Stalking the Unicorn: A Fable of Tonight (26 page)

"You've heard of it before?” asked Mürgenstürm.

"Heard of what?"

"The Old Abandoned Warehouse,” replied the elf. “That's where we are."

Mallory put his hands on his hips and looked at The Old Abandoned Warehouse. It took up almost a block, and seemed to be made entirely of gray aluminum siding. He could discern only one door, though he assumed that there were numerous truck docks around the corner. There were five windows scattered across the front of the building; four were dark, but there was a diffused yellow light piercing the fog from the fifth.

"You're right on time, Mürgenstürm,” said a deep voice, and Mallory turned to find himself facing a huge, blue-skinned man in a purple sharkskin suit, light blue shirt, violet tie, and navy blue shoes and socks. He stood just under seven feet tall, and weighed in the vicinity of 500 pounds. “Who's this guy with you?"

"His name's Mallory,” said the elf. “He's okay. I vouch for him."

"Who's your friend?” Mallory asked Mürgenstürm.

"The Prince of Whales. He owns the warehouse."

"I thought you were supposed to come alone,” said the Prince of Whales.

"He's my bodyguard,” replied the little elf.

The Prince of Whales glared at Mallory for a moment, then shrugged. “He ain't gonna do you much good against the Grundy. But what the hell—it's no skin off my ass. Go on in."

"Thank you,” said Mürgenstürm.

The elf walked up to the door and opened it, and Mallory followed him into the interior of The Old Abandoned Warehouse. The place was filled with row upon row of free-standing shelving units, each holding treasures stolen from the detective's Manhattan: costume jewelry, old pulp magazines in plastic bags, kitchen appliances, rubber tires, canned dog and cat food, stereo and videotape equipment, furs, and even some stoneware. Where the shelves stopped, the area was cluttered with huge packing cases containing everything from television sets to self-propelled lawn mowers.

Mürgenstürm turned to his right and walked up to the building's office. The blinds were drawn, but Mallory could tell that the light was on, and he assumed it was the same one he had seen from outside.

The little elf opened the door cautiously.

"Hi, partner!” said a high-pitched, smirking voice. “I'm so glad you could make it."

Mallory stepped through the doorway and found himself in a large office, some twenty feet on a side. A number of chairs lined one wall, facing a desk that dominated the other side of the room. Seated behind the desk was a leprechaun.

"Mr. Mallory, I presume?” he said with an unpleasant grin.

"And you must be Flypaper Gillespie,” said Mallory.

Gillespie nodded. “We meet at last."

"Where are my friends?” demanded Mallory.

"I don't know who you're talking about."

"Eohippus and Winnifred Carruthers."

"Never heard of them,” said Gillespie, still grinning.

Mallory walked to the office door.

"Where are you going, Mr. Mallory?” demanded the leprechaun.

"To take a look around."

"For your friends?"

"Possibly you overlooked them,” said Mallory with a grim smile.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Why not?"

"Because it would make me unhappy,” said Gillespie. “I do bad things when I'm unhappy."

"You're breaking my heart,” said Mallory, reaching for the doorknob.

"I meant what I said, Mr. Mallory,” said Gillespie, opening a drawer. He pulled out something familiar and set it atop the desk.

Mallory stared at the tiny figure for a moment.

"Eohippus?” he said at last.

The horse whinnied a weak acknowledgment.

"But you're two inches smaller than you were!” exclaimed Mallory.

"That's because I keep doing
this
to him,” giggled Gillespie, whacking the horse sharply in the middle of the back with a plastic ruler. “Now get away from the door—or I'll beat your little pet here until he's so small that he vanishes right in front of your eyes."

Mallory glared at the leprechaun, then slowly walked back to the opposite side of the office.

"Where is Colonel Carruthers?” he demanded.

"I don't believe I'm going to tell you,” said Gillespie happily. “When I get tired of whipping the horse, I'm going to start on
her.
"

"Unless I start on
you,
” said Mallory ominously.

"Lay a finger on me and you'll never see Carruthers again—and
nobody
will ever see the ruby,” said Gillespie with a confident laugh. He turned to Mürgenstürm. “Well, little green partner, how's life been treating you today?"

"You are a despicable creature!” said Mürgenstürm.

"You ain't seen nothing yet,” said the leprechaun. “Sit down."

"I'd rather stand,” said the elf.

"But
I'd
rather you didn't,” said Gillespie.

Mürgenstürm sighed and climbed onto a chair.

"You, too,” snapped Gillespie to Mallory.

"No, thanks,” said Mallory, leaning against a wall.

"We'll see about that!” said Gillespie, picking up the plastic ruler again.

"You touch the horse and I'll tear your arm right off your body,” said Mallory softly.

"Hah!” said Gillespie. “You're hardly in a position to tell
anyone
what to do! You need the ruby worse than any of them!"

"That's true,” agreed Mallory. “But if you lay a finger on Eohippus, you're going to be a one-armed auctioneer."

Gillespie stared at him for a long moment, then put the tiny horse back into the desk drawer.

"You're going to regret talking like that to me!” he hissed. “I promise you that."

"Cut the bullshit and start the auction,” said Mallory. “You're not scaring anyone."

"When the Grundy gets here."

Mallory checked his wristwatch. “It's three-thirty-two. Obviously the Grundy isn't interested in what you have to sell."

"
I'll
be the judge of that, if you don't mind,” said a deep, rich voice to his right.

Mürgenstürm whimpered in terror, and Mallory turned to see a strange being standing a few feet away from him. He was tall, a few inches over six feet, with two prominent horns protruding from his hairless head. His eyes were a burning yellow, his nose sharp and aquiline, his teeth white and gleaming, his skin a bright red. His shirt and pants were of crushed velvet, his cloak satin, his collar and cuffs made from the fur of some white polar animal. He wore gleaming black gloves and boots, and he had two rubies suspended from his neck on a golden necklace. When he exhaled, small clouds of vapor emanated from his mouth and nostrils.

"Well,” said Gillespie, breaking the silence, “I believe all the interested parties are present. Mallory, have you met the Grundy?"

"Indirectly,” said Mallory, recalling his confrontation with the gorilla in the museum.

The Grundy gazed at him. “You've made a serious error in judgment coming here, Mr. Mallory. You are involving yourself in matters that are none of your concern."

"I'm a non-participant,” said Mallory. “If you want to get mad at someone, get mad at the guy who double-crossed you,” he added, jerking a thumb in Gillespie's direction.

"His turn will come, never fear,” promised the Grundy with conviction.

"But not until you get the ruby,” grinned Gillespie. “And you ain't getting nothing until I'm long gone and safely hidden."

The Grundy paid him no attention, but turned to Mürgenstürm. “And after
his
turn,
yours.
"

Mürgenstürm opened his mouth to reply, but he was shaking so badly that no words came forth.

The Grundy returned his attention to Gillespie. “I sense another presence."

Gillespie took Eohippus out of the drawer, held him up for the Grundy to see, and then put him back.

"All present and accounted for,” he grinned. “And now, gents, I think we'll start the auction."

"Two hundred balls of string!” shouted Mürgenstürm.

"That's not even a nice floor for the bidding,” said Gillespie. “It's more like a sub-basement."

"Three hundred balls, and complete runs of
Playboy
and
Penthouse
!” replied the elf.

"Grundy, you're being awfully quiet,” said the leprechaun. “Did you come all this way not to bid?"

The Grundy stared at Gillespie, two thin streams of vapor drifting out of his nostrils and obscuring almost all of his face, except for his luminous yellow eyes.

"I offer you a swift, painless death for your transgressions,” he said at last.

"That's not much of an offer,” said Gillespie, obviously unfrightened.

"You are selling something that doesn't belong to you."

Gillespie chuckled. “If it belonged to anyone, it belonged to the unicorn, and he's past caring about it now.” He stared directly into the Grundy's eyes. “And you can stop threatening me. You're not going to touch a perfect hair of my beautiful head until you've got your hands on the ruby.” He looked over at the detective. “Mallory, how about you? You want to make a bid?"

Mallory shook his head.

"Well, Grundy, how about it? Or do I turn the ruby over to the elf here?"

"To my initial bid, I will add the sum of one million dollars, and allow you a reasonable amount of time to enjoy it before I kill you."

"How much is that in beer and ice cream cones?"

"You figure it out,” said the Grundy coldly.

"Mürgenstürm?"

"Five hundred balls of string, and I'll throw in a run of
Hustler.
"

"And a giraffe,” said Gillespie.

"A giraffe?” asked Mürgenstürm. “Why?"

"I've always wanted one."

"And a giraffe,” said the elf with a sigh.

"That still doesn't come to a million bucks,” said Gillespie. “What can we add to it?” Suddenly he smiled. “I have it! Kill Mallory for me."

"I can't!” protested Mürgenstürm.

"Do you want the ruby or not?” said the leprechaun.

"But—"

"That's my new minimum bid!” screamed Gillespie. “You don't make it and you're out of the running!"

"Right now?"

"That would be premature,” grinned Gillespie, “You only have to kill him if you win."

Mürgenstürm turned to Mallory. “I'm sorry, John Justin,” he said, “but I've
got
to have that ruby!” He turned back to Gillespie and nodded.

"Well, now we're getting somewhere!” said the leprechaun happily. “Have I encouraged you to enter the bidding, Mallory?"

"Not even a little bit,” replied the detective.

"Maybe you'd change your mind if I took another inch or two off your pet."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you,” said Mallory.

"My oh my!” smirked Gillespie. “All of these people threatening to kill poor little old me!” His smirk changed instantly into a contemptuous frown. “And not a one of you with the guts to do it! What a delightful situation!"

"You heard me,” said Mallory.

"Don't forget who has the ruby, asshole!” snarled the leprechaun. He took Eohippus out of the drawer and picked up the ruler.

"Quick!” shouted Mallory. “Is she in the building?"

"Yes!” said Eohippus, as Gillespie began to bring the ruler down across his back.

"That's all I wanted to know."

Before anyone could stop him, Mallory pulled out his pistol, aimed it at Gillespie, and pulled the trigger. The leprechaun flew backward off the desk, a bullet lodged between his eyes.

"NO!"
screamed the Grundy.

"My God, John Justin!” cried Mürgenstürm. “What have you done?"

"I've eliminated some vermin,” replied Mallory calmly, as he put the pistol back in his pocket. “Nothing more."

"Fool!” screamed the Grundy, flames leaping from his mouth. He pointed an arrow-sharp finger at Mallory. “You meddling fool! It was within my grasp, and now I've lost it!"

He uttered a mystic word, and suddenly a huge fireball appeared in his hand. “Prepare yourself for the smell of burning flesh, the melting of teeth and bones, the excruciating agony of the inferno!"

"Throw that at me and you'll never see the ruby again,” said Mallory.

The demon froze. “Speak quickly!” he commanded.

"Gillespie didn't have it.” Mallory tapped his chest with his thumb. “
I
do."

"He's lying!” said Mürgenstürm. “I know where he's been every minute since he got here!"

The Grundy glared at Mallory. “Answer his charge."

"Gladly,” said the detective. “Since Gillespie didn't know what the ruby could do, it stood to reason that he killed Larkspur because it was easier to hide a stone than a unicorn. He knew that all of us were turning the city upside down looking for him, so he hit upon the one place where it would be safe until after the auction."

"Where?” demanded the Grundy.

"My office,” replied Mallory. “As long as I was here, in this Manhattan, that was the perfect place for it.” He paused. “I finally figured it out when I found my coffee mug in his room. I'd been drinking from it just before I came here—which meant that Gillespie had paid a visit to my office
after
I'd left it. He could only have had one reason for that: to hide the ruby."

"It makes sense,” admitted Mürgenstürm.

"Silence, worm!” snapped the Grundy, and Mürgenstürm looked like he was about to faint.

"Of course,” added Mallory, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, “it's not there any longer. I had Felina get it while I was at the Missing Persons Bureau.” He looked at the Grundy. “And, believe me, if with all your powers you couldn't find Gillespie, you sure as hell aren't going to be able to find
her."

"You are a shrewd man, Mallory,” admitted the Grundy. “Where is it now?"

"In a safe place,” Mallory assured him. “And now, gentlemen,” he concluded with a smile, “if you still want the stone, you're going to have to deal with
me.
"

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3:43 AM-4:11 AM

"What do you want for it?” asked Mürgenstürm.

"My needs are a little different from Flypaper Gillespie's,” replied Mallory. “For starters, I want my friends freed and safely away from here before we even start talking."