Summoning Light (12 page)

Alwyn was going to defy the Circle. Galen hadn't thought he would go through with it. And if Alwyn refused to go, perhaps others would as well. A group might remain to fight the Shadows.

Galen followed a line of pain down his spine. It wasn't enough. He should have brought the fire down upon himself a third time. He squeezed his hand into a tight fist, his nails digging into the raw skin of his palm. No distraction could ever make him forget. He had made his decision. Now he must live with it.

Several followers of Blaylock were standing nearby, including Gowen. They had overheard Alwyn, and they gathered around him.

"You can't defy the Circle," Gowen said in disbelief. "We are all sworn to them. Wierden established it: 'Our five wisest will form the Circle, which will guide and rule the techno-mages.'"

Alwyn dismissed the comment with a wave of his hand. "Many times in our history the Circle has been defied, even overthrown. It's not my fault no one has had the guts to stand up to them in recent memory. It's about time someone shook things up."

But now was not the time, Galen thought. They needed to be focused, orderly, disciplined. Not shaken up. Calm. He forced his fist, finger by finger, to open, relax.

Gowen's round cheeks drew up in displeasure. "The Circle has been our salvation. They have held us together for a thousand years. They maintain our holy traditions and mysteries. They are the core of our order, the best of us. They stand between us and chaos."

Alwyn's jaw was tight. "More accurately, they cower between us and chaos."

Several mages, including Gowen, grunted disapproval, as Blaylock was known to do. Gowen's bare eyebrow ridges contracted. Galen had never seen him this angry before. But then, no one had ever declared his intention to defy the Circle before. Gowen and the other mages crowded more closely around Alwyn, looking ready for a fight.

Carvin came to stand beside Alwyn. Galen pushed his back against the wall, adrenaline preparing him to meet any threat.

Gowen's voice was hard. "We carry a special blessing, bequeathed to us by the Taratimude in trust. The tech taps into the basic powers of the universe. It offers us connections: to devices, to one another, to planets, and ultimately to the universe. We cannot let it be corrupted."

"It is technology," Alwyn snapped, revealing he too was ready for a fight. "There's nothing inherently good about it."

"Our goal must be to attain a complete, spiritual union with the tech, and to gain the insight that enlightenment will provide. We are not meant to be soldiers."

Alwyn gave Gowen a hard stare. "You mean the mages don't want to be soldiers. But then who does?"

As the two glared at each other, Carvin broke the silence. "But the Shadows are targeting us. How effective can we be at fighting them if they're attacking us?"

She was asking the question backward, as Galen had been until earlier today. The true question was this: Why were the Shadows attacking the mages unless the mages could be effective at fighting them?

And if that was so, then why didn't they stay and fight? He realized he had returned to where he'd begun. He could not disobey the Circle; he could not obey. He was trapped, his thoughts caught in a loop, like the ouroboros, the snake that took its own tail in its mouth, consuming itself just as quickly as it regenerated. He would not go through it again. Yet he had no choice.

The doors to the meeting room swung open, and a rune of blue fire appeared in the doorway, the rune for solidarity.

Galen found he had a message. It was from Blaylock to them all, calling them to gather. The Circle had news.

"This is their last chance to get it right," Alwyn said.

Galen started across the hall, trying to make his mind a blank. Elric had told him the Circle would not change its course. There was no sense hoping for it. He had searched for an end to this and found none. Wherever he went, whatever he did, his failure, his loss, would haunt him.

He had thought he could not live with it. But he had no choice. He would live with it, and he would retain control. If he had to scour every last cell of skin from his body.

C
HAPTER 6

Nearly five hundred mages were now packed into the same room where the Circle had met. Galen waited with them. Gowen had said it was a place designed for religious services. A plain dais ran across the front of the room, and narrow metal benches had been pushed aside to clear the rest of the space. Windows along one wall revealed the ragged mountains, their stone and ice tinted orange in the late-day sun. Other than that, the room was bare. Galen wondered if the last surviving members of the religious cult had prayed here as they'd starved to death. He could almost hear them, their voices whispering, pleading to be released quickly.

Galen stood at the front, since he'd been one of the first to enter. Carvin and Alwyn stood to his left, Gowen and other followers of Blaylock to his right. Farther down he saw Circe's pointed hat sticking out of the crowd.

The presence of so many in the confined space was oppressive. Bodies brushed against his. The cacophony of their voices was too loud. He imagined himself back on Soom, standing alone on a flat rock at the cliff's edge, looking down into layer upon layer of mist, listening to the susurration of the sea. The sound of death, Razeel had called it. He imagined stepping quietly off the cliff, falling peacefully through the soft, enveloping mist.

He could not sustain the image, though. His mind would not be still.

He'd been unable to apologize to Elric, who stood on the dais conferring with the other members of the Circle. Soon they would announce their plans, and whatever those plans were, Galen would comply. Then he would speak with Elric at last, apologize for his loss of control. And perhaps Elric would find some way to help him.

To quiet his mind, Galen studied the members of the Circle. He had admired and respected them as the wisest, the most skilled of their order. And though he had learned that they were fallible, he admired them still. Yet now they appeared diminished: aging, failing.

Only Herazade, who had never formed a place of power, seemed unchanged. Her long hair was a thick, glossy black, her movements strong, authoritative. When he had been called before the Circle, she had worn a formal black robe, her hair up. But now she wore a deep blue sari, and her hair was down. Apparently she had not had time to change for the meeting. Or perhaps, without Kell, she no longer felt the need.

Ing-Radi looked the weakest of them. She was the oldest, almost two hundred years, and now, with the destruction of her place, she finally showed it. Her orange skin had faded, revealing blue veins beneath the surface that ran in a pattern of starbursts over her bare head. Her four arms had always seemed active before, offering healing touches, adding graceful emphasis to her words. Now they hung at her sides. Something in her stance gave the impression the balance of her tall body was precarious, as if at any moment she could topple.

Blaylock too showed signs of change. He had been one of the first to Selic 4, which meant that he must have destroyed his place nearly a month ago. His black robe hung on him as if he were little more than bone. His pale face, scoured of all hair, was gaunt, and his skin had an almost waxy sheen. The black skullcap he wore formed a dramatic contrast against his high, pallid forehead.

Turning his attention to Elric, Galen saw a difference greater than the deepened frown lines between his brows. Elric's posture had changed. He had always stood erect, and he still did, yet now Galen sensed effort. His shoulders seemed forced back, held where they no longer naturally settled. His actions were stiff, hesitant, as if he was afraid movement might betray his condition. He would want to appear strong, Galen knew, for all of them.

He had suffered some kind of attack when he was with Alwyn. Galen berated himself again for arguing with Elric. Elric had cared for him for the last eleven years. Elric had brought order to his life, had taught him nearly everything he knew. Elric had been the unyielding wall of strength beside him in times of need. Galen had often thought that Elric was all he had. Now he realized that he was all Elric had. He should not be thinking of ways in which Elric could help him; he should be thinking of ways in which he could help Elric. Elric needed him, and Galen must be his wall of strength.

Many others were also weakened. They had crippled themselves before they had even tried fighting. Now it was too late. The only chance for him to fight was to break with the Circle, to break with Elric, to break Elric. He could not do that.

But if he stayed, could he stop himself from breaking?

Elric glanced toward him, and Galen realized he had a message. He opened it.
We will speak after the meeting. I regret that we must be sent on different tasks. Duty requires – much. But I will not leave until I am sure you are all right.

Elric was leaving, and he was not taking Galen with him. Elric feared Galen was unstable. Every word of his message showed it. And he was right. Galen didn't know how he could continue here without Elric.

The four members of the Circle faced the mages, and there was silence. Blaylock spoke, his voice harsh and certain. "We come together as techno-mages in service of a common Code: solidarity, secrecy, mystery, magic, science, knowledge, and good. In the quest to preserve our integrity we have gathered here, in preparation for our migration to a place of hiding. But new information requires that we alter our plans.

"The Shadows have said that we must join with them or die. It seems they have grown impatient for our decision. Our probes and relays in the Omega sector of the rim have been destroyed, including those we placed recently at Tau Omega, or Thenothk, in response to information gathered by Galen. We are blind now to the activities of the Shadows.

"The last of us were scheduled to arrive here this morning. Eight have not. We have confirmed that Djadjamonkh and Regana are killed. Six others are missing: Walkyra, Dedi, Athanasius, Barlinda, Ling Lau, and Alipio. Our attempts to reach them have failed."

The mages listened in silence. It felt odd to have Blaylock speak for the Circle. Blaylock lacked the warmth Kell had projected. His dour expression and cold delivery conveyed power, yet no emotion for those missing.

"Kell's body arrived a few hours ago aboard Elizar's ship. He had been flayed, we believe by Elizar. From this we may assume that the Shadows know our position. How they learned it, we do not know. Kell was not privy to our plans, though he may well have deduced them. Or perhaps the Shadows' information came from a different source.

"In any event, we must leave this place immediately. We have decided upon a new site at which we can prepare for our exodus. The majority of you will proceed there at once, where you will finish the arrangements. As part of our heightened security measures, you will not be told where this new gathering place is. In addition, from this point forward, no communications will be sent off-planet by any but the Circle. We cannot allow our gathering place again to be discovered by the Shadows.

"Three groups will not proceed to this new gathering place. They will split off to perform critical tasks. Herazade will lead the first group directly to the hiding place, to prepare it and secure its safety. Elric and Ing-Radi will lead the second group in an attempt to misdirect, to convince the Shadows that we are actually gathering in another location. The third group will acquire intelligence about the Shadows' activities, since we have lost access to our probes on the rim. We must know all that can be known about their plans for us. To minimize the danger of discovery, only two will be sent, to get as close as they can to the Shadows' ancient home, to learn what they know of us, and to discover their strategy. Circe will accompany me on this task."

Something stirred inside Galen, and he found himself stepping forward. "I must go with you."

Elric turned on him, the three frown lines of grave disappointment between his brows. "Silence! It has been decided."

Energy surged through him. This was the escape he had sought from the endless loop of his racing thoughts, the escape he had believed did not exist. They had to let him go.

He forced himself to speak in a measured voice. "I mean no disrespect to the Circle. But I am the only one who has faced the Shadows and lived. My knowledge could help in the success of this task."

"We have had our debate and determined our course," Elric said.

Galen could think of only one way to convince them. From his lips, he forced her name. "Isabelle discovered a technique to listen to the Shadows. I hold her knowledge. I may be able to re-create it."

Blaylock's gaze was sharp, appraising. "This is a mission of stealth and intelligence-gathering, not vengeance."

"I seek only to serve in the way I can be most useful."

"We will confer," Ing-Radi said.

As the Circle turned inward, a shield came down over them to secure their privacy. Someone grabbed his robe from behind, fingers scraping his raw back.

Fed whispered in his ear. "Are you crazy? Going to the rim? It's a suicide mission."

Galen studied the Circle anxiously. They must allow him to go. It was a way to act against the Shadows, without defying the Circle or breaking the Code. It was a way to escape the others and the memories they carried. And perhaps, finally, he would find an end to this.

Circe moved to the front, and under the brim of her hat she watched Galen.

"Tell them you changed your mind," Fed whispered, the scent of his cologne wrapping around Galen. "Temporary insanity. Let the old folks go. They're not going to last long anyway."

The Circle ended its deliberations and turned back to face them, the shield dissolving. Elric did not look at him.

Blaylock spoke. "Galen, you will go in place of Circe. As for the rest, Herazade is sending your instructions. We must all be gone from this place in four hours."

Circe was glaring at him. Galen felt a great sense of relief. The restless energy of the tech declined. At last, he realized, he could breathe.