Surge: (#7 The Beat and The Pulse) (12 page)

I
sighed
, watching the boys pause and rewind Lincoln’s fight.

Dean had been distracted after his loss to Gabe, but I was pretty sure that’d been my fault. I’d neither been in or out with him and struggling with my feelings the entire time. I’d been a distraction, and now everyone thought he didn’t care about being knocked out in the octagon. I knew Dean well enough to know he was seething about it on the inside.

He deserved the right to challenge, but so did Lincoln. It was a tough call.

A little voice inside me began whispering about Gabe’s constant flirting and Dean’s need to protect me from it. Did Dean want to challenge him because of his loss or because he wanted to defend my honor? If it was the latter, I wasn’t sure I deserved it. Maybe that kind of thing would fly at The Underground, but this was the pro leagues. Getting into the cage to fight over a woman wasn’t what the sport was about.

I wanted Dean to challenge Gabe for the right reasons, and the right reason was taking the middleweight title back. It was as simple as that.

My phone vibrated in the pocket of my suit jacket and I retrieved it, thankful for the distraction. Things were beginning to get tense in here…and not just in the gym.

Reading the text from Violet, I smiled.
You free for lunch today? I think we need some girl time
.

Hell yes
, I replied, tapping out the message and adding a smiley face emoji at the end.

Meet you at The Kiosk in thirty?

See you there.
xxx

Glancing across the gym, I focused on Dean’s back, taking in the lines of his strong shoulders. Remembering how easily he’d held me up against the wall of my shower that morning, I shivered. I could still feel the ghost of his cock sliding into me, and the more I focused on the ache between my legs, the more vivid the memory became.

He was focused on the television, a scowl etched into his sharp features as he was subjected to his brother’s fight with Gabe over and over.

Slinking into my office, I picked up my bag and slipped out of the gym as quietly as I could. Things had blown up so much over the past few weeks, and I was desperate for some proper rest and relaxation. Running off to Melbourne didn’t count, and that whole weekend needed to be expunged from history…
stat
.

Truthfully, it wasn’t me I was worried about anymore. Not after this morning. If anyone needed a break, it was Dean Hayes, but try telling him that.

* * *

S
aturdays in Bondi were a nightmare
.

People and cars and shit went in all directions, even in the winter months. It was one of Sydney’s top tourist spots thanks to the beach and its hot lifeguards. The boys in their blue swimmers were a sight to behold when they were in full rescue mode, and they even had their own television show. Yep, Bondi had its fair share of excitement.

As I walked into one of our favorite local cafes, I spotted Violet already waiting for me at a table by the window.

“Hi,” I said cheerily as I leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.

She was looking rather cute today in a little T-shirt and jeans, her chestnut hair long and tousled, and her lips pink with gloss. After such a long, tumultuous night, she was looking fresh as a bloody daisy, and I was silently jealous of her complexion. I had to slap on a pound of concealer just to cover my dark circles.

“Oh my God,” she exclaimed as I sat opposite. “I can’t even operate today.”

“Yeah, it’s been pretty tense at the gym this morning,” I replied, shucking off my jacket and laying it on the back of my chair.

“I don’t even know why you went in. They can do it without you, and it’s Saturday! I bet they’re just agonizing over the replay.”

I laughed and nodded. “You know them well.”

“Linc’s upset about it, but it was a good fight. It was a real challenge for him. He only lost by a second, so it won’t be that much of a climb to refocus his training. Then he can try to take the title back. I think he’s just sore that it was O’Connell he lost to, not how the fight went.”

“Dean wants the challenge,” I said absently, picking up the menu and scanning the specials.

Violet’s ears pricked up. “Yeah?”

“Everyone seems to have forgotten he lost by KO. He’s desperate for a rematch.”

“It was a spectacular hit he took,” she said in agreement. “But they both deserve the challenge.”

“And therein lies the problem. Who gets a shot at taking back the title?”

She regarded me for a moment, a sly smile on her face.

“What?” I asked, beginning to squirm under the force of her laser beam eyes.

“I saw you holding hands with Dean,” she declared.

Oh shit… “What? When?”

“Last night.” She gestured to the waitress that we were ready to order. “Looked heavy.”

I was granted a short reprieve as we put in our orders and the waitress collected our menus. Was I ready for it to be out there so soon after dumping Hamish like I had?

“C’mon, Josie,” Violet said, leaning forward. “It’s only a matter of time before everyone finds out. It’s me and Linc we’re talking about. Those boys are cut from the same egg, and you’re one of my best friends. Who better to trust than us?”

I frowned and picked up a serviette to keep my hands occupied. Worrying it between my fingers, I shrugged.

“Linc already suspects,” she added. “You know if he asks Dean, he’ll just come clean.”

Yeah, I knew it all right. They took the twin thing to the extreme, and it was only a matter of time before our secret was out. Maybe keeping it locked up inside was causing me to overanalyze and to put more pressure on our relationship than was necessary.

It would be damn nice to talk to another woman about it, and Violet would be great. She’d gone through a great deal of therapy and had begun studying psychology at the University of Sydney. She said it herself. It was only a matter of time.

“It was the night of the Gala…” I began. “But we argued about it for a week before that.”

“That’s why you went to Melbourne?” she asked gently.

“He rejected me, and I was hurt…but when I got back, he’d changed his mind,” I explained. “I thought it was for the best considering I was just out of a relationship and he was still hooked on an old crush, but he wouldn’t let up.”

Violet was smiling at me like a moron.

“What?” I asked, slightly disturbed by her enthusiasm.

“I think it’s great,” she said. “You guys are perfect together. You’re the challenge he desperately needs.”

I tilted my head to the side. “And what is he to me?”

“Everything you were trying to turn Hamish into,” she replied matter-of-factly. “Professional, strong, dependable, hotheaded…and right here in Sydney.”

Dammit, she was right
. That girl was a certified shrink already.

“Why don’t you want anyone to know?” she added. “I think it’s great you guys are trying to make things work.”

“We’ve just got too much baggage to be going out and declaring our status to the world,” I replied. “It might fall apart before it’s even begun…”

“That’s why you need to fight. Love doesn’t just fall into your lap.” She snorted and shook her head. “Maybe in romance novels and the odd freaky real-life miracle, but for most people, it’s hard work. This is normal for people like you guys. You’ve got shit to work through.”

“We knew it was going to be hard, but I can already feel things starting to spiral, and it’s only been a week.”

“You can always talk to me about it,” she said. “And Ren, too. She went through some heavy stuff with my brother before they managed to get it together. It might not be exactly the same as you and Dean, but I know she’d want to help.”

“I think she’s still mad at me for what I did at the wedding,” I said with a sigh.

“No, I don’t think she is anymore. I know Ren, and she never holds onto a grudge. Well, except Monica.” She raised her eyebrows. “That’s one she’s pretty justified in keeping.”

I groaned, leaning my elbows on the table and letting my head fall into my hands. “Don’t remind me.”

“Shit,” Vee said. “I’m sorry. Think about it this way. If she and Dean were really going to be together, they’d be together. I can’t see it happening.”

“He went to see her after the wedding,” I said, old anxieties beginning to simmer.

“I know…”

“Nothing happened, and he said he had closure, but I still worry.”

“He’d be a fool to drop you for a bitch like her.”

“Ten years is a long time to wait for somebody…”

“And he’s finally seen the light if he’s trying to make things work with you.” Violet smiled reassuringly, but I wasn’t sure she was feeling it, either.

“What do I do?” I asked, hoping she knew the way forward or at least which direction to step in first.

“Time,” she replied. “That’s what I learned in therapy when I first started seeing Lincoln. Take small steps every day, and before you know it, you’ll have traveled the entire road.”

“You really think…”

“You guys have a lot of things to work through, but you’ve both taken the biggest step…which is the first one. From here, it’ll take time. If it’s worth it, he’ll still be there with you at the end.”

I wanted to believe her, but I was beginning to think Dean would be the one standing at the end of the road while I lagged behind until I fell off the path completely.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Dean was everything I wanted. He was the one I wanted to wake up next to. He was the only man I wanted to touch me. He was a man worth fighting for, and he wanted me.

He wanted me.

Time to cast my doubts and fears aside and fucking leap.

S
cowling at my brother
, I picked up my water bottle and contemplated throwing it at the back of his head.

There was another thing we had in common besides our impeccable good looks…our stubborn pride.

Josie was out at a meeting with the AUFC, and Coach was someplace I didn’t know, so it was just me and my brother locked in the gym training. Somehow, I knew it was a ploy to force us to work out our differences over who was going to challenge O’Connell. I still wanted it to be me, and Lincoln still wanted it to be him. So far, nothing had changed.

He’d turned up his nose and was ignoring me like a little girl, sticking his headphones in his ears so he couldn’t hear me. If I’d known he was going to be such a baby after his first loss, I would’ve beaten him up myself.
Pussy
.

The intercom by the door buzzed, making me sigh in annoyance. Knowing Linc was sulking in his own world, I strode over to the door as it buzzed again.

Jamming my finger on the intercom button, I said, “Yeah?”

“Hi, I’m looking for Dean Hayes?”

I paused at the sound of a female voice, but I couldn’t recognize it through the static. It could be any number of my past conquests tracking me down for another go, or it could be a right hook to the face. Best to proceed with caution.

“Who’s this?” I asked, glancing over at Lincoln. Thankfully, he still had his headphones jammed in his ears and couldn’t hear what was going on.

“Monica.”

I stared at the little box on the wall, and my heart began to beat double time. She was the last person I expected to hear from after the brush-off she gave me back in Melbourne. What the fuck was she doing here?

Knowing I had to get rid of her before she caused any trouble with Josie, I pressed the button on the intercom and said, “Wait there, I’ll be down in a sec.”

Grabbing my hoodie, I slid my arms into it and zipped up the front. Leaving Lincoln behind none the wiser, I clattered down the stairs and pushed out into the lane.

She was waiting by the door as I emerged, looking exactly as I remembered her from the other week—tall, lithe, athletic, big brown eyes, long wavy hair, and pouty lips… Monica Miller.

I used to get this rush of longing when I laid eyes on her, but standing before her now? All I could see was Josie.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, leading her around the corner and out of sight of the gym. Last thing anyone needed was for Josie or Coach Miller to turn up and see the bane of their existence hovering outside their workplace.

She followed me without question, not even doing a double take when I parked her near a skip bin. Clandestine liaisons in stinky alleyways must be her thing.

“I’ve come to make amends…” she began, and I narrowed my eyes.

“Coach isn’t here,” I said, sliding my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. I didn’t want amends. I wanted her to go away.

“Oh…”

I sighed sharply, turning my gaze away from her.

“I’ve been thinking,” Monica went on awkwardly, her gaze pulling mine back to her. “Ever since you came to see me, I’ve been wondering if I made the wrong decision.”

“What?” I frowned, wondering where the hell this was coming from. She’d always had impeccable timing, and I began to suspect she’d heard about Josie and me…but I wouldn’t know how.

“I’ve been doing really good,” Monica went on. “Working through my feelings and making amends. I realized that all these years, I’ve been wrong. I treated you horribly, and I’m sorry. I was blind.”

The world had dropped out of view, and all I could see was Monica Miller standing in front of me, practically on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness. I’d imagined her in the same position many times, but instead of begging, she was sucking. I’d jerked off plenty of times to the same image back when I was a horny teenage boy and later as a full-grown man, but right now, I didn’t want to imagine her in any scene that involved my cock.

Please, don’t say it
, I thought.
Please, don’t say it
.

“I want to make a go of things, Dean,” she said, looking up at me hopefully. “You and me.”

After ten long years, she was finally saying the words I was so desperate to hear, and I didn’t feel anything. Scratch that. I did feel something, but it had everything to do with getting rid of her.

I stared at her unblinking for what felt like a millennia before I could gather my thoughts.

“Monica…” I began, lowering my gaze until it hit the ground.

“I thought the best thing to do was to sever ties with my old life and start again,” she said, beginning to plead. “I realized I was just running from my problems, not dealing with them. I’ve come to make amends with you and Dad. I want you, Dean. I’ve always wanted you, but I was too young and stupid to realize. Now I’m not.”

I sucked in a deep breath and looked her over, wondering what I ever saw in the woman. Josie was right that morning in the gym when she said I wasn’t interested in Monica for who she was. I was only interested in fucking her, but I’d blown up the fantasy into something more.

It was that moment I realized I was falling for Josie Cunningham. It was her I wanted to wake up with. It was her I wanted to know. It was her I wanted to fuck. It was her I wanted to love.
Her
.

And I didn’t care who the fuck knew it.

“No,” I said, leveling my gaze at Monica.

“Dean…”

“Listen to me,” I said firmly. “I should’ve let you go a long fucking time ago. I was a fool to let you walk all over me back then. I was a fucking fool in love with the idea of putting his cock into something pretty, nothing more. There is nothing between us, Monica, and there never will be. Make good with your dad if you want, but you shouldn’t come back here to do it.”

Her mouth had fallen open, and tears were welling in her eyes, but I didn’t give a fuck. My only thought was for Josie, who would blow a gasket if she saw the woman she thought I was going to tear us apart for lingering in the shadows.

Stepping around Monica, I left her in the alley, nothing more than an afterthought at the end of a long, pointless story of unrequited lust. I’d closed the book and tossed it in the gutter—that’s how much it got under my skin. It was closure on an epic scale.

Going back up to the gym, I closed the door behind me and smirked at Lincoln’s back. Everything was just as I’d left it fifteen minutes before.

Josie was still out, Coach wasn’t back yet, and Linc was still sulking over his loss. Everything was the same, but I’d changed in so many ways it wasn’t funny. I’d evolved while the earth stood still, my mind clear and sharp. My focus was on point with laser precision and no longer split down the middle.

I knew what I wanted now, and I was going to get it.

Josie Cunningham was my happy ending.