Spirit of the Wolf (21 page)

When she laughed, her whole body got involved. And when something saddened someone near her, it was apparent to anyone with eyes that she felt the pain, too, all the way down to her tiny-booted feet.

That day in the parlor, when she'd looked into his face, he realized she saw him as the man he'd always
wanted
to be. No need for a fancy suit or a Boston education. No need for lies and pretense or pretty words, not with his
darlin’
Bess. He'd only needed to be himself, and she seemed content.

She could read his moods by something as insignificant as a quirk of an eyebrow or the slant of his smile.
Chance
strongly suspected she could read his mind, too, for on more than one occasion she'd spoken aloud the very thoughts pinging in his head.

On that day, when she'd caught him staring at her family's portrait, she seemed to sense how alone he felt in this miserable world. Seemed to know how much he needed to feel that he belonged.
Chance
marveled at that, because until she'd dispensed her love, like warm, soothing salve,
he
hadn't even known he needed it
!
And without regard for appearance or propriety or her own desires, she gave what he needed. There, in her tender, feminine embrace, he felt at once sheltered and exposed, strong and weak, manly and boy-like. And more alive than he'd ever felt in his life.

Ah, but she was some kind of woman, that l
i'l gal whose head barely reache
d his
shoulders
.
He'd never had regrets about leaving places
or people
before, and he’d never be able to say that again.

He'd asked himself time and again since that day why he'd
whispered
those
w
ords.
But
when a thought
echoed in a man’s head
thousand times, wasn't it natural to say it out loud
,
at least once? He'd spent all of his adult life avoiding th
e phrase, yet that day, it had
rolled off his tongue so easily and so naturally, all he could do was hope they'd spilled out quietly enough that she hadn't heard them.

"What did you say?" she'd asked
.

He couldn't very well repeat it
. W
ouldn't have been fair to either of them.
Chance
would
rather die than cause her a moment's pain
, s
o he'd
tried
to conjure a similar-sounding phrase that
might
satisfy her
, and tried not to acknowledge that no matter
what he
did or didn’t say,
he'd
was about to experience a world of
hurt.

If she hadn't branded him with that loving, longing look as she traced his lips with her fingertips, creating a soft 'W',
Chance
might have summoned the strength to pull it off.
Unbeknownst to her, Bess summoned a happy boyhood memory.
"L
ook, Pa, a 'W', see?" And if his pa had been there, he’d seen that Bess had branded his
Chance
, as surely as the cowhands branded the Atwood livestock.
Her
intimate yet innocent gesture was the final hammer stroke to the already crumbling wall he'd built around his heart.

He'd watched her with the field hands, doling out instructions and admonitions and compliments with equal care. Had seen her minister to Matt on his sickbed
—and
to Mark, who'd stood fearfully nearby
—with
a maternal compassion he'd once believed reserved
only
for God's angels. He'd heard her soothe Micah's worries
, though
it should have been
the
father comforting
the
daughter in times of stress. The strength of her love was as much a part of Foggy Bottom as the strong board fences that embraced its beautiful
acres
.

He'd never let anyone see him cry, not since he'd buried his parents. Not even the threat of death by hanging had pushed him that far. But gazing into her eyes and seeing the purity of her love looking back at him woke emotions long asleep. And once awakened, those feelings boiled up and bubbled over like too hot stew. He'd never wanted anything in his life more than he wanted her
and her pure, unconditional love.

The grief that came from
admitting
he couldn’t have either h
it him like a tidal wave, so hard and fast that
Chance
hadn't had time to mask it.
So he'd gathered her close, closer
—
to hide his tears from her
?—and
rested his chin amid her mass of soft chestnut curls. "I'd better get back to work," he'd said, his voice gruff and hard from biting back a sob.
And
he'd
stiffly
away, without a backward glance or a by-your-leave.

He hadn't seen her since, but
soon learned
that
Bess Beckley was not a woman who would be avoided.

On the third morning after their kiss in the parlor, she sent Mark to the bunkhouse to deliver a large, overstuffed envelope to
Chance
. "You're to sort through it all," the boy explained, "and deliver the payments next time you go into town."

No surprise there
.
Chance
had often been 'Pony Express' to Foggy Bottom
creditor
s since taking over as foreman. Imagine his surprise when, tucked among the invoices, he found a neatly-folded sheet of ivory stationery
. Holding the reins with one hand, he slid it from his pocket and read her note again
:

"Dear
Chance
," he read,
"I realize you've been terribly busy, what with preparing for the harvest and all, but I couldn't leave for Philadelphia without saying goodbye. I hope you'll take proper care of yourself while I'm gone (so far this week, you've missed two dinners and two breakfasts), because I'd hate to come home and find you've keeled over from exhaustion. (I'll have enough work to catch up on without having to nurse
you
back to health!) I know if you could fit it into your schedule, you'd wish me a safe trip. And
that you’d
wish me good luck, too, in making a smart deal on Pa's behalf. So I thank you in advance for your thoughtful
ness and
well wishes, and wish you a productive harvest in return. I'm sure you know that you're always in my thoughts and prayers. (And I intend to think and pray even harder now that I know you're undernourished!) Believe it or not, I'm going to miss you a lot while I'm gone,
Chance
Walker!
And it was signed,
Just Plain Bess.

He chuckled
at her typically humorous yet inoffensive way of making the men in her life to
e
the line
. It felt good to be one of “the men in her life,” even if only for a short while longer
.

The steady
thump-thump
of Mamie's hooves meeting the
ground
kept time with his heartbeat
s
as he
repocketed the note.
By the position of the sun, he guessed it to be nearly eight in the morning. She'd been gone almost a week already, and had no doubt arrived in
Texas
by now.

Regret tugged at his heart. He wished he'd sent her off with a proper goodbye, for if he had, he'd have
that
kiss to recollect, too, as he drifted off to sleep each night.

H
e looked at the vastness of the Foggy Bottom horizon, with its gently rolling hills and pasturelands. Once, it had been a place of raw and natural beauty. Now, tamed by the powerful hand and determined will of man, Nature's acquiescence was evident.

And without Bess, the land seemed
even more
forlorn.

Chance
's image hovered in her mind. Oh, how she missed him! She'd done a lot of thinking since leaving the train station in Baltimore
, mostly about t
he look in
Chance
's crystal blue eyes that day in her parlor. Even if he hadn't whispered the words aloud, she'd have known that he loved her. She'd been around enough men
—grown
and those who wished they were
—to understand t
hat
they found
matters of the heart
near-
impossible to discuss, and
even
harder to admit.
Unintentional though it had been, it had been a mistake to ask him to
repeat
the words.

Bess sighed
with regret
, even while wondering what else could
she have done! The man she loved more than anyone in the world had just admitted that he loved
her
, too.
Wasn’t it only
natural
to want to hear them again, if for no other reason than to ensure he’d meant them?

"Things usually happen for the best," her mother used to say.
P
erhaps it had been for the best that
Chance
hadn't restated his proclamation. And maybe it had been best that she hadn't had a chance to return the words. Because, in truth, she wasn't absolutely certain he'd said 'I love you'...though it had certainly
sounded
like those
were the words he'd spoken....

Yes, it had been best that she hadn't seen him, hadn't had a chance to confess her feelings before leaving for Philadelphia. Because wouldn't she feel like the little fool if she professed her undying affection, only to have him exclaim he'd only been clearing his throat!

One way or the other, Bess
d
ecided
that
during her hours on the road,
she’d pray for the Lord’s guidance. And when she returned
to Foggy Bottom, she'd seek him out...whether he wanted to be found or not. One look into those wonderful eyes, and
God would help her k
now. She'd know without a doubt
if this was the man He’d chosen for her
.

Meanwhile, she'd enjoy the lovely memories of that sweet kiss in the parlor, and hope for the best.

***

He'd been at it since dawn. But no matter how physically demanding, the chores hadn't been enough to blot Bess from his brain. Hard work
and
singing, he discovered, lessened the chance that her pretty face would hover in his mind.

"
’
Oh, don't you remember,
’
" he crooned, "
’
a long time ago, there were three little children, their names I don't know....
’
"
The eerie tale had been put to music by his grizzled grandpa and, according to the gap-toothed old man, true to the very last word. As a young boy, the song had terrified
Chance
. Even now, fully a man, its story haunted him, because for
two children
to be stolen from its folks was about the scariest thing he could imagine.
But for them both to end up dead? Terrifying!

Ironic,
Chance
t
hought
,
that just like those innocent babes in the wood, no one knew what had become of
him
, either.

"
’
...they cried and they cried, how bitter they cried. The moon went down and the stars gave no light....
’
"
He could almost picture
them,
huddling in a teary embrace beneath the black, oppressive canopy of the forest.

"
’
...and when they were dead, the robins so red, took strawberry leaves and over them spread....
’
"
But
how
h
ad they died
?
Had they suffered at the hands of a madman
. H
ad exposure to the elements sucked the life from their frail bodies? Or had despondency caused them to simply lay down their heads and hand their innocent souls over to their Maker
to spare themselves a
nother bleak, frightening night, parentless in the dark woods?

"
’
...and sang a sweet song, all the day long. Poor babes in the woods, now you've heard my song.
’
"
He'd always hated the abrupt ending, and
once, a
sked his grandpa to think up a more satisfying conclusion. "
Can’t do that, boy,” Grandpa insisted, “’cause t
hat's the way it happened
. And squinting in the smoke produced by his corncob pipe, he’d added, “
Life ain't no fairy tale
. S
ometimes,
you don’t get a
happy ending."