Such a Pretty Girl (8 page)

I
belt the wrap robe over the pocket with the cigarettes in it, but I can tell by my grandmother’s arched eyebrow that I’m not fooling her.

“Two tomato sandwiches with two pickles,” she says instead, setting down the plate and sinking into the chair beside me. “Eat first and then we’ll talk.”

Four. Good. I devour the pickles first. Yum, salt.

“Oh, come on, Mother,” my mother says. “Meredith can talk and eat at the same time.” She slumps against the countertop and folds her arms across her chest. “And it’s not like I haven’t heard all this before. So let’s just get it over with so I can take my daughter, go home to my husband, and get on with my life.”

I wolf down the first sandwich and am into the second by the time my grandmother answers.

“Well, I guess that’s a beginning.” Leah Louisa turns to me. “All right, Meredith, you’ve heard what your mother wants. What do
you
want?”

I want my father gone but I can’t say that, so I chew slowly, buying time to readjust my goal. My original plan of making myself repulsive and driving him away isn’t working. Staying out of his orbit is going to be impossible with both him and my mother insisting on a harmonious reconciliation.

The tomato sandwich tastes sour now. I don’t want to be run out of my own home, but I don’t want to live near my father, either. On the other hand, the only thing standing between exile and me
is
my father. He will never let me move away; my mother would send me here to live with Leah Louisa in a heartbeat.

If I were to stay here, I’d be safe, but alone and monitored. Leah Louisa would never put up with my disappearing act, especially if I came in with swollen lips and bed hair, smelling of Jim Beam and Andy. Living here would mean no more purification Fridays, no Nigel and Gilly, no easy access to Andy, and no freedom.

Freedom. Free to do what? Cower and run and hide? Free to be made small and disgusting, to listen to my father’s obscene desires, feel his gaze creeping over me, waiting for me to make that
one
wrong move so he can pounce…. Who is free? Not me. He’s the only one who’s free. He’s the only one doing exactly what he wants…

Oh.

Hope flares, hot and immediate, and I almost drop the sandwich. Of course. It’s so simple. When he reoffends, he’ll be sent back to prison. Probably for a long time, maybe even forever if his next victim is as messed up as I was and the enraged parents go straight to the police afterward….

If.

Afterward.

Oh no. No, I
can’t.

I don’t want to be the sacrificial lamb. I can’t go through it again, not unless I’m guaranteed a nick-of-time save and unshakable sanity, neither of which seem available. It’s too much to ask of anyone, and yet…if I don’t stake myself out, sooner or later somebody else, somebody innocent and still pure, is going to get caught in my father’s web and it will be my fault for not stopping him.

“Meredith?” Leah Louisa prods.

I blink and am back on the battlefield, scrabbling desperately for another way. “Why do I have to be around him, Mom? You’re happy he’s back. I’m not. You want time alone with him and I’m
trying
to stay away, but you just keep forcing him down my throat.” I pause and my mother’s mouth tightens. She thinks I’ve said it to taunt her, but I haven’t. “Why can’t you just leave me out of it?”

“Because family sticks together.” Her mascara’s left raccoon smudges under her eyes and her armpit stubble needs shaving. She won’t like what she sees when she gets home and will blame me for causing her sloppy grooming.

“Then why don’t
you
stick with
me?”
I ask. “Why don’t you tell him that some things aren’t forgivable and there’s no making nice or starting over—”

“You see?” my mother says bitterly, spreading her hands and glaring at my grandmother as if it’s somehow all her fault. “There’s no talking to her. She hears what she wants to and that’s it. The world revolves around Meredith and nobody else counts.”

“Sharon, be reasonable,” my grandmother says.

“I’m done being reasonable,” my mother says, pushing away from the counter. “I’ve talked myself hoarse and it’s gotten me nowhere. I
know
Charles made mistakes. He’s sorry and has promised it’ll never happen again, okay? If you think he’s stupid enough to get himself sent back there, then you don’t know anything at all!” She scowls. “I’m not leaving him, no matter what anybody says. I promised to stand by him for better or for worse, until death did us part. Get it through your heads:
I meant it.”

The clock over the sink ticks like a bomb.

“So there’s nothing he could do that would drive you away,” my grandmother says, knotting her hands together on the table.

“No,” my mother says without hesitation. “He’s my soul mate, I love him and…well, as a matter of fact, we’re trying to have another baby.”

“What?”
my grandmother says.

I’m up and out of my chair. “You can’t be serious!”

“Of course I am.” My mother’s eyes are lit with an odd sort of triumph. “Charles has always wanted a big family and what better way to show faith in our marriage than to have another baby? A son would be wonderful, don’t you think?”

“Sure, Mom, a son would be perfect,” I say. “And convenient, too.”

But this time my mother doesn’t rise to the bait. Doesn’t lose control. Doesn’t do anything but smile because she knows she has us and there’s nothing we can do about it except pray for sluggish sperm and withered eggs.

I plop back into my chair.

“Have you taken your age into consideration?” my grandmother babbles, clinging to the edge of the table like the house has tilted and she’s trying not to fall into the abyss. “A woman your age is in a higher risk category for certain birth defects….” She meets my mother’s unperturbed smile and forges on. “It’s such a huge, irreversible step, Sharon. What about your career? Are you planning on being a stay-at-home mom this time?”

My mother’s laugh curdles my stomach. I realize what she’s going to say before she even speaks and I cannot bear to hear it.

“Mother, be serious,” she drawls. “Charles and I have already talked about this and since I’m the only one earning a decent salary, he’ll stay home with the baby. Meredith can help after school. She’s going to be sixteen soon and it’s time she learned a little responsibility.” She glances at me. “So now you see why it’s important to put the past behind us. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone yet, but I didn’t know how else to make you understand how strong our commitment is to each other.” She slips into the chair across from me, face glowing. “Don’t you see? This baby-to-be deserves a whole family—”

Leah Louisa clears her throat. “Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself? You’re not pregnant yet. And, well…Charles
just
got out yesterday!”

“You’d be surprised at how much you can accomplish in ten minutes,” my mother says and actually giggles. “Talk about absence making the heart grow fonder!”

Someone moans and I’m not surprised to discover it’s me.

“Sharon, please,” my grandmother says, casting me a pointed glance.

“Relax, Mother,” she says, smirking and leaning back in her chair. “Meredith’s a big girl. She knows how babies are made, don’t you, Mer?”

I nod, numb and weary. “ ’Course I do. Same guy that taught you taught me.”

Her hand flashes out and slams into the side of my face.

My head explodes and the kitchen swims in kaleidoscope seas.

“Sharon!” My grandmother jumps up. “Meredith, are you all right?”

I make a strange sound and put my hand to my throbbing face.

Leah Louisa grabs my mother’s arm and jerks her to her feet. “That’s it. Get out.” Her fair, mayoral persona is nothing but a memory.

My mother twists free and stares at her. “All right, stop. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t change what just happened.”

“But—” my mother says.

“There are no buts!”
My grandmother snatches the dirty plates from the table, whirls, and crashes them down into the sink. A chunk of ceramic bounces up and hits the window. “It’s too late and it will be too late
forever.
I’m not going to stand by and watch this happen again because you’re too stupid to put an end to it!”

I stop breathing.

Incredibly, my mother holds her ground. “Oh, like you ended it when you caught Daddy cheating on you with Mrs. Burt? Funny, I don’t seem to remember
you
guys getting a divorce.”

My grandmother goes ashen.

“What, you thought it was a secret?” My mother laughs again, uglier this time. “Sorry, Mom, nothing in this neighborhood was a secret. Every kid on the block knew what was going on, me included. Hell, I knew before
you
did.”

My grandmother falls back a step, staring at my mother as if she’s never seen her before. Seconds pass and when she finally speaks, her words start out shaky but quickly gain strength. “You need to leave now or I’ll call the police and have you arrested. We’ll see how quickly Charles pawns
his
late father’s jewelry to pay
your
bail. Or maybe he won’t. Maybe it’d be more convenient to have you out of the way so he can—”

“Stop it!” I shout, caught up in a full-body tremble.

Both women turn in surprise, like they’ve forgotten I’m even here. My presence abruptly ends the battle.

My mother gives my grandmother one last foul look and heads for the foyer. “Supper at six, Meredith,” she tosses back and slams the front door.

The washer buzzes in the background, signaling the end of a load. Robotlike, my grandmother turns and walks out of the kitchen to the laundry room. The dryer starts. The clasps on my overalls clank and clatter, rude in the throbbing silence.

I sit frozen, staring down at the last bite of sandwich. My face feels huge, and a dark weight crushes the center of my brain. My own grandfather…and my grandmother had stayed with him. I can hardly stand being in my own family anymore.

Leah Louisa returns, stiff as a sentry, and gazes at the broken dishes as if she can’t quite make sense of them. “It wasn’t the same thing at all,” she says. “Hazel Burt had the morals of an alley cat, and don’t think her poor husband didn’t know it. Your grandfather was just one of the many fools who fell into her net.” She clears her throat and tries again. “Things were different back then. Respectable people didn’t air their dirty laundry for the world to see like they do now. Things like that were swept under the rug and the less said, the better. I did what I thought best, given the circumstances. If it happened again today…” She shakes her head, lips tight. “I can’t prevent your mother from throwing her life away, but I’ll be damned if I’ll just sit back and let her throw yours away, too.”

The declaration is powerful and on some level welcome, but it comes too late. I’d always thought of Leah Louisa as the strong one, the one who spoke her mind and stood up for what was right, the one who never settled or sold out. I’d run to her believing that if she said this mess was over then it would be over, but now I can’t unknow what I know and my faith in her is weakened. “How are you going to stop him?”

She summons a grim smile. “You’ll move in here with me. He wouldn’t dare try anything while you’re under
my
roof.” She strides across the room, authority in motion, and snatches up a pad and pen. “We have a lot to accomplish and it must be done correctly.” She paces, stops, and jots something on the page. “Darn it. Norman always leaves early on Saturday for the lake. I’ll have to see him on Monday.”

“Who’s Norman?” I ask because it seems to matter.

“The family court judge,” she says absently, scribbling. “I have to call my attorney, my secretary…. Oh, I have a meeting I can’t postpone on Monday.” She frowns and taps the pen on the paper. “Well, we’ll just have to schedule around it.”

She makes it sound so simple, so matter-of-fact, like with her taking charge my survival is assured. I can’t let myself believe it, and yet there’s no stopping me from craving more, from wanting to offer her
all
my dragons. “My father won’t let me go.”

She snorts and peers at me over the top of her glasses. “Your
father
will have no choice. By the time we’re done with him, he’ll be lucky if he ends up with an occasional supervised visit, and if I thought I could block those, too, rest assured I would.”