Stepbrother With Benefits 17 (Third Season) (8 page)

Meaningless, right? Um... casual? That's what I was thinking, at least. For revenge. Against Ethan.

I don't know if that's the kind of person I am, though. I'm not really sure if I can do that.

I feel like I need to do something, though. I don't know what yet. I just...

"I..." I hesitate. "Actually, do you think you could help me with something back in my room quick? If you aren't too busy."

I have an idea. Maybe it's a bad idea. Maybe it's the best idea. I'm not really sure. I'll figure it out soon.

Just... just trust me, alright? I know what I'm doing.

I think I do...

W
hat are
you supposed to do when it feels like your entire world is ending?

I'm not even talking about zombies or anything like that. Because, really, I think I can handle zombies. I guess you never really know if you can handle zombies until you have zombies to handle, but I'd rather deal with some zombies than deal with what I'm dealing with right now.

Maybe it's just me, but I always kind of feel like if the end of the world happens I'll be one of the survivors, you know? Yeah, so, not everyone can survive, but the idea is kind of exciting, just having the entire fucking world to yourself. I'm not greedy, either. I'll share. We can rebuild together and...

Yeah, that's not this. I don't know if there's any rebuilding going on. How do you rebuild a relationship? I don't even fucking know. I barely know how to be in a relationship to begin with. I thought I was doing pretty fucking good, but... nah.

I can't just lay here anymore. I can't just keep crying into my pillow. I don't think I've been crying for awhile now, but who the fuck knows? I need to get up and...

What? I have no idea. This is the first time in my life where literally every possible thought I could have as to what the fuck to do has just kind of vanished.

That's not exactly true. I want to call Ashley. I want to explain everything to her. I want to tell her it was a mistake. She didn't see what she thought she saw, though I can completely fucking understand that what she thought she saw was real fucking terrible.

I just... fuck. Holy fuck. What if she does something drastic? A revenge fuck or something? I've seen that kind of thing in porn sometimes, and I get that real life isn't porn, but I've seen girls try to get me to have revenge sex with them to get back at their boyfriends, so it's not like this never happens.

I mean, yeah, I never do it, because it seems shady as fuck. It's like, alright, calm down there, girl. We can have sex once you're not angry as fuck. Angry sex isn't the worst sex ever, and sometimes it can be pretty fucking fun, but I want us to sort of be angry at each other so we just rip our clothes off, not me being angry at nothing, you being angry at your boyfriend, and then you're going to cry after and I'll feel like a dick.

Sort of like that, except I'm the boyfriend right now. Ashley's the one who is angry at me. I don't know what the fuck to do. I hope she's not angry enough to randomly try and sleep with a guy to get back at me, but, uh... do you realize what she saw?

It's not even what she saw, but it's the history behind it. It's the fact that I've kind of been an asshole to a lot of girls before. And now it looks like I'm being an asshole again? Falling back into my old ways? Proving that a long distance relationship is impossible?

Yeah...

I get off my bed, moving with a deceptive calmness that really doesn't exist inside me right now. If I don't go slow, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to move at all, though. So let's just go slow, alright?

I find the clothes I was going to put on when I got back from the shower. I dress while checking my computer to see if Ashley's online again. She's not, so that's not going to help me much. After I get my socks and shoes on, I check to see if my phone is charged at all.

I can turn it on, but barely. I can't unplug it from the wall, and I'm not sure I can make a call without the thing dying on me again. As awful as it makes me feel, I just leave it there for now. What's another five or ten minutes?

Well, I don't know about you, but a quickie doesn't take much longer than that. I mean, what, some unzipped pants, pulled aside underwear, have at it, and...

I just don't think Ashley would do that, though. Not yet. I don't know if she would ever do it. I feel like she wouldn't, but I also don't want to be that guy who thinks his relationship is perfect and nothing bad will ever happen, so he doesn't have to try anymore.

You have to try. That's the one thing I really know about relationships. Fuck all of that other shit I talked about with Caleb yesterday. It's not about orgasms or love letters. Those are some of the partial answers to the question, but the main answer is that you just have to fucking try.

That's it. No one's asking for a lot here. You don't have to sell your kidney on the black market or travel to fucking Mars or whatever the fuck. I mean, yeah, if you bring a girl to Mars on a date, you're a huge fucking badass on my book, but...

It's not about Mars, it's about trying. It's about showing her you care. Also, don't bring her to Mars if she doesn't even want to go to Mars. I think that's kidnapping or something. Kidnapping isn't romantic. Unless you're into that, I guess. I've seen some books. Dark romance or whatever the fuck.

I wonder if Ashley thinks kidnapping is romantic? I will kidnap the fuck out of you, Princess. There'll be bondage and everything. It'll be sexy, though. Kinky as fuck or something.

Except before I do that I have to fix all this. Everything. The entire fucking thing, all of it. Fuck.

I step out of my room and head down the hall. I don't know why I'm doing this. Maybe it's stupid. Maybe I'm an idiot. No one ever said I was smart, though.

I knock on Caleb's door. No one answers. I knock again and I can hear sniffling inside.

"Open the door," I say.

"Why?" Scarlet yells back at me, but she's not really into it. Kind of a harsh, cracked voice. "You want to tell me to fuck off? Go to hell, Ethan."

"I'm not going to tell you to fuck off," I say, feeling like an idiot for having this conversation in the hall. "Just open the door."

"No," she says. Not even yelling or screaming or being a huge bitch. Just, no.

I try something different. I don't know if I've ever done this before. World fucking first right here.

"Please?" I say.

"What the fuck?" she says from inside, confused and sniffling. "Did you just ask me nicely if I could open the door for you?"

"Yeah," I say. "Do you have a problem with that? If so, you can go fuck yourself."

"Maybe I will! And you won't be invited, because obviously that would go badly, you fucking loser."

I hear scrambling inside. And outside, too. Someone down the hall comes out of their room and looks over at me. They do a double take when they see it's me, like, hey, why is Ethan standing aimlessly in the hall outside someone's door? You know what? I'll stand aimlessly outside a door if I want to. Fuck off.

Scarlet opens the door and I step inside. She closes it behind me, and we just stand there and stare at each other for a second.

"So..." I say. I didn't really think about what I was going to say when I got here. "Where's Caleb?"

"He's in class," Scarlet says.

"And you just decided to break into his room?" I ask. "You know, I think you've got a problem with this whole breaking and entering thing, Scarlet."

"Shut the fuck up," she says, turning her back to me and walking towards Caleb's roommate's bed.

She hops onto the bed and spins around, staring at me again. This is fine, and I have no issue with it, but I need to take a second and talk about this bed. Who the fuck is Caleb's roommate? The bed has pink sheets and a fluffy purple comforter on it. Not just purple, but there's these cute as fuck little animals or something. I have no fucking clue what to call them. They've got big eyes and they're looking at me the same way Scarlet is.

In case you cared, the pink sheets have lacy white diamond patterns on them, too. Weird as fuck, to be honest.

"Who the fuck is Caleb rooming with?" I ask.

"His roommate isn't here until next week," she says.

"So... whose stuff is on his bed?"

"Mine," she says, as if this makes any sense.

"Uh...?"

"Fuck you, Ethan. I didn't want Caleb to get lonely, so I decided to stay with him until his roommate gets here."

"You realize that makes no fucking sense?" I ask her. Sometimes you can't just think these things on your own, you've got to ask the question out loud. "You don't even go to our school. You have your own dorm room. How the fuck is he going to get lonely? Your room isn't even that far away. It's maybe five minutes or less, down the elevator, short walk, and... yeah, fuck, I don't get it."

"Did you come here to tell me I'm stupid for staying in Caleb's room or what?" she asks.

"No," I say. "I came here because I don't know what the fuck just happened, but you're my friend, and I don't want to be angry at you. So tell me what the fuck just happened?"

"Ohh," she says, surprised. She looks me in the eyes one last time before turning away and staring at one of the fluffy as fuck animals on the blanket beneath her.

"I know I'm sexy as fuck, and maybe you've been tempted to have sex with me for awhile or something, but it'd never work between us, Scarlet. I have a girlfriend now. Does the name Ashley ring any bells?"

"Ethan, I'm not an idiot. I know you have a girlfriend. I know her name, too. I know
her
, remember?"

"Alright, cool. Why the fuck were you getting naked in my room trying to tell me we should fuck, then?"

"I thought that letter was for me," she says. "Did you even write that? It was sweet in a weird way. Sweet and sexy, I guess. Kind of like how salted caramel is sweet and salty? Like that, but sweet and sexy."

"Yeah, I wrote it," I tell her. "I'm not sure I believe you wanted to jump me just because of a letter, though. Seriously, what's up?"

"I'm just... there's a lot going on, alright?"

I sit on... I think this is Caleb's bed. I hope to fuck this is Caleb's bed, and not the one Scarlet is on. I'm pretty open-minded, but if Caleb has pink sheets and a fluffy purple blanket with cutesy animals on it, I'm done. I don't know what I'm done with, but I'm done.

"This is Caleb's bed, right?" I ask, nodding and looking down towards the one I'm on.

"Um, yeah? Who else's bed would it be?"

"Just checking," I say. "So what's going on? I'm here to listen. I'm a boyfriend now, so I'm amazing as fuck at listening. Usually reserved for Ashley, but I'll listen to you right now, too."

She laughs at me, and kind of blushes, too, looking away. It's cute in a sweet sort of silly way.

"Fuck you," she says, which is completely at odds with how she looks. "I... I'm doing an art project, alright? Sort of. It's for my final project. Caleb is helping me. It's just... I thought I could do it without...
things
... I don't know."

"Oh, yeah," I tell her. "
Things
. Makes perfect sense. Art project and things. Why the fuck didn't I realize this before?"

"It's a video," she says, glaring at me. "It's about artistic thinking and imagery. I wanted to do something different, though. I think most people are just doing paintings or maybe a sculpture or something. Classical, you know? I wanted to do a video, though. Kind of a throwback to photography. Did you know that when they first invented photography, it was one of the only art forms that women were allowed to practice without being prohibited by the patriarchy or having to deal with constant misogyny?"

"Uh... no. Wait, what? Are you serious? Women weren't allowed to paint or anything?"

"They could, but they weren't really ever seen as being as good as men. Female artists were looked down on a lot. So... I know video isn't really the same as photography, but kind of, right? Pictures in motion?"

"Sure, I get it. What kind of video are we talking about?"

"Um... it's... it's an erotic one. But artistic. It's erotic and artistic, and--"

"You're making a porno for your final art project?"

She laughs a little, avoiding eye contact with me. "Yeah, basically." She looks at me quick and starts rambling fast. "It's got a story, though! There's a lot to it. The idea is that Caleb and I meet and start dating, but then we record our intimacy, to show how it progresses from kind of awkward and sexual, to more of a making love type of thing. There's some drama in there, too. And then the end is basically that we've broken up, so this is our tape. It's a sex tape, but we're exes now, so it's an ex tape, if that makes sense."

"Wait, so you and Caleb are dating now?" I ask her.

"No, not really. Just in the movie. It's acting, Ethan. We're actors."

"Who have sex. Is this real sex or fake movie sex or what?"

"Real sex," she says.

"You and Caleb are having sex? Had sex? Will have had sex? How's this work? I don't even fucking understand what's going on right now."

Because, really, what the fuck? Caleb, why didn't you tell me any of this? He's over here, just showing up to our Bad Boy club meetings, asking me how to tell Scarlet he likes her, and behind the scenes he's making a sex tape with her?

Oh, sorry, it's an
ex tape
, whatever the fuck that is. I guess that makes it more artistic. This porn is artsy as fuck.

"We're going to have sex in the movie, for the art of it," she says. "And... I thought that was good. I'd be playing a role and really getting into it, you know? I thought I could do that without... I don't know. Without too much attachment or something, I guess. It's supposed to be acting."

"Alright," I say. "I think I get it. Except, nah, hold up a second. What's this have to do with you trying to get me to fuck you in my room? I'm changing my mind. I don't get it at all."

"Oh," she says. "Right. I figured if I could have random meaningless sex with you without it meaning anything and us still being friends, then I could do it with Caleb."

"So... let me get this straight... you basically just destroyed my relationship because you're fucked up in the head and you're starting to have feelings for Caleb, and you wanted to lie to yourself that you weren't, so you were going to have sex with me?"

"I didn't even say any of that," she says, stubborn as fuck. "I'm really sorry about Ashley, though. I didn't mean to do that. I... Ethan, I'm really sorry. I'm just so confused, and then you were there in your room naked, and the letter was really nice, and..."