Still Waters (16 page)

Crew

“You’re
shivering.”

“A
little bit.”

“Here,
take this.”
 

I
pass her a towel from the basket, and she wraps it around her shoulders. Her
hair is sopping wet, soaking through the towel, so I pick up another one and
wrap it around her hair as best I can. I’m not sure what to do with it, but I
remember that Jessie used to scrub her hair dry after she’d gotten out of the
surf. So that’s what I do.

“Ummm,”
she laughs as I gather the towel around her hair and start rubbing it hard
between my hands.

“Is
that not right?”

She’s
really laughing now.

“There’s
a certain way to treat curly hair, especially in this humidity. You have to
respect it. If you keep that up, I promise you, you’ll regret looking at me in
the morning.”

My
hands freeze and when I open the towel, I see what she means. I think I already
ruined it.

“I
have a feeling I’m going to like looking at you in the morning,” I smile. “Do
you want to sleep here or at your treehouse?”

“Hmm,”
she says, leaning back into my chest. “Let’s stay here. But tomorrow night,
we’re trying out that four poster bed.”

I
could say a few smart things in response to that, but I keep my mouth shut
instead.

I
follow her back into the bedroom and close the sliding door behind me. The
candle has burned low so that the room is dark with shadows. Hartley crawls
under the netting and carefully tucks it under the mattress, and I follow her
under, pulling a light cotton blanket from the end of the bed up and over us.

“I
kind of wish I had a t-shirt to wear or something,” she mumbles, as she takes
off her towel and quickly pushes it out under the netting onto the floor.

“Why?”

“I
don’t know; I’ve never slept naked before.”

She
sits up and reaches her hands around her to try to gather up her hair. When she
feels it, her eyes go wide, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop
myself from laughing.

“You’ve
never slept without clothes on?” I say. “Why not?”

“What
if I had to get up in the night, like if there was an emergency?”

“What
kind of emergency?”

“Burglars
or a fire.”

“I
always sleep naked,” I yawn, stretching my arms above my head.

She
looks down at me and narrows her eyes.

“Of
course you do.”

“Well,
kid, you don’t have any clothes here, except that dress. So you can either wear
the dress; take a little night time trip down the tree and across the forest
floor with all of the spiders and snakes; or you can stay right where you are
and sleep naked. With me.”

“Can’t
you lend me a t-shirt?” she says, lying down next to me and nuzzling into my
chest.

“No
way.”

“Fine,”
she sighs. “But it feels weird.”

“You’ll
get used to it. There are certain advantages to it that you might enjoy.”

“The
thing is,” she says, ignoring me, “David had an issue with it. He wasn’t even
that keen on me being completely naked during, let alone afterwards.”

“What?”
I say, moving back so that I can look at her face. “Why?”

“He
has a thing about germs. He said it made him feel unclean.”

“Right,”
I say quietly, and the rest of the words are sitting there, waiting on my lips.
“I think –“

“What?”
she murmurs into my chest.

“I
think we should talk a bit before we do anything again.”

She
lifts her head off my chest and props herself up on her elbow.

“What
do you mean?”

“Hartley,
correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m getting the feeling that you haven’t had much
experience.”

She
looks at me blankly, and I smile to reassure her.

“With
sex.”

“Oh!
Oh. Well,” she looks away, and then back to meet my eyes. “I’m no virgin or
anything, Crew.”

“I
know babe,” I say, pulling her back, so she’s lying down facing me. “I just
don’t want to move too fast for you or do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“That’s
very considerate of you,” she smiles, “but I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

“I
don’t think you know what you’re in for. So I still want to talk about it. We
should have some guidelines.”

“Guidelines?
Do we need those?”

She’s
looking at me like she might burst out laughing at any moment. I place a hand
on her cheek, so she knows I’m serious.

“I’ve
lived a pretty crazy life over the last eight years and to be honest, it wasn’t
that stable before then either. I’ve gone from having a lot of sex, with a lot
of women, to nothing. And now there’s you. I don’t want to ruin it. Babe, the
guidelines are for me.”

“Oh,”
she whispers, “then let’s talk.”

I
brush a few wayward curls off her forehead and pull the blanket up over her
shoulders.

“Ok,
this is just a hunch, but if David didn’t like you to be naked, which, by the
way, is insane, then I’m guessing he didn’t want to use his mouth on you,
either.”

Her
eyes widen, and she moves back on the pillow, pulling away.

“Hey,
it’s ok,” I laugh softly, “we can talk about this.”

She
looks at me boldly and shakes her head.

“Good.
See? It’s better I know that now.”

“He
didn’t mind me doing it, though,” she says quietly, and her face is suddenly
cold.

“Well,
he’s a selfish asshole.”

She
smiles a little at that but doesn’t say anything.

“Is
there anything you definitely don’t want?”

She
looks down and squirms a little, and her cheeks start to go pink. This
conversation is killing her.

“I
don’t really know,” she says and shrugs one shoulder. “I don’t think so.”

“Great!”
I say brightly, “so that’s a green light for nipple clamps, dog collars, and
anal sex then?”

Her
mouth drops open and all color drains from her face.

“Ah,
well....”

“Babe,
I’m joking,” I laugh as I pull her close for a kiss. “We’ll go slow, ok? If
there’s anything you’re not comfortable with, tell me.”

She
nods against my mouth.

“I
missed you today when you left me in my treehouse.”

I
kiss her slowly and reach a hand under the blanket to her back.

“I
miss you when you’re in the next room.” I murmur, moving my lips lower, to the
side of her neck, the ball of her shoulder, the birthmark the shape of Alaska
on her upper arm. “So I win.”

She
laughs softly, and I pull her suddenly, rolling her onto her back. She goes
still.

“I’m
going to try to be more patient this time,” I say into her belly button, and
she laughs again, trying to move away from where my breath tickles her skin.

“Is
your skin still vibrating?” I rub the stubble of my cheek against the soft skin
of her stomach and smile when I hear her breathing change.

“Yes,”
she whispers, and her hand comes down to the top of my head. “Come up here,
Crew. Kiss me.”

I
shake my head against her stomach.

“Try
to relax. And don’t think. I know it’s just about impossible,” I say, following
the ridge of her hipbone with my lips, “but try to switch that enormous brain
of yours off for a while.”

“Crew…”
she says quietly, and her hand stills in my hair.

“Don’t
think.”

Outside,
it’s started to rain. Fat drops of water hit the roof sporadically at first, a
beat that’s slightly out of time. Soon it gathers momentum, falling louder and
faster until the sky is roaring and strings of water drip from the awnings over
the windows.

I
move downwards, slowly dragging my cheek along the inside of her leg. Under my
hand her stomach dips and falls wildly, her breathing has no rhythm.

Anticipation.
She jumps every time I move.

“Stop
thinking,” I whisper against her and above me I hear her gasp.

“Wait,
wait…”

“No.”

The
rainstorm suddenly closes in, surging forward through the forest, so that the
tin roof above us sounds like it’s pelted with marbles. I’m lost in it. I let
it dictate everything, following its intensity as it rises and falls, slowing
and speeding up. There is a lull, and then it reaches its limit, the rain
deafening and the treehouse rocking from side to side. I steady myself,
matching the frenzy and the force of it until when she screams neither of us
can hear it, her voice is lost, hidden amid the lashing of the rain and the
sound of my rapidly beating heart.

Crew

Eight
years earlier

“I
hate this; it’s stupid. Nothing fits!”

I
lie back on Jessie’s bed, the cushions and blankets all blue and white and
silver. The colors of the sea. She’s standing in front of the mirror scowling
at her reflection. She reaches for the tape on the zipper and gives it one last
furious tug. It doesn’t move.

“I
look ridiculous!” she cries, stamping one foot angrily on the floor then
spinning around to face me. “And that horrible ugly thing, I hate that too!”

I
follow her with my eyes as she advances on the blue prom dress hanging on the
back of the door and pulls it furiously from its hanger. When she finally looks
in my direction her face is red, and her eyes are full of tears.

“Don’t
you dare laugh Crew Sullivan,” she warns, but I can never help myself when
Jessie lets her temper get the better of her, she looks too adorable all hot
and angry and puffing like she’s breathing fire. Today is no different.

“Stop
it,” she sniffs and laughs through her tears. “Stop.”

But
the last word comes out as a sob and soon she’s crying hard, her shoulders
heaving and her hand over her mouth.

“Hey,
hey, Jessie,” I say, standing up and pulling her to me. “It’s going to be
fine.” I kneel down in front of her and pull the sides of her wetsuit apart at
the middle, placing a hand on either side of her waist. She sighs under my
touch and her breathing slows. I lean forward, resting my face on the tight,
hard swell of her belly and under my cheek I feel something dart across her
skin, like a fish caught on a line.

“I
can’t surf anymore,” she whispers above my head, and I hear the devastation in
her voice. I press my lips to her stomach.

“Yes,
you can, for a couple of months, anyway. We just need to get you a bigger
wetsuit.”

“I’m
scared, Crew.”

“I
know.”

“Aren’t
you scared?”

“Not
at all. This is everything I ever wanted.”

“But
it was a mistake.”

“It’s
not a mistake Jessie-Girl. It was just earlier than we planned.”

“Tell
me the story again.”

She
reaches down and puts her hands in my hair, pulling me against her belly.

“Once
we get the Prom out of the way we’re going to hand in our last assignments and
head over to Giovanni’s for a celebratory dinner.”

“My
mom still isn’t that happy about us graduating early,” she says quietly. “She
thinks I should stay for as long as I can.”

“What
do you think?”

“I
think I’d walk out of high school tomorrow, as long as you were with me.”

“See?
As long as we’re together it will all be ok.”

“But
everything is changing.”

“The
important things are staying the same. I love you. I’ve loved you from the
first time I saw you. You love me.”

She
sighs heavily and strokes my hair.

“Is
it really that simple?”

“We’re
going to fly over and check out the couple’s housing at college,” I continue,
“and we’ll sort out your classes and buy everything we need to set up our
home.”

“Crew,”
she says, putting a finger under my chin, forcing me to look up at her. “Are
you sure you’re ok with deferring your studies for a year? It’s a big
sacrifice. I don’t want you to end up resenting it.”

“Honey,
I know what I want. I’ve always known it. I want you and me to be a family. I
want to make a home for us. This is my chance. I can make a home for my family
that’s totally different from the one I grew up in. You watch, while you’re
slaving away over your lecture notes, I’m going to be cooking you dinner and
taking care of the baby. I’m going to be the best house husband in the whole
wide world.”

“House
husband huh?” she smiles, and I stand to my feet.

“How
about just a husband?”

My
heart hammers in my chest, because even though I’ve known I’d marry Jessica
O’Reilly ever since the day I saw her punch a kid in the nose for stealing
Jake’s lunch in First Grade, there’s always a small part of that me thinks
she’s far too good for someone like me. I reach up and run my hand down her
honey blonde hair, thick and knotted from the sea.

“You
know what Crew Sullivan?” she says, leaning forward and kissing me tenderly, “I
think I like the sound of that.”