Surrendering (16 page)

Chapter 18

I’m Not Giving Up

Things at the house are seemingly good. The girls and I don’t talk much about what happened and I insist they don’t get in the middle of it. I’ve managed to stay away from Declan the entire week. He comes by the house and texts me daily, but I never acknowledge him. Every day I find a note on my door or a flower in the kitchen with my name next to it. He keeps insisting nothing happened between him and Sami, but I know what I saw.

I knew he was playing last Thursday night so I made dinner for the girls and me. We settled in for a night of mindless TV. It was a little harder to avoid him over the weekend, but I skipped yoga and spent most of Saturday at the library. Saturday night I went to the movies with Ella and Finn and then spent the night at his house. I went to my parents’ house on Sunday. Robbie and I spent the day watching football and drinking beer. I stayed there since the Titans were playing Sunday Night Football.

Robbie knows what happened, but when he tries to bring it up, I shut him down.

“Look, Rave, I know he fucked up. But I get the feeling he wants to talk to you. Maybe he didn’t screw around with that girl and he wants to explain. I saw how into you he was the night of the gala and it’s obvious you were crazy about him.”

“For God’s sake, he became jealous and irrational. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain. I think that shows just how much he cared about me. Can we not mention it again?”

“I’ll drop it, but you need to know he’s been contacting Finn to check on you. He hasn’t forgotten about you at all.”

Shit! I wonder what he’s said to Finn. You know what? I don’t care.

*****

Since its Monday night, I have dance and then I need to work on my portion for a group project in one of my classes. It’s been a week since I saw Declan and Sami at his house. My mood has improved slightly, but I still feel raw.

I’m preoccupied in my head so I don’t notice the Yukon parked on the street when I get home. I get halfway up the walk before I see him in the doorway. I immediately freeze, taking in his appearance. His clothes are wrinkled and he hasn’t shaved, but he still looks hot. I see the ring in his lip and notice he’s lapping his lips over it to turn it. It’s incredibly sexy. Before I can do anything stupid, I turn to my car. I need to get out of here. I’m almost to the driver’s door when he meets up with me.

“Raven, please talk to me. I am so fucking sorry! SO FUCKING SORRY! I’m a complete asshole and I never deserved you. I made a snap judgment when I saw those pictures. I was crazy jealous because I spent the best night of my entire life with you. You had started to open up to me and I knew we had something special. But when I saw you on the arms of those other guys and the way they looked at you, I thought something was going on. I felt like an idiot and I took it out on you. Please come inside and talk to me.”

He’s so close to me that I almost can’t breathe. Every time I take a breath, I can smell his scent and I’m instantly taken back to sleeping in his arms. I know I’m about to break so I turn to the door and yank it open. Before I go, I decide to say something.

“You know, Declan, I could have handled almost all of what happened between us. I could have overlooked the jealousy. I was hurt that you didn’t talk to me before jumping to conclusions, but I was raised around guys so I could relate. But what really hurt me, and what I can’t handle, is you showing up here with a lipstick stain on your shirt not twelve hours after our incredible night. Then when I track you down at your house, I see you with Sami who’s looking all smug and satisfied like she had just been freshly fucked. I may not put out, but I know what satisfaction looks like. I won’t be that girl, Declan. I told you that in the beginning and I meant it.

“There is nothing left to say except I love your sisters and I plan on living with them for awhile. I know we’ll see each other, but let’s just forget about what we failed at and be civil to each other. I won’t get in your way and hopefully we won’t be around each other more than necessary.” I know I sound weak and I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. My vision has become blurry. I need to get in my car and go, but I can’t pull my eyes from him. He looks at me with pain and hurt and I see that everything I’ve said has hit him.

“Sparkle, please listen to me. It isn’t what you think with Sami. Yes, I’m an asshole, but I didn’t sleep with her. I want you and only you. Can you please just come inside and talk to me? I’m fucking going crazy. The band has threatened to kick my ass; my sisters barely speak to me. I don’t care about any of them. I need you to believe me. Talk to me, yell at me, and hit me if you want. But please, quit shutting me out. I need you back. I’m crazy about you. Since I walked into that house last July and saw you, I felt a connection.”

“I need to go inside and you need to go home. I can’t do this.” I see his face fall, but he steps back.

“I’m not giving up. You’ve become too important to me. I’ll prove to you that we are good together.” He turns to leave, but rubs his thumbs over my cheeks to wipe my tears first.

I watch him walk away and then head into the house. Looks like my healing wounds have just re-opened.

Chapter 19

Girls’ Weekend!

For the first time in almost two weeks, I get up on Thursday morning happy. My best-friends will be here in a few hours and I need them more than I ever have.

Every day I still get some sort of present from Declan. He has sent flowers, notes, and even started sending quick text with quotes from songs; the most recent one was from Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up.” All of this is flattering and super sweet, but I’m not ready to forgive. I want this weekend to regroup and decide if I’m ready to move forward, or if I’ll give him another chance. I miss him like crazy, but I’m not sure that’s enough.

Declan has even worn his sisters down; they’re begging me to talk to him. Even though we agreed they would stay out of it, they’ve formed a two-girl crusade to have Declan and I reunited. They believe him about Sami. They’ve gone to three of his shows this last week and Sami has been banned from any interaction with Sayge.

According to Ella, Sami offered Blake a blow job just to get into the band room and he led her on. Just when she hit her knees on the bathroom floor, he told her she was a fucking whore and left her there. She stomped out and was immediately escorted out of the bar.

But even with knowing all this, I can’t seem to get my heart to mend. He hurt me and I have the next three days with my favorite girls to keep me distracted.

I get showered and dressed. Then I go to the kitchen to make breakfast. Ella’s leaning against the counter drinking coffee and she looks upset.

“Hey, honey, what’s wrong?”

“Are you ever going to talk to him again?”

“Pardon?” My stomach melts to my feet.

“Declan was just here and left a note for you and these flowers.” She motions to the huge arrangement of Stargazer lilies on the table. “He’s never acted like this before. I know he screwed up, but I’m worried.”

“What happened to staying out of it?” I ask softly.

“Rave, I’ve never seen him like this. He wouldn’t even come through the house because he was scared. He stared at your closed door from the front porch and looked lost. I want to stay out of it, but he wants you back so bad. Can you at least talk to him?”

“Yes, I’ll call him. I planned on talking to him next week after this weekend was over and I had some time with the others to figure out where my thoughts are. But if it means you’ll smile at me today, I’ll call.”

She jumps into my arms. “I know he’s an asshole, but even my dad is worried. You tainted him, Rave; you’re all he thinks about. He’s trying so hard. And as his baby sister, I want him to be happy. I don’t mean you need to take him back, but please let him know if you’re over him. It’s killing him inside.”

“Ella, don’t you think that’s weird? He’s twenty-five and hasn’t had any relationships besides us. Maybe he just isn’t used to rejection.”

“Maybe, but I think this is real for him. I think he fell hard for you and he fucked up. He knows how awesome you are and doesn’t want to lose you. But either way, you need to talk to him…” She kisses me on the cheek and flutters towards her room. “…and think about how awesome make-up sex will be.”

She doesn’t even know that I don’t know how awesome real sex can be.

I eat and then head back to my room to read his note.

Sparkle,

I can’t stop thinking about you. I know I’m a total jackass, but I need you to believe me. Nothing happened with me and Sami and I would give anything to go back and fix everything. Even though I’ve only know you for a short period of time, you are so special to me. I don’t deserve it, but if you would just forgive me I could breathe easier. I never lied to you. You are the most perfect girl I’ve ever known. At night, I dream of waking up to finding you in my arms. I’m crazy for you.

I know this is girls’ weekend so I hope you enjoy the flowers. The Stargazers remind me of you for many reasons. They fill a room with beauty and their smell is exquisite. To me, that is you. I miss you so much. Have a great time and know that I’ll always be ready to talk when you call. I won’t give up.

Love,

Declan

I swipe the tears off my cheeks and pick up my phone. After the third ring, I don’t think he’s going to pick up so I get prepared to leave a message. On the fourth ring, he answers. “Raven?”

“Hey, Declan, I got your note and flowers.”

“I’m glad; I wanted to knock on your door, but didn’t want to bother you.”

I can’t swallow when I hear the tenderness in his voice. “Declan…” My voice cracks.

“Raven, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry. I want you to know that. You have no idea how much you mean to me.”

I calm down enough to talk without sounding like a baby, “I was thinking that maybe we could get coffee or lunch next week. This weekend is pretty busy, but I have some time next week.”

“Next week sounds nice. I’ll be available anytime.”

“Well, I’ll text you on Monday and we can set it up.”

“Raven, I know things have changed, but I left your group name at the door if y’all still want to come on Saturday night. I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable, but I’d love to see you.”

“Let me check with everyone and we’ll let you know. Thanks again, Declan”

“My pleasure, Sparkle. I miss you.”

*****

Finally late afternoon arrives and I hear the honking from the street. Abbi, Ella, and I run to the front porch to greet all the girls.

“This place is fucking RAD! I feel like I just drove up to a
Homes and Garden
magazine!” Charlie screams and Abbi smiles with pride.

When Kendall exits the car, Abbi and Ella gasp. I should have warned them. Kendall is stunning. Her dad is Samoan and her mother is South African. She has caramel skin, but deep blue eyes. She is average height, but her body is rock solid with toned legs and heavy curves. And her hair has a natural wave that falls to the middle of her back. It goes without saying, she’s a guy magnet.

“Fucking shit, isn’t this just perfect?”

I fly off the porch and into Kendall’s arms. Even though we talk often, I’ve missed her so much. She’s like a sister to me. Harper and Charlie join our hug and before I know it, I’m crying.

Charlie breaks away first, “No alcohol and already there are tears. What the hell am I missing?”

Ella walks up, “You have no idea. Thank God we have all night to talk.”

Harper looks around, “You have a great place; it looks like Martha Stewart does your landscaping.”

I finally catch my breath. “Nope, but Abbi Collins does and she’s awesome!”

We all laugh and get their bags out of the car. We take them in the house and deposit them in my bedroom. Then head to the kitchen.

Even though Kendall hadn’t met my roommates before, they settle around and act like longtime friends. Everyone is laughing as Harper grabs the tequila from the freezer.

“Raven, we don’t want to harp on the situation, but a few shots might loosen you up so you can talk to us. The night officially starts now. Did you get everything?”

I know what she means. I did the liquor shopping this week and we have all our favorite junk food. I nod and get the limes.

When the limes are sliced and the shots are poured, I pass the salt shaker.

“To the best girls’ weekend ever! May there be secrets, sauce, silliness, and sex!” This is our general opening motto so each of us licks, sucks, slams, and laughs.

Abbi and Ella seem to join in the fun with no questions asked, but I’ve spent the last week telling them what to expect.

We decide on the sleeping arrangements. The sisters will sleep together and give Abbi’s room up. Harper and Charlie are together and Kendall is with me. We split our stuff and get ready. I choose a loose flowing, baby doll pink nightie with the bodice in sparkles. The bottoms are similar to boy shorts and have beads on the edges. One thing we always do is a contest on the best outfit. I didn’t tell my roommates because I didn’t want to scare them way, but these girls can get racy.

When we all meet back in the living room, Charlie shouts, “We look fucking hot. Too bad it’s girls only because I bet we could make some memories tonight!”

Every one of us looks great and I swear, I’m never going to win one of our competitions.

Kendall starts the evening with the swearing of the vows. It’s pretty simple.

We swear on the sisterhood that nothing leaves this house. We may be horny, we may be whipped, but we know ho’s are better than bro’s”

We all recite and Ella laughs out loud. “You know guys, we may be able to come up with a better mantra.”

Everyone laughs because we’ve been telling Kendall that for years. It’s the cheesiest vows ever but we came up with them when we were much younger and they seemed appropriate at the time.

As we settle in, we get acquainted over margaritas. Once we’re on our third pitcher, I notice I have several missed calls.