Still Waters (24 page)

“Frank, I have something to tell you.”

“Ah.” He didn’t turn around, but she could hear him smiling. “I thought you might.”

“What do you mean by that?”

He carried the drinks over to where she was sitting and handed one to her before sitting down. “You radiate,” was all he said. He crossed his legs and looked at her over the rim of his glass. His eyes glinted.

“I do what?”

“When you’re excited about something, or nervous, you radiate it like the moon.”

Jenna sipped her drink. “But isn’t it the sun that radiates?”

“The sun is a thing of heat and fire. Your glow is cool — a conflagration of ice, if you will.”

“Very poetic.” She smiled. “Are you sure you haven’t already had too much to drink?”

“And are you sure that you’re not trying to distract me so I won’t insist that you say whatever it is you have to say?”

He was as incisive as ever. “Well, it’s just that what I have to tell you is kind of…unusual. It may even be a little bit upsetting. But I’m trusting you to hear me out and not judge too harshly until you’ve heard the whole story.”

He put his drink down and leaned back. The look he gave her was intent. “Go on.”

Jenna set her cocktail on the table next to his. She needed a clear head for this next bit. “All right. This starts on the day when Bud died.” She explained how she had found the photo in Bud’s drawer, telling Frank the story as she had told it to Adam all those years ago on the night that Christopher was conceived. She showed him the picture, watching his face as he took in the contents of the photo and all its implications.

She told him how she had eventually showed the photo to Adam, and he had told her who Maya was. “Well, you can imagine how I felt at that point. This baby was Denny’s, not Bud’s. I went to the last address that Adam had for Maya Sinclair, but she no longer lived there. Instead, I met her brother, Alexander Graves. He was reluctant to take me to her, but eventually he changed his mind. I think it was after we saw him at the ice cream shop.” She explained what had happened. “I honestly do believe that after meeting Kitty, he was convinced it would be all right to introduce me to Maya and Joseph. But whatever the reasons behind his decision, I’m so eternally grateful that he made it.”

Frank spoke for the first time. His voice was quiet, calm. “And so, have you met this woman?”

“Yes. I finally met her a few weeks ago.”

“And?”

Slowly, Jenna shook her head. “She wants nothing to do with me. She has a good life; she and her son are happy. I can’t blame her for not wanting to risk that just to attempt a reconnection with such a distant relative as myself. I’m not even a blood relation, for God’s sake.”

“So you don’t anticipate hearing from her or her brother again?”

“Well, no, although to be honest, it’s my hope that — ”

“No, Jenna.” He leaned forward. “You mustn’t hope for that. You mustn’t hope or wish for anything more to do with this family.”

Jenna was taken aback. “But why? They’re good people.”

“I’m sure they are. But if you ever hear from any of them again, you must promise me —
promise me,
Jenna — that you will tell me immediately. If you are to be my wife, I need to be able to trust you.”

Jenna stiffened. “Are you saying that you
don’t
trust me?”

“I’m saying that you were wrong to keep this from me. You were wrong to keep such an enormous secret. Anything could have happened to you, and then where would I be?”

She softened. What he was saying didn’t make sense, but it was sweet nonetheless. “Oh Frank, nothing’s going to happen. Please, you have no reason to fear that I would — that I would — “ She couldn’t bring herself to say it.

But Frank finished the thought for her. “What? No reason to fear that you would kill yourself the way Evelyn did?” He regarded her with cold analysis. “Perhaps not. Certainly I would think that your attachment to your son would prohibit such an action. But there are other ways to lose someone, Jenna.” His eyes darkened. “Evelyn left me long before she died. I just didn’t realize until it was too late.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that she too had secrets, and eventually they destroyed her.” He took her face in his hand. His touch was gentle, but his manner was severe. “No more secrets, Jenna, do you hear me?”

This was the time to tell him about Adam and Christopher. Jenna knew it. She could feel the truth hovering in her mouth, waiting to come out. But the intense look in his eyes frightened her. He was so much more fragile than she’d ever let herself believe. Maybe some truths are best left untold. Now that Adam was firmly out of the picture — and she had seen to that very thoroughly, hadn’t she? — there was no reason to burden Frank with the knowledge that Adam was Christopher’s father.

“All right, Frank. If Maya or Alexander contacts me, I’ll let you know.”

The vow was as solemn and heartfelt as any she had ever made. And yet she broke her promise the very next day.

* * *

Though Jenna had fallen short of the full disclosure she had planned, she woke the next morning with a heart that was lighter for having shared the truth about Denny’s child. After all, Frank loved Bill and Kitty too. He would understand the need to guard the secret. And if it came down to it, she knew that he would grow to support any relationship she developed with Joseph in the future.

And it felt so, so good to have unburdened herself, just that little bit.

Stella called her at midmorning, making plans for Halloween, which was only a few days away. The two of them were taking a passel of children from the neighborhood trick-or-treating. Rose had graciously agreed to come along, despite her assertions that she was too old to dress up. “I have a feeling she’ll change her mind at the last minute — she’s just that kind of gal,” Stella said. “Guess I’d better limber up my sewing machine!”

“I’ll be glad to help if you need me,” Jenna offered.

“Thanks, hon, I’ll keep that in mind.”

A moment after Jenna hung up the phone, it rang again. Thinking it must be Stella, Jenna grabbed the receiver off the hook. “Forget something?” she asked brightly.

There was a pause. Then: “Hello, I’m calling for Jenna Appleton. Do I have the right number?” It was a woman’s voice, and it sounded familiar. Jenna’s heart skipped a beat.

“Speaking,” she said. “Can I help you?”

“Jenna. This is Maya.” The woman added, “Maya Wilkinson — Alexander’s sister.” As if there were another Maya in her life.

“Maya, hello!” Jenna struggled to keep her voice from trembling. “How nice to hear from you.”

There was another pause, during which Jenna expected Maya to speak. When she said nothing, Jenna continued, “How are you and your family? I trust everything’s all right?”

When Maya finally spoke, she sounded irritated. “No, everything isn’t all right. I’m a jackass.”

Jenna laughed uncomfortably. “What do you mean?”

A heavy sigh blew through the line. “I’ve been meaning to call you for weeks. Joseph keeps asking about you, and I feel terrible about the way we left things when you came to see me. I was just so damn mad when you left.”

“I can’t exactly blame you for being angry. I dumped a lot on your doorstep, and then left it there for you to clean up on your own.”

“I wasn’t angry at
you
, Jenna.” The voice softened. “I was just mad about the situation.”

“I can’t blame you for that, either.” Jenna fiddled with the phone cord, trying not to get too excited about having this conversation. Maybe Maya was just trying to mend fences, be polite. It didn’t mean anything further than that. But the next moment, that changed.

“Well the truth is that I might not have called you today, either,” Maya confessed. “Except that Joseph has a piano recital next month, and he wants you to come. Both my husband and my son have been all over me to get in touch with you.”

Jenna’s heart leapt, but she did her best to control her anticipation. “That’s so sweet. And is it all right with you if I do attend?”

She didn’t get the quick “yes” that she’d been hoping for. Instead, Maya was honest enough to consider the question before answering it. “I suppose so,” she said. Then she added hurriedly, “I’m sorry — it’s not my intention to be rude. You made it clear that you want to be part of Joseph’s life. He also seems to want to see you, and I don’t feel it would be fair for me to try to prevent that. I just haven’t yet figured out exactly how it’s going to work.”

“Well, maybe that’s the kind of thing that we don’t have to figure out now. Maybe we can just make it up as we go along.”

“I’d like to believe that’s true.”

“Then if it’s okay with you,” Jenna said shyly, “I’d like very much to attend Joseph’s piano recital.”

Another pause. “Do you have a pen? I’ll give you directions.”

Jenna reached for a pen and paper, carefully writing down the address, date, and time of the recital. As she wrote, she tried very hard not think about Frank. Wasn’t it fewer than twelve hours ago that she’d promised not to keep any more secrets from him? And was she going to tell him about this conversation, or about the recital? No, she was not. And she didn’t want to think about why that was.

“I’m looking forward to it very much,” Jenna told Maya.

Maya’s voice was still taut with worry. “Well, Joseph will be excited, too, when I tell him, and Fred is looking forward to meeting you.”

Jenna spoke without thinking. “Maya, I know that we live in troubled times. If we want to find happiness, we have to find the things that make us feel safe, grab them tight, and never let go.”

There was a brief silence. “Those are wise words,” Maya said.

Jenna chuckled. “They’re your brother’s,” she admitted. “It’s what he said to me after we left your house.”

“Alex has always been smart,” Maya said drily. “Maybe he’s also finally managing to become wise.”

“Anything’s possible.”

“Yes.” There was the beginning of a smile in Maya’s voice. “I guess maybe anything
is
possible.”

* * *

Frank’s coffee sat on his desk, cold and untouched. Through the closed door of his office, he could hear voices and phones, the Monday morning bustle of a busy office. He had taken the unprecedented step of asking Darla to hold his calls, saying he had some important work to get done. She had promised that he would get his privacy, and he knew she meant it. It would take the combined efforts of Ike Eisenhower and Nikita Khrushchev to get past her — and even then, if Frank were a betting man, he would put his money on Darla.

He crossed his legs and lit another cigarette, watching the slight trembling of his hand with faint amusement. Oh, Jenna would laugh to see him now, wouldn’t she? It had been over twenty-four hours since she’d confessed her secret, and here he was, still suffering the effects, like post-earthquake aftershocks.

Still, he had to give himself credit for keeping his temper, for covering his anger with calm reason and warm care. He’d wager that Jenna had no idea how easily he could have vented his displeasure on her pale, lovely face, her wide eyes showing all the earnest stupidity of a sheep.

Of all the things he might have expected Jenna to say that night, revealing that Denny Appleton had a half-black son was not one of them. Under ordinary circumstances, Frank wouldn’t have given a damn about such things. After all, many respectable white men had by-blows in all colors of the rainbow. The children weren’t recognized by polite society, of course. Sometimes the men were able to give the mothers a few coins for support; sometimes they didn’t bother. It was none of Frank’s business, and as long as it stayed under cover where it belonged, he honestly didn’t care.

Oh, but Jenna thought differently. Of course she did! And that was so infuriating. Despite her promise to tell him of any future contact with Maya or her brother, he no longer trusted her. He could see how much she wanted that child to be a part of her life, regardless of how it might affect the people around them.

Even now he had to tamp down on the tight pulse of anger he felt, remembering how Jenna had harbored this secret for years. And when she finally did tell, in whom did she first confide? In Adam Balentine, of all people. Adam, the common soldier who’d spent the last decade wallowing in the muck of war and ruination. What did he know about how people behaved here in modern civilization? And what had made her trust the secret to him over everyone else, including Frank himself?

He tapped ash off his cigarette, willing himself to be calm. In a certain light, he told himself, her choice was a natural one. Adam had been Bud’s best friend, one of the few people who would not have held it against him if Jenna’s first instinct had been accurate — if Bud had truly been having an affair. Jenna had been afraid of damaging her husband’s reputation. She’d had no idea that it was actually her dead brother-in-law whose reputation was at risk. Either way, of course, it could affect Bill and Kitty badly, and Frank had no desire to see that happen. Although….

Frank picked up his cold coffee and sipped absently. In some ways, it might actually be a good thing for Kitty to find out about this mess. Of course, there was a grim, deadly irony about how things had turned out that Frank didn’t think Kitty had the wits or wisdom to appreciate. And so it was up to him, yet again, to keep the secrets.