Sun Signs (10 page)
Gemini (May 22 – June 21)
Listen with your heart. Forgive.
Don’t give up hope and never
think that you are alone. We
are all together and much
closer than we know.
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From: jselenski
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Science Discovery
Dear Kaleigh,
Just checking in to see how you’re feeling.
By the way, last night I was reading of a tremendously interesting science discovery that made me think of you. It seems some researchers were trying to determine exactly how much a person’s outlook/attitude affects their health. These researchers took swabs from the inside of people’s mouths and studied the cells found there. People with positive outlooks had cells that showed their immune systems were working well. The cells from people who were depressed indicated their immune systems were not functioning at all well.
So, Kaleigh, keep on thinking positivly and you’ll strengthen that immune system of yours, which, in turn, will help you get well.
Mr. J. Selenski
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From: cosmicgirl
To: jselenski
Subject: Re: Science Discovery
Dear Mr. Selenski,
Maybe those researchers have it backwards. It could be that having a weak immune system makes a person depressed, not the other way around. It’s a lot easier to think positively when you’re feeling well. And besides, I don’t know if there’s a connection between developing a tumor and having a weak immune system.
Thanks anyway.
Kaleigh
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From: jselenski
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Success!
Kaleigh,
What brilliant critical thinking skills you’ve developed! You’re absolutely right about that research on immune systems and thinking positively. Was it me who taught you to think like that? Oh dear. I guess that would be rather presumptuous of me to presume, wouldn’t it? (There you go, another personality clue to my sun sign. Presumptuous.)
That said (and you may be right), what have any of us got to lose by at least trying to think positively? Scientific research has shown a correlation between positive thinking and good health, and if we at least attempt to see the good around us instead of the bad, we’ll feel temporarily better, don’t you think? It works for me, anyway.
And you forgot to tell me how you’re doing. Well?
Mr. J. Selenski
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From: cosmicgirl
To: jselenski
Subject: Re: Success!
Mr. Selenski,
The treatments are over and I feel a little less tired. My science project is a mess, though. I’ll spare you the ugly details, but the data I collected is a bunch of crap. You wouldn’t want me coming to false conclusions about horoscopes and astrology, would you?
I’m resigned to a zero on the project. I’m thinking I may even drop out of school and do something fun for a change. If my life is going to be short, it might as well be sweet.
Kaleigh
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From: jselenski
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: Success!
Kaleigh,
I can’t believe you’d quit school. You have forced me to preach to you one of my most famous lectures.
Lecture #467
In the face of adversity (and no one is spared some truly difficult times in life) we can decide whether we are going to give up or take that proverbial bull by the horns and get on with it. Not one of us knows what tomorrow will bring. We have little control over our circumstances, but we can control our thoughts.
Here endeth the lecture.
Seriously, Kaleigh, I know you feel helpless when it comes to the cancer, but you have today. And you can plan for the future. Don’t give up now. You’re almost through the worst of it.
Mr. J. Selenski
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From: cosmicgirl
To: jselenski
Subject: Re: Success!
Believe me, Mr. Selenski, I’ve been holding tight to those bull’s horns, but sometimes I feel like I’m on a bucking bronco.
Okay, I won’t quit school, yet. But if I find out I still have the tumor, I’m out of here.
Kaleigh
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From: jselenski
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: Success!
That’s my girl!!
And please continue to work on the science project. Report to me what you learned in your research and what the data — no matter how untrustworthy—would lead you to believe about horoscopes. Don’t worry about progress reports and what not. Just work on a final project.
Mr. J. Selenski
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From: blondeshavemorefun
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: Liars
Hey Kaleigh,
r u suggesting i might be a liar 2? i resent that! i know u have a right to be ticked off at 2good and now at shari, too, but i have been completely honest with u. i did make that phone call and that girl was rushed to emergency because of my call. what i don’t know for sure is whether i would have done it if i hadn’t read my horoscope that day.
i can’t believe you’d think i’d lie to u.
jamie
-------------- From: cosmicgirl
To: blondeshavemorefun
Subject: Re: Liars
Jamie,
Why should I believe you? You can tell me anything you want, just like shari and 2good did. I don’t know you. I will never know you. If I could look you in the eyes and hear you say that you were telling the truth, then I might believe you. As it is, I can’t trust anything online anymore.
I’m sorry. I thought I liked you.
Kaleigh
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From: blondeshavemorefun
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: Liars
That’s crap, Kaleigh, and you know it. Can’t you just tell from our messages that I’m sincere? What motivation would I have to lie to you?
jamie
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From: cosmicgirl
To: blondeshavemorefun
Subject: Re: Liars
What motivation did 2good and shari have? They lied just for the fun of it. And maybe you are too.
kaleigh
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From: blondeshavemorefun
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: Liars
Kaleigh, i don’t know why i feel compelled to make you believe me, but i do. i don’t give up on friends so easily, and neither should you.
Here’s some more honesty.
The reason i do school by correspondence is because i’m albino. That’s why i go by blondie. It’s a nice nickname. Most of the names i’ve been called aren’t. i don’t look “normal” and can’t handle the constant reminder of that at high school. It’s much easier 2 hide behind this computer screen.
i didn’t want you to know because i thought it would scare you off. i like you, and i do believe in online relationships. But i guess it won’t happen now.
So, do you think i’d lie about this?
jamie
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From: blondeshavemorefun
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: Liars
Kaleigh, are you there?
jamie
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From: blondeshavemorefun
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: Liars
kaleigh, i tell you my biggest secret, and you haven’t written back. is it because you can’t handle that i’m albino?
jamie
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From: cosmicgirl
To: blondeshavemorefun
Subject: I’m so sorry
Jamie, I’m sorry. :( I’ve been so embarrassed I just didn’t know how to respond. I should have known that you were telling the truth. And if you think you don’t look “normal,” you should see me! I lost all my hair recently (chemotherapy) and now it’s growing in like peach fuzz all over my head.
Now I know what you meant when you said you were “very white.” I thought it might be a racist comment or something. Lol.
Can we start again? (I hope you won’t change your mind about me now that you know I’m practically hairless.)
Kaleigh
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From: blondeshavemorefun
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: I’m so sorry
Kaleigh,
Thanks for being honest with me, 2. I figured u must be sick with something quite serious. How are u doing?
jamie
ps At least your hair will grow in. I’ll be albino forever.
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From: cosmicgirl
To: blondeshavemorefun
Subject: Re: I’m so sorry
Hi Jamie,
I’m actually starting to feel a bit better. I’ve finally finished radiation treatment and now I’m not as tired all the time like I was for a while, but I just can’t get back my … I don’t know. My SELF! I feel like someone else, not me anymore. I used to be one of those people who’d wake up each morning looking forward 2 the day.
(Well, after the drowsy part wore off. You know what I mean.) When I was first diagnosed, I’d wake up happy, as usual. And then, WHAM! I’d remember. It was such a shocking jolt. I’d try to go back to sleep, where I could forget, but that was impossible. Why me? I kept asking. I didn’t do anything wrong!! I’m a nice person!!! Why couldn’t this happen to a not-so-nice person??? There’s enuf of them around!
I also began waking up in the middle of the night, soaked in sweat but shaking at the same time. Was it going to hurt? Would the chemo make me sick? Would I lose my hair? Was I going to die? What did death feel like? Why me why me why me!!!!!
One time I woke up from an awful nightmare where I’d been lying in a coffin, dressed in a long white dress. My friends were all looking down on me with sad faces. I wanted to scream, “I’M NOT DEAD! I’M STUCK IN THIS BODY BUT I’M NOT DEAD!” but my mouth wouldn’t open and I couldn’t move. It was awful. I got out of bed and went down to the kitchen to get something to drink. That’s when I heard an odd noise coming from the basement. At first I was scared, but then I realized it was not the kind of sounds a burglar would make. I crept down the stairs and saw a light in my dad’s workshop. The noise I heard was him crying! Deep, horrible sobs.
It just broke me up. My mom and I had been doing lots of crying, but my dad was always strong for us. That night I learned his secret. He was crying when he thought we couldn’t hear him. That confirmed my fears. If Dad was crying, he must know I was going to die. Dad wouldn’t cry otherwise. He would always hang onto hope.
These days I wake up and feel nothing. I’m not dead yet, but emotionally I guess I am. Well, maybe not completely, but pretty close. It’s been a long haul. Everyone keeps telling me to “think positive.” It’s so easy to say, but not at all easy to do. And I hate it when people tell me everything is going to be okay. No one knows that! It just pisses me off when they say it. I know they are trying to help, but it doesn’t. It just makes me wish it was them who was sick.
Radiation was my last hope for beating the cancer. Cross your fingers for me.
(And I bet you’re wishing you never asked me how I was doing. Lol.) But you know, I just realized that it feels really good to talk to someone (a REAL person) about all this.
Anyhow, now that my energy is coming back, I’m missing my astrology project. It was fun connecting with you guys, even if 2/3rds of the data was a pack of lies. Now my days are long. There’s no “fun.” No “connections.”
I’ve never known an albino person before. You’re missing the color in your skin, hair and eyes, right? Why is that so awful? I always wanted to be blonde.
Kaleigh
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From: blondeshavemorefun
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: I’m so sorry
What we’re missing is called pigmentation. I wear really thick glasses, which I hate. I’m practically blind, but I guess being albino’s not so bad. Especially when I hear what it’s like to have cancer. It’s weird how we all work so hard to establish our individuality, but basically what we really want is to look like Brad Pitt, right? I’ve actually been thinking about going back to school. Now that I’m older I might be able to handle it better.
Do you ever wonder why Shari and 2good faked their data? Maybe you should ask them.
jamie
P.S. I’m not sorry I asked how u r!! Thanks for telling me everything. I hope you know I care. And I’m glad you think I’m a “real” person.
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From: cosmicgirl
To: blondeshavemorefun
Subject: Re: I’m so sorry
Jamie,
That’s so good that you’re thinking of going back to school. Best to face your fears, right? That’s what everyone keeps telling me.
I think I will contact Shari and 2good. Thanks. And thanks for caring, and bringing a lump to my throat!
k.
and NO, I do NOT want to look like Brad Pitt, thank you very much!
And YES, you’re real — in lots of ways — but what I meant was that I’d been doing a lot of writing to imaginary people. Sounds stupid, I know. Long story.
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From: cosmicgirl
To: 2good4u
Subject: just wondering …
why you made up all that data for my astrology report? How come you didn’t just do it the way you were supposed to?
Kaleigh
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From: 2good4u
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: just wondering …
nice 2 hear from u again kaleigh. have u gotten over your little snit? just needed 2 hear from me again?
i told you why. i just wanted 2 have fun.
2good
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From: cosmicgirl
To: 2good4u
Subject: Re: just wondering …
Is your life so dull that the only fun you have is creating online identities?
k.
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From: 2good4u
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: just wondering …
Ooh, Kaleigh. You’re getting a little snarky! You’re definitely not the sweet little thing i imagined u as. 2 bad. Though maybe now i can re-imagine u as a hot little thing instead. And still hot for me, 2.
Did i mention i’ve been missing u?
2good
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From: cosmicgirl
To: 2good4u
Subject: Re: just wondering …
C’mon, 2good. Just be serious for one minute. What are you hiding?
k.
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From: 2good4u
To: cosmicgirl
Subject: Re: just wondering …
Wouldn’t u like to know.
2good
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From: cosmicgirl
To: 2good4u
Subject: Re: just wondering …
Oh! So you are hiding something. Jamie suggested all of us distantstudybuddies probably are.
And if I had known you weren’t going to take my project seriously, I could have found someone who would have. Then I’d be able to complete it. Are you even a Leo??