Spoiled Secrets (2 page)

Demented Love

Love, L-O-V-E, when did our love change? 

When did it manifest from sane to insane?

I thought it was cemented in fatherly hugs and kisses, now it is demented with hugs, kisses and near misses.

What is demented Love?

I love you! I hate you! Don’t touch me! Touch me, please don’t stop.  I’m in heaven! I’m in hell!  I’ll kill you and I’ll kill HER if you ever tell!

Love, L-O-V-E, when did our love change? 

When did it manifest from sane to insane?

I thought it was cemented in fatherly hugs and kisses, now it is demented with hugs, kisses and near misses.

What is demented Love?

Sitting on your lap having tea parties as a small child, you staring at me telling me I’m your number one gal.  Mom standing back smiling at the both of us and turns to me with a silent plea for me to accept the love that should naturally be.

Love, L-O-V-E, when did our love change? 

When did it manifest from sane to insane?

I thought it was cemented in fatherly hugs and kisses, now it is demented with hugs, kisses and near misses.

What is demented Love?

How quick time pass.  I’m growing up pretty fast.  My reflection shows that I have slits, tits and yeah, womanly hips.  I’m only twelve, where did the time go?  I’m becoming a woman now.  I look in the mirror of the reflection of me to reveal the woman I will soon be.  I’m not quite there yet, but as I stare the reflection picks up your hungrily glare.

Love, L-O-V-E, when did our love change? 

When did it manifest from sane to insane?

I thought it was cemented in fatherly hugs and kisses, now it is demented with hugs, kisses and near misses.

What is demented Love?

The arms that used to hug and comfort me, now restrain and beat me!  The hands that used to wipe away my tears and vanquish my fears, now penetrate my young openings and instill fear in my young mind, to the point where I have no choice, but to bottle up my screaming voice.

I now ask YOU, Love, L-O-V-E, when did our love change?

Are you FUCKING INSANE?

Do I have to answer this, this question, because it’s pretty lame? It’s pretty obvious what the cause is and his name, like mine is…….

SHAME!

Chapter 2

Flashback

              “No other man will ever give you the pleasure I can.”

              “No!” I responded in a husky voice.

              “If you ever give yourself completely to another man, I’ll kill you.”

              His deep baritone voice vibrated my lips and traveled down to my toes.  He captured my lower lip between his teeth and bit down hard until I made a pained sound.  He loved that he could cause pain and pleasure.  In the back of my mind, I knew this was wrong.  I knew I should not feel for him as I did.  I should be screaming.  I should be screaming and telling everyone that would listen, what he has done to me. 
But…I can’t… I love him.
  He has made sure of that.

              He released my lip slowly, I gasped from the feel of it.  My breathing is heavy from the adrenaline coursing through my veins. 
I’m frightened…I’m horrified…I’m turned on…I hate him…I love him…GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!

              My hands are held above my head captured in one of his, I did not struggle though.  He has taught me not too. 
I want to run…I want to stay…Please don’t touch me…Please don’t stop…
  So many emotions in a matter of seconds, which one do I choose.  He plays me like the master pianist he is; he strokes my humanoid keys of perfection.  He has finely tuned his instrument over the years so each press, each stroke, each demanding strike of my keys brings forth harmonious groans of grandeur.  I cried out notes of pleasure as he drew my breast into his mouth.  He quickly covers my mouth with his hand.

              “Do you want to be punished?” He asked. 

              I could not speak -
so much guilt…so much pleasure
.  I was afraid of what might come out of my mouth if I said anything.  So, I shook my head.  He released his hold on my mouth.

              “
Didn’t I tell you before, NO noise?  You will be punished for your little outburst!
” he snarls in my ear.

              I panicked; I tried to close my legs.  I thought
Iron Grip, Chastity Belt
, maybe if I willed it enough it will be true.  I tried with all of my strength to close myself off too him.  But, he has always been much stronger.  I stopped fighting and opened myself to him.  If I continued on my quest to stop him I will make the punishment much worse.  So, I lay there exposed and shivering, wondering what punishment this sick fuck will come up with this time. 

              I lay there willing myself to show no fear.  He looks down at me with a glint in his eyes.  He looks at me as if I were the doe and he be the hunter. 

              “You defiant little
BITCH
!”

              He’s mad! Maybe, I should have shown the fear.  Maybe, I’m being too arrogant by facing him.
Fix it Amber…Fix it!

              “What did I do?  I’m sorry…I won’t make any more noise.  Please, please let’s just finish.”

              “Let’s just finish.  I tell you when I’m done, not the other way around.” He says in a hushed chuckle. 

              We watched each other for what seems like forever. I knew it was only seconds that passed, the anticipation of his crazed reaction made it feel much longer though. 
I was terrified
.  He released my hands that were trapped above my head.  Could he be done with me?  I began to move in order to rearrange myself.  He allowed me to close myself to him.  He gracefully slid off the bed, his eyes never loosing contact with mine, not even for a second.  He watched me…No, he stalked me.  He watched every minute movement I made because that’s what a lethal predator does.

              “Are you comfortable?”  He asked. 

              “No, not really.”  I say tartly. 

              He raised his eyebrow as if to say, “
Oh, you want to be a smart ass now?”
He bends down by his clothing.  Still, his eye contact did not waiver.  My stomach twisted, my breathing sped up. 

              I broke eye contact for a quick second.  I wanted to know…no, I had to know what he was retrieving from the floor.  I slowly drag my eyes down his nakedness until I reached his hands.  In the left hand, he held a sock.  In the right hand, he held his belt. 

              “What…what are you doing?”  I say frantically.  I gathered the covers around me as if it were some magical shield. 

              “This is your punishment.”  He said with a smile on his face. 

              He advanced on me like a raging bull.  He moved so fast!  One minute, I was shaking huddled in my cover thinking this sexual escapade was over.  The next minute, my hands are tied together, strapped to my headboard and I’m being gagged with a sock. 

              “You can’t make noise now!  Open for me!” He demands of me. 

              I want to run… but, where too?  I want to tell… but, tell who?  I’m perfect, beautiful,
Amber Wallace
!  I am the daughter of a world renowned heart specialist and the towns prominent Lawyer.  I have everything anyone could
ever
dream of, a big beautiful house, family vacations, the only child.  Heaven forbid, I’m 18 years old, a senior in high school; I am an honor roll student.  I drive a
Jaguar
to school every day.  Who would believe that perfect Amber has it this ruff? 
Nobody, that’s who!
 

              I have no other choice, I am reduced to do the only thing I could do.  The only thing I’ve been trained to do, since I was 12 years old.  I opened myself to him.  I opened my legs wide so that he could get a good look at my glory.  I could struggle, I could have tried to scream, but why?  I tried the screams and the struggles for almost six months when it first started. Look where it has gotten me.

              NOWHERE!!!

              Like he said, I will love him and…I do.  It’s a sick love, a demented love, but its love non-the-less.  What’s that saying: “
It’s a thin line between love and hate.”
  I hate him with every morsel of my soul, but no matter how strongly I will myself to hate….a small part of me still loves.  So, I
surrender
. 

              “Do you want the rest of your punishment?” 

              Without the use of sound I nod my head.  He lowers his mouth down to my breast and captures my nipple between his teeth.  He bites me hard enough that tears well up and threatened to overflow their banks.  I will
not
give him the satisfaction of my tears, I tell myself.  He released the pressure and suckles my nipple as if I were his first drink in days.  His hand travels down my body until he finds my opening.

              “You want me?” 

              I did not respond to the question.  Do I want him?  No…Yes…How am I supposed to feel?  I’m supposed to hate him…But, I don’t…not entirely…he is my father.  It’s encoded in our DNA, that all children love their parents. 

              Aren’t all little girls from birth expected to love their daddies? 
Go give your daddy a kiss.  Go give your daddy a hug.  Go sit on daddy’s lap.  You’re daddy’s little girl.  Where is the warning label that list your daddy’s potential flaws?  What could a little girl do if she gets a defective daddy, one that take liberties when there should be none?  Where is the disclaimer for my defective daddy….I had none!  Where was my speech from my mommy, telling me that my daddy was not supposed to touch me there?  Where was the speech that said, the touches are deceptive and you
most definitely
will feel pleasure there? 

             
Does that make me as sick as him?  Am I as much to blame for these encounters as he is?

              I was brought back from my inner debate by a suddenness of pain.  I knew what he was capable of; I should not have kept him waiting.  He shoved not one, not two, not three, but all four fingers inside of me, to the knuckle joints.  The tears that I desperately tried to hold back could not be held any longer.  After I clearly gave the reaction that he was seeking, he withdrew from my body.  Next, the sock was removed, but I remained bound.  My role tonight is to be the character he has taught me to be…his submissive lover.  

              “Will you answer my questions now or will you continue to make noise?”

              “Yes…No.”  I responded in a choked voice.

              “Yes…No. What are you saying yes too and which question is no, Amber?”  Smiling, he asked his question.

              “Yes, I will answer your questions.  No, I will not make noise.  I will only make noise if you want me too.” 

              “Good Girl!”  He lowered himself on me.  He slowly, gently glided his shaft into my opening.  My legs naturally wound around his waist.

              “Good Girl!  You know what daddy likes. 
You know what daddy wants.
”  He said in a strained voice. 

              “Yesss!”  This was my only response. 

              How could I not, know what he wants?  How could I not, know what he likes?  He beat and choked his likes and dislikes in me the whole six months of my futile fighting and screaming fits. 

              He, like me, knew my likes and dislikes.  He slowly, gently glided his shaft in and out of me.  He rode my body at this slow pace until my breathing sped up.  He knew I was close, so close.  He released his grip on my waist and replaced his hand over my mouth. His pace started to pick up, he was pounding my body relentlessly.  There were no more gentle strokes, the time has passed. 

              “Come for me!”  His voice was crazed and strained. 

              His hand tightened across my mouth.  Just his words made me explode.  My inner muscles clenched him tight inside of me.  He was my prisoner, he was at my mercy.  My scream of release was muffled by his hand over my mouth.  His guttural release followed soon after. 

              Afterwards, I lay here wishing he would hurry and extract himself from my room.  I’m in need of a shower.  It’s essential that I remove his scent from my skin.  As I lay here, with the guilt of this sexcapade riding me strongly, I start to pick myself apart once again.  My body is as treacherous and deceptive as the bastard lying next to me. 
How could I enjoy this
? 
How could my body enjoy this
?  I have come to the conclusion that I am as sick as he is. 

              I’m-Going-To-Hell!!!