Star Wars Journal - Hero for Hire by Han Solo (7 page)

Sai’da:
Oh, dear. I thought we
had
reached an understanding, Mr. Solo. I have offered you my limited assistance. You are offering me knowledge of history that will influence the galaxy. You are offering me insight into the ways in which individual lives and choices affect this history. I no longer know how to explain my intent.

Han:
I know your intent, Sai’da, I really do. But let me be perfectly honest, okay? Here’s the deal: As much as I’m enjoying hearing myself talk, what I’m really after is a little more information from you. As I said, maybe I can trust you. I’m starting to think so. But time’s passing and I still don’t know what’s happened to Leia. I’m not thinking her chances are much better than mine of surviving this demented resort. So, now it’s your turn again: Could you just tell me exactly where Leia is?

Sai’da:
Give me a moment, please, to meditate.

Han:
Meditate? Fine. Whatever hocus-pocus you’ve got, use it.

Sai’da:
She is with Jabba, not locked away like you. That is all I know.

Han:
Is that supposed to be good news? Let me tell you, being a beautiful woman is no protection from Jabba’s temper. I couldn’t exactly see or hear what was going on while I was in carbonite, but sometimes a Jabba moment would penetrate my little dream world. None of the moments were good and most of them were violent.

Sai’da:
Mr. Solo, let’s go over this again. Even if we were to go to Leia, how do you propose to rescue her? I am not accustomed to such attempts, but it seems to me a blind man, a Wookiee, and a monk would be no match for Jabba’s armed men. And I am opposed to violence in any case. Remember, I have agreed to secure a map for you.

Han:
I wasn’t asking for armed support, my friend. Maybe I was just exploring my emotional life. The longer I sit here and the stronger I feel, the angrier I get. I don’t know what to do when I can’t take action.

It’s hard to believe that talking is the only thing that’s going to help me, but maybe it is.

Just give me a minute, okay?

Where was I, anyway?

Sai’da:
I believe you were discussing your disagreement with Chewbacca over his desire to assist the Rebels.

Han:
All right. Not that I like talking about our first real argument.

Chewbacca:
Rarrghhh!

Han:
Don’t get all apologetic on me, pal. You had your point of view and, as we both know, it turned out to be a good one. It was just a rough place to be, zipping through space, feeling alone, staring out at the long, dark tunnel of time. Whoa. I’m getting too poetic for my own good.

All this talk is going to turn me from a fighter into a philosopher if I don’t watch it.

So anyway, Chewie and I disagreed. I don’t think I’d ever heard my pal quite so eloquent. He was talking about the Wookiee code. How we’d saved each other. And that meant we were obligated to each other and some such thing. Chewie was emotional. Loyalty kept coming up.

And seeing Darth Vader had thrown him for a loop, too. He was taking sides with the good guys. I mean, he was thinking the Rebels probably didn’t believe in slavery. Good guess, actually.

You think you know a person. I thought Chewbacca was low key and just along for the ride. And then he gives this lecture on Wookiee theology. It blew my mind, to tell the truth.

Finally Chewie just sat there quietly looking at his big Wookiee feet like he didn’t even know me. I couldn’t convince him to agree with me. I knew he would stick with me, but that’s different from seeing my point of view. I didn’t like my main pal being unhappy with me.

I kept thinking of things I didn’t want to think about.

Sai’da:
For example?

Han:
You like hearing about the hard stuff, don’t you?

Well, I was mostly thinking about the kid and the princess. They were both equal parts torment and, well, something a lot nicer. And about the old man dying like he did, sacrificing his life for a reason I didn’t comprehend. Everything was starting to bother me: the Imperial forces, Darth Vader. Something was closing in on me and I didn’t like it one bit.

And my best buddy was no help at all. He just made it worse by sitting there like some silent judge. Like he pitied me.

Sai’da:
What was closing in on you?

Han:
A feeling of no escape!

I’m not used to making decisions about anybody but me. It works better that way. Or it used to. I told you I’m not an introspective kind of guy. And when I am, as you’ve noticed, it tends to upset me. I prefer action.

Sai’da:
You’ve seen a lot of action in the galaxy, Mr. Solo. It’s strange, isn’t it? I am accustomed to inactivity and thinking. My life would be very difficult for you. And conversely, even the thought of as much action as you have accomplished makes me quite nervous.

Han: Yeah, but here we are locked up together anyway. And I’m the one having to do all the thinking and talking. Kind of a bad deal, if you ask me.

Sai’da: And I am the one responsible for smuggling notes and securing you a map. I, too, am out of my element.

Han:
Weird, huh. I guess we’re having an influence on each other whether we like it or not.

Sai’da: Yes. I believe this will be my first real adventure.

Han:
And this is definitely my first recorded history. What are you using anyway?

Sai’da:
A data pad. I believe I am the only monk in my order to have one. A gift. But that is another story.

Shall we return to the Han Solo story again?

Han:
Sure. If I can’t create any action around here, I might as well be talking about when I could.

Han:
We brought the Falcon down on the moon on the far side of Yavin. It was a welcome sight. Something about all the green and trees made you feel you might be human again. Ever notice that the smell of a forest is an antidote to pretty much anything that ails you? I guess not, stuck here on Tatooine, the dustbin of the galaxy.

Anyway, the Rebel base was a huge stone temple cut into this massive green, jungle landscape. It was pretty impressive for a makeshift operation. I wasn’t expecting such high-class technology in the middle of nowhere.

You know what else surprised me? That the Rebels were so numerous. They must have been recruiting all over the galaxy. Last time I heard, there were just bands of them here and there. They were supposedly more about making a point than actually threatening anyone. Not that this bunch was exactly a match for the Death Star. But then, nothing was a match for that thing.

The base was like a giant insect hive with people running around and preparing for action.

As soon as we got to the base, the Commander and Leia started to talk. He tried to express his worry. I mean, Alderaan had been blown to nowhere, and he was fearing the worst. But she wasn’t having any of it.

You know, maybe this sounds self-absorbed—no surprise—but it just hadn’t occurred to me that Leia had lost her home. Worse, she’d watched it be destroyed. But she didn’t want to talk about it with the Commander. She just wanted to get on with the struggle against the Empire.

I’ll tell you, it takes guts to keep going when you’ve lost practically everything. She wasn’t looking for any sympathy or expecting special treatment. She didn’t shed a tear. I kept looking at her. I was impressed. Okay, more than that. It made me feel, ahhh, you know, tender toward her.

I was a regular battle station of emotions about that woman. Luke, too, for that matter. I never worked so hard to not like two people in my life.

I just wanted to be me again. Get my money. Pay Jabba. Find some work. Not worry about anybody or anything. And I tried. You can’t say I didn’t try.

We’d barely said our sweet hellos before they had Artoo plugged into the main computer to download the Death Star’s technical readouts. It didn’t look good. The Death Star had a defensive system that looked invincible.

Nothing was looking good except my reward. It turns out they didn’t have much to pay me with except precious metal. And they didn’t want to part with that, I can tell you. But they kept their word.

I think there were those in the Alliance who wanted to send us packing empty-handed. But Luke and Leia knew how to honor their word, at least. I could get good profit out of that metal. Plus, I figured they wouldn’t be needing it once the Death Star arrived. I had a grim outlook on the Rebels’ destiny. I wanted out quick.

Luke wasn’t about to give up on me though. I guess he figured we’d continue our happy little family unit. He wanted me to be a hero. He still hadn’t figured out that I wasn’t fighting for some big cause; I was fighting for me and Chewbacca.

Luke followed me to the washroom and spoke Ben’s name like it had supernatural power or something. How Ben thought there was more to me than I wanted to admit. Like that was going to impress me so much I’d say, “Oh, wonderful, now I’ll be a fool like the rest of you and sit here and wait for the end of the world as I know it.” Right.

You know, Sai’da, this wasn’t about courage. I’ve got enough guts for twenty guys. And that’s not bragging. I’ve proved my stuff. I wasn’t about to take up a cause I hadn’t chosen and do something stupid. You don’t plop yourself in front of a blaster unarmed, if you know what I mean. Even a fool knows there’s a difference between courage and suicide.

Now, Luke, all he could think about was causes and courage. He’d gone and volunteered to be a pilot. A pilot. The kid was barely off the farm! And the Alliance was willing to give him a plane and a ticket to oblivion. And he wanted me to join him. Flattered me with how they needed good, experienced pilots. Oh, I’m good all right. But I’m smart, too.

When he started talking to me about giving my life some meaning, I went for my reward and my life. Luke’s about to be blown to the outer reaches of the galaxy and he’s wanting to discuss the meaning of life. Give me a break.

Well, I didn’t get much of a break because here comes the princess. She doesn’t give you much of a chance to keep feeling tender toward her. I’d had my discussion with the kid, so I kept it short with her. I just said, “No,” to every plea and insult.

I did add that maybe she could do Luke a favor and keep him from dying a young death. I knew she was the only one who could keep him grounded. But what was the difference, really? That would be just as dangerous. It was just a matter of choosing how to go—by land or by air. There was no stopping the Death Star.

Chewbacca managed to keep his thoughts to himself.

Chewbacca:
Bowraakk!

Han:
I know, Chewie, it was hard to disagree with me and keep it to yourself. And you were trying to stand by me—in a very subdued kind of way.

I was curious though about what kind of cross-eyed plan they would come up with to attack the space station. So, I sat in on the briefing. At first, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

This guy, Dodonna, said the only way to destroy the Death Star was to send small one-man fighters in. That the Imperials were prepared for a full frontal assault, but not the one-man jobs. That was their only weakness. Maybe a fighter could penetrate their defense.

Actually, when I thought about it, the plan made some sense to me. You know how you’re all preoccupied with the big thing in front of you and then something little comes along and knocks you for a loop? It’s always about what you don’t see coming.

So, there they were, all these misfit Rebels, suited up and intent, listening to Dodonna’s one-chance scenario. They would have to approach this monstrous orb in their midget fighters. They would have to skim along a narrow trench on the surface in search of a two-meter-wide exhaust port. And, at high speed, drop a proton torpedo down it.

Ultimately, I wasn’t buying it.

Those pilots were ready to do their duty, but they looked stunned, like they knew it was an impossible task. There was no small amount of grumbling. Except Luke, who was bragging about bull’s-eyeing womp rats on Tatooine. Yeah, this was going to be some fun summer day just like back on the farm. I’m tellin’ you, the kid thinks he’s invincible.

Anyway, Leia was right about the Imperial forces having us tagged. They tracked us to Yavin and were moving in for their final day of glory—the destruction of the Rebellion. Not that I wanted to think too much about it.

Chewie and I went back to load up the
Millennium Falcon
with the reward that was going to save us from oblivion. Luke came by to harass me one more time. Sure, I was feeling pretty weird about seeing him off to his death and me doing nothing about it. But I didn’t let on that anything was on my mind. My smart mouth kept working despite my conflict.

I offered to let him come with me. I said I could use a good fighter. Which seemed to disgust him even more. He finally left, but not before I found myself saying, and of all things, meaning it: “May the Force be with you.” It just kind of popped out. I don’t know. Luke had that warrior’s glow you read about in the ancient histories. It made me want to say something decent to him.

Then Chewie starts in with his looks again. He wasn’t going to let up on me yet. Money right there in his hands and he’s ready to walk away from it. A Chewie I’d never seen before.

Actually, I wasn’t exactly myself either. It was like I was two people with different ideas about what to do. The old me that knew how to take care of myself was having an argument with some new guy who wanted to be a hero or something.

So, I ended this conversation I was having with myself and started watching all these kids and ragtag pilots climbing into their fighters. They were ready for their suicide mission, pumped up. Even Artoo looked excited being plopped into the back of Luke’s X-wing. His buddy Threepio was trying to stay calm and be of some use to the princess. I was so keyed up I was imagining an emotional life for the droids. You can’t help but do that sometimes.

It’s funny how there’s never a right way to say good-bye to people.

I was hanging back like some shadow creature so Leia couldn’t give me her princess stare. But I was watching and listening to the beginning of the attack on the Death Star. I was imagining the shock of our pilots when they first spotted that enormous space station.