Summer of Love (34 page)

She was busy, but she couldn’t work properly. Thinking to give herself a nice project, she started refining the designs for Melissa’s mother’s wardrobes, but that just made her think of Melissa and Gus, wondering what they’d get up to in Melissa’s bedroom. Eventually, despite knowing it was probably completely the wrong thing to do, she emailed Richard.

Sian felt terribly guilty about Richard. After sleeping with Gus she had meant to tell him, gently but firmly, that he couldn’t expect anything from her except friendship. Yet somehow she hadn’t done it. Was it because she’d been so swept up in Gus she just put Richard to the back of her mind? Or was it cowardice? Or, and this felt the truest reason, was it simple indecision?

Contacting him might help. He could be so reassuring. And so without overanalysing it any further, before she could decide whether or not it was sensible to add Richard into the unhappy mix right now, she typed:

Dear Richard, Just checking to see when you’re back. It’s been ages. I’ve missed you
.

She stayed on the internet for a while, looking at her website and wondering if she should update it again when she heard a ping. Richard had emailed back.

Hey! Funny you should email just then, I’m about to set off for the airport. I’ll be back tomorrow. Can you get a babysitter? I’d love to invite you to dinner
.

There were a million reasons why she should refuse. It was Rory’s first week of school, it was terribly short notice to get a babysitter and she needed an early night herself. And she knew she would only have more decisions to make when she did see him again. But somehow after seeing Melissa and Gus together and Melissa confirming her worst fears she felt she needed to see someone who cared about her, really cared, and who wasn’t related to her or Rory in any way. She hadn’t realised how much she had secretly hoped Gus had changed, that she could rely on him and that he might, just might, consider a future with her, not just with Rory. That he might be ready to settle down. How wrong could she have been? He was still the risk-taking, grab-each-opportunity-as-it-arose guy she’d first met. All very attractive in its way but not what she wanted or needed any more. She felt as if she’d been punched. She’d given him everything and he’d just taken it. Perhaps seeing Richard might help clarify things for her. He was always good in a crisis, even if this time she couldn’t tell him what her crisis was.

She checked with Fiona first that she could babysit and once she’d confirmed she could, she replied to Richard that she’d love to, she was looking forward to it. The alacrity with which Fiona said yes when she’d called had only compounded her belief that Gus was now with Melissa and Fiona felt guilty.

Richard insisted on picking Sian up so she wouldn’t have to worry about drinking and driving. She’d taken a lot of trouble with her appearance. Richard was so nice and kind and dependable, he deserved her best outfit and careful make-up. She put on her favourite black dress. It was above the knee and had a flattering cowl neck that showed enough cleavage to be interesting but not so much as to be tacky. Then she realised she’d have to wear tights. It would just look wrong with bare legs, so she found a pair of sheer black tights, and as she eased them on, she felt it was symbolic. She was preparing to step away from the casual clothes of summer and dress like a woman again. High-heeled shoes added to the feeling. She was a strong woman, in control. Not a confused, vulnerable one in danger of falling to pieces.

‘You look pretty, Mummy,’ said Rory from his bed, with Fiona lying next to him, prepared to read a mountain of stories.

‘Yes! You look amazing!’ said Fiona.

‘Well, don’t sound so surprised. I can scrub up well if I try.’

‘I know,’ said Fiona, ‘but you just look, well, different.’ Something about the way she said it made Sian wonder if she meant that was a good thing.

As Sian got into Richard’s car – new and very luxurious – she thought different was indeed what she wanted to be. She didn’t want to be who she had been. That woman was foolish, romantic and idealistic. Now she wanted to be a bit more pragmatic and sensible. The whole ‘in love’ thing was overrated anyway. It was only a chemical reaction after all. It would soon wear off. She didn’t remind herself that it hadn’t worn off after nearly six years apart.

‘You are looking absolutely stunning!’ said Richard, handing Sian into the car and getting in beside her.

‘You’re looking pretty hot yourself,’ she said brightly, and then she looked at him again. He
was
looking good. He had on a nice suit and looked groomed and prosperous. Not in a horrible way, she added mentally, in a good way. ‘New car?’ she added. She was doing well. She could be that sophisticated woman, having dinner with an attractive man, whom she liked; she knew she could.

‘Yes. I thought it was time to have something a bit more luxurious. And there’s plenty of room for a car seat in the back.’

Sian thought briefly about Gus’s old Land-Rover and decided she much preferred Richard’s new Audi. She chose to ignore his comment about the car seat.

‘I can’t believe I’ve never been to your house before,’ said Sian, looking up the drive to where a red-brick building with a tiled roof stood somewhat smugly at the end.

‘Well, you haven’t been down here that long and I’ve been away so much. Do you like it?’ He had stopped the car just after they went through the electronic gates.

Sian found herself laughing. She felt like Elizabeth Bennet on her first sight of Pemberley. ‘I’ve always been fond of this period of architecture. I think it’s underrated.’ She hoped he wouldn’t ask what she was laughing at.

‘Mm, Edwardian. I agree with you. I wanted somewhere I could really spread out.’

‘So you haven’t had the house that long?’

‘I’ve had it about five years but I’ve only recently taken back possession.’ He pulled on the handbrake. ‘It was rented. I’ve had it all redone though.’

He unlocked the front door and ushered her inside.

He gave her a glass of champagne. He’d retrieved the bottle from a very smart designer fridge that just happened to be standing in an alcove to the side of the front door, surrounded by racks of various wines. Picking up his own glass he took her on a tour.

They started in the large panelled hall. It was a little dark for Sian’s tastes but the parquet floor gleamed, showing off a large Persian rug. ‘And this is the sitting room,’ he continued, opening a door to the right.

It was vast and had a bay window at the far end draped with luscious brocade curtains, fringed and swagged and matching the cushions on the benching. The fireplace was brick, surrounded by leather sofas with more cushions. There were candles ready to light and the fire was laid.

‘We’ll light it later, if we’re chilly. Come and see the kitchen.’

The kitchen was occupied by a young woman who was cooking. ‘This is Joy,’ said Richard. ‘She cooks for me sometimes.’

‘It smells delicious,’ said Sian and smiled, looking round at the marble surfaces, the island unit, the tiled floor. It was all beautifully done but somehow it wasn’t to her taste.

‘I won’t tell you what you’re having,’ said Joy. ‘But I am quite pleased with it.’

‘Oh, I hope you get to eat it too!’ Sian said.

Joy smiled. ‘Don’t worry. Richard, don’t forget to show her the walk-in larder.’

Richard didn’t forget. Nor did he forget to show her the guest wing, the games room, including a pool table, and the indoor pool. From the pool he indicated a small stable block. ‘Is Rory interested in ponies?’

‘He is, actually,’ said Sian, remembering how disappointed he’d been that he hadn’t had a ride on one at the gymkhana. If Richard had hoped to impress her, he certainly had.

‘Well, there’s space for you both to have something to ride if you want to.’

‘Richard, I don’t know what to say!’ Sian felt genuinely lost for words.

‘Just say yes to another glass of champagne,’ he smiled, ‘and don’t worry about anything else just now.’

They went back to the sitting room and found that someone, presumably Joy, had dimmed the lights, lit the candles and put a match to the fire, which now crackled merrily. It wasn’t really cold but it did look cosy.

She allowed Richard to refill her glass. ‘I had no idea you were so …’

‘Affluent? Rich?’ He laughed. ‘Don’t worry about it. I don’t. I work hard, and I get paid well.’

‘Obviously. This is delicious champagne.’

‘Sian, darling, you look uncomfortable. Is that cushion too big? Let me find you a smaller one.’

‘No.’ She put her hand on his wrist to stop him leaping to his feet. ‘I’m fine. Just a bit overwhelmed.’

He smiled. ‘But in a good way, I hope?’

‘Well, it’s a beautiful house!’ she said tentatively.

‘But you don’t know what, if anything, I’ve been trying to hint at for the last half-hour? I’m sorry,’ he said, looking suddenly rather uncomfortable. ‘I’m not very good at this.’

Sian hid behind her glass. Somehow she just knew what was coming.

‘I was going to wait until after dinner, but I might as well make my proposition now.’

Oh, please don’t, thought Sian. Don’t say anything that means I have to make a decision I’m not ready to make. She wished they could just sit here, like old friends, chatting comfortably about everyday things. He was looking at her, his kind, handsome face smiling at her in the candlelight and all she wanted to do was run. She forced herself to smile back. She could do this, she told herself, gripping her champagne glass as if it was the safety-bar on a roller-coaster. She felt worryingly spun around by life.

Richard took a sip of champagne and announced, ‘I’d like you and Rory to come and live with me here. As you’ve seen, there’s plenty of room. You could have your own room and everything, I wouldn’t expect anything from you.’

That wasn’t quite what she was expecting but she feared Richard hadn’t finished yet. Did he really mean he wanted housemates, was he really just offering her a roof over her head?

‘Do you mean that? That we could be quite separate?’

‘Well, I mean … Of course, in time …’ He took her hand and Sian willed herself not to withdraw it. He was being so kind.

‘If you weren’t about to be thrown on the street,’ he went on, smiling, ‘I would have courted you a bit longer, but I can’t bear the thought of you and Rory living in some hovel when I have all this I could share with you.’

‘But we would have been all right. We
will
be all right,’ she said quietly.

‘You will be if you come and live with me. Let me look after you, Sian – and Rory. There’s a wonderful big shed where you could work. Or you wouldn’t have to work. You’d never have to work again if you didn’t want to. I can give you everything, Sian, if you’ll take it.’

She looked across at this kind man who’d done so much to make life easier for her. Now he was offering her a home in his house and, if she wanted it, more than that: himself.

It was a hugely generous offer. But could she accept it? It had so many advantages, for Rory particularly. And she was extremely fond of Richard. Maybe that fondness would develop into proper love, given the chance. She didn’t think that what she felt for Gus was ‘proper love’, it was just lust, a lethal cocktail of hormones that affected her brain in the worst way. And Gus, well, he was a chancer, an adventurer who took his pleasures where he could. At least with Richard she’d know exactly where she was. Maybe she should follow her head for once, instead of her heart, which had let her down so badly before.

Richard put his hand on hers. ‘This is a great house, I know, but it needs a family in it to make it come to life.

Sian put aside her feelings about how great the house was but found herself wincing slightly at the word ‘family’. She could quite easily see Richard and Rory getting on fine but herself left out of the trio, because she couldn’t really commit to someone she was just very fond of.

But perhaps that would be fine. Perhaps she should carry on doing what she’d always done and hadn’t failed her: put Rory first. Give him a secure and financially more affluent future. She and Richard were both sensible people, they’d give each other space and the homelessness thing was getting more and more serious.

Maybe they could just move in and live together platonically, and see how it worked out. She took a deep breath and another sip of champagne.

‘You’re so kind! Can I think about it? It’s a lot to take in. And I’d have to be able to work, make a contribution, or I’d be a kept woman.’ She smiled to disguise the horror this thought created. She mustn’t let Richard give in to his instincts to pay for everything. She must hang on to her independence.

‘Whatever you like, you call the shots. And in return …’ He paused.

There had to be an ‘in return’ or it just wasn’t fair. She waited for him continue.

‘In return, you promise you’ll learn – try to learn anyway – to love me.’ He got up from his sofa and came to sit on hers. He took her into his arms and kissed her.

It’s nice, thought Sian in surprise. She leant into him as he kissed her again. Really, kissing him is nice. And if kissing him is nice, maybe the rest of it would be. Maybe living with Richard would be more than OK. Maybe she really would learn to love him as he wanted her too. ‘And if you do find that I’m not a bad bet,’ he said a bit later, ‘then we’ll talk about getting married, and maybe me adopting Rory. Make everything regular. At last. I know I’d make a good husband, and a good father.’

Sian didn’t like to remind him that Rory already had a father. She didn’t want to remind herself. She hugged Richard closer to her, blocking out all such thoughts.

When they were in the car a little later, driving her home after a delicious dinner and a bit more kissing on the sofa, he said, ‘I’ve never told you this, but I’ve wanted to make a proper home for you and Rory ever since I found out you were pregnant.’

‘But, Richard, you never said anything,’ Sian said in surprise.

‘I know. I was shy and I had nothing much to offer you then. It’s different now.’ He chuckled. ‘You know, I put money into my sister’s business to make it possible for her to open sooner, to encourage you and Rory to come down here.’ He paused. ‘I hope you don’t think I’m devious and stalkerish. I just felt I had to give you time to get over Rory’s father – Gus.’ He looked at her quickly as if to see how she reacted to his name. ‘You were in love with him, weren’t you?’