Stricken Resolve (4 page)

I jet up in bed and look down. Son of a
bitch, my water just broke!

“James!” I shriek.

He jumps up out of the hospital recliner and
is by my side in a flash.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” He grabs my hand,
eyes wide. Wearing nothing but his pj bottoms and a t-shirt. Didn’t
I fall asleep with him holding me?

I peer up at the clock. It’s three in the
freakin’ morning.

We’ve been stuck in this hospital room for
the past eleven weeks. I just hit my thirty fourth week of
pregnancy this past weekend. It’s been a rough journey. I’ve went
into labor four times since I’ve been here. I’m not allowed to have
sex or any kind of sexual stimulation. So, let’s just say, sexy
James has been depositing his specimen into my mouth on a daily
basis. It keeps life interesting and I have to do something to keep
entertained. I can’t walk around or do much of anything else.
Except maybe read or be read to, and god knows I’ve done a hell of
a lot of that.

James has been living with me in this little
box they call a room. And I feel terrible for him. I’ve tried to
get him to take a day or two leave of absence but he refuses.
Johnathan has been extra distant, only coming by once or twice a
week to check on me. Although he does text me every day for
updates. He’s moved permanently into the beach house in Malibu and
Cammy is still there with Dylan. Now those two do come by and see
me about three times a week and Dylan stays as Cammy runs errands.
Giving James and I our Dylan cuddle time. I love that little
boy.

My mom left a few days after I was admitted
into the hospital and has been back once since. But she calls me
daily
and
James daily. I think she’s in love with him as
much as I am. Okay, not literally, but she thinks the world of my
future husband. I don’t know many women who don’t. All the nurses
are smitten with him, they bring him cookies and Snickers bars all
of the time. It’s sickening really. Even when hot rock star
Johnathan comes by they don’t seem to bat and eyelash. The world
revolves around my very hot fiancé. I’m fairly certain it’s because
he’s very nice to them. He’s nice to everyone. Except
Johnathan.

The strangest part of this whole stay is
since I’ve been here, Deacon of all people has been coming by three
or four times a week just to check on me and bring us food. He and
James seem to get along great. And yep if you’re wondering, he
still makes sexual comments about my hot pregnant body. Even though
I know he’s doing it to help with my poor self-esteem. I thought it
was bad before. Ha! It’s quadrupled since. I’ve grown so big I’m
stuck wearing the largest hospital gown they provide. My stomach
has stretch marks that are as long as the Golden Gate Bridge, as
itchy as a thousand mosquito bites, purple like an eggplant and
ugly as sin. On a positive note, I was still able to get out of bed
to pee. Until three days ago that is. But I couldn’t go without
help because once I sit on the toilet it’s hard to get back up with
how much pain I’m in. It’s not the babies, it’s my endo. After that
intrauterine tear I’ve been in a constant level of pain. Some days
are worse than others but it’s always there. Just like right
fucking now.

I press the call button on my bed.

“Yes Emily how may I help you?” Nurse Shelly
asks over the intercom. I know every single one of my nurses now.
That’s what happens when you live in a hospital for eleven weeks.
They become your second family.

“Well you should probably call Dr.Golds. It’s
time to deliver the babies. My water just broke,” I explain as
calmly as I can, as I squeeze the ever loving shit out of James’s
poor hand. As always, he takes it like the man he is. Strong and
supportive with a sweet loving smile on his face.

“I’ll be in to prep you for surgery,” she
says and in the door she comes. The nurse’s station is three rooms
down from mine in a little alcove.

“Emily, are you ready to be a mom?” Shelly
asks with a big smile. Damn, she’s perky for working the night
shift.

“We’ve been ready,” James answers for me and
brings my hand to his mouth, giving it a loving kiss.

“I’ve got to call John…ah… than.” I scream.
Holy shit! That fucking hurts. A big ass contraction waves through
my body and I double over grasping my stomach.

“I’ll call him, my love. Just rest.” James
goes to pull away and I hold onto him for dear life.

“No James, don’t leave me. I need you,” I beg
through clenched teeth, panting with sweat dripping down the sides
of my face.

“I’ll get it,” the nurse offers, and suddenly
my monitors go off sounding like a tornado siren. “No I won’t.” She
grabs one of my legs and hastily lifts my bottom into the air as
another nurse comes sprinting into the room and grabs my other
leg.

“The babies’ hearts have de-celled, she needs
to get into surgery. Now!” They talk to each other and another
nurse runs in and shuts down the blaring sounds. My heart is racing
a hundred miles an hour and James is by my side the whole way.

I have to call Johnathan! He has to be
here!

Then a fourth nurse pushes through the door
with Dr. Golds is in tow.

“Emily, the babies’ are in distress, we are
taking you back right now. James will be right behind us as soon as
he puts on scrubs,” she tells me fast and suddenly the bed is
moving at full speed as two nurses are still holding my lower body
in the air, James still holding my hand.

“I love you. Everything will be okay. I will
get changed and be right in, sweetheart. Don’t be scared. I promise
it will be okay. Everything will be alright.” He kisses my head and
lets me go and I break down into a hideous crying mess watching the
love of my life run with a blonde nurse to dress. I don’t want to
do this alone.

It all happens so fast. I’m in my room and
now I’m on a hard surgical bed being pumped full of meds into my
epidural that I’ve had in me for the past five weeks to regulate my
pain. A blue drape is across my chest so I can’t see and there is a
bunch of tugging going on, I can feel it. But there’s no pain. My
arms are pinned out like Jesus on the cross and I have oxygen
stuffed in my nostrils.

“He’s here,” my anesthesiologist says,
sitting on a stool above my head, a blue paper mask hooked across
his nose and mouth. I look up the best I can and James is coming
through the swinging metal doors in blue paper scrubs. Blonde nurse
right on his heels. Oh thank god!

I audibly sigh with relief.

“Hello sweetheart.” He sits on a rolling
stool next to my head, affectionately rubs my arm and wipes the
waterfall of tears cascading from my eyes.

“Emily, your daughter is almost here.” Dr.
Golds says.

“Okay,” I sob, my bottom lip trembling. This
is so much to take.

A huge push on my belly and suddenly the
whole room is flooded with cries. Oh my god my daughter is here!
She’s here! I have a baby and she’s breathing and she sounds so
wonderful. James smiles and a nurse comes around with a little
bundle in her arms with curly red hair and the tiniest little
fingers. She’s not very happy, but she’s absolutely gorgeous.

“I’m going to go get her cleaned up and let
Papa Bear take her back to the room, okay?” Nurse Shelly asks.

I nod and James swipes more tears from my
eyes. I have a daughter. I’m a mom!

“You’re doing great sweetheart. I love you.
You have a daughter.”

“
We
have a daughter,” I correct with a
smile and he starts to cry. Tears welling in his crinkled eyes and
trickling down his handsome face.

“Yes, we have a daughter.” He kisses my
forehead, his hand firmly clutched in mine.

“Your son is next,” the doctor calls out and
another even harder push and then a tug is performed and the next
set of cries flood the room and I have a son! My very own son!

Donna, my other nurse, comes around the side
with another and even bigger bundle of joy in her arms. “This is
your son.” She shows us him with his dark brown hair and big pouty
lips. He’s not crying anymore. “I’m going to go get him cleaned up
okay?” she says, offering his head to me and I kiss it for a short
heart exploding moment and then she takes my son away. And suddenly
I have this warm sensation welling in my heart. I miss my babies
already; I know I will do anything to protect and take care of
them.

“We’re parents, Papa Bear,” I smile.

“Emily,” the doctor calls.

“Yes?”

“Remember when we said we might need to
remove your uterus and clean up your endometriosis?”

“Yes.”

“I’m going to be giving you a hysterectomy
but I’ll leave your good ovary. It’s not looking good in here and I
promise you’re not bleeding badly. I just need to take this out now
so you don’t need to later. Okay?”

“Okay,” I answer back, shakier this time.

“We’re going to put you to sleep and Papa
Bear is going to go with the babies back to your family suite,
okay?”

“Okay,” I choke out this time and the tears
start to pour again.

My James stands and cups my face with his
hands, staring lovingly down into my eyes.

“I love you sweetheart. I will take care of
the babies.”

“Our babies,” I correct and he smiles, red
eyed and happy.

“I’ll take care of
our
babies as you
get fixed up. Dr. Golds is a good doctor and by the time you’re
done they will wheel you back to our family suite and our friends
will be here soon. I’ll make all the necessary calls. Don’t you
worry about a thing.”

I nod. “I won’t, but don’t let anyone hold
the babies except you or Johnathan until I’m back. And don’t let
them give them a bath, I want to watch.”

He chuckles. “Okay sweetheart. I love you.” A
sweet kiss is placed on my forehead, and then he leaves me to join
the nurses. I watch him and the two babies being wheeled out ahead
of him with Donna and Shelly, my anesthesiologist removes my oxygen
and places a large clear mask over my nose and mouth.

“Take in a deep breath Emily and count back
from ten.”

Ten, nine, ei….

Chapter Four

~Emily~

Crying, I hear crying.

I open my eyes and hazily look around.

“Welcome back mama,” Deacon says, sitting
next to my hospital bed in a blue fold up chair, in a pair of jeans
shorts and bright yellow t-shirt. Johnathan’s sitting on another
folding chair wearing a pair of jeans and black tee holding our son
who’s fussing. James has our daughter walking her around the room
cradling her in his giant arms. Cammy’s holding a sleeping Dylan
with his shaggy brown hair hanging into his eyes. Stacy’s holding
Kyle’s hand staring at the baby in Johnathan’s. And the only people
missing are my mom and Dad. I miss them so much.

“Hi D.” I smile sleepily at him and peer up
at the clock. It’s seven in the damn morning and all these people
are here already. They’re so great.

“Little girl say hello to mama,” James says,
sitting down next to me, offering me a peek of my little bundle of
red curly love. Her face scrunches up and I start to cry again.

Not the crying. Not again. Ah shit, I can’t
help it.

Johnathan stands and comes to the opposite
side of the bed. “Here’s our son,” he smiles as bright as the day
and handsome as ever.

“They are so beautiful,” I whimper, wiping my
wet eyes. Stacy stands and hands me a tissue as he uses one
himself. He’s crying as much as I am. We’re such girls.

“They are so lovely Em, you did good.” Stace
grabs my shoulder and James scoots back making room for him.
Reaching out my arms, Stacy hugs me tight and we sob, holding each
other. Me and the bestest friend I’ve ever had is here with me,
sharing this perfect moment.

I’m a mom. I have children. I don’t think
I’ll ever get used to that. It’s the most magnificent feeling in
the entire world.

Stacy lets go and I reach out my arms to take
my still fussy son from Johnathan, who’s trying his hardest to calm
him but he won’t stop whining and grunting. My son, not Johnathan.
Although he’s been known to do some whining and grunting himself, a
time or two.

“I’ll take him.”

Johnathan puts him into my arms without
protest. Cradling him against my chest, I rub his back and he
instantly quiets down. “It’s okay little man, mommy has you.” I
kiss his little hat covered head. He’s so tiny and light. I felt
like a whale and this is all that came out. It doesn’t seem like
enough. I was half expecting a calf or something. Okay, no I
wasn’t, but I felt like I should have given birth to something a
lot bigger than him and her.

“So what are their names?” Kyle asks and I
look to both James and Johnathan. They both shrug. I guess I’ve not
thought a bunch about names. I figured when I saw them I’d kind of
just know.

“Any suggestions?” I ask my guys, including
Stacy.

“I think Deacon is a distinguished name,” D
cuts in and I can’t help but laugh and so does the rest of the
group. Leave it to him to add some spice to our already eventful
morning.

“I love you D. But I don’t want my son to be
a male whore. So I think Deacon’s out of the question. But I think
our son should start with a J. Since we have James and Johnathan as
the dads.”

“I’m not their real dad Emily, you know
that,” James chimes in and I frown.

“You’re their Papa Bear. You’ve been more
than a dad to them so far than I have. We can both be their dads,”
Johnathan adds, and I about fall off the bed. Holy shit!

James turns to look at Johnathan and claps
him on the shoulder. “Thanks man.”

I can’t stop staring at Johnathan with eyes
wide and mouth open. I’m in utter disbelief.

“What?” he shrugs. “Oh, come on Short Stack.
You didn’t actually think I’d stay pissed at him forever, did you?
Being a dad changes a man and I don’t want to start our children’s
lives in a screwed up world. We need to get past all of our
differences and be a big family. I already told you that. I don’t
hate James. I just don’t like that he’s got what I always wanted.
But he makes you happy and you make him happy.” He shrugs again and
exhales loudly, slumping his shoulders and frowning, his eyes
drooping in the process. He looks like a saddened puppy.