Surge: (#7 The Beat and The Pulse) (15 page)

I
’d completely shut down
.

I trained, and I followed instruction, but I didn’t feel any of it. I was on auto pilot.

No matter what I said or did, she wouldn’t believe me, so what was I supposed to do? I didn’t have a clue, and Lincoln wasn’t forthcoming. Violet had stopped talking to me the moment she heard what I’d done…because it was my fault.

Josie had done nothing but want to try to love me, and I’d pushed when she wanted to walk away. I pushed her to be in this stupid relationship. The bad boy with no care for his reputation. The bad boy with a toxic crush on a heartless creature. The bad boy who closed the door to his past too late to save his future.

I’d lived up to everyone’s expectations and destroyed her.

Almost a week had passed, and I still hadn’t heard from her. I didn’t even know if she still had the same number, but I kept calling, hoping she’d pick up out of pure annoyance…but she never did. It was like she’d never been here at all.

I’d already run ten kilometers on the treadmill that morning, but I was so numb I didn’t even realize the display had ticked over to fifteen until I saw Lincoln’s reflection in the mirror.

He was talking to Coach in a low voice and showing him something on a piece of paper, and now and then, they’d glance over to me.

Slowing to a jog and then a walk, I turned the treadmill off and jumped off the end, my legs feeling like they were made from jelly. I’d overdone it, but I wasn’t going to fess up that I had.

“What’s that?” I asked, turning to face Linc, who was now on his own.

“A press release,” he replied absently. “It’s nothing.”

My thoughts immediately went to Josie, and I wondered if it was someone announcing her new appointment as their PR rep. If she was going to pick up more work, her best prospects short-term were to find another fighter.

That was the moment I began to put two and two together, and it didn’t equal four. It equaled...

“Give me that,” I snapped, attempting to snatch the paper from Linc’s hand.

He wasn’t quick enough as I plucked it from his hand and began reading.

My gaze raked over the press release, and as the words began to sink in, I couldn’t feel anything. Each word was like a kick in the nuts, and seeing her name felt like my cock was being twisted in a vice. This was bad.
Very bad.

Josie had left us and gone back to Melbourne to work PR for Gabe O’Connell.
Gabe O’Connell
.

The numbness I’d felt for the past few days began to thaw and turn into full-blown rage. Just…
rage
.

Balling my hands into fists, I scrunched up the paper, but the motion did nothing to calm the beast inside me. I wanted to break something. I wanted to break the entire world, and I wanted to start with O’Connell’s face.

“I’m going to fucking kill him,” I snarled, my chest beginning to heave as I sucked in shallow breaths.

“No killing on my watch,” Lincoln said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “We all know how that ended up last time.”

I knew he was referring to Ash Fuller, who almost took revenge to the extreme when Hammer had attacked Ren. I would fuck up O’Connell, but I could never cross that line…but he did have Josie. He’d been trying to lure her away for weeks, and now he probably thought he’d won. Taking everything from us just for the hell of it.

“If I can’t kill him, then what can I do?” I asked, glancing between my brother and Coach, who had reappeared at the sound of my raised voice. “I don’t have any power. He’s going to try it on with her if he hasn’t already.” The thought of O’Connell shoving his tongue down Josie’s throat made me sick and only served to fuel my anger. “He’s been trying to get her into bed since the day I first fought him. Sniffing around the edges like a fucking dog looking for scraps.”

“Josie’s a smart girl,” Coach offered. “She takes her job seriously, she wouldn’t—”

“Except she has,” I said, jabbing a finger at myself.

“You’re different,” Lincoln countered quickly. “She could see right through him. You… You’re different.”

“You have to say that because you’re my brother.” I rolled my eyes, my chest burning at the memory of her walking away. I believed in her a thousand times over, but she didn’t believe in us. But most of all,
she didn’t believe in me.

“Challenge him for the title,” Linc said, pulling my attention back to him.

“What?” I blinked hard, beginning to believe my rage was giving me hallucinations.

“Challenge O’Connell,” he said again. “You’ll get your rematch, and you’ll get to see Josie. You’ll get your chance to make things right.”

“I…” My mouth flapped uselessly. Lincoln was giving up the fight of his career so I could win back a woman? Josie wasn’t just any woman, but he was still giving up everything. That’s why we’d fought over the challenge so much. It was career making stuff.

“You always wanted the title more than I did,” he said with a smile. “And you have more reason to take it back from that prick than I do. He knocked you the fuck out.”

I glanced at Coach, and he nodded. “If that’s what you boys want, then who am I to argue?”

“I need you all on my side if we’re going to do this,” I said. “All in or nothing.”

“All in,” Linc said without hesitation.

Coach nodded in the affirmative. “All in.”

“What happened to Monica?” I asked him, her name on my lips feeling like acid burning my tongue.

“She won’t be coming back here,” Coach said, his voice tinged with disappointment. “We’ve had a lengthy talk about what happened here the other day, and I don’t think you got the entire story, son. She was here twice.”

“Twice?” I asked, my eyebrows raising.

“She spoke to Josie. Took some getting out of her, but she said something to hurt her. What exactly, she wouldn’t own up to.”

Linc’s gaze darted between us, and he spoke on my behalf. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What good would it have done?” the older man said with a sigh. “The damage was already done. She hasn’t changed despite all the stories she’s told to the contrary.”

I had no love left for Monica, but she was still Coach’s daughter, and it had to suck big time seeing a part of yourself turn out to be the cause of so much heartache.

“That explains a lot,” I muttered. “Why Josie wouldn’t believe me.”

Jo had reservations from day one and hadn’t been able to let them go…and then Monica had to come back one more time and sink the boot in. It was her MO all over. She’d been kicked to the curb and was never one to go down without a fight. Classic psycho bitch syndrome.

“You’re right,” I said to Coach, my head beginning to clear as I mapped out the path back to Josie in my mind. “What’s done is done. Now we go for the title. Winner takes all or dies trying.”

He nodded, his eyes clearing as he slapped his hand on my shoulder. “No excuses. I’m going to put you through your paces, son. Both of you.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” I said, mirroring his gesture and grasping his opposite shoulder. “If I’m going to show her the truth, I’ll have to go to hell and back to do it. I’ll go further than that if I have to.”

“You really think fighting O’Connell will win her over?” Coach added as we let each other go.

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “How I win will.”

Josie wouldn’t see me, so I had to do the next best thing.
Get under her skin
. Step one of doing that was getting in Gabe O’Connell’s face and fucking up his professional life. Josie was a pro, and she wouldn’t be able to ignore me for long. Gabe would use Jo’s and my break up to split my focus, but that’s exactly what I was hoping for. Face time with my girl.

I’d take back what was mine and teach him a lesson he’d never forget. No one fucked with the Hayes Twins.
Nobody
.

It wasn’t going to be a fight just for the AUFC middleweight title. It was a fight for Josie Cunningham’s heart, body, and soul.

My girl had lost her way, and it was time to guide her home.

A
few days
had passed since I turned up on Gabe’s doorstep, and I was fast learning his life was a circus.

I’d always thought Dean’s life was full to the brim with drama and womanizing, but he had nothing on his rival. The O’Connell show was a twenty-four seven affair, and he lived more like an A list celebrity than a professional athlete. Gabe seemed to know everyone who was cool in the city—DJ’s, club owners, musicians, artists, other fighters, AFL players, actors… A handful of days with the guy and I was already run ragged trying to keep up with his schedule. I wasn’t even sure how he found the time to train, let alone sleep, but he did.

To anyone on the outside, it looked like Gabe O’Connell was on the fast track to the bottom via a stint in rehab, but it couldn’t be further from the truth.

The one thing he had absolute control over was drugs and alcohol. He never touched either despite his entourage sniffing powder up their noses the moment they hit the VIP room of whatever club they were trolling that night.

I didn’t like it at all, and it went against everything I believed in as a human being and a professional, but it was my job to keep the scandalous behavior under wraps. When the drugs and wild sex romps stayed behind closed doors and out of the tabloids, I got a bonus. It sounded like a great incentive, but I was already run off my feet.

As I paced back and forth in the gym, my phone to my ear and my voice already beginning to dissolve into a husky rasp, I squashed down the little thought in the back of my mind that said I’d had it better than I’d realized with the Hayes Twins.

Glancing at the group of men at the other end of the room who were bench-pressing impossible weights, I caught Gabe’s gaze. He was spotting another guy—some dude who called himself a fitness model and whose name I’d already forgotten—his chest bare and his tattoos on show.

Gabe was damn fine to look at, but I’d already learned the arrogance he paraded went all the way to the core. He
did
think that highly of himself.

He winked suggestively, and I didn’t even have the energy to roll my eyes at him. I wished I’d been bold enough to negotiate a higher base salary.

My phone began to ring again for like the twentieth time that morning, and I sighed sharply. Turning my back on my boss, I began walking away.

Answering the call, I said, “Josie Cunningham.”

“What the fuck are you thinking?”

I hesitated, my brow creasing. “Who is this?”

“
Bitch
.”

Bitch? Who the hell would be calling my work number and calling me a…

“Ren, is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s just your best friend who you haven’t spoken to for weeks.” She sounded exasperated, which was a dead ringer for how I was feeling myself.

I hadn’t spoken to Ren since after the wedding, and she hadn’t been happy with me at all. I was busy causing scenes in her eyes, so I’d been leaving her to stew in her own juices. If I was telling myself the truth, I was avoiding talking to her because I’d have to spill on the whole Monica and Dean scenario, and I wasn’t ready to face it all yet.

“I thought you were mad at me,” I replied, moving farther away from Gabe and his hangers-on.

“I was, then I wasn’t, and now I am again,” she replied. “You quit working with the Twins, move back to Melbourne, and don’t tell me?”

“Shit,” I muttered.

“Yeah, that’s right,” she scolded me. “And I see you took a job working with Gabe O’Connell.”

“How do you know?”

She snorted, the sound whooshing across the line. “I might not be a part of the AUFC anymore, but it’s a small country we live in. Word gets around. Press releases help a great fucking deal, too.”

“Well, I needed a job, and he offered me a lot more than what I was getting,” I declared, trying to justify my stupid life choices…and dance around the real reason I’d left.

“You know, if you needed more money, you could’ve asked the Twins for a raise,” Ren countered, always on the ball. “They’ve been trying to give you more for years, but you wouldn’t take it. Unless something happened…” She trailed off, and for a moment, there was absolute silence. “
Something happened
.”

“Let it go,” I said thinly, not wanting to spill the fact that Monica had been at her wedding, then in Sydney delivering home truths and stealing my boyfriend out from under me.

“What happened, Josie?” she pressed. “You know I won’t let it go. I can just go call the Twins and hear it from them…
FYI
.”

“Ren, please, leave it alone.” I leaned my forehead against the wall and screwed my eyes shut. I was way too tired to deal with this.

“Okay, you’re really starting to worry me now. You know I’m here for you, and if you don’t talk to me now, I’m getting in the car and driving all the way across town to find you. I really hate that Gabe guy, just so you know. He’s way too arrogant. And seriously, after he KO’d Dean and won the title from Lincoln… It’s a low blow, Jo.”

“Dean and I…” I started to say, and my heart began to sting as I opened up the wound he’d left behind. “I dumped Hamish because I had feelings for Dean.”

“Holy fuck!”

“But Monica…”

“
Holy fuck!
” Ren repeated. “There’s a name I never wanted to hear again.”

Glancing over my shoulder, I caught Gabe staring at me with a frown, so I edged toward the outside door. “Hang on a sec,” I muttered. “I’ve got an audience.”

Ren sighed on the other end of the line as I pushed out of the gym and onto the street. A tram rattled by, and I ducked down the street and into an alcove away from the noise and passing pedestrians.

“It’s a long story,” I said quietly, my gaze darting around like I was about to be sprung doing something naughty.

“I’ve got the time,” Ren replied. “I’ve always got the time.”

Taking a deep breath, I leaned into the corner of the building—by the service entry, no less—and told her everything. From start to finish, not even leaving out the part where I came to Melbourne and saw Hamish…then kissed Gabe. Okay, so I ran away to Melbourne, but everything else was put out there raw and bleeding. Every shred of heartache was there for my best friend to dissect and salivate over.

“Bloody hell, Josie…” she said after I was finished. “You were going through all that, and you felt like you couldn’t call me?”

“It wasn’t about you,” I said quietly, fighting back tears.

“No, it was about
you
.”

“I just couldn’t…” I began, pulling in a shaky breath. “I couldn’t stay there knowing I’d lost him to her.”

“You let Monica walk all over you?” she asked quietly. “You? Josie Cunningham, ball of lightning?”

“She won,” I said, my voice wavering. “She won.”

“You got scared and ran away, Josie,” she said. “Just admit it.”

“I was falling for him, Ren,” I exclaimed. “How could I stay there and see him every single day knowing he was fucking your bitch of a half-sister the night before. No matter what I did, he was never going to let his feelings for her go. It was a lost cause.”

“How do you know he’s with her? You said it yourself, he told you he wanted
you
. I’ve never known Dean to be so sure about something in all the years I’ve known the guy. Monica has a long track record of lies and manipulation…to the highest order.”

“He was sure about Monica. He was sure about it for ten fucking years.”

“No,” she said stubbornly. “I think you’re making a mistake. I think you were already vulnerable and unsure about your relationship with Dean, and she came in, saw a way to bring you down, and took it. To Monica, you’re the enemy. Think about it this way… Monica goes to Sydney and tries to start something with Dean because she thinks he’s still interested because he went to see her after the wedding. He’s already with you, getting over his past hang-ups and having a great fucking time doing it. He tells her no because he’s only got eyes for you. Monica pulls a classic Monica and—”

“Stop it, Ren,” I interrupted her. I knew she was only trying to help, but it was already done. I couldn’t go back now, and her reasoning was way off. I didn’t want to hear it.

“You have to admit it’s possible,” she stated.

“I know in my heart that it’s not,” I replied stubbornly. “
It’s not
.”

“Josie… Do you think you’re holding onto your pain because it’s familiar?”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” I scowled, staring across the street into nothingness.

“Is it? I mean, look at how things went for you and Hamish. For almost two years, you guys fought, broke up, and got back together. So many times. Don’t you think that’s your version of familiar, like Dean’s was crushing on Monica?”

My fingers began to go numb as her words sank in, and I almost dropped the phone onto the concrete. What if she was right?

“You need to go back,” she said softly.

“I don’t need to go anywhere,” I snapped, allowing my hurt pride to do the talking for me. “I’m doing fine just where I am.”

Before she could reply, I ended the call and shoved my phone into my pocket.
How dare she…

Everyone was telling me I’d made the wrong choice, that I was acting on a whim, and now Ren was saying it was because I was addicted to conflict? What a stupid concept. I wanted to fall in love and be happy, not sauté myself in the juices of my own misery. That shit was for teenage girls.

Even Hamish, the man I’d dumped for Dean, told me I should fight. The man I’d dumped at my best friend’s wedding. The man who I nearly stuffed things up for with his new girlfriend.

Pushing off the wall, I strode down the street and went back into the gym, my thoughts rolling around in my head like a coin in a tumble dryer.

I’d fought for Dean, hadn’t I? My whole life post-Sydney was hinged on that revelation and knowing it could all be a lie I’d sold myself? It stung.

I had to believe I’d done the right thing by walking way, because if I didn’t? Knowing I’d thrown away something that could’ve grown into true love over a desire to feel pain, would destroy me.