Strictly My Husband: It's funny, it's romantic and it's got dancing - what's not to love! (14 page)

‘There won’t be enough lights,’ interrupted Tom, shaking his head. ‘Some of them will do but we’d need to buy special ones for outdoor.’

‘What do you mean you’re going to build a stage?’ asked Hannah, still not understanding what was going on.

‘We could ask Ferns if they have any lights,’ said Will, looking furtively between Jerry and Hannah. ‘They supply conference centres now who often use stage-grade lighting. We could ask if they’d lend us some. They screwed up a delivery the other week, so they owe us a favour at the moment.’

‘Perfect,’ said Jerry, grinning at Will. ‘I’ll ring old man Fern and tell him we’ll put his name in lights if he’ll give us a hand and we won’t start looking for a new supplier just yet. And you’ll be able to fit stage lighting, do you think?’ he asked Will.

Will shrugged. ‘Can’t be hard,’ he replied. ‘I’m sure me and the other lads can work it out between us.’

‘What a man,’ said Jerry, winking at Carly. ‘He’s got it up here’ – he pointed at Will’s head – ‘and he’s got it here,’ he continued, indicating his bicep, ‘ . . . and he really has it here.’ Jerry finished by banging his fist against Will’s chest.

‘Give over, Jerry,’ said Will, pushing him away gently. ‘Just doing my job.’

‘That is where you are wrong!’ Jerry threw his arms wide in amazement. ‘What we are going to do with this stage is make dreams come
alive,’ he declared. ‘Isn’t that right, Carly? Isn’t that right, Tom?’

‘Oh God yes, Jerry, that’s exactly right,’ Carly replied, flinging herself at Jerry and Tom and jumping up and down.

‘Can someone please tell me what is going on?’ interrupted Hannah, now looking totally bewildered. ‘Laura?’

Laura looked back at Hannah panic-stricken. We’re doomed, she wanted to shout. Tom and Carly are going to create the most spectacular show together and they are going to have so much fun and achieve things together that I could never achieve with him and so when the moment comes, when the joy of success engulfs them and they feel happier than they have felt in ages, that’s when they will kiss, that very moment. They won’t be able to help themselves, it will feel like the most natural thing in the world and then . . . and then my life will be over.

‘Tell me, Laura,’ repeated Hannah, glancing between Laura’s distress and everyone else’s joy. ‘What has Jerry done?’

Laura opened and closed her mouth, not knowing how to communicate her inner turmoil in front of this hyped-up crowd.

The rest were now talking excitedly about where and when and how, leaving just Hannah and Laura staring at each other. Laura stepped around the back of Carly and went to whisper in Hannah’s ear.

‘
Strictly
Curse,’ she breathed.

‘What?’ Hannah cried, turning to face her. ‘I can’t hear you.’

‘
Strictly
Curse,’ she repeated just a little louder in her ear. ‘It’s happening.’

‘What’s happening? I only went upstairs for ten minutes. Why are you in such a state?’ Hannah hissed.

Laura couldn’t answer; she felt close to tears. She shook her head, biting her lip.

‘Why don’t you come upstairs and help me check on the food again?’ Hannah asked, taking her hand.

Laura nodded mutely back and gulped.

‘We’re going upstairs,’ Hannah said over her shoulder to no one in particular.

‘Sit down,’ said Hannah gently once they’d arrived back in the calm sleekness of the kitchen. She opened a cupboard door and grabbed two crystal tumblers off the shelf and put them down in front of Laura. Next a bottle of brandy appeared and she sloshed two generous measures in them and shoved one into Laura’s hand.

‘Thank you,’ muttered Laura, before downing it in one.

‘So do you think you can tell me what just happened down there?’ Hannah asked again. ‘How come Carly is draped over every man we know?’

Laura swallowed. ‘Well, it all started with Tom saying Wonderland won’t let him do the Halloween show he wants to and this was news to Carly so she got quite upset because she was all excited to do it and Tom basically told her she was going to be in a crap show.’

Hannah nodded. ‘I see. Carry on.’

‘So Jerry offered to be fairy godmother and sort it all out for them.’

‘I knew it,’ said Hannah. ‘He can’t be trusted to be left alone for five minutes. He promises things left, right and centre before really knowing if it’s possible.’

‘Tom reckons the only way to do the show properly is to build an outdoor stage but there’s no money to pay for it so Jerry said he’d get his lads to do it for free if he could get some advertising on park.’

‘Mmmm,’ said Hannah, rocking her head from side to side as if weighing up Jerry’s offer. ‘That’s quite a good idea actually.’

‘But then Tom said that they needed lights and stuff and Will said the electricians are ahead of themselves fitting out the lodges so he could do the lights and that’s when they all started hugging and dancing about and acting as if they’d won the bid to host the World Cup or something.’

‘Including Will?’

‘Yeah,’ said Laura, ‘which I guess is good because Tom thinks Carly and Will should get it together so if Will is helping with the show then that might help and then that will mean Tom and Carly won’t have their moment, Will and Carly will, which actually is fine, so why am I worrying?’ She knew she was babbling but she couldn’t stop herself.

‘What moment? What are you talking about?’ demanded Hannah.

‘The moment, you know, the
Strictly
moment.’

‘What on earth is the
Strictly
moment?’

‘Well, we were on about the
Strictly
Curse at work today – you know, when the celebrities end up getting off with their professional partners and I was trying to work out why it’s so common.’

‘Isn’t it obvious?’

‘Well, yes, they are all very attractive, of course, and feel each other’s bodies all day long, but I think there’s more to it than that.’

‘You’ve spent time thinking about this?’

‘Yes,’ gasped Laura, looking at Hannah as though she were the ridiculous one. ‘Of course. I’ve concluded it’s about shared success. Such an aphrodisiac, you see. You achieve something great with a member of the opposite sex and you celebrate . . .’

‘By having sex?’

‘Well, yes. That’s it. By having sex. So don’t you see how dangerous this situation is? All the inputs are there. Tom is in a high-risk job . . .’

‘Not this again,’ sighed Hannah. ‘The army is a high-risk job, bomb disposal is a high-risk job—’

‘For divorce,’ interrupted Laura. ‘I’ve told you this before. Don’t you listen?’

‘Not when you come out with your statistics mumbo jumbo.’

‘He’s in a high-risk job for divorce and now, because of your husband, he is going to have a successful show on his hands, and be so happy, whilst spending a lot of time in close proximity to Carly.’

‘So he’ll end up having sex with her?’

‘Correct,’ said Laura, trying to hold back the tears. ‘Totally and utterly inevitable . . . unless,’ she said, pausing for a moment, ‘unless it becomes Will’s and Carly’s success so they can have the success aphrodisiac moment.’

‘Will doesn’t even fancy Carly,’ said Hannah, pouring herself another drink. ‘We’ve been through this before.’

‘All I can say is he looked like he was enjoying having her draped all over him downstairs.’

‘He was probably just being polite.’

‘We
have t
o get him to like her,’ said Laura.

‘Why?’

‘It’s my only hope. Will has to get in the way of the impending moment that will inevitably happen between my husband and Carly.’

‘You can’t force Will to like her,’ said Hannah.

‘Why not?’ replied Laura. ‘Why’s he being so fussy anyway? He can’t afford to be fussy at his age or when he’s been single for that long. Let’s get him pissed. That’s it,’ she cried. ‘Let’s get him drunk tonight, then leave him downstairs with Carly, and stick some Barry White on. That should do it.’

‘That’s like entrapment or something,’ said Hannah. ‘And what about this other woman he mentioned?’

Laura shrugged. ‘You said he knew it wasn’t going to happen. She could be married for all we know.’

‘Married? Do you think so?’ gasped Hannah.

‘It’s possible,’ said Laura. ‘It would explain why he thinks it’s a no go. Will certainly isn’t a home-wrecker, so he wouldn’t do anything about it.’

‘I guess not,’ said Hannah.

‘In which case even more reason to distract him by putting him between my at-risk husband and Carly. Will could be my only chance of coming out of all this still married.’

Chapter Fourteen

Tom

Tom stared at Phillip, trying to read his response to their over-excited babble. He sat behind the large oak desk with a grim frown on his face, his elbows on the arms of his chair and fingertips pressed tightly together as he surveyed the four eager faces in front of him.

I should have come on my own, thought Tom, looking across at Jerry, Amy and Carly. We’ve overwhelmed him with our excitement of what we want to do and now he’s going to say no and put an end to it.

Carly turned her head and winked at him. Shouldn’t have bought Carly in for sure, he thought. Phillip certainly didn’t know how to deal with a cropped vest top and a bare midriff at nine in the morning. And she seemed to have somehow upset Amy as well, who looked daggers at her whenever she opened her mouth. He’d thought it would be a good idea to bring one of the performers in so Phillip could see how passionate the cast were about putting on a good show and how a stage in the main plaza could make all the difference. But Phillip had just blinked rapidly at Carly’s excitable spiel whilst trying very hard not to stare at her bare belly.

Jerry looked over at him and shrugged, looking confused. Welcome to my world, thought Tom. In Jerry’s world, when you are your own boss, and someone offers you something for free, then you snap their hand off. But in the corporate-leisure industry things were very different. Who knew what conversations were going on between Phillip and his bosses at head office? What new-fangled thinking was evolving, what added complications were going to be thrown at them all in the name of progress? What should be a simple decision was always made complicated in the context of a large corporation.

‘Well,’ said Phillip, having sat there in silence and contemplated for quite some time. ‘You have put me in a very difficult position.’

‘Excuse me?’ said Jerry, aghast. ‘I really don’t see how offering you free stuff can do that.’

Shut up, thought Tom, casting Jerry a warning glance. You’re not the
boss in this room. Just listen. Play the game, you idiot.

Carly cast Tom a nervous, confused glance. He’d tried to warn her that it wouldn’t be straightforward and to be prepared for disappointment. He knew she hadn’t listened.

‘You see, the thing is,’ continued Phillip, ‘the group is currently reviewing our entertainment offering across all attractions to see how much value we think it’s really adding.’

Tom swallowed. He didn’t like the sound of where this might be going.

‘So, as Tom is very well aware, there is currently a freeze on any additional investment in entertainment.’

‘But we are offering you this for free!’ said Jerry, starting to go red in the face with frustration.

Phillip glanced over at Jerry and then turned to address Tom. ‘But it won’t be, will it, as you well know, Tom. Any change will have unforeseen knock-on costs,’ he said. ‘What about on-park Halloween leaflets, for example – they’ll all have to be reprinted, won’t they?’

‘Marketing haven’t signed them off yet,’ said Amy flatly. ‘They can be changed before they go to print.’

‘They’re not already done?’ exclaimed Phillip. ‘But they must be?’

‘No, they’re not,’ replied Amy. ‘Marketing are a fly-by-the-seat of their pants department who seem to find panic exhilarating.’

‘I see.’ Phillip nodded, writing something in the notepad in front of him. ‘But there will be other things,’ he said, looking up again. ‘signage, for example, will need to be changed.’

‘Marketing are responsible for Halloween signage,’ replied Amy. ‘I would bet my end-of-year bonus they will not have done the signage yet. That is if I were ever to get an end-of-year bonus since you refuse to sign off upgrading my job to a band C even though I consistently exceed my key performance indicators, making a mockery of the appraisal system when in the employee handbook it clearly states that pay grades will be reassessed should you display a high level of performance.’

‘Shall we take that up with Phillip another time, Amy?’ said Tom gently. ‘Let’s focus on one thing at a time, shall we?’

Amy said nothing, just glared at Phillip.

Phillip coughed and gathered himself up in his chair. ‘Look, it’s a very generous offer but we are just not in the right climate politically at the moment to be able to accept it. I’m sorry.’

Jerry looked at him, startled. ‘What do you mean?’ he gasped. ‘That we need a change of government before you can accept a freebie? Is this a tax issue or something?’

‘But it’s going to be amazing,’ cried out Carly. ‘Like the best show ever! How can we not do it?’ She looked at Tom again in bewilderment.

Tom reached over and put a reassuring hand on hers. She clearly wasn’t used to this type of corporate rejection.

Amy moved her glare from Phillip to him.

‘What I mean is,’ said Phillip, looking uncomfortable, ‘that entertainment is a bit of a hot potato at the moment. There are those who believe that today’s tech-obsessed public doesn’t want the kind of low-tech old-fashioned entertainment we offer. They want futuristic rides and experiences and I’m afraid singing and dancing shows don’t fit into that.’

‘Rubbish,’ said Tom, standing up. ‘Look at the West End. It’s thriving and there have never been so many musicals around.’

‘But we are not the West End, are we?’ said Phillip.

Tom sat back down again. ‘Because we are never given the chance,’ he said quietly.

‘You only have to look at the satisfaction scores,’ said Phillip. ‘Entertainment barely ever rates above a six and most other attractions – even the kiddie ones – get over seven point five. And only ten per cent of our guests bother to go and see a show.’