Authors: Edie Ramer
“Michigan. I overslept this morning.”
One corner of her mouth kicked up, and she felt warm and fuzzy inside. “Had a late night, did you?”
“A full night.”
His voice was wry, and she was hit by the memory of his grim expression when he realized what happened to his condom. She uncrossed her legs and stood straight, not feeling the warmth and fuzziness anymore. The hum of her body silenced.
“Before I left,” he continued, “I tried to take care of Marsh’s truck, but your uncle was there before me.”
“He’s a good man.” Her mind had shut down but her minister’s wife and cheesemaker’s daughter’s manners kicked in. She suspected she could make polite talk in her sleep. “So are you. Thanks for being there last night.”
“I wouldn’t have done anything different.”
That
she didn’t believe. She knew one thing he’d have done differently.
“I want you to know...” Trey paused and she cringed because he wasn’t the kind of person who paused. She knew he was going to talk about what happened. And she knew she didn’t want to hear it.
“It’s okay,” she said. “If anything happens from last night, I’ll take care of everything myself.”
“Bullshit. Whatever happens, if anything does happen, I’ll be a part of it.”
“Fine, fine,” she said, her voice thick, emotion engulfing her, drowning her, so she was gasping, clutching the phone tightly. “I have to go.”
“Just one moment,” he said, and his voice was different than she’d heard it before. Low and emotional. “I missed the first sixteen years of my son Scott’s life. I don’t want it to happen again.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I can’t be there for Scott all the time. Not as much as I’d like. But when I am, I’m a good dad.”
She sucked in a deep, shaking breath, a thought creeping into her mind. A tiny light bulb turning on. “Do you
want
a baby?”
“I’m a selfish bastard. I’d make a lousy husband. And not the best dad. Not because I don’t want to be, but I wouldn’t be there all the time. And I know the best dads show up. But I’m good at what I do, and I like doing it. I’m not going to change.”
That sounded like a ‘no’ to her, but she wasn’t devastated. Not even disappointed. This wasn’t about him or any other man. It was about her.
“I’m not asking you to change. When I find out what’s happening, I’ll let you know.” She hung up because she didn’t know what to say to him. She realized then that she didn’t know him, not really. Her life was changing by the day. Sometimes by the hour, and he couldn’t know her, either.
It hadn’t even been a month since she caught her husband with another woman. In the short time since then, she’d filed for divorce and had sex with two men. She’d seen sparkles and her brother-in-law’s ghost. Her world and her sister’s had been turned upside down.
And there was a tiny possibility that she might be pregnant. Not even a possibility, really. Just a hope.
She put her hand on her belly.
Please. Please, please, please.
Sarah stuck her head in the kitchen. “Cody and I are going to play with the pinball machines in the third shed. You want to come?”
Becky thought of a list of things she should be doing to help Sarah. If they were planning to have people over to the house after the service, she should start cleaning and baking.
“I’ve never played a pinball machine.”
Cody stepped out from behind his mom. “Then you gotta do it, Aunt Becky.”
“Who am I to argue with a six-year-old boy?” She walked along with them, and as they neared the sheds, the aluminum reflected the sun. Not sparkles but flashes of light that lifted the ache in her and warmed her heart. In that instant, she felt more like a part of a family than she had done since before her mother’s death.
Except this wasn’t her family. It was Sarah’s.
She stopped. Putting her hand to her upper stomach, she made a face. “My tummy’s giving me bad messages. I’d better go back. You two go without me.”
Sarah gave her a sympathetic look and so did Cody. Tummy aches were one thing everyone understood and no one questioned.
Becky turned back toward the house, her hands still on her stomach, keeping up the pretense of not feeling well, and striding fast. A big ball of sadness swelled in her throat. The only reason she was here instead of looking for a job and an apartment she could afford was because Marsh was dead. His life ended.
She would stay with Sarah as long as she was needed, but this would be a temporary situation, not a permanent one. This was Sarah’s life, and she needed to find her own eventually. Whatever that would turn out to be.
Chapter Thirty-three
“Marsh Lowtower was the finest man I’ve known,” Becky said. There were gasps from some of the pew sitters who perched like crows on the graceful wooden benches of Elsa’s church. These pew sitters had come today not out of respect for Marsh or Sarah, Becky knew. They came because they didn’t want to take the chance of missing any delicious morsels of gossip.
Glances flickered to Jim and Carl, who both stared at Becky stonily from their seats in the right front row. The people behind them no doubt wished fervently that they could see the discomfort on their faces. Instead they had to look at the back of their heads and only imagine their disapproval.
The spectators’ glances shifted to the left front row, where Marsh’s mother, sister and brother-in-law and their ten-year-old daughter sat near the inner aisle, Sarah beside them. Cody, Sam and his daughter Katie sat on Sarah’s other side, guarding her from ill wishers. Or from people she didn’t want to talk to. People who’d never supported Sarah’s marriage. Who never believed in Marsh the way Sarah believed – with all her heart.
Becky took another good look at the audience. Derek and Elaine sat in the second row behind her father. And coming up the aisle was Trey and a young man she guessed was his son. Though it was foggy outside, a gleam of late afternoon light shone in from one of the many windows and lit up Trey and followed him up the aisle.
Trey had called this morning on his drive back from Ontario. He told her he had an eight-hour drive to Miracle and he wasn’t sure if he’d make the service. She’d told him not to worry about it.
But here he was. He must’ve driven without stopping to eat. Not the smartest thing to do, but she couldn’t stop her leap of happiness or her quickened heartbeat to see him there.
Someone cleared a throat and she became aware that people were staring at her. Waiting for her to go on. She sucked in a breath, as usual, ready to do what was expected. But this time the words weren’t going to be what the majority expected or wanted. They were for two people. Her sister and her nephew.
“I’m honored to have known Marsh.” She stopped and looked around. Another throat cleared, and she recognized this as her father’s. He was glaring at her now. She knew that look. He wanted her to finish up so he could get out of there.
She looked him straight in the eye. “He was a man of integrity. He loved life.” She switched her gaze to Sarah and Cody, because they were the ones who mattered here. “He was a great father and husband.” She could hear her voice soften and she spoke more slowly. “He loved his wife and son more than anything else.
“People used to call him the junkman’s kid, but it never bothered him. He once told me that he’d had the best father in the world. But I think Cody had the best father in the world and he should be proud to be descended from a great line of men.”
A gasp came up from the row on the right, but Becky didn’t look. Instead she backed off the podium. She passed Elsa, who patted her on the shoulder.
Like a benediction.
As Becky headed down the steps at the side, she heard small hiccups from Sarah who sat with her hand over her mouth, staring at her lap, her shoulders heaving.
Becky hurried. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach for making Sarah cry. She reached her seat and Sarah looked up. Tears shone on her face, but so did a giant smile.
“Thank you,” Sarah whispered, her eyes radiant. “Thank you so much.”
At the pulpit, Elsa said a few more words, then the service broke up. Sarah brought Marsh’s ashes home in an urn and placed it on the mantel in the puppy room.
Sarah’s house soon filled with people coming to pay their respects. At least, that was the idea, Becky thought, as she avoided Linda Wegner and her probing asp’s tongue. Some came who genuinely cared for Marsh, Sarah and Cody. Others came because there might be a family drama here and heaven forbid they’d miss anything.
To top that, there was free food. The one thing the people of Miracle liked more than gossip was food. They liked cooking it; they liked smelling it; they liked looking at it. Most of all, they liked eating it.
The table and counters were laden with so much food brought by villagers that Becky was surprised the table legs didn’t buckle. The small house was packed. At five, as if an unspoken signal went off, mingling stopped and the villagers lined up in the kitchen like pigs to the trough at Pete Martin’s Happy Hog Farm.
Becky had lost her appetite since the night of the accident. Since the flu, actually, but usually she would’ve regained it by now. She hadn’t weighed herself but her dress felt loose. She wasn’t about to run out and get new clothes, though. Not after spotting the mini-tiramisus that Rosa and Mike had brought over in shot glasses.
“Aunt Becky, is your tummy hurting again?”
Becky realized her hands were splayed over her stomach again, and she jerked them back to her sides. “I’m fine. Are you hungry?”
“Uh-uh. Two people tried to buy Sammy.”
It took Becky a second to remember he’d named the black puppy after her uncle. “Is your mom saving him for you?”
He shook his head, and she felt his grief. “They didn’t offer enough money, but Mom says we need the money we’re getting for all the puppies.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“You could keep Sammy.”
She opened her mouth to tell him gently she wouldn’t be living here forever, but this wasn’t the right time.
Then she looked at his sad face. He’d just lost his father four days ago. If Sammy could help Cody get through this... “I’ll talk to your mom later.” Becky’s shoulders relaxed. Keeping Sammy wasn’t practical, but...it felt
right
.
Especially since she was half in love with Sammy already. She would make it work. She’d find a way to fix it.
“Maybe you should do it now?” Cody looked up at her with earnest eyes. “Before someone wants to give her more money.”
She didn’t answer right away, but...how could she resist those eyes that looked at her as if she were his last hope? “You know, that sounds like a good idea. I’ll do it.”
His face brightened and his slumped spine straightened. He looked two inches taller. “I’ll tell her! Right now.” Then he was off, squeezing through the crowd as if he raced to save the puppy’s life.
Becky’s eyes prickled. At that moment, it came to her that the first thirty-six years of her life were lived by design. Only they’d never been by
her
design. She was going to damn well change that in the next thirty-six-plus years. She would live them by
her
design.
A warmth grew inside her. As if her heart approved.
She turned and walked into a man’s wide chest.
Trey.
She knew it was him even with her nose buried in his gray shirt. She recognized the feel of his chest and the height and the breadth of him. Recognized the spot where her nose met his chest, right between the first and second buttons. Recognized the feel of the big hands that curled around her upper arms. Recognized the faint spicy scent.
She stepped back and smiled at him. Letting go of her arms, he smiled back.
“Hey,” he said. “Fancy you running into me here.”
Cody, his face still bright, grabbed a handful of Becky’s skirt. “Aunt Becky
lives
here.”
A laugh brought Becky’s gaze to the young man standing next to Trey. Easy to see he was Trey’s son. He looked like Trey, though his eyes were green and his hair a dark auburn, the color of burnt leaves. He was two or three inches shorter than Trey, but she guessed he’d be Trey’s height or taller by the time he stopped growing. With the extra years, he’d probably get his dad’s muscles, too.
Trey introduced her and Cody to Scott.
“Hi,” Cody said. “Aunt Becky’s going to keep Sammy.” He looked up at Becky. “Mom was talking to someone but you’ll tell her later, right?”
Becky smoothed Cody’s silky hair with the pad of her thumb. “I’ll tell her. Don’t worry about it.”
Trey’s eyebrows rose. “Who’s Sammy?”
“The black puppy,” Cody said. “I named him.”
“I thought I smelled puppies,” Scott said.
“Wanna see them?”
“Sure.”
The Kershoff girls, hovering nearby and pretending not to notice Scott, stepped forward to express their interest in puppies, too.
Scott and the oldest Kershoff girl exchanged glances, and her cheeks bloomed a pale rose pink.
“You can all see them. Follow me.” Cody led the way to the puppy room, the younger Kershoff girl beside him, and the two older teens following behind.
Becky looked up at Trey. “He takes after you.”
“His mom, too. We didn’t give him an easy road.”
“I don’t know anyone who got handed an easy road.”
He smiled down at her. “Right this second it’s looking brighter to me.”
She smiled back at him. Out of her peripheral vision, she spotted someone coming toward her.
Derek.
The sinking feeling returned to her stomach. She shifted her gaze to him. Though the corners of Derek’s mouth lifted, his brow was furrowed, his eyebrows puckered together.
She groaned inwardly. She really didn’t want to deal with this now.
Chapter Thirty-four
“Sorry I wasn’t able to get here sooner,” he said. “My mother hasn’t been well this week.”
“I’m sorry Elaine’s been sick.” She glanced behind him. Elaine sat on one of chairs, her cane slanted against the wall. Though she was talking to Linda Wegner, she was glaring their way. Becky had thought that Elaine was her friend, but she was scowling at Becky as if she were her worst enemy.