Stardust Miracle (23 page)

“We had the same grandmother.” Elsa looked from one to the other. “Your mother and I were cousins.”

Sarah’s mouth gaped, and Becky was sure hers was doing the same thing. “I’m...delighted.” Becky said. “And kind of mystified about the secrecy. I would’ve loved to have known you as a kid.”

“I lived in California.”

“California isn’t the end of the world,” Sarah said.

Becky nodded. “Was it because of Dad? Is that why didn’t you tell us earlier?”

“There’s a...history in our family.” She smiled. “I promised not to tell you.”

“But you’re telling us now.”

“Only part of it. And you’re adults now.” She looked from Sarah to Becky and her smile straightened. “One of the two people I made the promise to is no longer on this earth. I think now she would want me to tell you that there’s a family connection.”

“Our mom,” Becky said.

“And the other one?” Sarah’s voice came out in a whisper. 

Elsa looked at her sadly. “The other one may not be acting in your best interests.”

“I can guess who that is.” Becky frowned. “I don’t see how Dad’s acting in his own best interests, either. I don’t get it.”

“He’s acting out of fear. Fear is never a good place to be. Not for anyone.”

Meeting Sarah’s frowning gaze, Becky saw the same confusion she guessed must be in her face. What was it that their father feared?

“You’ve been crying,” Elsa said. “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with you?”

Becky shared another long look with Sarah. Elsa leaned forward and touched her arm lightly. “That’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”

As if Elsa had turned on a switch, Becky poured out the pathetic tale of her paucity of eggs. All these years she hadn’t talked to anyone but Sarah about it – and Sarah only recently. Her father had emphasized that she and Jim must come to the parishioners from a place of strength. Jim had bought into her father’s viewpoint, though she privately questioned it, thinking her own troubles would make her more empathetic to the congregation.

But who had she been to argue with these two leaders of the community? Both older than her. Both so secure in who they were.

The only thing Becky had been sure about was that she needed to try her best to deserve their respect. Try to deserve everyone’s respect. Even if it felt like she was burying her true self.

Talking about her desire for a baby, and her disappointment now was actually a relief.

Her true self was bursting into life now. She’d told herself she wouldn’t cry, but she lied. More tears welled up in her eyes.

Sarah held one of her hands, Elsa the other. Becky sniffed and let go of Sarah’s hand to grab a napkin and dab it at her cheeks, blinking back more tears.

Enough tears. Enough self-pity. Enough sadness.

“You’d make a wonderful mother,” Elsa said.

“I know.” Becky shrugged, as if it didn’t matter, as if tears weren’t threatening to swim out of her eyes again and dive down her face.

“Do you care if it’s not your egg?” Elsa asked.

Sarah gasped and brought up both hands over her breastbone. “I never thought of that. After I have the baby, I can donate eggs to you.” Her voice rose with excitement. “On my next check-up, I’ll ask about it.”

“I had my eggs harvested years ago.” Elsa stared into Becky’s eyes with a curious intensity. “I never used them for myself, but I couldn’t bring myself to let them go.”

She paused, and Becky held her breath, her heart thumping in her chest as she waited to see what Elsa would say next.

Waited and while she did, hope began to grow.

Chapter Thirty-seven

“I’d be happy to give you whatever you need,” Elsa said.

“I’m her sister,” Sarah said. “I should do it.”

“And I’m a second cousin.” Elsa leaned forward, her gaze intent on Becky, as if she were focused on convincing her. “We share genes. When I was your age, I looked a lot like you.” Then she turned to Sarah, her shoulders more relaxed. “Besides, it’s pricey and the procedure isn’t very comfortable. I’m not sure what the costs for egg harvesting are now, but I believe it’s over ten thousand dollars.”

Sarah sat back, then forward again, turning to Becky, her chin mulish – mirroring a look she’d gotten from their father. She opened her mouth, and Becky held out her hand, stopping her from arguing.

“Save your money for Cody’s college fund.”

“He might be a picker.”

Becky lowered her hand. “Then you can start him out with a hefty down payment for a new truck.”

“You have an answer for everything.”

“Of course. I’m your older sister.” Becky turned to Elsa and opened her mouth to thank her...

And the room filled with sparkles. So bright, so radiant, it was hard to see anything else. Hundreds, no thousands of sparkles. Tiny twinkling stars filled Sarah’s kitchen. Filled it with possibilities. With magic. With
miracles
.

Becky gasped. Awe filled her. Pure awe. 

The sparkles blinked out, leaving Becky gawking at a plain kitchen with a white refrigerator covered with pictures of Cody’s drawings. But in her mind, Becky still saw the sparkles. And she felt overwhelmed by the sense of magic. Overwhelmed by Elsa’s generosity.

She turned her gaze to Elsa’s face and saw tears glimmering in her eyes. “I don’t want you to thank me,” Elsa said, her voice rougher than usual. “It’s my honor to do this. I can’t guarantee that it will work, but I can tell you that I have a very good feeling about this.
Very
good.”

Becky grabbed her hand so tightly that Elsa winced. Becky immediately let go. She leaned forward. “This is the most generous thing anyone has done for me. I
know
this will work.” Her breathless voice reflected her inner wonderment. “I know it.”

“Are you forgetting that you’ll need one more thing?” Sarah asked.

Becky whipped her gaze to her sister. “What?”

“Sperm. You’ll need sperm.”

Instantly Becky pictured Trey.

“You could contact a sperm bank,” Else said.

Becky frowned. Not sure how she felt about that. Her baby would be created from a donated frozen egg and sperm from an anonymous man. It would be...manufactured. Impersonal. Created without any emotion. A robo baby.

Of course the baby would be manufactured any way she did it. It wasn’t just that. It was...

She bowed her head. When she’d woken this morning, her first thought was that she might be pregnant with Trey’s baby. And she’d been quietly ecstatic.

She wanted that sheer happiness back. She
wanted
her baby to be Trey’s baby. 

“I could.” Lifting her head, Becky gave Elsa a small smile, hiding her thoughts and hopes and uncertainties. “That will be Plan B.”

“You have Plan A picked out?” Elsa’s left eyebrow arced and her lips curved up.

Remembering Trey’s dismayed expression when she told him about the condom problem, Becky grimaced. “I can’t count on it. It’s a long shot.”

“It’s a good idea to go after the long shots. You might be surprised at the outcome.”

“I’m surprised a lot lately.”

Sharp barks and a hiss came from the puppy room. Sarah stood, frowning slightly. But instead of leaving right away, she put her hands on the table and leaned over it, her gaze on Elsa. “Do you mind telling us why you froze your eggs?”

Elsa gave a half shrug and a half smile. “I suppose I should.”

Becky touched Elsa’s right arm. “Not if you don’t want to.”

Elsa put her slim fingers over Becky’s, her fingertips cool, just for one second. Then she shifted and Becky drew back her hand.

“It’s fine now.” Elsa spoke in a low voice. “I was married to an artist. He was paralyzed in an accident after we’d been married only a few years. I loved him deeply, but I knew that one day I might want children. Andrew was the one who convinced me to harvest my eggs. In case mine dried up by the time he died.”

Sarah breathed in a harsh breath and Becky sucked in her lips, feeling for Elsa and her husband. Though Elsa smiled, Becky was close enough to see the sadness in her shadowed eyes.

“I had to take care of him, so having a baby wasn’t possible while he was alive.” Elsa gave the same sad smile again. “It was my privilege. I was past fifty when he gave up the fight, and then I traveled. Finally I thought I’d come here to the place my mother lived until she was a teenager.” She reached out a hand to Sarah and one to Becky. She looked from one sister to the other as they gripped her hands. The three of them connected. “I’ve been around the world but something called me here. Now I think it was you two, my extended family. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times before this...”

Becky’s heart opened. Like a page in a book unfolding, she thought. Making room for new words, new pages, new people to love.

Elsa was one of them.

The puppy was another. It had snuck into her heart on first glance. Even before Cody’s pleas, she’d wanted him. He just gave her an excuse to do it.

And her heart was open for a baby. Wide open.

Now all she had to do was convince Trey that he should be the lucky father.

Chapter Thirty-eight

The kitchen smelled of cinnamon and garlic and tomatoes and olive oil. Becky hoped that at least one of the smells made a particular man say yes to pretty much anything. Like ‘Will you donate your sperm and make a baby with a donated egg?’

It had been a long week and a half since Elsa’s generous offer. Becky had seen Trey once when he brought parts and a couple of motorcycles to the storage building. He’d popped in to say ‘hi,’ but just stayed to tell her he was on his way to someplace else.

Now Trey was back again and said he planned to remain in his Tomahawk condo for a few weeks. As she checked the sweet potato for doneness, she felt his gaze on her ass. A good start to a date night, she thought, despite what Sarah said about her lack of booty.

When she’d talked to Trey on the phone, he’d said he liked Greek food, so she made a moussaka dish with eggplant and feta cheese – using a recipe Jim had never liked. As she prepared it earlier, Sarah had asked, ‘Is the moussaka a test?’ Becky had said, ‘No, it’s dinner.’

But perhaps it was a test. Perhaps if he didn’t like her food, then he wouldn’t like her to have his baby. Even if she swore that she’d never expect money from him. Swore that she’d never expect him to be a father to the baby.

Not that he’d agree to that. Not after what he’d said subsequent to the split condom incident. After all, he’d come back to Wisconsin as soon as he found out about Scott. He turned his life upside down for his son. One reason she admired him so much.

No wonder she wanted his sperm. How would she know if an anonymous sperm donor had those qualities?

“How’re Sarah and Cody holding up?” he asked.

“They’re...surviving.” She put the moussaka on the table, along with the garlic green beans she’d cooked earlier that day and was serving cold with almonds and green onions. She went back for the potatoes.

Everything seemed to be done just right. That was a good sign.

“I hope she didn’t feel kicked out of her house because I was coming to dinner.” He dished a large rectangle of moussaka onto his plate and made an appreciative hum in his throat.

“You want me to call her and tell her to come home?” she asked.

He chuckled as he reached for the beans. “Nope. Anyway, it’s good for her and Cody to get out.”

“They’re just across the street.” There was silence for a few minutes while they dug in and ate. After the first moment without much to say, she got nervous. She should’ve put on the stereo, but Sarah never used it and Becky wasn’t sure if it worked.

“It’s quiet,” he said.

“I was just thinking the same thing. All the puppies are adopted.”

“I noticed it smelled better. I thought it was the food.” He scooped up another forkful. “This is great.”

She thanked him and grabbed her wine glass. She felt unusually awkward today, knowing what she was going to ask him. She’d make a lousy conman. Or politician.

“Where’s Sammy?” he asked. “I thought you were keeping him.”

She set the wine glass down and smiled, a real one this time instead of the nervous stretching of her lips that she’d been doing since he came in. 

“He’s across the street with Cody and Sarah. Cody insisted. Joy said she didn’t mind, and to bring Goldie along, too.”

“So he commandeered your puppy?”

“Sammy sleeps with Cody.” Her smile dropped off, sadness hovering near, ready to envelope her if she let it. “Sammy and the kitten. Sarah keeps thinking she shouldn’t allow it, but it’s helping Cody get through Marsh’s death. To be truthful, I think Goldie is helping Sarah get through it.”

“Dogs are great. Maybe someday I’ll...” He frowned and took a big bite of moussaka. He chewed a few times and nodded his approval. Giving him an excuse not to talk, Becky thought.

She wondered what he’d been about to say but stopped her thoughts.

She didn’t need to know if he secretly yearned for a home and a dog.

She didn’t need his love.

She didn’t even need his body.

She only needed his sperm.

Breaking the silence, she told him that Lucky the kitten was probably hiding somewhere. Or sulking because he wasn’t invited to Joy’s. He laughed at that, and she smiled. Not telling him she was serious. The kitten thought of Goldie as his mom and Sammy as his other brother. He didn’t seem to hate humans, but he preferred dogs.

Sometimes Becky understood that completely.

Not tonight, she thought, watching Trey eat. For tonight she especially liked one favorite man.

For dessert, they ate German chocolate cake that Sarah had made from a mix, with frosting she’d bought in a can. Becky ate the small piece she’d taken for herself, sipping wine between each bite to moisten her dry throat.

Sarah didn’t have a dishwasher, so once they were done eating, Becky put the casserole dish in the fridge and piled the dishes next to the sink. She gave Trey a beer from a Wausau brewery and told him she’d wash up after he left.

He put the beer aside and headed to the sink. “It goes faster with two.”