of
a rag. After we moved to Pennsylvania he…” I trailed off . I just did not have
the vocabulary to make this comfortable for me. “He uh, raped me. Twice where I
know the dates.”

An overhead
fluorescent threatened to go out above us and there wasn’t even a poster in the
room I could pretend to stare at.

“Did you ever
tell anyone about this, I mean, before tonight?” He probed.

“Social
services came to my school once. They asked me about it but I told them it was
all a dream.”

“Why’s that?”

“I was afraid
they would take my brothers and sister away from me.”

His green eyes
softened and he rubbed his fingers through his prickly looking beard. “Right,
right. Hey so, do you like to write?”

My face must
have sparked because he shook his head. “This might be easier if I have you
write down what happened. That sound better to you?”

“Yes, please.”
I nodded and smiled a little.

“All right,
just be sure to be as detailed as possible. Don’t be embarrassed, just write
what happened word for word.”

He grabbed
three pieces of paper and set a pen down next to me. “I’ll come back and check
on you in about fifteen minutes all right?” He ran his fingers through his hair
and cleared his throat as he shut the door.

After twenty
five minutes I was finally finished. I folded the papers in half to keep anyone
else from seeing them and waited for Officer Stubaker to come back.

“All finished?”
he asked, handing me a glass of water.

“Yep.” I handed
him the papers.

He stared at
them. “I’ll need to open these, and read them, then have you initial them in
front of me. That all right?”

My face flamed.
“Oh, sure.”

He read for
several minutes and I chipped away at the nail polish on my fingernails to pass
the time. When he finished, he showed me where to sign and led me back out to
Gina and Uncle Bruce.

Office Stubaker
suggested that my aunt and uncle take my mom and the kids to New York until
they could talk to Dad about my testimony. Uncle Bruce nodded his head.

“You all right
kiddo? You did a great job.” Gina turned and smiled at me as we headed out of
the parking lot.

“Yea. I think
so. I had to write down what happened. It was hard for me to talk about it. I
didn’t know what words I was allowed to say in front of him because he’s a
police officer.”

“Oh, honey. I’m
sure he’s heard it before, but I’m glad you could write it down if that’s what
made you comfortable.”

“Where we going
now?”

“Your mom’s.
Aunt Jean and Lou are there letting her know what’s going on.”

I cringed. I
remembered back to when she got the letter in the mail and didn’t have much to
say except for how hard it would be for the accusations to be true because of
money. Now that other people were involved, I imagined her reaction would be
much different.

As if on cue,
when I walked through the front door Mom came towards me with open arms and
tears streaming down her face. “Ohhhh Brooke! I am so sorry. Oh my God, Oh my
God.”

When I pulled
away from her I was surprised to see Thomas coming at me with tears in his
eyes. “Brooke, are you okay? I’m sorry.” I held his head to my chest and Kat
was suddenly at my side, squeezing me and crying just as hard. Adam was at a
friend’s house but Mom had a call out for him to come home.

“Okay, everyone
listen here.” Uncle Bruce took the reins. “I need everyone to go upstairs, pack
a bag with at least a week’s worth of clothes. We want to be out of here in a
half hour. Go.”

Uncle Bruce
explained to mom that the police officer suggested the safest thing for her to
do would be to stay with family until they could start their investigation.
“What about school?” Mom asked. “Do they know you live in New York?”

“Just call the
school in the morning, tell them you have a family emergency. Don’t tell them
where you’re staying though. Also, write a note on the bulletin board that you
had to take the dog to the vet so David doesn’t wonder why she’s gone when he
gets home in the morning. We’ll take her with us too.”

Gina nodded.
“Make sure you go to the bank first thing in the morning since you have a joint
account. Take everything out. If you don’t, he will. You have kids to take care
of.”

Mom nodded and
went off to pack a bag.

“You were so
brave tonight.” Gina wrapped me in her arms and stroked my hair. “You’re in
good hands now, you’re safe. Lou and I are going to go home now, we should talk
to Paul.”

I nodded. “Tell
him I’m sorry.”

“I will not.”
Gina shook her head. “There is nothing in this world you need to be sorry for.”

We didn’t get
to New York until three in the morning. We were all exhausted and crashed on
the beds they had set up. I didn’t wake up until after two in the afternoon the
next day and I moved through the motions of going downstairs to face everyone.
After eating some crackers I headed upstairs to take a shower again. I felt
like I couldn’t get clean enough.

The calls to
our cell phones started around four P.M and every time ‘DAD’ flashed across my
screen I jumped a little. I eventually turned off my phone. Two weeks went by
and the police stayed in touch with my mom.

I overheard Mom
telling my Aunt that Earl had called her friend Ellen, somewhere she frequently
went for tea. Ellen truly did not know where we were when he asked, and
obviously out of ideas of where we could be Earl huffed into the phone “Well,
Brooke must have said…”

“Brooke must
have said what?” Ellen had asked. Earl ignored her question and hung up the
phone.

I started to
get a flurry of text messages from people from school:

Brooke u ok? Ur dad came
into work 2day. Wanted to see where u were, where u at?

Are you ok? Haven’t heard from you. No one was at your
house

BROOKE CALL ME. YOU HAVENT BEEN AT SCHOOL FOR THREE
WEEKS.

I miss u. Its Judd im barrowing
chalkys phone. Text this # pelase. R u alive?

The police told
us not to answer any phone calls or texts and we weren’t allowed to let anyone
know where we were. Instead I had to listen to voicemails of Cristin and Judd
pleading with me to call them. They had no idea what was going on.

The only one
who did know was Paul, but I never heard from him. I hoped every time I heard my
phone go off it would be him asking how I was. Instead I got a text from
Cristin:

Pauls dating soccer chick Lea, since when?!? Seriously
CALL ME.

I shook my head
and turned off my phone. My aunt must have noticed me moping around and I wound
up telling her all about Paul and his mood swings and how he dumped me to date
one of the easiest girls in school.

“Did you guys,
you know?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Twice. He
wanted to more, but I didn’t, really. A lot was going on.”

Aunt Jean
nodded. “You know what though Brooke, he wouldn’t be a man if he didn’t
experience what a fake girl was like, you know? Let him have sex with other
people and when he comes crawling back to you make him fight for it a little.”
She winked and ruffled my hair. “You’re too pretty to be hung up on one guy
anyway.”

It made me feel
a little better, but I still wished he would text to see if I was okay. He was
the only one who had any idea I was even alive and I wanted his support too.

Another week
went by before the police told my mom that Earl was no longer allowed back at
the house and we could come back. We filed for a Protection from Abuse order
right when we got home to keep him out until they could gather more evidence. The
PFA meant that if he came anywhere near the house, school or work that we could
call the police and he would be arrested.

As we headed
back to Pennsylvania I tried to come up with reasons to tell everyone why I had
suddenly disappeared. I turned my phone on and was bombarded with six text
messages from Judd. I closed my eyes and smiled. At least someone was going to
be happy to see me.

“I bet you’re
excited to get back to school huh?” Mom chipped away at small talk as we
crossed the George Washington Bridge. The sun was just setting as the city
disappeared in the side view mirrors.

“Yea. Not
excited to catch up on all the work I missed. Especially chemistry.” I groaned
just thinking about it.

“Chemistry? I
didn’t know they offered classes like that in high school.”

“Yea.”

We were all
headed back to start a life we didn’t know how to live. With Earl out of the
picture everyone was going to have to adjust, make sacrifices and learn how to
grow as a family. I imagined us all sitting at the dinner table, laughing,
passing around a table full of food and talking about each other’s days.

“It’s going to
be hard to go back into that house though.” I said it nonchalantly and flipped
my phone open to see if Judd had texted me back.

“What do you
mean? Dad won’t be there.”

“I know. But the
memories are.” I shuddered picturing Earl in every room of the house. It was going
to be a hard adjustment to convince myself that he wasn’t coming back.

“Yea?”

“I don’t know,”
I started, “Don’t you think it would be nice if we sold the house, started
somewhere new?”

“Are you
kidding me? I love that house, it’s my dream house. I just lost everything and
now you want to talk about me selling the only thing I have left?”

Her
defensiveness alarmed me. “No, Mom. You didn’t lose everything. You still have
your kids. And it’ll be hard for us to heal in a place where all we think about
is him still being there. That’s all.” I meant to sound optimistic, like moving
into a new house would be a fresh start for everyone, even Mom.

“He won’t be
there Brooke, he’s gone. Who cares that he lived there, we can live there just
as happy.” She lit a cigarette and puffed on the end of it.

“Who
cares?
”
My voice was the one rising now. “Did you really just say that to me? I care!
How about I care that in every room of that house all I’ll get to think about
is how I was brutally raped or how I had to stand between him and one of my brothers
so he didn’t kill them.”

“No one asked
you to do that!”

“They didn’t
have to,” I bellowed back, “That’s just what you do when you love someone.”

“OH! So
now
I don’t love my own kids? This is my fault then?”