In a sleepy fog, he stumbled into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He switched on the light.
âGood morning!' a cheery voice boomed.
Jasper jumped. An old man in a plumed helmet was sitting on a horse with a cup of tea in his hand.
âPrincipal Von Strasser?'
This was seriously weird.
âUp nice and early, I see,' said Von Strasser warmly. âGood, good. Probably getting in some study before your first big Hunt. Grand.'
Jasper couldn't help wondering how Von Strasser had managed to get inside the kitchen on the horse â and without spilling his tea.
âWhat time ...?' Jasper managed to mutter.
âIt's 3.02am, and twenty-one seconds.' He swung the chain of his pocket watch around in a circle then landed it elegantly back inside his pocket. âTea?'
âAh, no thanks. What are you â? I thought teachers couldn't come on Hunts.'
âWell, technically yes, that is quite true,' conceded Von Strasser. âBut I felt it necessary to bend the rules, having spoken to Señor Hermes about your particular ⦠situation. I thought perhaps there were some points you'd like resolved before you go on your Hunt. We can't have you feeling uneasy, it will excite the Glibberhowl. However, I must ask you to be quick. I can only stay for another nine minutes and thirty-nine seconds. Otherwise I may compromise the location of Monstrum House. You never know when a Scrambler is about.'
Jasper was suddenly wide awake. There were a million questions he wanted to ask.
âDo you know what happened? When I was bitten, I mean.'
âIt was a nasty event. You were four at the time. You woke in the night for a drink and you stumbled upon a Scrambler who was stalking your younger sister. You leapt to her defence by jumping on the monster's head. In the process, you were bitten. It showed some strength of character, to attack a monster at such an early age. Most four-year-olds would have been terrified.'
âBut why can't I remember it? It seems like the kind of thing I wouldn't forget in a hurry.'
âYou were traumatised to say the least. We sent a Memory Modifier to work with you for a while. While posing as your postman, he managed to transform your memory of the incident until it was nothing more than a nightmare. It's what we do in the most serious cases.'
âA Memory Modifier?' Jasper asked.
âYes, Memory Modification is just one of the careers that Monstrum House sets you up for upon graduation,' said Von Strasser. âHowever, that is a rather rare career path. Most, like your mother, do something more closely related to Hunting, such as Tracking and Trailing.'
My mother?
Surely Jasper had misheard him.
But Mum is a garbage collector.
âNot exactly,' said Von Strasser. âYour mother actually works for our Tracking Department. She's a Senior Tracker. We provide the garbage truck as a cover. But rather than collecting rubbish, she is actually tracking monsters through dark streets in the early hours. Pretty nifty, no?'
âTracker?' Jasper whispered in disbelief. For some reason the idea that his mum worked for Monstrum House seemed crazier than the idea that he was becoming a monster. âDoes she know? About me, I mean? And the bite?'
âOf course! That's why she wanted you to go to Monstrum House â to learn how to
use
it.'
âShe
wanted
me to go to Monstrum?'
âWell, when you kept getting expelled for mischievous behaviour she could see that your Scrambler side was getting a little out of hand.
She knew it was necessary. It's sometimes hard to accept that your children are old enough to be sent out hunting monsters. But she knew you'd love it. She knew you'd be a good hunter.'
âBut isn't it a bit strange? You know,
hunting
monsters and
being
one as well?'
âNo, not at all. And you're not a monster. Problems only start if your monsterness takes over. But if you learn to control it â as Hermes is teaching you â you'll see how helpful it is.'
Something was still bothering Jasper. âPrincipal Von Strasser,' he said. âIs the buzz I feel when I hunt ⦠OK?'
But before Von Strasser could answer, Felix stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.
âWhat's all the noise?' Felix yawned. He opened his eyes and yelped when he saw Von Strasser.
âWe're, er ⦠having a meeting,' said Jasper.
Felix's yell woke Saffy, who looked equally surprised to find their principal on a horse in the kitchen in the middle of the night.
âI thought teachers couldn't come on Hunts,' she said bluntly.
Von Strasser balanced the tea cup on the horse's head, and then reached under his helmet and pulled out a teapot. He refilled his cup and placed the pot back under his hat.
âI am not
on
the Hunt. I am merely having a last-minute tete-a-tete before
you
go on the Hunt. But I have five minutes left, so ⦠any questions? Now is the time to ask.'
âYeah, I have one,' said Saffy, looking wide awake. âWhat happens to the monsters? After we catch 'em, I mean? Stenka says they can't be killed. So what happens?'
âWe change them,' Von Strasser replied. âYou hunters use a monster's weakness to catch it.
The weakness stops the monster, so it is no longer an immediate threat. But a caught monster is still a monster, and so it must be changed.'
âYeah, but how?'
âYes. How?' Von Strasser looked lost in thought. âOh right, well, let me just say that monsterness is emphasised by certain environments,' said Von Strasser. âMonsters thrive in cold, dark, scary places. If a monster is taken out of this environment for a long period of time, their monster characteristics eventually diminish.'
âSo what environment do you put them in?' Saffy persisted.
âThere is a room at Monstrum House. We keep it warm and cosy, filled with light, music and general happiness. The monsters are placed in this room and pampered. They are fed well, patted, read to, played with, and so on. And gradually they lose their monsterness. They become ordinary creatures. At this point, they are re-housed back into the community.'
âYou mean, back into the
normal
world?' Felix stammered.
âPrecisely,' Von Strasser replied. âWhen monsters first hatch they are quite ordinary creatures. Perfectly harmless. Their monster-ness comes from a plant that they eat when they hatch.'
âHang on. They hatch from eggs?' asked Saffy. Jasper remembered how Hermes had mentioned that earlier.
âYes, and, as you may have noticed, monsters are not the most loving creatures. So instead of feeding their young, they leave their eggs in a nest made from a plant that provides all the monsterness their hatchlings need to turn into monsters. The plant is called a birth plant. The monster hatchlings, with nothing else to eat, start eating their nest, which is jam-packed with monsterness. This plant causes them to form monster characteristics. They grow, mutate and become monsters. Quite remarkable.'
âSo, you can reverse that?' asked Felix.
âYes, indeed, Mr Brown. Birth plants grow in the coldest, darkest, least hospitable places.
By providing a warm and loving environment, the monster characteristics will lessen, and lie dormant.'
âBut what would happen if, like, a person ate the plant?' asked Felix. âWould they turn into a monster?'
âNo,' said Von Strasser. âThere is only one way for people to turn into monsters.'
Jasper's stomach leapt. Felix looked from Jasper to Von Strasser, and back again.
âYou don't mean to say it's true?'
âWhat? What's true?' asked Saffy.
âMy brothers told me about these monster-people â' Felix began.
âThey are not monster-people,' cut in Von Strasser. âRather, people who have been bitten by a monster. And yes, there are many of them.
You would never know who they are, because they're fantastically capable of controlling any monsterness. Most find it an advantage when hunting.' Von Strasser didn't even glance at Jasper.
Felix gasped.
Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to tell his friends his secret. He felt very alone.
âWhat's the advantage they have?' Saffy asked.
âWell, it greatly improves your monster awareness. The monsterness is excited by contact with monsters. It often will guide the bitten person towards other monsters â which can be an advantage in a Hunt.'
âSo ⦠you have to be bitten to be one of these people, right?' asked Felix, looking nervous.
âYes,' said Von Strasser with a small smile.
âAnd
you,
Mr Brown, have been spiked by a Bogglemorph and sucked by a Cranklesucker, but you have not been bitten.' He pulled out his pocket watch. âI am out of time. And now it is late. I must sleep.' He lay down on his horse and started snoring.
Saffy snorted back a giggle.
âHe's seriously weird. What do we do?' Felix whispered.
Von Strasser's hand rose mid-snore and he clicked his fingers. Instantly the lights went off, leaving them in darkness.
Jasper felt his way around the kitchen table and turned on the light. But Von Strasser and his horse were gone.
âWakey wakey!' Mac chirped.
Jasper felt like he'd only just closed his eyes.
âNoooooo,' Felix moaned, pulling the pillow over his head.
Saffy sighed and pulled the covers up.
Mac walked casually into the bathroom, returning with a bucket.
Jasper leapt out of bed. âI'm up!' he squealed. He knew what was in the bucket. His mum had found this an effective method of getting him out of bed when he lived at home.
Saffy followed suit. Felix, however, still had the pillow over his head.
âOne, two, three!' Mac warned. He pulled the covers back, and tipped the entire bucket of icy-cold water over Felix.
Felix screamed.
Jasper and Saffy rolled about on the floor, laughing.
âCome on â there's breakfast on the table. Then it's time to show you lot around,' Mac grinned, throwing Felix a towel.
Felix's scowl vanished at the mention of breakfast. âIs it as good as last night's dinner?'
âIt
is
last night's dinner,' Mac replied. âI hope you're in the mood for melted chocolate sundae, because the chips aren't so good cold.'
Jasper frowned at the food on the table.
âI thought we were supposed to have good food to keep us extra happy on the Hunt.'
Mac smiled. âIt's still better than the food back at Monstrum House, and anyway, the only other stuff we have here is some flour and a couple of eggs. But there is some milk for tea or coffee â oooh, I could even do a chocolate milkshake!' Mac grabbed a sundae and started scooping the chocolate sauce off the top.
Saffy grinned. âPancakes, anyone?'
Jasper dropped his spoonful of sundae.
âDefinitely,' he said.
Felix nodded eagerly. âGood one,' he said, with his mouth full of sundae.
Mac settled himself down on the couch.
âRight, you start cooking, and I'll go over the plan. Jasper â you'll be the target.'
Jasper wasn't sure he liked the sound of that.
âYou'll swim out into the deepest and darkest part of the lake. At dusk. When you get there, pretend to get tired. Try to imagine what it must feel like for a normal kid. Try to feel some fear. But also ... keep a lid on it,' Mac warned.
âThe monster will strike when you are at your weakest,' Mac explained. âIt looks for kids who can't swim well, who go out of their depth and then panic.'
âPanic, yep. I'm sure I can do that,' Jasper joked. But no-one laughed.
âAs soon as it focuses on you, Felix will be there to get the fire up its nostril. It won't be prepared for two swimmers. Or for an attack. Saffy will be waiting on the shore, and I'll be directing via earpieces from a lookout. Once the flame reaches the Glibberhowl's inner nostril, it will stop it in its tracks. At least, that's the theory. Saffy will have a net waiting to help you drag it back in.'
Saffy stopped whisking the pancakes. âYou want me to just wait on the shore with a net?'
âYeah, well, that's important,' Mac said. âWe have no idea how big it will be, although Glibberhowls have been known to reach over 100 kilos. Once it's completely out of the water, it will begin to shrivel and shrink. I'll meet you with the sack and the truck. Of course, the tricky thing is figuring out how to get fire up its nose ... Which is why you lot will have to turn stuff from the tip into a James Bond gadget,' Mac grinned. âI'm going to spend this morning surveying the area, making sure that there's only one monster operating.'
Jasper groaned. It was bad enough having to find a way to catch one monster. Especially when he was worried about controlling his own monster side.