Stranger on the Shore (Mirabelle Harbor, Book 4) (26 page)

I stared at her, mute. For years she’d insisted that parenthood was the
last
thing on earth she’d ever want. That the coldness of our parents, especially our mom, had left such a bitter taste in her mouth that she’d vowed never to inflict such a relationship on a future generation. Where the heck was this sudden maternal instinct coming from?

“I’m forty-four, though,” she continued. “By the ticking of a lot of biological clocks, that’s really pushing it. But I’m not super picky, Marianna. If I can’t get pregnant, I’d love to adopt. And I don’t begrudge anyone else the decisions they’ve made in their lives. For lots of people, having kids will never be something they desire. In my case, though, it was... but I’d just buried the hell out of it. For decades.”

“I had no idea,” I murmured.

She laughed. “Me either.”

“What about Jared? How does he feel about all of this?”

Ellen pursed her lips and shrugged. “To say he was ‘surprised’ would be a fucking understatement. Honestly, I don’t blame him. And he and I are still in the discussion-slash-negotiation stage of this whole idea. Neither of us are really big lovers of change, but I know my panic attacks scared him. And they terrified me. So, when I was finally able to isolate why my brain and body might be reacting the way they were, that helped a lot. Plus, it’s in Jared’s nature to be supportive. His exact words when I first managed to spit all this out on Sunday night were, ‘I have no real objection to becoming a father. I just have no idea how good—or bad—I’ll be at it.’” She grinned. “So, although it’s definitely more my dream than his right now, it hasn’t been a deal breaker as far as our marriage. And that had been one of my biggest fears, as well as one of the main reasons why I’d stuffed down the urge to face this for so long.”

“Jared’s always been really good with Kathryn,” I said. “And he and Sid seemed to hit it off pretty well today. He might not realize it yet, but I think he has the potential to be a wonderful dad.”

“Yeah. I think so, too.”

“And
you
—” I got up and hugged her. “You are going to be
amazing
as a mom. I pity anyone, from preschool age on up, who so much as dares to try to cross a child of yours. You’ll be strong and confident, proficient and fair, and you’ll teach your baby to do the same.”

“You don’t think I’m too old to do this? To be a first-time mom?”

She looked really afraid of what I might say, but I could only tell her the truth. “It’s hard no matter what the age, Ellen, but if anyone is capable of handling the task, it’s you. Particularly with a man like Jared by your side. And I’m here for you as well. Always. Whenever you might need me.”

She nodded. “I know you are. And I’m gonna need you a lot. I mean, seriously. A freakin’
lot
. As it is, this still fictional kid of mine will probably be so screwed up that he or she will need to go to therapy every day of the week and twice on weekends.” Ellen mimicked a child on a psychologist’s sofa, bitching about his or her crazy mother. “What if I don’t do anything right?”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Oh, please. Don’t you know that
every
mother worries about that at some point, and some of us worry about it constantly?” I hugged her again, even harder this time, and she held onto me with a tightness that reminded me of Kathryn as a toddler, frightened and clingy after she’d had a nightmare. “Hey, it’ll be okay, Ellen. Really. Don’t be scared.”

“Well, if you’re wrong, I’m going to blame you—
for years
—for encouraging me during this vulnerable time.” Then she kissed my cheek and whispered, “Thanks, Sis.”

“You’re welcome.” And then I told her something I’d been mulling over for a while, especially during these past few weeks. “Maybe our mom did the best she could with what she knew about parenting, Ellen. It wasn’t what we always needed, but I don’t believe she set out to try and mess up our lives. Even so, I think you and I are both capable of doing better. And, really, that’s all our kids can ask of us.”

“I hope so. I will say that Jared found the silver lining in this immediately.”

“What do you mean?”

“The sex, Marianna. Lots and lots of extra sex. He’s already enjoying that bonus. It can take a
ton
of tries before a woman my age gets pregnant. Although, we can’t know our fertility level until we test it, right? It might happen sooner than we think.” She pointed at me. “And you’d better watch yourself as well, especially with that stud muffin of yours.”

“Ellen! I’m not planning on having another bab—”

She cut me off. “Never say never. Plus, I suspect you’re going to spending a lot of time in bed with Gil before you leave Florida. Don’t try to deny it.” She crossed her arms and struck that know-it-all big sister pose that I remembered so well from our childhood. “I saw the way he looked at you, Marianna. And the way you looked back at him. The two of you practically steamed up the living room windows and you weren’t even touching. So don’t act like it couldn’t happen to you, too... ”

Expanding the Circle

W
hile I wasn’t about to deny that Gil and I had remarkable chemistry, discussing the intimate details of my sex life with my sister was
so
not going to happen. At least not this soon into my relationship with Gil. But there was something else I was willing to share—not just with Ellen, but with Kathryn, too.

The following day, Jared flew home, but I promised him as he got into the taxi to head to the airport that I’d keep an eye on my sister. That she and my daughter would be spending the entire day with me... and with my friends.

“Joy, Lorelei, and Abby have been working tirelessly on the B.E.A.D.S. project and have been struggling to get enough bracelets made for the Art Gala, which is coming up at the end of next week,” I told them. “Since I’ve been AWOL for the last several days and couldn’t work on it with them, I think it would be wonderful if we had a ladies’ day today and chipped in to help them catch up. Are you two game?”

They were.

So, immediately after we waved goodbye to my brother-in-law, the rest of us went to The Beaded Periwinkle, dropping Sid off at nearby Lido Beach for him to explore that area, along with the Circle, at his leisure. He was invited to join us all later in the day for dinner at Joy’s shop, though, which satisfied Kathryn. And Ellen confessed that she was looking forward to getting in a little more time with my friends before she, too, had to return to Connecticut. Her flight home was this weekend, and she said she was ready for it.

“A two-week vacation once every few decades is plenty for me,” she joked. “God knows what other major life changes I’d make if I had more time off.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely safer for you to be a workaholic,” I replied.

“I know you’re mocking me, but it’s kinda true.”

“If you’re a fan of working hard, Ellen, trust me, you’ll have a chance today.”

My friends whooped with delight when Ellen, Kathryn, and I walked into the shop and demanded to make ourselves useful.

“I’ll give ‘em a quick lesson on how to use the tools, “Lorelei offered. “You go join Abby and Joy.” She grinned at me. “It’s great to have you back, Marianna.”

“It’s great to be back,” I said. And, oh, how true that was. If I felt such a strong sense of missing them after an absence of only four days, how hard would it be to be away indefinitely?

But I pushed that thought from my mind, grabbed a handful of beads and charms, some nylon string, and my pliers and got to work.

With the six of us making bracelets steadily for over eight hours, we made some serious progress. Plus, it was a
blast
. Even my daughter thought so.

“Your friends are really chill, Mom,” Kathryn confided after a few hours, giving me one of her rare full hugs and a quick kiss on the cheek. “I’m glad I came today.”

“I’m glad you did, too, sweetheart.” I smiled at her and hoped she could see my tremendous love for her in my gaze. She bobbed her head before turning and skipping toward Abby, where the two of them were creating a beautiful series of butterfly-themed bracelets.

Dinner time came and, with it, so did Sid, who’d amused himself around St. Armand’s for most of the day and had ended up at Castaways, chatting with Gil and Carter during the late afternoon.

“Kathryn, you gotta see the insane t-shirts and towels these dudes have at their shop,” Sid said with a grin, thumbing in the direction of Gil, who’d come into The Beaded Periwinkle soon after closing with a couple boxes of pizza, and Carter, who was toting a twelve-pack of sodas. Sid himself was carrying a tub of caramel corn and a handful of napkins, clearly impressed with all he’d seen during the day. “They’re crazy clever,” he added.

“Thanks, man,” Gil said with a laugh.

And Abby, inhaling the aroma of the warm pizzas, said, “Oh, my God... carb heaven has arrived. I could kiss you guys.”

Gil just grinned, taking it as the joke it was. Sid was too busy telling Kathryn about the wild and wacky items for sale at Castaways to hear her. But Carter looked hopeful that Abby would make good on her comment.

Too bad I knew she thought Carter was too young for her tastes. The guy had such an obvious crush on her. But the heart, unfortunately, didn’t work according to convenience. I knew that well enough.

If the day had been fun, the night was even more so. We sat around the shop talking, laughing, eating, and tallying up the number of bracelets we’d made.

“I thought we were going to barely make it by the deadline,” Joy said. “But we’re actually ahead of schedule now.”

We simply enjoyed being together until the leftover pizza was cold and the tub of caramel corn was just a container of crumbs.

At one point in the evening, Gil spirited me away to his shop for a few minutes, just so I could secretly help him choose a few gifts for Sid, Kathryn, and Ellen.

“Your daughter’s young man is actually pretty funny,” he whispered. “He had about a million questions for me about good business practices in Florida and what I thought made the shops in the Circle so successful. The guy has got a lot of drive, and he also seems very attached to Kathryn.”

“I know. He’s growing on me. Although, I can’t help but hope they’ll wait a few more years before tying the knot.”

Gil nodded. “Agreed. But I learned something interesting about Sid today. He’s a child of divorce, too. Like Kathryn. And like Joy and me.” He paused. “Sid told me his parents split when he was still a preschooler and that it was a particularly nasty breakup. Yet, he somehow maintained his optimism about love and marriage. I gotta give the guy props for having the courage and determination to try to make a committed relationship work, especially in the face of what he witnessed growing up. He’s earned my admiration for that. Kathryn has, too.”

I could appreciate what he was saying but, at the same time, what he
didn’t
say rang loudly in my ears. That Gil wasn’t somebody who had that kind of courage. That he wouldn’t be likely to take a leap of faith like that himself. That he hadn’t been able to overcome the bad memories of his own parents’ divorce and no one would be calling him an optimist when it came to love and marriage.

Nor would they say any of those things about me.

Maybe Gil had the excuse of being an artist. Someone extra sensitive to the world and even, perhaps, a little idealistic about it. But I didn’t have that. For me, it was all just emotional baggage and a fear of being burned so badly again.

At the end of the night, when Gil gave Kathryn and Sid their t-shirts (both with highly witty sayings that Sid had commented on earlier in the day), there was much laughter and appreciation. Gil gave a specialty towel to Ellen, which I’d been the one to select, and she, too, was surprised and grateful.

She actually snorted when she unfurled it and turned it around to show off to the group. It featured a woman standing in the middle of a palm-tree-lined Florida intersection, who had clearly just stolen a police officer’s cap, and she was demonstrating to him how to more efficiently direct traffic to the beach.

“This is perfect,” she said, smiling warmly at Gil for, perhaps, the first time. “I love it. Thank you.” To me, she whispered privately, “Okay, he’s a nice guy, as well as being a stud, but I’ll still kill him if he hurts you.”

“To serve and protect, eh?” I murmured.

“You know it, Sis.”

The next morning, Sid and Kathryn had plans to take a bus tour down the coast and visit a few new places, including Sanibel Island.

“I still haven’t gone there myself,” I admitted with a pang of regret. I wasn’t sure if Gil and I would have time to do that now, especially since my departure date was looming. “But I know you two will have a wonderful day. Wear lots of sunscreen!”

“We will,” they promised.

Once they’d left, I drove over to Ellen’s hotel to pick her up and drive her to the airport in Tampa/St. Pete.

“I’m actually going to miss you, bossy girl,” I said, nudging her.

She elbowed me back. “Not as much as I’m going to miss you, little brat.”

We laughed and then teared up, and then wiped our eyes and laughed again.

She hugged me fiercely before she headed toward Departures, and I watched my sassy, nutty, intense, and oh-so-loving sister as she walked down the long hallway that would, eventually, lead her home.

A part of me wanted to follow her—to talk with her in person for even a few minutes more—so I could tell her again how much this time away from my old life had meant to me and how thankful I was for all she’d done for me and how glad I was that, in spite of everything, we were sisters.

But I didn’t go racing after Ellen. I knew she knew all of that already, and more.

Instead, I drove myself to the Circle and spent another gloriously busy day with my Sarasota friends, trying to wring out every last bit of time with them that I could. It was much like watching the sunset over the Gulf. How I always tried to keep my eye on that last ray of light, which seemed to linger in the sky extra long, just so we could treasure and remember it.