Sunshine (16 page)

Chapter 16
Monster For Dinner
“The man of a thousand faces sits down at the table.”-Regina Spektor

My eyes bolt open on Sunday morning. I head upstairs to get a cup of coffee when I see Jade sitting at the kitchen counter with Myles. I try not to look surprised.

“Hey,” Jade says as I pour a cup and get a pop tart.
“So are you excited about tonight?” I ask Jade sarcastically with my scratchy morning voice.
He looks confused as I sit down. “What?” he asks.
I set my cup down to keep it from flying across the room. “I knew it.”
“Knew what?” Jade asks.
“Mom wants me to come over tonight and she didn’t invite you.”
“Really?” he doesn’t sound the least bit offended.
“That’s it?” He should know better than that. If both of us go together and some sort of fight starts, he’ll be able to shut her up—a power I still have yet to master. The fact that he’s not invited makes me uneasy.
“Yeah.” He shrugs.
“She’s up to something.”
He runs a hand through a faded pink section of rainbow hair. “Maybe Mom just wants to talk. Maybe even apologize.”
I’m surprised by how much I want to believe him. “Right.” I bite into my Poptart.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll have fun.” He stands, grabbing his keys from the counter. “I have to go to work. Good luck.”
I want to beg him to come with me, but I don’t.
“See you, Myles,” Jade calls out as he shrugs on his coat and leaves.
Now I’m nervous. So nervous that I don’t even care why Myles was here talking to Jade before I was even ready to come upstairs. I’m so anxious that I have to put my hands in my lap to keep them from twitching.
“Maybe Jade’s right,” Myles finally says.
I sigh and un-wrench my hands so I can take a sip of coffee. “I hope so.”
“Try not to worry so much.”
I get up. “You want a sweatshirt?” I ask Myles more out of being polite than thinking he really needs one.
“No.”
“We really need to get the heat fixed.” I throw on one of Jade’s. Mine just don't seem warm enough. Myles nods as I sit back down. “You’re not cold?” I ask.
He stares at the counter. “No. We feel temperature, so we know when it
is
cold or hot. But I don’t really ever get too cold or too hot.”
Instead of thinking of this as weird, well outwardly, anyway, I go for the positive. “Must be nice,” I say, wrapping my hands around my coffee to warm my hands.
“It’s convenient, I guess.”
I’m trying to change the subject to get my mind on something else. I don’t want to have to think about my mom until seven o’clock sharp. I lean my elbows on the counter and my hands on each side of my face and stare down at the white counter top.
“Sophie, are you alright?” I hear Myles ask.
“There has to be a reason she doesn’t want Jade there.”
“Maybe she just wants it to be the two of you?” he suggests.
“Then why did she invite you?”
He shrugs. “Maybe she’s trying to be polite.”
I take in a deep breath and push it out. “Yeah.” I just want to believe that somewhere my mom’s human. That she wants to fix things; that she loves me.
“It’s going to be fine,” Myles reassures me.
“Yeah, she wouldn’t have asked me to come unless she really wanted me there, right?”
“Right.” He smiles.
“Okay, so we’ll both go. It’ll be fine,” I say more to myself than Myles. Then I think of something I can do. “I’m going get ready so I don’t have to worry about it later.” When Myles gets up I jump without meaning to.
“Is-it-okay-if-I-sit-in-your-apartment?” he asks like I can’t hear him.
“Oh, yeah sure.”
We go upstairs and I head straight to my closet. I told Myles not to worry about what he was wearing, but I find myself suddenly obsessing over my own clothes. After all, what do you wear to your own funeral? I shake the thought. No, she invited me because she wants to talk. I glance at the floral dress my mom likes. I think about wearing it for a split second, and toss it on the floor inside my closet. Screw that. I grab a pair of ripped jeans and my The Who t-shirt. Whatever I’m going into, I’ll at least be comfortable.
“What do you want to do until seven?” I ask as I emerge. He’s sitting on the edge of my bed. I’ll admit it’s a little weird, him being there. But hey, I’m not in it. “C’mon, we have seven whole hours!” I complain after he doesn’t answer.
“I should go before seven,” he says, suddenly standing up.
“Go? Go where?” I’m suddenly on the verge of panicking. I cannot go to Mom’s house
alone
.
He sighs like he’s uncomfortable. “I have to uhm...drink,” he says.
I don’t know what to say. “Oh,” is what comes out.
He stares down at his shoes.
“So are you going to the hospital, or…” I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here, but I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable.
“No. I have my own supply at home,” he tells me.
“Oh.” Again. What the hell else am I supposed to say?
“Am I freaking you out?”
“It’s something you have to do. So, I guess it shouldn’t freak me out.”
He smiles, ignoring how I didn’t answer the question. “I’ll be back before seven.”
“Okay”
He leaves and I’m left alone to figure out what to do with myself.

So I spend seven long
hours sitting around, playing my piano,
not
thinking about what Myles is doing, homework, cleaning the house, and re-applying my make-up about ten thousand times to take my mind off of things. After making sure that my face is perfect yet again, I go upstairs to do some dishes because mine are all clean.
Stevie’s painting at the counter. “Hello, Sunshine,” he says as I turn on the faucet.
“Hey.”
He stands up to dump his mucky water in the sink. He wraps his free arm around me and kisses my forehead. “So I heard from Jade that you’re going to good ol’ Mom’s house tonight.”
“You heard right,” I start scrubbing a pot.
“You’re really going?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
He fills his cup again. “Well good luck.” He mimes that he’s hanging himself by shutting his eyes letting his tongue flop out of his mouth. I throw soapy sponge at him, but at least he made me laugh.
I’m so happy there’s a knock at the door next. Myles is standing there wearing dark jeans, and a black Between The Buried And Me T-shirt.
“You like them too?” I ask. Already on the train for changing the subject.
He stares down at the shirt under his jacket. “I like lots of different music.” He shrugs.
I let him inside, sighing without meaning to.
“You’re nervous,” he says as soon as the door is closed. He places his hand on my shoulder.
“No shit. And can you not do that?” I ask the floor.
“No problem.” His hand falls to his side. “And don’t be nervous. It’ll be fine. She just wants to make up with you.”
“Exactly,” I reassure myself.
We leave with twenty minutes to get there which is exactly how long it’ll probably take
“Okay, so there are a few things you should know when being around my mother.” I say as I turn onto my old block. Myles laughs. “Oh that’s cute, you think I’m kidding.”
“Sophie, I’ve been around your mom plenty of times.”
“Oh no, no, no,” I begin. “You’ve been around fake-mother. The person she becomes when meeting new people. Now that she thinks you’re my boyfriend, she is going to turn into super-fake-mother.”
He laughs again. I ignore him. “There are three rules to remember in order to survive super-fake-mother,” I hold up three fingers. “Laugh at all her jokes, eat
anything
she puts in front of you, and suck up like there is absolutely no tomorrow.”
Myles laughs some more as I pull into the driveway and park the car.
“If you don’t abide by the three super-fake-mother-survival rules, nothing will happen to you. But I however, am a different story.”
“Let me guess. If I do not abide by these ridiculous rules, your mother will be angry with you?”
“On the nosey. So if you care about my sanity at all, please, please follow those three rules.”
Myles’ hand is on my shoulder for a second before he lets it fall. I let him get away with it because it was so short.
Leena opens the door as we’re walking up the driveway in her tu tu with half a cookie in her mouth. “Sophie!” She runs up to me. I bend down to hug her and she clamps her arms and legs around me.
“I missed you.” I tell her as we walk into the house.
“Hi Myles!” She waves frantically behind me at him.
“Hey there, ballerina,” I hear him say as he shuts the door behind us.
I ask Leena the inevitable question. “Where’s Mommy?”
She pulls away from me enough so she can look at me and take another bite of her cookie. “She said she’d be down in a minute.” How I missed that cute pudgy face and those orange pigtails. Myles is barely out of his jacket when Leena jumps down to grab his sleeve and leads him into the living room.
“Let’s play,” she says in her tiny voice that I also missed.
Laura is sitting on the couch watching TV. She’s looking like she just got home from cheer practice in her grey sweatpants and sweatshirt with matching panthers on them. She glances up and smiles at us.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey,” she answers back.
Leena drags Myles to the floor where her stuffed animals are sprawled out everywhere. Suddenly aware of how calm everything is, I begin to slightly panic. I sit down on the carpet against the couch, trying to relax.
It isn’t long before I hear Mom’s heels clomping down the stairs. Myles shoots me an all-knowing look. I hold up three fingers and turn my attention to the floor before I can enter full freak out mode.
“Sophie, is that you?” Her high pitched voice says. I take a deep breath and look up. She’s wearing way too high heels, a way too short black skirt, a red very, very V-neck, and her hair is in an up-do. She looks way too fancy. Oh crap, something’s up. My stomach begins to form a huge knot. I don’t want to look at Myles, fearing his expression alone will tell me what my mother is thinking. I’d rather not know.
“Well, come here,” she says with open arms and a cheerful voice. Oh God. Does she want a
hug
?
I’m at the very least, confused. Does she really want to hug me, or is this a clever ruse with which she will use to strangle me?
I reluctantly get up and walk to the foot of the stairs where she’s standing. Her thin, perfectly tan arms wrap themselves around me and my whole body cramps up. This is beyond uncomfortable. I’m not used to this at all. She finally lets go and grabs my hand.
“Excuse us,” she says as she pulls me into the kitchen. Myles gives me an encouraging smile and holds up three fingers discreetly with a smile. Asshole.
“I’m so happy that the two of you made it,” she says excitedly, gripping my hands. I nod as I try to remember if my mother had ever been on any type of medication.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” Great, Sophie. You ruined it already.
I’m surprised when my mom looks like she’s about to cry. “Sophie, I love you,” she chokes out. “We shouldn’t fight the way we do.”
...What?
She sounds sincere. I want to believe her and I don’t even know why. She hugs me again. I want tell myself that this is true; she is my mom and she does love me, but something holds me back. All I ever wanted to hear from her were those three tiny words that usually mean nothing.
“Well, let’s not keep everyone waiting,” she says as she pulls away from me and wipes away tears that seem real. We walk back out into the living room.
“It’s nice to see you again, Kyle,” Mom says to
Myles
.
He smiles sweetly at her, stands up, and shakes her hand. “It’s Myles, Miss Jean,” he corrects. “Myles Lott,” he says it like this is their first time meeting.
I prepare for the apocalypse. He’s already breaking the three-super-fake-mother-survival rules. I flinch behind Mom, readying myself for what will happen next.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Myles. I swear I would lose my head if it weren’t attached to my shoulders,” she giggles. Myles fake laughs with her. This is creepy. “Well, I should go set the table,” she announces.
“Do you need any help?” Myles asks. Oh he’s good at this sucking up thing.
“Don’t be silly, sit with your girlfriend,” she says as she walks into the dining room.
Oh. My. God. I bite my tongue, not wanting to ruin everything.
Myles tries not to laugh and gives me a gleaming smile. I hate that smile. It’s like he’s saying
oh yeah. I’m awesome and you really
should
be my girlfriend because everyone thinks we’re going out anyway.
Ugh.
I sit down next to Laura on the couch. We don’t say anything for a few minutes. Then she suddenly speaks up. “Sophie, please promise that you won’t freak out tonight,” she says.
“What? Why?” I ask, turning toward her.
“Just remember that while we have to live here, you get to leave.”
I look to Myles for some guidance as to what she’s talking about, but he doesn’t even look at me. He stares at the stuffed animals that he and Leena are playing with.
An uneasy feeling creeps its way through my stomach, but I push it back down when Leena drags me down to the floor to play.
Soon, Mom is coming back into the living room all happy-looking. Like she’s trying too hard and her face is going to split down the middle. “Okay, everyone sit down,” she announces.
My hand settles on the chair at our round dining room table with Myles on my left, Leena on my right. I sit at the same time that Laura decides on the spot between Leena and my mom. Separating Mom and Myles is an empty place. Adam’s place. I didn’t prepare myself to be thinking about Adam not being here. But here it is, right in front of my face. It would be a lot easier to pretend that he’s on a business trip or something if there wasn’t a plate full of macaroni and cheese where he usually sits.
“Mom, you set an extra place. There are only five of us and there are six plates,” I say in a nice tone. Everyone turns their heads to look at me. Even Myles. This is so not good. Something is definitely up.
“Oh, I invited someone but they’re a little late.” She unfolds her napkin and lays it on her lap. I shrug. I don’t want to think about who she could possibly think would be worthy of sitting in Adam’s chair.
I eat my macaroni and cheese as that uneasy knot in my gut emerges again. I dig into meatloaf without tasting it. There are conversations going on around me as I try to think of something else besides the ball of lead forming in the pit of my stomach.
Piano chords are the first place my mind goes. A half note gets two beats; a dotted half note, three; the rest that looks like a top hat, two; upside down top hat, four. Then there’s a knock at the door and I jump out of my piano chord trance. Myles stares at me. Yeah, that’s definitely a worried look.
Mom comes back into the dining room with someone I can’t completely see behind her. “Everyone,” she says.
It’s just a friend
.
Someone from the gym
. If everything’s fine, then why do I still feel Myles staring at me?
“This is my friend, Fin,” she says as she sits back down. I can feel them all staring at me. Awesome, a new boyfriend.
“Are you okay, Sophie?” Mom asks suddenly.
Myles taps my knee under the table. “What?” I look at my mother. Her face has changed. It has a nervous, fake smile on it.
“I want you to meet my…friend, Fin,” she gestures toward the seat next to her. I can feel my jaw beginning to clench.
Calm down,
a voice says. It’s not mine. It’s not he voice you hear when you think to yourself. It’s different. I’m pretty sure it’s Myles, but he hasn’t
said
anything. The thought of him being in my head is not comforting, but I decide to deal with that later and confront this situation first.
One deep breath, then my eyes shift over to this stranger. The first thing I see is his light brown, short hair with little spurts of grey in it. He has a red face and black, bushy eyebrows. It’s his eyes that look familiar. They’re light brown—milk chocolate, and a little bit bloodshot. He’s wearing a red sweater and khaki pants. He’s about, I don’t know, fifty something. I can’t think of why his eyes look so familiar to me. It’s beginning to bug me, but I push it out of my mind.
Myles nudges me under the table. I can only nod in this guy, Fin’s direction. He smiles at me. That looks familiar too. Like a cat smiling at a helpless bunny rabbit before he plays with it until it dies. I turn my attention back to my food.
Myles takes it upon himself to lighten the mood. “So Fin, how do you know Miss Jean?” he asks. There’s a certain edge to his voice. I’m about to glare at him for talking to this random guy, but he holds three fingers under the table so only I can see. I shove more food into my mouth.
“Actually, we go way back,” Mom answers. I don’t want to hear this. I don’t care about this person. The only reason I don’t leave is because of Laura. I don’t want to ruin things with her just as we’re starting to be sisters.
I go back to trying to think about my keyboarding lessons in school. Middle and high tones are written on the treble staff, low and middle are written on the bass staff. This is good. I switch my fork to my left hand and put my right hand on my leg underneath the table. I visualize the piano and its keys and playing the notes.
Myles nudges me again. I glance at him and he gestures to my mother. Oh, I’m supposed to be part of the conversation? “Hmm?” I ask.
My mom strains harder to smile. “Myles was just telling us what a talented pianist you are,” she says.
I glare back at Myles. “Oh?” I ask awkwardly.
Myles nods, but he’s not looking at me.
“That’s a good talent to have,” the stranger sitting in Adam’s chair comments. His voice is a deep, kind voice. Now I know I’ve heard a voice like that before. But where?
I stare at Myles, trying to keep my mind occupied. His eyes are narrowed at the stranger.
“Well, I don’t have to tell you that, Sophie,” Fin speaks again. My head snaps back in his direction. “You were always a gifted musician.”
“What?” I ask.
“You don’t remember me, do you?”
No, but I think I’m beginning to. I just don’t know from where. His eyes squint at me like he’s laughing at a sick joke inside his head. I don’t like this guy.
“I remember,” he says. “You went to Lucky Elementary. You were always asking what the best ways to play were. I think you had a little crush on me.” He smiles at my mom and she holds his hand on the table. Friends, my left nut. “You always wanted to stay after school.” He smiles to himself. “You tried to get me into all kinds of trouble with your story telling though.”
No.
This cannot be happening.
I know where I’ve seen those eyes and heard that voice before.
I swallow hard, trying to breathe normally. Myles reaches for my hand under the table. I sit on both of them. Now
he
knows.
“Sophie probably remembers,” the nightmare adds on. I push my vomit down by biting down on my tongue. It doesn’t feel like it hurts, but my mouth tastes faintly of blood. I can’t look at anyone, but I can’t ignore it either. I stare at Myles’ hands balled into fists under the table. Somehow, going over my current piano lessons doesn’t seem to be working as it had before.
No one says anything, and so the nightmare speaks again.
“Well, all water under the bridge now, Sophie.”
I glare up at his face and those horrible eyes. “What?” I barely choke out. My mouth is so dry.
“You know, about making up all of those stories…” He pulls my mother closer. How could she be doing this to me? “You were just a kid.”