Susan Spencer Paul (16 page)

“Lady Edyth,” Alexander addressed that lady when the twins had gone, “will you leave us, please? I should like to speak with my wife alone.”

Edyth planted herself firmly next to Lillis and looked as though she were about to be stubborn.

“Go ahead, Edyth,” Lillis told her companion, staring at Alexander with eyes that held daggers. “I shall be quite all right and I, too, wish to speak alone with my
dear husband.
”

When they were alone Alexander waited expectantly. Perhaps she had been too shy to express herself before the others. Now that they were alone she would come to him and tell him how glad she was about the dam.

She did not move, however, but merely stood, glaring at him.

“You know about the dam, my lady?” he asked.

“Oh, yes. We saw the river flowing again just yesterday. I could see it from out my window.”

He waited a moment, then, “Were you not pleased?”

She nodded slowly. “Most pleased. Indeed, my lord, was that not what you and I bartered the rest of our lives for? I should have been devastated had our sacrifice come to naught, but as it has I suppose the sacrifice was well worth it. No blood was shed, thank a merciful God.”

Alexander was bewildered by the bitterness of her tone. He took a step toward her. “I must confess, I had expected to hear you sound happier about it. Is something amiss, Lillis? Did something happen to upset you while I was gone?”

She gave a short, contemptuous laugh. “Whatever could be amiss, Alexander of Gyer? You have all that you want, do you not? The dam that my father built has been torn down and the river is running again. You own the land upon which it was built and so have no fear of it being erected again, and you have avoided a bloody war. What more could you possibly want?”

“For you to be glad, as well,” he replied, thinking,
for a much sweeter greeting.

“But I am glad, my lord. Have I not already told you so? Now that everything you wanted has been accomplished, I may leave Gyer. Nothing, I assure you, could make me happier than that. All I wish to know from you is when I may leave.”

Alexander was utterly confused. What had happened while he was gone? Had he only dreamed the kisses they had shared on the night he left; had he only imagined how sweet and giving she’d been in his arms? He felt suddenly lacking, and wished fervently that he had a better understanding of the female mind.

“You may not leave at all, as you very well know. I thought you had understood that.”

She gaped at him with disbelief. “But I must go! You’ve no need to keep me any longer, and I refuse to stay! My father needs me and I must go to him!”

“You may not leave,” he repeated stubbornly, growing angry. He didn’t even like discussing the matter, and he certainly didn’t intend to waste any time discussing Jaward. What he wanted to speak of was their future together. “Lillis,” he said more gently, “I told you before I left that I had much to say to you regarding our future—”

“I don’t care what settlements you wish to make on me!” she cried furiously. “I don’t care whether you give me a fortune or make me a pauper! And I don’t care what you do with the lands that come to you through my name. All I ask is that you let me go home, as you promised before we were wed.”

“I will not let you go, Lillis.”

“But why?” she demanded angrily. “You have all that you want!”

He spoke calmly, carefully. “I cannot let you go until I have the king’s formal acceptance of our marriage. I’ve already told you that you may not leave until then, and I’ll not discuss the matter with you until that day arrives.”

“But my father is very ill! How can you keep me prisoner when he needs me so badly? You cannot be so cruel as that, my lord.”

Alexander looked at her in surprise. “Jaward is ill? I didn’t know. He made no mention of it in the missive he sent me.” He saw that his words surprised her, as well. She eyed him with disbelief. “Lillis, I swear that I didn’t know he was ill. Now, come, I am weary from riding half the day and I wish you would behave reasonably.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You knew
nothing
of my father’s illness? Do you swear it?”

“I did not know it. I give you my solemn vow that this is the truth, and you know I am a man of my word.”

Her wary expression faded slightly, mixing with a look of chagrin. “If this is so, my lord, then I have behaved most foolishly these past several days, and must beg your pardon. Edyth told me of my father’s collapse after you’d gone, and I assumed you knew of it and yet left Gyer without releasing me to go to him. I fear I was quite angry with you.”

Alexander felt oddly relieved to know the source of her upset, to know how foolish it was, and he was rather amused, as well. Women were strange creatures. He recalled that Barbara, whenever she became overset, which was aggravatingly often, was quickly soothed by a few words of indulgence, accompanied by some small gift. What could he give Lillis, he wondered, that would have such a happy outcome? He vividly recalled her reaction to the brooch he’d given her after their wedding night.

“I’m sorry to have given you such a mean-spirited greeting, my lord,” she said, offering him a small smile, then blushing and lowering her eyes. “I am truly glad that you’ve come home safe, and that you accomplished all you desired.”

“I missed you, Lillis,” he said without meaning to, but unable to stop the words once they started. She appeared startled when she looked him full in the face. “I told you I would,” he added almost defensively.

“I missed you also, my lord,” she whispered.

His heart gave a hard thump in his chest. “Even though you were angered at me?”

A moment passed, then she said, softly, “Even so.”

He moved toward her. “By God,” he muttered, grabbing her up in his arms. “I did more than miss you.”

He kissed her hungrily, setting one hand at the back of her head to make her meet him, his fingers sinking into the silky strands there and loosening them. His other arm wrapped around her waist and hugged her tight to himself, to the body that wanted and needed her. Lillis answered in kind, with a tiny, glad whimper, opening her mouth beneath his and accepting his passion while her hands buried themselves in his hair. She protested only a little as his hands explored her curves, touched her slim waist and full breasts and slightly rounded hips.

“My wife,” he murmured thickly against her mouth, “let me know you again. I must know you again. There will be no pain this time. I swear it. Let me prove it to you.”

For a few short moments she let him kiss her with his deep, demanding need, and then, so unexpectedly that Alexander felt as though he’d had the wind knocked out of him, she tore away.

“No!” she cried in a terrible voice, setting both hands on her head and rushing all the way across the chamber, where she stood against one wall, facing it, visibly trembling.

Alexander stood where he was, watching her, his own body shuddering. He was too shocked to move for a moment, and by the time he was able to, she had forced herself under control and had turned to face him.

“I would ask you to go, my lord,” she said, sounding badly shaken. “I think I—I think I must pack—my things and...” She began to weep and couldn’t speak anymore.

As much as he wanted to touch her, Alexander didn’t dare. “Pack?” he repeated helplessly.

She said nothing, but only stood there with her head bowed, weeping so that it tore at his heart. At last he understood what she meant.

“Lillis, did you think I would release you simply because your father is ill?”

Not looking at him, silent, she nodded. Alexander kept silent, too, giving her time to understand what the truth was, and time to gain control of herself. Such a proud woman was his wife; it was a terrible thing to watch her suffer humiliation.

“Please,” she whispered at last. “Go.”

He had never felt so helpless. So utterly, damnably helpless. “I could not jeopardize all that’s been done, Lillis, you know I could not. And it might very well be false. The last I saw of Jaward he was perfectly hale. How am I to know whether he is truly ill, or whether it is some ruse? It is a risk I cannot take!”

Still weeping, she shook her head, and clenched her hands into fists.

“Go!” she shouted furiously. “Go, go,
go!
”

It was something borne within him, something inherited from centuries past that made him react as he did; something innate, which he could neither repulse nor deny. Like night changed into day, he became the Lord of Gyer.

“You’ll make no such demands of me, madam!” he informed her coldly. “
I
am lord here! I am not commanded to either come or go! I am not made to do
anything!
”

Her hands, still fisted, fell to her sides, and she glared at him out of wet, angry eyes. “And
I
am your captive,
not
your slave! My father has fallen ill because of what you’ve done to me. He has suffered a complete collapse. Edyth only stayed with him so long because she feared he might die.” Her blue eyes were hard and cold upon him, and when she next spoke, her voice was as ice. “I have given you much, Alexander of Gyer. Now, I would ask this of you, that you let me return to my father, who can cause you no more harm.”

He wanted to shout at her again, but controlled himself and said, “I’ll not release you, but as it means so much to you, I shall take you to visit him. On these terms—that you will not try to escape, and that you will return to Gyer afterward to await word from King Henry.”

“When will you take me?”

“As soon as possible. I will rest tomorrow, having labored hard these past many days, but we can leave the next day if the weather permits. We will stay the day if you like, and if Jaward will countenance it.”

She grew quiet and searched his eyes intently. “You will do this, Alexander of Gyer?”

“Give me your promise that you will return to Gyer with me, Lillis.”

“Yes. I shall. I do so give it, my lord.”

“Then we shall journey to Wellewyn on the day after tomorrow, if the weather permits.”

She stared at him blankly.

“You do not believe me,” he stated.

“I do not know how to do so,” she replied.

She didn’t trust him, Alexander realized with a shock. She had no faith in him or in his word, whatsoever. The feeling that moved through him was foreign. “I speak the truth,” he insisted, much aggrieved.

Her expression was as stone, unmoving. “I have no way of knowing it,” she said.

Fury surged in him, hot, deep, encompassing.
He was the Lord of Gyer.
His word was sacred. It had
never
been questioned.

“You will learn it,” he seethed, beyond knowing what he spoke. “You will learn it, lady.”

Lillis gazed at him without emotion, relaxed now. She gazed at him as if he were some kind of poor idiot, as if she pitied him. Alexander was only that much more enraged.

“I shall see you at the evening meal,” he said curtly, moving toward the door.

“I’ll not come for the evening meal,” she declared. “I will eat in my chamber. Let your cousin play lady for you!”

“You will come down to table of your own free will,” he said, “or I shall come and fetch you. Either way you will sit in your place as Lady Gyer. Believe me, madam wife, you will.”

L
illis was asleep when the cold air that chilled her thinly clad body caused her to stir. Half-consciously she groped for the bed covers, her hand finding nothing but air until it finally came in contact with something warm. Her entire body was suddenly enveloped by the warmth, and Lillis was content to slide back into slumber. But then she became aware of movement, and realized, groggily, that she was being carried in someone’s arms. Her mind came awake all at once, though her sleep-ridden body remained half-paralyzed. She was only able to make the weakest resistance to the arms that held her so tightly.

“Hush,” Alexander whispered. “It’s only me.”

“Alexander?” she mumbled, straining against his arms. “What’s happened?”

“All is well,” he reassured her, stopping a moment to kick a door closed. “Don’t be afraid.”

She rubbed her eyes and looked around her, realizing that she was in his chamber. A hot fire lit the room and filled it with dancing shadows. “Why are we here? What’s happened?”

“Hush, or you’ll wake your guards.”

It wasn’t until he set her in the middle of his large bed and climbed in beside her that Lillis realized what was happening. She opened her mouth to scream, only to have it effectively stifled by Alexander’s hand gently closing over her lips. He pulled her down against his body and, with his free hand, drew the covers up around them. Her back was against his chest; he held her more closely so that he could bring his mouth to her ear.

“This isn’t what you think,” he whispered, putting one giant leg over both of hers to keep her still. “I’m not about to rape you. I swear it. Do you believe me?”

Lillis shook her head violently and started to struggle, making ineffectual noises against his hand. Alexander merely tightened his grip on her waist until she thought he would break a rib or two, and continued to explain himself.

“You are my wife, and will sleep wherever I wish it. Tonight you will share my bed, and you will learn to trust me, just as I promised you would. I am not going to rape you,” he repeated. “Do you believe me?”

She neither nodded nor shook her head, but only tugged at the hand that covered her mouth.

“Lillis?” he prompted.

“Mmm!” she emitted furiously, still tugging. One foot kicked at him beneath the covers, making weak, harmless contact.

“I’ll not release you unless you promise you’ll not scream. It will do you no good even if you do, but ’twould be unpleasant, nonetheless. Do you so promise?”

She nodded vehemently, and when he at last removed his hand she gasped for air.

“Are you well, madam?” he asked with some concern, pushing up on one elbow to look at her.

She glared at him out of watering eyes. “What were you trying to do? Suffocate me?”

Lillis could see his blank look even in the dim light of the fire, his face was so close. “Forgive me,” he apologized. “I didn’t realize I held you so tight. I’m not used to having to hold a woman down in my bed. They’ve always stayed of their own free will before.” He grinned at her in a very male way.

“I’m not most women!” she informed him hotly. “And I don’t wish to stay in your bed! How dare you bring me here you—
animal!
”

He brought his face even closer and rubbed his hand against her stomach in a circular motion. “Animal, am I? I’m your husband, madam, and have every right to bring you to my bed if I wish it.” He kissed her quickly. “But for tonight I’ve promised not to touch you, and I’ll not.”

Lillis gazed at him warily, wondering at his strange, happy mood. They’d spent most of their time during the evening meal ignoring each other.

“You’re touching me now.” She said, and tried to turn away from him.

He held her tight and chuckled, the motion of his hand growing slower and more meaningful. “If you don’t understand the difference between the kind of touching that you mean and the kind that I mean, I’d be most pleased to demonstrate.”

“No, thank you. I wish to return to my own chamber, my lord, and I ask that you let me do so.”

“No.” He lay down and slid both arms around her, hugging her against himself. “You will stay with me tonight so that you may learn to trust me.”

“I have no desire to learn any such thing,” she hissed angrily. “I only want to be left alone until you let me leave this place. Have I not given enough in the past few days? Is the rest of my life too small a sacrifice for you?”

“You will learn to trust me,” he repeated. “We are married and shall be for the rest of our lives. You will be the only wife I shall ever have, and I shall be your only husband. We shall have children together. I would have your friendship, and your trust.”

“You want more of me than friendship and trust!” she cried.

“Yes,” he admitted. “I’d have your passion, your need. I’d have you seek to join with me, as I seek to join with you. I’d have our beddings be times of joy and pleasure, rather than matters of civility and duty, as our wedding night was. It was as distasteful to me as it was to you, that night. I would have given anything to spare you that humiliation, to have taken you as gently as a bride deserves, but you know I had no choice. I did what I thought best, and finished the matter quickly. But next time—” he gently kissed the side of her neck “—next time it shall be as it should be, my lady wife. I shall give you sweet pleasure and great joy.”

“You will make me your slave,” she insisted. “You would have everything of me that you’ve not yet taken by force. My thoughts, my very soul. I shall be nothing more than your dog, slavering at your feet and begging for every crumb it pleases you to spare me.”

“Is that what you fear of me?” he asked with disbelief, sounding strangely hurt. “Is that why you turned from me today?” With a groan he pressed his face against her hair. “It shall never be like that. I will take nothing more than you are willing to give, Lillis, and I will give whatever you ask of me. Is it too much to ask that there be such kindness between us? Must we live our lives as courteous strangers? Would you have our every coupling be mere ritual?”

“I don’t know,” she said miserably. “I don’t know. Why do you speak to me of such things? We were wed out of circumstances, not out of friendship, not out of love. Why should our marriage be anything more than what it is?”

“Why should it not be?” he retorted.

Because you don’t love me,
she wanted to say, but instead closed her eyes and said wearily, “Please let me return to my own bed.”

“No.”

“What of Barbara? She would be unhappy to know that I’d spent a night in your bed.”

She expected him to become angry, but was surprised to feel one of his hands moving up toward her face. He cupped her cheek and turned her head toward him, lifting his own to look down at her. “I do not care what Barbara thinks, Lillis,” he told her softly, sincerely. “She is simply my cousin, now, and a very distant cousin at that. You are my wife.”

Lillis turned to stare into the darkness. She said nothing.

“Lillis?” Alexander asked after a while, his hand caressing her bare arm.

“What?”

“What are your feelings for me?”

“What do you mean?” she asked with some surprise. He sounded so wistful.

“We’ve not known one another long, but do you care for me at all?”

“I don’t know you very well,” she replied, unable to speak the truth that she did, indeed, care for him, though the words were true enough in their own sense. She did not know him well.

He was thoughtful. “This is true,” he finally agreed. “I will take you for a ride tomorrow, if the weather permits, and we will come to know each other better.”

Lillis sucked her breath in at the thought of such freedom. “You would let me go outside of the village walls?”

He chuckled, sending vibrations down her entire body. “With my escort, yes. Would you not like to see some of Gyer?”

“I should like it very much.”

“I’ll have Cook pack some food for us,” Alexander said with a yawn, “and we’ll have our midday meal in a pleasant spot I know of by the river.” She felt him smile against the top of her head. “It will be good to watch the river running again. I wish you could have seen it when the dam gave way and the river began to flow toward Gyer again. Your father was very clever in what he had done. He didn’t actually build a dam. It was more like a diversion built right at the fork where the river splits into two. He had all the water flowing away from Gyer and toward Edington.” He yawned again. “Very clever, indeed.”

“I’m glad for you, Alexander,” she said. “I’m glad everything turned out just as you wished.” She stared at the shadows that danced around the room and tried to ignore the feeling of his body pressed against her.

“I’ll not be able to sleep, Alexander,” she whispered into the darkness.

“Neither will I.”

Silence passed, then they spoke at the same time.

“Will you—?”

“Perhaps you might—?”

A half second of silence, and they both began to laugh.

“I thought,” he said, chuckling, “that you might tell me something of your life at the convent.”

“And I thought,” she said, turning just enough to smile at him, “that you might tell me something about your life here at Gyer.”

He looked at her with shock, as though what she suggested was an impossible feat. He began to shake his head, then stopped and gazed at her thoughtfully. “I suppose I could,” he said, sounding very uncertain.

She turned her head back to the pillow and made herself more comfortable. What a strange thing it was, she thought, to lie in a bed beside him. As strange as it had been on their wedding night, and yet not at all unpleasant. “As I am not here of my own free will, sir, it seems only right that you should entertain me.”

She felt him smiling against her hair again. “Very well, Lillis. Though the story will send you into sleep, most like.”

“Never more than mine would you,” she told him with heartfelt honesty, thinking how dull he would find the account of her life.

“We shall see,” he said, and, pulling the covers up about them both more closely, began his tale.