Stepbrother Forbidden (Stepbrother, Where Art Thou? Book 2) (4 page)

Ryan was there now, sitting next to her. She couldn't really hear what he was saying anymore, but it was nice and peaceful. She liked him better when he wasn't hitting the beard guy.

I love Ryan. He's so nice. I wish he could take me to bed with him.

*

Pink.

That was the first word that came to mind. Everything was pink. Categorically pink. Overwhelmingly, undeniably pink.

Sophia closed her eyes for a moment, but when she opened them again the pinkness remained. As her vision swam into focus, though, it all became a little clearer. She was looking at a pink pillowcase, a pink duvet and pink wallpaper, and somewhere between her blurry eyes and the wall was a row of pink soft toys, bunnies and teddy bears, all staring at her with gleaming black eyes looking out from a sea of pink fur.

She turned over, dislodging a few more soft toys from the bed, and saw a single non-pink thing: Ryan slumped in an uncomfortable looking wooden chair. He seemed to be dozing, but he stirred at the sound of Sophia's movement.

"Hey," he whispered hoarsely, smiling with relief as he rubbed his eyes. "Look who finally woke up. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," she answered by force of habit, still a little groggy. "No, wait. Everything hurts. Where am I?"

Ryan sat up in his chair, leaned forward and reached out to her temple. "You're in my friend Sara's spare room. You slept here last night. How's your head?"

Sophia winced as Ryan touched her, and she reached up to find a sheet of gauze taped to her temple. It
really
fucking hurt. "What the hell happened to me?"

"You don't remember?"

She thought for a moment. "I remember... I remember drinking too much. And Bruce Springsteen. And... something about a beard?"

"Well, I guess that's better than nothing. Hold still," He said. He cupped her cheek with one hand as he slowly peeled off the gauze to inspect her wound. Sophia couldn't help but lean into the warmth of his palm." Your drink was spiked by a small fraction of a man. You remember anything about that?"

Something was coming back to her, just little fragments of memory. She remembered being uncomfortable, and then feeling really sleepy, but little else apart from that. "Ummm, no, not really." A sudden fear struck her. "Did anything happen? Did he... did he
do
anything?"

"No no no, don't worry. We caught him trying to carry you out of the bar. He dropped you as soon as we stopped him, which explains the small mountain growing out of your head. You hit it pretty hard on the table before Sara caught you."

She
definitely
remembered that. The sound of her head hitting the wood came flooding back to her. She remembered, just a fraction of a second later, the sound of glass bottles on the table hitting the table as they bounced.

Ryan flicked a lock of hair from her eyes, brushed it back with his fingers and taped the gauze carefully back to her head. "OK, looks like you won't need stitches. You might have a cool little scar as a souvenir, but you won't have to worry about it unless you ever go bald." He smiled and reached to the bedside table for a glass of water and a bottle of pills. "Here, take some of these. Don't worry, it's just paracetamol."

Sophia threw back two pills and chased them with a big gulp, grateful for anything that might get rid of the dwarves hitting her brain with tiny hammers. "I... think I might remember the guy. Did he have a shitty blond beard?"

Ryan nodded. "That's him." His eyes turned dark at the memory, and his hands bunched into fists as he spoke. "Robbie fucking Snipe. We roughed him up a little, but Chuck - that's the barman, Chuck - didn't need any trouble 'cause he serves underage, so he didn't call the cops. Josh's brother's on the force, so he made a call after we left and had the guy picked up. That fucker had a pocket full of roofies and a baggie of coke, so he won't be fucking with any women for a while."

Sophia shook her head in disbelief. "Jesus. I didn't know that sort of thing really happened. I thought it was just a movie thing," she muttered, realizing exactly how childish and naive she sounded as she spoke.

"It happens all the time. Didn't your mom teach you never to accept an open drink?"

"No. Mom didn't teach me anything about alcohol." She took another gulp of water. "She just told me not to drink it."

Ryan let out an exasperated sigh. "Yet another victory for abstinence education, then."

"Huh?" Sophia's brain still wasn't quite up to speed.

"Abstinence. You know, they teach kids to just say no but they don't bother to teach them about safe sex, so the kids all end up getting pregnant because nobody ever told them what a condom was for? Same thing goes for drinking. If nobody ever teaches you about the risks you won't know how to stay safe, and you'll end up drugged, or getting your stomach pumped because you didn't know you can't drink vodka by the pint. You know what I'm saying?"

"No, not really," she snapped. She was in too much pain to be condescended to by Ryan. "I don't think I'm in the mood for lectures, and especially not from a guy who was brought home by the cops last night, wasted. You know what
I'm
saying?"

Ryan looked away, embarrassed. "Yeah, that was pretty dumb, but I... y'know, there was a reason I was drinking. I don't think I need to tell you what it was."

Sophia felt bad for lashing out at him. "Yeah. Yeah, I know. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," he replied, entirely unconvincingly. He stared at the carpet for a moment, as if steeling himself for what was to come. "So, look... I've decided to head out to Notre Dame a little earlier than expected. The coach has been bugging me to spend some time in training over the summer, and I thought it might be a good idea. Y'know, I gotta work on my fitness, and it'll give me a chance to, like, get to know the campus before classes start. It just makes sense."

Sophia didn't know how to respond. She didn't know if she
could
respond. She'd spent most of the last couple of weeks wishing she was anywhere but a wall away from Ryan, but right now... she didn't know what to think. The idea of there being a few
states
between them was just too much to take in.

"I don't want you to go." Her words came out almost a whisper, and she found herself reaching out for Ryan's hand.

He took it, and clasped both hands around hers. "I don't want to go either." He looked as if he was fighting with all his strength to hold back his emotions, and failing. "I don't want to be anywhere you're not, Sophia. I want to be with you." He squeezed her hand and looked deep into her eyes, and she had to fight to pull away from his gaze. She felt as if one more second would wash away her resolve.

"I want to be with you too, but you know why we can't be together." Her voice cracked a little as she spoke.

"No, I don't," Ryan forcefully replied. "I really don't. I don't care that our parents are getting married. I don't give a fuck that people might think its wrong. I just don't care, and I don't know why you do. I love you, Sophia. That's all that matters to me."

Sophia just couldn't find the words to express her feelings. Nothing seemed appropriate. There was nothing she could possibly say that would make Ryan understand... understand that her mother's happiness was more important than her own. That she couldn't do anything to hurt her. That the
family
was more important than she was, and that it always would be.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I just can't. I love you, but I can't." She knew her words meant nothing, but they were all she had to offer.

Ryan stared at the carpet, clutching her hand as if the moment he let go she'd vanish. "I have to go now," he said. "It's for the best."

He stood from his chair, but Sophia held onto his hand. "Please stay," she pleaded, terrified that this would be the last time she saw him.

"I can't," he replied sadly, gently pulling his hand away. "I'm sorry."

With those final words he walked out the door, leaving Sophia staring through tearful eyes at her hand, wishing harder than she'd ever wished for anything that she could feel his touch once more.

*

The afternoon sunlight reached its fingers through the side streets, and as the cab passed out of the shadows at each intersection Sophia winced at the sudden stab of pain in her head. The Ray Bans Sara had lent her did little to help, even after a few more hours of sleep since Ryan had left, but they did hide her red-rimmed eyes.

"I just realized I haven't thanked you for last night," she said, turning to Sara. "I really appreciate it. I don't dare think what might have happened if you guys hadn't been there."

Sara smiled. "Don't worry about it, sweetie. I didn't really do much to help, I'm afraid. The guys did most of the heavy lifting." She grinned at the memory. "I have to admit I do like it when Josh acts all manly like that. He can be a bit of a pansy sometimes, and it's nice to see him bring out the muscle when he has to. Turns me on." She narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell him I said that, though, or he'll start getting into fights to impress me."

"Don't worry about it," Sophia laughed. "I don't really remember much of what happened. I don't even remember getting back to your place."

Sara shook her head. "I'm not even a little surprised. You were barely awake at the bar. Ryan kept you talking a little until we got you back to the apartment, but you didn't really wake up until we got some coffee in you. After that it was all we could do to keep your feet on the ground."

"What do you mean?"

Sara grinned. "You got a little, ummm,
amorous
once we woke you up. I mean, we knew you were full of alcohol and God knows what that fucking asshole put in your drink, so we knew you weren't yourself, but you... well, you kinda tried to sleep with Ryan."

Sophia felt her cheeks burn up. "God, really? Do I want to know what happened?"

"Oh, don't worry, Ryan was a perfect gentleman, and he sent Josh out of the room as soon as you started to strip."

Sophia stared, open-mouthed, hoping Sara was about to tell her she was only joking. "I got naked?"

"You stripped off as soon as the guys got you to the pink hell of my sister's old bedroom. You've got a great ass, by the way." She laughed, clearly enjoying Sophia's discomfort. "You, ummm, you kind of forced yourself on Ryan a little bit. Tried to get his pants off and pull him into bed." She paused for a moment. "He wouldn't have any of it. I mean, he got hard, because... well, you're hot and he's crazy about you, but he'd never do anything like that. He just tucked you into bed and stayed beside you all night. Kinda sweet, really. I know a lot of guys who wouldn't have thought twice before fucking you."

Sophia stayed silent, but it was clear Sara wanted to say more. She chewed on her thumbnail as if trying to keep herself from speaking.

"Look, I know it's none of my business, but I just don't get it. You have feelings for Ryan, right? You want to be with him? I just don't see what the problem is. Tell me to shut up if I've overstepped the line."

Sophia shook her head. "No, it's fine." She tried to marshal her thoughts, but she still didn't know how to put her feelings into words. "You know, for the longest time I hated Ryan. I mean, really
hated
his living guts. I thought he was just a player who'd fuck anything that moved."

"Yeah, I can see why you might have thought that."

"But then I saw... well, you know I saw his messages to you guys, right? I know, I know, I did a horrible thing and I'll burn in Hell for it, but I read them. It was like a switch flicked in my mind. I can't even explain it, but it was like all that hate that had burned through me for two years just switched to love, just like that, in an instant. And it scared me. It fucking terrified me, because now he wasn't just some guy from school. He's the guy living in the next room over, and he's going to be my stepbrother."

Sara nodded. "I understand why that would feel weird, but -"

"Wait, I'm not done. It's not just that he's going to be my stepbrother. I mean, that's weird enough, and people would probably look at us funny our whole lives, but that's not what worries me. I could deal with the weirdness if it meant being able to be with him.

"No, the problem is my mom. She's all I ever had, you see. I grew up poor, and after my dad died it was just the two of us, taking care of each other in our shitty little apartment. There was never enough food on the table, but there was always more on my plate than hers. She went hungry so I didn't have to. She saved every penny to pay for tutoring, and stitched up the holes in her own clothes so I could dress nice for school."

Sophia could feel the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. "She sacrificed everything to make sure I was happy.
Everything.
Since I was a little girl I don't remember her ever doing a single thing just to make herself happy. It was all for me, 24 hours a day for 18 years And now something really great is finally happening for her. She's happy for the first time in her life. She doesn't have to sacrifice for me any more. She can just be
happy.
"

Sophia lifted the sunglasses and wiped a tear from her eye. "So how can I get in the way of that? After 18 years of giving up everything for me, being the best mom any girl could hope for, how could I turn around and ruin the one good thing that's happened in her whole life? How could I be that selfish? How could I even
think
about stealing it away from her?"

Sara stared at her for a long moment, deep in thought. Finally she reached out, took Sophia's hand and smiled. "She sounds pretty amazing, your mom. You're lucky to have someone who loves you so much. But have you ever wondered how she'd feel if she knew you were in this much pain? It sounds to me like she's spent her life trying to make sure there's no sadness in yours. It sounds like, if you gave her the choice between things being a little weird and you being miserable and alone, she'd choose the weirdness every time."

Sara threw her hands up. "I mean, that's just how it looks to me, but what do I know? All I'll say is that you could look for the rest of your life, but you'll never find any guy as good as Ryan. He's been madly in love with you since the moment he first saw you, and I can see in your eyes you feel the same way. I don't know, I just think it doesn't make any sense to give that up without a fight."

Sophia nodded, and looked out the window at the street rolling slowly by. "Yeah. I know what you mean."

*