Stricken Resolve (14 page)

Taking my right arm out of the black shirt I
throw that half over my shoulder and pull my bra down to try and
pull out my breast but it’s too tight. And I can’t maneuver with
Eric in my arms, Dylan next to me and a pillow against my
stomach.

“Need some help?” I hear Johnathan ask from
over the back of the couch. Both of his giant hands landing softly
on my shoulders.

I nod and marginally lean forward for him.
Unclasping my bra with ease, I’m now able to pull out my breast.
All the experience with all those bitches Johnathan’s screwed over
the years has given him some nimble fingers.

“We wanted to welcome you home, Em,” D
states, coming over and sitting down on other brown leather couch
across from me. The same leather couches from the cabin in
Colorado. Well not the same, same. But same style and manufacturer.
I love them.

“It’s kind of a celebration since you didn’t
have a baby shower,” Johnathan chimes in, coming over to my side
where Eric is feeding from and sitting down with a crunch of the
leather. Dylan’s head resting against my other arm. Both of his
tiny hands wrapped around my bicep. Poor little man.

“We even got a cake,” Cammy adds.

And I glance up from watching my son feed to
look at Cammy standing in the open kitchen slicing what appears to
be this cake she was just talking about.

“Can I see him?” Johnathan asks.

I nod, giving him the go ahead and he lifts
the blanket to see our son sucking rather greedily on my right
nipple. Gulping sounds bellow in Eric’s throat as he takes long
strong pulls from mommy.

“He doesn’t like me,” Johnathan admits,
intently watching.

I don’t know how to respond to that statement
without speaking so I give in just this once. I’m still not going
to let my guard down and talk about James. That’s on the
don’t-even-think-about-it list.

“He barely knows…,”

“Time for cake,” Cammy calls from the
kitchen, breaking my explanation and all the men dash for the
sugary goodness— all except for Johnathan.

“You were saying?” He smiles at me and pushes
my hair over my shoulder, leaning in to get a better look of Eric.
His face is way too close to mine. I can smell him and he smells
really good.

“He barely knows you. That’s why he’s not
content when you hold him and I think maybe you feel a little
uncomfortable with him. He might feel your anxiety,” I explain
quietly.

“I don’t want to break him.”

“He’s a baby, not a china doll. He needs his
dad to love and hold him.”

Oh wow, I just called Johnathan his dad. I
don’t think I’ve ever spoken that aloud before. Oddly enough, it
doesn’t feel weird imparting from my lips.

“You’re a really great mom, you know that?”
He compliments and I can feel the genuine nature in his low, gentle
tone.

Blushing, I nod and turn my head from him.
Feeling his heated breath against my face tickles and feels wrong.
But he’s being too nice to snap at him, again. I’m too exhausted
for that anyhow.

Once Eric’s mouth relaxes and breaks from my
nipple, I lift him to burp but Johnathan offers out his hands to do
it instead.

Um… Okay. Sure.

I take his cue and let him father his son.
Pushing Eric’s little body against his huge chest, he cups him with
one hand and pats his back way too gently to produce any sort of
burp so I pivot just enough that I guide him along.

“Here.” I grab his hand and show him how
forceful it needs to be.

“That hard?”

I nod. “Yes, it’ll work. Start at his lower
back and work your way up with slow but firm pats.”

Listening to my instruction, makes a sleepy
Eric belch a good one and I peer up to see Johnathan’s green eyes
twinkle with pure joy. How adorable!

Kissing Eric’s head, Johnathan moves him
around so he’s tucked into his arm, like a football and Eric stays
a sleep for a few moments before doing the grunting he does when
Johnathan holds him.

“See?” he huffs.

“We’ll work on it,” I reassure with a slight
smile, my hand patting his leg.

“Thank you baby, you’re so wonderful.” He
shoots me one of those smiles that used to do funny things to my
stomach and make me want to hop into bed with him. But it doesn’t
affect me now. Even if it is sexy. He can use that sexy elsewhere.
This woman is locked up tighter than Fort Knox during a terrorist
attack.

Leaving him to try and work with Eric, I
stand, stretch and readjust my top and bra. Dylan fell asleep
against my arm so he’s curled into a ball on the couch. I snatch
the tan Sherpa blanket off the back of the couch and cover him with
it. Leaving him and making my way to my bedroom to change into
something more comfortable.

Pushing the door open I stop in my tracks and
my heart explodes!

Oh no!!!!!!

No!

No!

No!

Covering my eyes in the doorway, I fall to
the ground and immediately wail.

They didn’t just do that! They didn’t!
No!!!!

People are all around me. I can feel them.
They’re talking to me.

“No! No! No!” I scream out loud, rocking back
and forth. My wails turn into desperate screams and I completely
lose it. I lose everything. My mind goes into overdrive. My
breathing accelerates as I wail.

“Oh my god!” I cry out, my voice hoarse.

How could they? The one thing. The one thing
that’s ever mattered! Why…why?

Suddenly a body is curled around me from
behind and one from my front. I suck in a deep breath and two
distinctive smells fill my senses.

Stacy’s and Deacons colognes. The person in
front of me has to be Deacon because he’s less sinewy in muscles
than Stacy. His body is larger.

“Hey Em, what’s wrong?” I hear Deacon ask and
then I feel another person kneel close to me and I smell him too
and I know immediately it’s Johnathan.

“Short Stack, what’s wrong?” Johnathan
adds.

I shake my head back and forth over and
over.

“You took it. You took it from me. It’s
gone,” I mutter, trying not to cry out again. It’s so hard to
control. I can feel the burning urge to let loose and wail. But I
open my eyes and dart forward, my arms latching around Deacon’s
torso.

Gliding his hands down my back, he holds onto
me, kissing my hair. “Em, talk to us, sassy minx.” He chuckles and
I actually smile, but only a little. “Oh come on, please don’t take
the fight out of this feisty redhead. It’d be a damn shame to lose
it when it’s so hot that I want to do nothing but ravish it and
pound my hard dick into it as it’s pressed firmly against the
wall.”

“You’re sick,” I mutter against his
chest.

“Sick, but so damn sexy. Right?” He’s
playfully fishing for compliments, then he tickles my side and I
actually let out a mix between a grunt and a chuckle.

“Fuck off.”

“Ooooo… Yesssss, talk dirty to me baby.” He
laughs at that one and pulls me back from him. Reaching up he
swipes the tears from my puffy eyes with his thumbs and cups my
face in his hands.

“Ahh… that’s my sexy redhead. You wanna fuck
now? Or do you want to do us all a favor and tell us why you lost
it?” He holds my gaze and my eyes burrow into his.

“They took it,” I mumble.

“Took what, hotness?” He winks at me and
slowly licks his lips, in turn I instinctively roll my eyes. Sick
bastard! Whoa, hey, he’s good. It’s working.

“My bed.” I speak louder and I sound at least
half normal again. Woo hoo!

“The cabin bed?” Stacy, whose still sitting
on the floor behind me, asks.

“Yes. That was
our
bed,” I mope and
shrug my shoulders.

“Fuck!” I hear Johnathan growl and suddenly
he pushes Deacon out of the way and takes the spot on the
floor.

“I’m sorry baby. I thought you wouldn’t want
a reminder of the pain so I removed it for you and bought a really
nice one to replace it.” The guilt on his face is unbelievably
heart wrenching, he actually thought taking the bed away was going
to help me. Oh wow, now I feel terrible.

“It’s okay.” No it’s not but I can’t stand
his horrific guilt stricken expression.

“No, no it’s not. Fuck! I’m so stupid,
stupid, stupid.” He smacks his hand on his forehead repeatedly and
I snatch it away. He’s so self-deprecating sometimes.

“Stop,” I order, placing his hand on my leg
which I know he won’t remove because I know he wants to touch me.
He always wants to be touching me. I see it in his eyes every time
he looks at me. Him being in love with me isn’t hard to see or
feel. It’s in every word, every touch, and every smile. I just
don’t feel that way about him. I can’t. Even if I try. I love James
with my entire being and that’s not going to ever change.

“I’ll bring it back,” he sighs.

“It’s not gone-gone?” I glow with hope.

“It’s in the garage. I was going to have it
taken back to his condo. But I’ll bring it back in,” he explains
and then stands, offering me his hand. Which I accept this time and
he pulls me and my very sore body from the floor.

“Well boys, let’s do this thing,” Deacon
chimes in and the strangest thing happens, all the men — carry in
the log bed back in, in pieces to reassemble. I’ve never felt more
loved than I do right now. The only thing missing, other than you
know who, is my mom and dad. Who will be flying out in two days to
come and stay with us for a week.

I stand in the living room watching the men
working. The babies are fast asleep, as is Dylan. And somehow a
tiny bit of happiness creeps up and takes hold of me long enough
that I can smile a fraction. Which feels amazing to lose just a
tiny bit of the pain. Even if it’s only for a little while.

Cammy walks up and slides a plate in front of
me with a slice of cake and rocky road ice-cream. The cake's pink
fluffy frosting looks unbelievably yummy. I can’t remember the last
time I’ve even had cake.

“Chocolate always helps.” She assuredly pats
my arm and goes back to whatever it is she was doing before she
brought me this cake. I realize it’s her job to do this kind of
stuff. Johnathan pays her to clean, cook, and all the other
household chores. But somehow I find her little gestures very
heartwarming. Cammy is a fantastic gal and I’m happy she could keep
her job when I was held up in a hospital. She and Johnathan seem to
get along very well. I guess that’s how it works when the two of
them are platonically friends. Sex just complicates things. I
should know, I just gave birth to two of those complications.
However, I wouldn’t change them or this entire experience for the
world. If I hadn’t went through it all, I wouldn’t have fallen for
James and I wouldn’t have my children. The pain I’ve been through
is worth every moment, every touch and kiss that I shared with the
man of my dreams. Even if it only lasted a short time. The memories
will last me a lifetime.

Chapter Eleven

~Johnathan~

“Hey there handsome, last night was amazing,”
Cammy purrs, coming up behind me, her arms wrapping around my
stomach, her head pressed to the middle of my back. This isn’t a
good time or a good place to be displaying these types of
affections.

“Yes my kinky bitch it was, now please, not
in here. They may see,” I chastise her, pressing my butt back to
break her hold around me. With a huff and a pinch on my side, she
moves around to the opposite side of the island in the kitchen,
staring hatefully at me.

I haven’t told Emily and I’m not about to. So
this little display in the kitchen is unwelcomed. I don’t want
Emily or her parents to catch any downwind of this. Especially,
since I’ve spent the entire past week sucking up to them so much
that I think her mom might actually like me now. And to be honest
I’m happy about that but they are leaving today and I’m even more
excited to see them go. I need time by myself to kick up the wooing
process. Flowers, chocolates and three sweet greeting cards haven’t
buttered her up enough yet. I want a kiss from my Short Stack and
slowly I’m going to work my way to that and hopefully more.

Cammy’s eyebrows furrow, watching me prepare
a turkey sandwich with a glass of chocolate milk for myself.

“Listen.” I lean in and she follows suit.
We’re two feet from touching faces. “You might think you got away
with this little bullshit angerfest, but tonight when I get a
chance I’m going to make you pay. I’m going to gag that sweet mouth
of yours and for that little pinch I’ll swat that ass with my bare
hand.” I raise my palm into the air, so she can see it. And her
breath hitches and her furrowed brow turns from something hateful
to smoldering hot.

“Then Cammy, I’m going to fuck your whore ass
until it’s beggin’ me to stop. Do you understand?” I quietly but
sternly explain, my face and body as hard as a rock. My jaw
clinched and I can feel myself itching to punish her over this
island. If we were alone, I’d be fucking her pussy with the handle
of a spatula as my dick rammed her ass. But I’m stuck in this
constant simmer, awaiting tonight when I can really unleash my
inner beast.

“Ye…yes,” She sputters, her voice so small my
cock instantly gets stiff.

“Yes what, my kinky bitch?” I command.

“Yes, I understand that I was bad and you’re
going to punish me,” she mutters, face flushed.

“And what am I going to do?”

“Fuck me and gag me.”

I scoff a laugh, throwing my head back. “No,
no, you know how this works, my whore. Tell me what I am going to
do to you in detail.”

“You.” Her voice wavers and she closes her
eyes, her hands gripping the lip of the island.

“You’re going to fuck my ass and gag my
mouth, as you swat my ass with your bare hand because I’ve been a
bad girl,” she huskily grinds out. I can see the lust radiating
from her beautiful blue eyes when she opens them.