Still Into You (30 page)

“Again,” he ordered and she complied, feeling a little more of the tension leave her body.

Her friend knew her too well. All those times talking her down from her potential panic attacks while on tour paid off today.

“Thanks,” she said as they walked the rest of the way to the entrance. He nodded and opened the door for her. She expected it to be quiet. That was not the case. It was as loud as a club, but without the music, just people talking. There must have been close to two hundred people in attendance. Her eyes scanned the hall for familiar faces and there were many. People she hung out with quite often B.E.—Before Ethan. Before her music career exploded.

But those were not the faces she was looking for. Mia was searching for two faces with piercing blue eyes and dark brown, almost black hair. Her lips trembled when she spotted them across the room. She grabbed Marty’s hand, pulling him with her as she expertly weaved her way through the crowd until she was in front of the brothers.

Marc’s grateful expression had her throwing her arms around his neck, holding him tight. He returned her embrace, his head resting on her shoulder. She hoped he wouldn’t cry, because if he did, her resolve would be shot. She’d be so joining him—no, she’d probably overshadow his tears with the wrenching sobs that she’d been holding inside.

He squeezed her hard before stepping back, his hand taking hers. “Thanks for being here.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

Clark took that moment to give her a quick hug and a kiss on her forehead, giving her the support she so desperately needed.

Mia stood with her back towards the majority of the people, not wanting to draw attention to herself. Today was definitely not the time to catch up with everyone.

Half-listening to the guys talking, she really wasn’t taking in what they were discussing until Marty mentioned Lizzie. Mia had forgotten that she’d be there. Tom’s best friend from school, Marc’s girlfriend before he went to rehab, and now Tom’s girlfriend. No. Tom was dead. So that would make her his widow—sort of.

She had never met Lizzie in all these years. Not when the woman was with Marc or after. But today that would change.

“She’s barely holding it together. I don’t know what to do,” Marc said, gesturing towards the room that contained the casket. Mia turned her head and saw a petite woman with shoulder-length, strawberry blonde hair, pale skin stained by tears, and puffy, red eyes.

Lizzie.

Returning her gaze to Marc, Mia used her hand to guide his face to hers. “Yes, you do,” she said. “You be there for her. Like we’ve been there for you. Like you’ve been there for me. She needs her friends. She needs support. You’ve both lost your best friend. You know what to do, Marc.”

He frowned but nodded his head a few times. “Have you met Lizzie?”

Mia shook her head, unable to find her voice. The time was now.

Marc led the way with Marty by his side, and Clark with her, his hand on her back guiding her. Somehow Clark knew she needed help getting there. How he knew, she had no idea.

This woman in front of her knew what it was like to love Tom. Mia knew Tom loved Lizzie. She was the reason Tom had appeared so happy when Mia saw him last. Mia wanted to thank her for that—for making Tom happy when Mia couldn’t. For giving Tom the love he deserved.

They stopped behind Lizzie, who stood looking out the window. Marc cleared his throat and Lizzie slowly turned towards him, giving him a watery smile when her eyes locked on his. “Hi,” Lizzie squeaked out, her gaze still on Marc’s.

In that moment as Mia observed Marc, she saw his heartache—the loss of his best friend, his love for Lizzie, and his hurt that she was in pain and he could do nothing to take it away from her.

“Lizzie . . .”

The petite woman looked around, her eyes landing on Clark and Marty. She went to each man and gave them each a quick hug. Lizzie stopped short when she arrived in front of Mia.

From behind her, Marc spoke. “Lizzie, this is—”

“So, you’re his Mia,” Lizzie said. Mia stepped back with those shocking words. Clark’s supportive arms were the only thing keeping her from falling to the ground.

His Mia.

Her Tom.

Lizzie’s Tom.

Mia couldn’t speak. She just stared at her and her back went ramrod straight when the smaller woman stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her.

“He loved you,” Lizzie said quietly before stepping away.

Mia looked questioningly at Lizzie. What did she mean? Did she know about Mia’s relationship with Tom? Had he told her?

“He loved you,” Lizzie repeated, her green eyes locking on her.

Mia’s lower lip trembled as she fought the threatening tears that were about to erupt from her eyes. She nodded repeatedly at Lizzie. But Mia could no longer fight the tears when Lizzie hugged her again. An ugly sob escaped from her throat, big tears spilling down from her eyes, over her cheeks, wetting her neck.

“I know,” Lizzie said, comforting her with those words over and over. How could this woman be the one comforting her—the woman who hurt Tom. Mia couldn’t believe it. This woman who lost her lover, her boyfriend, her best friend was comforting one of Tom’s old flames.

“You shouldn’t comfort me,” Mia said quietly, her voice jagged.

“You are the only one who knows exactly what I’m going through. Maybe you are comforting me. Did you think of that?”

Mia hadn’t. But she would comfort this woman. She wrapped her arms around Lizzie’s shoulders and held on to her.

“I did love Tom.”

“I did too, but I never told him,” Lizzie gasped. “I never told Tom that I loved him. Oh, God!”

Mia held her as the sobs racked Lizzie’s body, silent tears falling down her own face. She owed this to Tom, to comfort Lizzie, and as hard as it was, she would continue to do it.

Mia

Chicago, December 2009

Christmas in Chicago. It had been four years since Mia had spent the holiday here. This year, Luke and Kaitlyn would be with her.

In about ten minutes!

Mia hadn’t spent Christmas with them since the year she was snowed in while stuck in New York and watched from her laptop. This year she would get to be front and center while Kaitlyn opened her presents.

When the doorbell rang, Mia bolted to the door. The little girl jumped right into her arms. Mia probably held on to her for far too long, but she just couldn’t let go. She closed her eyes and breathed in deep, taking in the childish watermelon scent of the precious girl in her embrace. Fighting tears, Mia placed her lips against Kaitlyn’s hair.

Damn it! She almost didn’t have this moment.

That thought threatened to break her, but a well-timed announcement from Luke saved her. “Kaitlyn, did you see what’s under the tree?”

“What?”

“Go look!” he exclaimed and the little girl bolted out of Mia’s arms to check out all the presents already under the tree.

And there she stood. Alone. In front of her best friend for the first time since her overdose. His eyes held hers, not letting her escape. She wouldn’t do that again.

Luke took one step forward and she launched herself onto him. Her arms snaked around his neck, pulling him to her. His return embrace was so tight she thought she would be enveloped by his body.

“Fuck, I missed you so much,” she said against his neck.

“I missed you more,” he replied, placing his lips upon her cheek.

The tears fell then. There was no stopping them. With a sob, she spoke words that needed to be said. “I’m so sorry.”

“No. Don’t say that. You’re here.”

He had no idea.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she gave him a tremulous smile. “I am. And so are you.”

“I am!” he said, clutching her tight and spinning her around. She loved having him happy like this. He let her down and brought their bags into the house, leaving them by the stairs. “Smells like you’ve been cooking,” he said, taking her hand and heading into the house.

“Hungry?”

He looked at her like she asked the world’s stupidest question.

“Of course you’re hungry. What was I thinking?”

The three ate a small dinner at the family room table watching
A Christmas Story.
After the meal, they snuggled on the sofa, Kaitlyn tucked between her and Luke. Mia would be lying if she said she’d never pictured her life like this with Luke and Kaitlyn as a family unit. It could have happened, but she knew she and Luke were better off as friends. Too many things would have destroyed them—rock star dreams, crazy mother of his daughter, and Mia’s demons. She knew early on she didn’t want to do to Kaitlyn what her mother had done to her. So Mia became that awesome aunt. That was her role. She’d take it just so she could be a part of Kaitlyn’s life.

After leaving out cookies and milk for Santa, Kaitlyn went up to her room, leaving Mia alone with Luke. He grabbed the remote and turned the volume down on the TV.

Time to talk.

“How are you?” he asked, grasping her hand.

“I’m doing a hell of a lot better now. Thanks for coming and spending this time with me.”

“I’ve missed you these past couple Christmases. No. Let me correct myself. I’ve missed
you.
”

She snuggled closer into him. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“Now, answer my question—
how are you?
”

“I’m better, Luke. Really.”

“Still going to therapy?”

“Yes. I wasn’t for a while, but I’m back and been seeing my therapist often. I’m still working on things, but I’m better. I’m getting there—slow as fuck, but I’m more me than I’ve been in a long time.”

“Good. Like I said, you’ve been missed.”

“I’ve missed me, too.”

“Ugh, stop being so sappy.”

She rolled her eyes and laughed at him. “How are you?” she asked, fiddling with the buttons on the remote.

“I’m fucking great. I’ve got my best friend by my side for the next week.”

“It’s gonna be great!”

Luke and Mia had put the presents under the tree, eaten the cookies, left some crumbs on the plate, and gone to bed. Kaitlyn would be up at the crack of dawn and they needed sleep. Which thankfully she got, but she was still tired, she thought, as she stared at the coffee machine, waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.

Luke’s arms slipped around her waist, his chin on her head, and sighed, “Coffee?”

“Not yet! It’s taking forever!”

He kissed her cheek and pulled two mugs from the cabinet. “Sleep well?” he asked with a wink.

“No! Bed hog!” she joked back. Even if it was just another person in the bed with no funny business, it was still damn nice.

“You were out in no time. I wanted to talk some more.”

“Sorry. I had the best heated pillow. Been a long time since I had that.”

“Been awhile since you got any?”

“Unfortunately.”

“You’re a rock star. Aren’t they lined up in droves at your shows?”

“For the guys. Not me.”

“Seriously?” he asked, leaning back against the island.

“Yes, but even if there were guys lining up, which they’re not, I’m not that kind of girl.”

“How many guys have you been with?”

“Luke . . .”

“Come on. Tell me. Share with
meee!
”

Luckily for Mia, the coffee machine blared that it was ready. She poured them both a cup and then took hers to wait in the living room for Kaitlyn.

“Hey!” Luke said as he plopped down next to her. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“I know,” she said, taking a drink of her hot coffee. She didn’t want to answer this. It was seriously pathetic.

“I’ll tell you mine.”

“You keep track?”

“Well, no, but I have a general idea with a little give and take. Come on, tell me, sweets.”

“Fine,” she said with a puff of air. “Four.”

“Four? Oh my God!”

“Shut up, Luke!”

He kept snickering even after she jabbed him with her elbow.

“Don’t piss me off! I’ve been without sex for a long time and I don’t think you want to set me off.”

“Your bean needs to be flicked.”

“You offering?” she asked in jest. His eyes bulged out of his head, but before he could answer, Kaitlyn came bolting down the stairs, a squeal escaping her mouth when she saw all the presents under the tree. Mia laughed and got her phone out of her pocket, her intent to capture some memories so she could add them to her photo wall.