Sublime Wreckage (2 page)

Unconditional love is a tricky creature. When you are young and don't know any better you do love your parents without conditions. Just as your parents should love you the same way. The older I get the more and more I learn that love does have conditions. If I knew then what I know now I would have moved in with my father without any concern for my mother or her feelings. But you can't change the past so I focus on my future.

Beep. Beep. Beep. What is that noise? It sounds familiar. I know that sound. I should probably get up and see what it is but I'm just so tired. Beep. Beep. Beep. Oh right. It's my alarm. Gradually I peel my eyes open and reach over to turn my alarm off. I am so not a morning person especially after getting about 4 hours of sleep. I turn over slowly to my back and stare up at the ceiling. Amanda will be here soon to walk to school together. I wish one of us had a car. Thank goodness we live close to the school or it would be horrendous to still be walking as a senior. I finally muster enough energy to get up out of the bed.

My room is not very big but does fit my full size bed and a tiny desk in the corner. I have a small dresser that fits snuggly in the closet where the rest of my clothes hang above it. I don't need much, I never have, so I don't have much. I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl who could care less about name brand clothes. When you only get $150 for the school year for shopping you make it last. And that is my mother being generous. I'm so glad I stopped growing out of my clothes two years ago. It's allowed my wardrobe to grow into a respectable size. If it wasn't for my wonderfully kind Grandfather supplementing the rest of my needs I don't know what I would do. My walls are white because we rent this house and aren't allowed to paint. So I hang photos wherever I can of friends and family making sure I have an equal number of pictures of both my parents. My mother hates the fact that I even put my father's picture out but I found that if I put the same amount of her she doesn't yell about it as much.

I grab my clean clothes and head across the hall to the bathroom. I am so thankful that my mother doesn't get up in the morning to see me off to school. Come to think of it, I don't think she ever did. I kick off my sneakers and strip my clothes off while the water turns from ice cold to luke warm. I climb into the shower and let the warm water wake my muscles. I can't linger because I'm running late so I hurry out of the shower. I throw my clothes on, take a brush quickly through my hair, a little make-up and done. I dart back to my bedroom, grab my backpack and run into the kitchen to grab some pop tarts. Breakfast of champions. I look out the window and see Amanda standing on the sidewalk waiting. She knows by now not to knock on the front door and risk waking my mother. Just as I'm about to open the front door and step outside I hear what I dread most in the morning. My mother's voice.

"Maggie, where the hell do you think you're going?"

"I have school Mom. It's the first day. Remember?"

"Oh right. What time will you be home?"

"Not sure. I think we have practice after school so maybe by 5:00. I don't have work today so I will be home the rest of the evening."

"Joy for me. Just make sure you're here to cook dinner! And clean up this pig sty!"

"Okay Mom. Love you."

After that I hear some grumbling but never the words I long to hear from her. She heads into the bathroom and closes the door. I dread the nights I have to be home with her but I can't work every single day. My boss thought he was being nice giving me the first day of school off. If he only knew how much I would rather be at the video store than here, he would let me work every single day. That is the only way I survived the last two summers. As soon as I was old enough I got a job. It had to be in walking distance because my mother doesn't drive me anywhere. On the rare occasion she actually lets me use the car it's usually to run errands for her. I only get to keep $25 of my paycheck for lunch money, the rest goes toward rent and other bills. At least that's what my mother tells me. I know my father's social security and survivor benefits pay our bills each month. My paycheck just ensures that she doesn't have to work. I don't complain because working gives me an excuse to get out of the house without a million questions from her.

Amanda can see the disappointment on my face as I walk out the door. "She was up?"

"Yeah, but just because she had to go to the bathroom. She forgot it was the first day of school and was about to give me hell for who knows what reason. She is even more horrific in the mornings."

"Sorry. But at least we are seniors! I can't wait to see all the guys again. I am single and ready to mingle."

"You are such a dork! Of course you're thinking about boys. That's all your brain does. Focus girl! This year is our senior year, after graduation I will be free and I'm counting down the days!"

"So what are you going to do after you graduate? Have you decided?"

"Not really, but one thing I'm certain about, I'm getting the hell out of this town and as far away from that woman as possible!"

"Hey, what about me?"

"You can come with me you know. I know you don't think you are smart enough for college but you are. If you put half as much energy into your school work as you do into boys you could be an A student too."

"I know but high school is for fun not learning. Besides, my dad wants me to come work at the shop after graduation. I think I'm going to be stuck in this hell hole the rest of my life."

"What in the world are you going to do at a car repair shop? Besides paint your nails and bat your eyes at the mechanics?"

"I know right. But my dad thinks I can be helpful at the front desk so he can work on more cars. He wants me to start coming by after school to help out. It sucks but at least I can watch the hunky Matt Thomas flex his muscles under the hood of a car. Hubba, hubba."

I start laughing so hard that I actually snort. Just as Amanda says hubba, hubba she raises her eyebrows suggestively at me. I love her so much. She is the only person that knows most of the crap I go through with my mom. We have been best friends since first grade when her family moved here from the neighboring small town of Union. She used to be so shy and reserved but once she got her curves she really came out of her shell. She has long, dirty blonde hair with little waves throughout. Her eyes are blue like the ocean and her skin is fair. She has all the right curves so the boys go crazy for her. She doesn't have many friends because when you are that popular with the boys the girls don't seem to like you as much. That suits me just fine because I like to keep my crowd small. I don't let anyone into my personal life except Amanda. I have a few friends at school but I learned a long time ago not to bring people to my house. I wish we had at least one class together this year but we don't. We part ways after we check out our lockers for the year.

"I will see you at lunch!"

Amanda turns and nods her head in my direction. I head down the hall checking out all the new freshman. I notice a young boy who I've never seen before. My town is small and even though we only have one high school we do have three middle schools. I guess it's not unreasonable that I don't recognize this kid. He has dark features that surprise me for this area. Most of the people in Milford are white or black. We don't have a lot of variety. This boy has dark skin and almost jet black hair with deep brown eyes. He must be Hispanic. Interesting. He's a little young for me but I can admire his boyish good looks. Just then he turns and smiles so big at a tiny girl with blonde hair cut in a cute bob with tan skin, no doubt from being in the sun all summer. She grabs his hand and they head down the hall together. How cute. I find myself lingering in the hall wondering what it would be like to have a boy smile at me like that.

Snap out of it Maggie. Who cares? You had that once and it wasn't worth it. You have to stay focused on school. If you ever want to get away from her you have to stay focused. After my very own verbal bitch slap I turn and head toward my advanced English class. This is my favorite class of the day and I'm kind of bummed that it's my first. It will only make the rest of the day drag by that much slower. I love writing short stories and getting lost in worlds that aren't my own. It takes my mind off the reality that is my life.

After English I have Calculus. No advanced math classes for me. Math and science are my weak points. I struggle to earn A's and sometimes fall short and get a B. That is when I step up the studying and even go for tutoring. Amanda thinks I'm crazy but if I want to get into a good college I need to have good grades. Chemistry is the worst because it involves math and science. It has become my nemesis. Last year I tried the advanced Algebra II class and barely made it by with a C average. So this year I played it safe and stuck with one AP class that I know I can earn an A. Senior year is a light year since I already have most of my credits. I'm on the swim team which meets the requirement for physical education. Thank God because if I had to actually take PE in high school I would die. After Calculus I have study hall and then lunch. That's when I get to see Amanda. It's the only part of our schedule that lines up this year. It sucks big time.

I meet up with Amanda outside the cafeteria. We go through the line together but split up because all the rabbit food that she eats is to the left and all the regular food I eat is to the right. We connect again at the checkout counter. Amanda looks at my tray and shakes her head. "How can you eat like that and look the way you do?"

"What? I like Frito pie, French fries and Cheetos. Besides, you know I run and swim, combine that with my age and I burn everything I put into my mouth. No biggie."

"If I ate like you I would be a cow. Some of us have to watch our figure."

"Some of us work-out." I say as I wink at my best friend. Amanda cracks me up. She loves the way she looks but would rather eat carrots and lettuce than break a sweat. Not me. Give me as much junk food as possible with lots of meat too. No way could I ever be a vegetarian.

Amanda leads us to a table with a couple of guys already sitting down. They take one look at Amanda and practically drool on the floor at the opportunity to sit with her. That's when I shake my head at her and roll my eyes. Of course she wants to sit with the hot guys and flirt while she picks at her food. I give in and put my tray on the table then sit down next to hot guy number 1. It's not like I don't know his name but why bother. He takes one look at my tray of food and turns all his attention to Amanda. I don't mind. I don't have time for boys and their games. It's not that I'm hideously deformed or anything. I have shoulder length light brown hair with a little body to it and light brown eyes with flecks of green in them. I have a slender but toned body. I'm about 5'5" which is average for a girl. I don't stand out in a crowd and I don't want to.

Most of the boys already know that I don't date so they don't even bother with me. I had one serious boyfriend my freshman year that ended in disaster. He was older than me so he is off at college now. I was so grateful I didn't have to see him in the halls more than a few months after our break-up. The rumor mill went crazy over what had happened. After three years people have finally shut-up about our relationship and stopped speculating as to what broke us up in the first place. I learned a valuable lesson from Sam, never bring a guy around my mother.

After lunch I head off to Chemistry to suffer. I focus all my energy on not having a brain hemorrhage while trying to learn this crap. I mean really, when am I going to use this again? At least I have a decent lab partner that is way better at this chemistry thing than me. Her name is Suzy Welch and she is the sweetest girl at school. She doesn't have many friends so she mostly keeps to herself. That's probably why I like her. Her focus on school is even more intense than mine. She is also my tutor when I fall behind. We have study hall together in the morning and spend most of our time working on chemistry. She also helps me with calculus when I stumble in that class. All of her classes are AP and have been all four years of high school except this one. She is a shoe in for any top college she wants to attend. To fill the time before swim practice I have Art, which I also suck at. My Grandmother was an artist but unfortunately I did not gain those genetic skills.

My final class of the day is German. I know it seems a little odd to take a language I will probably never use but just about everyone takes Spanish or French. I like to be different but I will admit it isn't my favorite class. German is not a very romantic language and learning to speak it can be quite difficult. Mark is my study buddy for this class. He doesn't mind helping me out when I can't say things the right way or don't know a word. He is super sweet and good looking in that I so don't know I'm good looking kind of way. He has glasses that cover his emerald green eyes and light brown hair that curls just a little. It's just the cutest thing ever. His girlfriend for the past two years is also in our class. She helps me when Mark can't or isn't paying attention. Claire is also super sweet and pretty in her own shy way. She doesn't talk much but I can see why Mark is attracted to her. She has very short dark brown hair that is spiked up in every direction and the biggest blue eyes I have ever seen. They make this class fly by. With their help and some serious luck I hope to get an A.

It is finally the end of the day so I grab my swim gear and head outside to catch the bus to practice. We have to travel to the YMCA to use their indoor pool since our summers are only warm enough for outdoor pools about three months out of the year. The swim season ends right around the end of September so I will have to figure something else out to fill my schedule. The less down time I have the better. I am not the best on the team but my backstroke is my strongest and I can usually place first or second in competition. I tend to be the middle of the pack on freestyle and breast stroke. The butterfly is the hardest stroke and not my forte. We are actually done with most of our meets for the year. I like the swim team. It's great exercise but it's not my "thing". I don't think I have that part figured out yet. I have no clue what I want to be when I grow up. I do know that I want to be passionate about whatever it is that I plan on spending the rest of my life doing. Swim team is a good distraction but not my passion.