String Beans (The Girls of Beachmont #2) (16 page)

And for the first time I felt
worthy.

I was drawn in by your words

And the way you touched my heart.

You were brighter than the sun.

I was happy to be in your light.

The two of us together made one.

I should have seen it coming,

The day you changed my world.

Your lies were so convincing

It was easy to ignore.

How could I have been so blind

To put your needs before mine?

You ripped me up.

You tossed me aside.

Every word was a part of your story

And it was all a lie.

It hurts to recall time I wasted,

To convince myself that I was worthy.

You loved what I could give you

But
you
never
gave enough.

You were happy to keep me in the dark

And it was there I lost myself.

Loving you was painful and

Left an indelible mark.

Memories of you are tainted

Despite the hurt that’s slowly faded

I am starting my own journey

To let you go

Because I am more than worthy.

The words were so raw and messy…completely
nonsensical, but the fact that I’d gotten them out meant more than I realized.

I hugged the journal to my chest, feeling a small
piece of myself restored.

Later that week, I walked into String Beans and
found Emma waiting on customers behind the counter. Despite the one night where
she was short with me, she was a very sweet person and I liked her a lot. My
heart went out to her when I realized what she felt for Wyatt, and considering
that up to that point I had made myself unavailable, I decided to help her out.

“What can I get for you?” she asked with a smile
that was a little too manufactured.

“Nothing. At least not right now.” I looked around
and then leaned forward. “Can you take a break?”

“If this is about last week…”

“No. Well…yes, but no. Look, just give me a
minute, okay?”

“Busy?” she called out to the other woman working
the counter. “I’m taking my break early. Just come find me if you need me.”

She took her apron off and followed me to my usual
spot. We sat down and I could tell that she was leery of my reason for talking
to her. She could barely look me in the eye and kept looking over at the
counter for an out. Unfortunately for her, there shop wasn’t busy and she
wouldn’t be needed. Instead of beating around the bush, I went for it.

“Does he know?”

“Who?”

“
Who?
” I
repeated and then scoffed. “Wyatt.”

“Does he know what?” she asked.

“That you have feelings for him?”

Her mouth opened as if she was about to argue, but
then she clamped it shut and shook her head.

“You should tell him.”

What in the hell am I doing?

My head felt light and those inner voices that
liked to remind me when I was being an idiot weren’t just talking. They were
screaming.

“He doesn’t see me like that,” she said quietly.
Her shoulders sagged and my heart hurt for her. Then again, maybe it was just
hurting for me and the huge mistake I was making.

I took a deep breath and smiled sadly at the woman
in front of me. I convinced myself I was doing the right thing, and I believed
it, until the words came out of my mouth.

“But you do, Emma. You like him, and you’ll never
know if you don’t put yourself out there.”

The irony of my words was not lost on me. I was
the worst type of hypocrite. I deserved the disappointment and heartbreak—Emma
didn’t.

“Why are you doing this? Have you seen the way
Wyatt looks at you? The way he’s looked at you since the day you walked in? I’d
give anything to have him look at me like that.”

He looks at me like I’m the most interesting person in the room. Like I
hold something that no one else does and he needs it. From me.

“You’d give anything, huh?” My voice sounded small
and not nearly as sure as it was when I walked into the shop, but I powered
through. “But yet, you’ve never told him how you feel?”

“I can’t. He’s my boss.”

“Then quit. And then tell him how you feel, if
that’s what’s stopping you.”

Why won’t the words stop coming out of my mouth? Why am I trying so
hard to convince her to do this?

Emma smiled and then looked at me with confusion. “You
don’t feel anything for him?”

My breath caught in my chest and turned to an
ache. Of course I felt something for him.

“We’re friends. I mean, of course he’s attractive and all that, but
we’re just friends,” I lied.

“Attractive? He’s beautiful,” she gushed.

Her words stirred a feeling inside me that felt an
awful lot like jealousy. It was as if she had stuck her hand into my chest and
squeezed my heart with her sharp nails. I swallowed hard and tried to keep my
neutral smile in place as she continued.

“I’ve dated some losers and some okay guys, so I
know the good ones when I see them. Wyatt…he’s a good one. I mean, just look at
what he did for his family.”

“I know,” I answered. “It’s amazing. And his mom
and dad are such sweet people.”

“You met his parents?” she asked, her eyes wide.

“It was just briefly. We went to their house while
they were gone for the morning,” I answered as a way of explanation.

I could see the light dimming her in eyes and I
hurried to fix my gaffe.

“It was more of a dare than anything. It wasn’t
like he was trying to introduce me to his family or anything. But really, I
think you need to tell him how you feel. What if he doesn’t know?”

The words wouldn’t stop coming. I sounded overly
excited, bordering on crazy. Thank God Jolie wasn’t there; she would have seen
through my lies in a second.

“Or what if he feels the same way?” I asked when
she didn’t speak.

When the last question came out of my mouth, I
felt like I’d sucker punched myself.

He can’t feel the same way.

I don’t want him to feel the same way.

“Do you think he could?” she asked me hopefully.

“You never know,” I said, swallowing past the lump
that formed in my throat. “But I can tell you, regret will eat you up. I know
from experience.”

She had no idea the experience I was referencing
was the regret I felt at that very moment at the fact that I was encouraging
her to pursue someone that I continued to deny having my own feelings for. And
it was my own fault that I’d only realized it when I pushed her.

Emma was smiling so big that I didn’t have the
heart to tell her I wanted to take it all back. I liked her. She was sweet and
funny…and clearly loved Wyatt. If there was a chance they could actually work
out and be happy, I wanted that for him. For both of them.

“Thanks, Viola,” she said as she threw her arms
around me and squeezed. “Wyatt told me how amazing you are and I see he was
right.”

“He did?”

“Yeah. That’s why I thought you two would end up
together. But I didn’t realize you two were just friends.”

“Yeah. Friends,” I repeated. The word tasted
bitter in my mouth, but I had no one else to blame.

“Since you two are so close,” she paused and
looked around briefly, “do you think you can talk to him?”

“Me?” I asked, panicked. “No, this needs to come
from you…I think it would be weird if I said something.”

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Just maybe
give him a hint or something. I’ll talk to him, I promise, but if you could
just prep him?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

She smiled and I knew I would regret my visit. I
already did.

“I better get over there and help Busy.” She stood
up and put her apron back on, and together we walked to the front of the shop.

“I need to go. I have some calls to make for
work,” I said as I walked to the door. “Good luck.”

For the first time since I’d moved to L.A., I wanted
to be anywhere else. I forced a smile and exited before she could identify the
disappointment and fear in my eyes.

In my defense, I had been genuine in my initial
efforts to help her out. And I never thought that I’d be ready only months
after finding Will with someone else. Granted, I wasn’t really sure I was
actually
ready, but the fact that I was
jealous of someone else’s feelings for Wyatt was more than I was prepared to
feel.

As I was walking home, I pulled out my phone and
found Dani’s information. Strange that it was only recently I was giving her
advice about how to proceed with Tabor, and now here I was in need of similar
help. I knew what I wanted to hear, but only my truest friends would tell me
what I
needed
to hear.

“I think I just fucked up,” I said as soon as Dani
answered her phone.

“What did you do?” she asked exasperatedly.

“It’s Wyatt.”

“The guy you like but won’t admit you like?”

“Ah…you’ve been talking to Jo.”

“Of course I have! It’s not like you ever tell me anything,”
she laughed. “So what’s up?”

“I’ve done a pretty good job of pushing him away
and telling him that I’m not available.”

“Okay, that much I know. So what else is new?”

“I went to his store today and talked to one of
his employees. I got the impression last week that she actually has feelings
for him. And well…”

“You didn’t! Please, Vi, tell me you didn’t
encourage this woman to go after him.”

“I did,” I groaned. “It seemed like the right
thing to do at the time. But then as we talked, of course I realized that I was
full of shit and I did have feelings for him. But what kind of person does
that? I can’t befriend her and urge her to pursue him, only to swoop in and
ruin it for her. That’s not fair.”

“All’s fair in love and sexy men.”

I laughed. “That’s not the saying, but still, what
have I done?”

“Your intentions were honorable. But it’s not like
you’re supposed to talk to the guy and help set it all up, right?” Sometimes, I
swear my old roommates could read my mind. When I didn’t answer, she spoke up.
“Right?”

“Emma is really sweet and she’s apparently liked
him since he took over the store. He sees her as a sister, he told me so
himself, but she’s been head over heels for the guy for a long time.”

“And why is this your problem? You need to just go
over there and tell her you can’t do it.”

“Dani,” I groaned as I raked my hand over my face.
“I’m so screwed.”

“Yes you are,” she conceded. “Look, if you’re
really set on doing this, then I can’t stop you. But…I can at least help you so
you’re not watching the new romance unfold before your eyes.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Give me a day or so and I’ll get back to you,”
she said. I heard Tabor’s voice in her silence and knew she was going to leave
me hanging. “I gotta go, but we’ll talk soon, okay?”

“No, wait…just tell me.”

“Love you,” Dani answered quickly, hanging up the
phone.

I walked into my apartment, thankful I was alone,
and disappeared into my room. The fact that I’d backed myself into a corner pissed
me off. But I deserved it. My phone was still in my hand and I looked down at
it, wondering why I was about to send the text I was dreading. But before I
could talk myself out of it, I sent him a message.

Me: Can we talk when you get off
work?

Wyatt: Yeah. My place or yours?

Me: Here is good. Jolie has a
date tonight.

Wyatt: I’ll see you then.

***

It was after ten when I heard him knock on the
door. I had been excited to see him but anxious knowing what I was going to
say. I was wearing my long cotton pajama pants and tank, my hair still wet from
my shower. I had debated putting on some makeup, but impressing Wyatt wasn’t
the mission.

“Hey,” he said when he walked in. “Did I wake
you?”

“No. Just watching TV. C’mon in.”

He followed me to the couch and sat down as I
muted the television. He was watching me get settled, his smile still in place
while I tucked my feet beneath me.

“So what’s up?” he asked.

“It’s nothing bad, I just need to talk to you
about something.”

“Okay. Shoot.” He grinned.

“I was at the coffee shop earlier today and I had
a talk with Emma.”

He relaxed into the couch and nodded, so I
continued—or rather rambled.

“I don’t even know how it came up. I mean, I was
there the other day and she said something to me. It was weird and I mean, I
was thinking about it and then it bothered me.”

“She said something to upset you?” he asked,
leaning forward, a pinch creasing his forehead.

“No. Nothing like that,” I corrected quickly.

“But something she said bothered you?”

I ran my hand over my face and closed my eyes. I
hated what I was about to do, but I’d painted myself into a corner.

“Let me try this again,” I sighed. “The night I
went to look for you on open
mic
night…”

“The night you kissed me?” he reminded me with a
smirk.

“Yeah…that night,” I answered. “She seemed short
with me and made a comment that stuck with me. So I went to see her today and
confirmed my suspicions.”

“And that would be?”

“Are you blind?” I asked. “Wyatt, the woman
apparently has feelings for you. As in, that’s the reason she works there.
She’s liked you for a while.”

Wyatt shook his head in disbelief and moved closer
to me.

“Emma’s a good friend. Nothing more, nothing
less,” he said assuredly as he placed his hand over my two that I didn’t
realize I was wringing. It was comforting and sweet, and completely wrong. I
pulled my hands away and stood up to walk around the small space.