Sweaters & Cigarettes (22 page)

"Like, how?" he says, and
Max tilts his head, thinking.

"No idea," he says.
"I just need to get out of here."

He kisses Theo again, slower, this
time.

"
We
need to get out of
here," he says. "If just for a little while."

Theo just looks at him, and after a
few seconds, he smiles. He can't help it.

"Well, what did you have in
mind?" he asks, leaning closer to Max, who smiles back at him, in that way
of his that makes him look like an angel who's been kicked out of heaven. He
hums in thought.

"Well," he says.
"First off, let's leave here."

Theo raises his eyebrows at him.

"Oh, we're doing this right
now?" he says, and Max answers by taking his hand and lacing their fingers
together.

"Now's a good a time as
any," he says, cocking one pierced eyebrow, and Theo glances up at the
school. He should be going home,
straight home.
His parents are pissed
and paranoid as it is, and doing anything else than simply going straight home,
right now, is not very wise. It's a stupid idea, one bound to get them into
trouble, and Theo and Max both know that. Theo definitely knows that.

But somehow he can't think of a
single valid reason not to do it, anyway. He looks back at Max.

"Then, let's go."

Max says nothing, only smiles wider, and Theo feels
like he would go with him anywhere. He probably would, and for a moment, there
isn't the slightest trace of regret, as Max pulls him along with him, leaving
the school.

Chapter 16

Snow

"So, where to?" Theo
asks, as he and Max make their way along the street.

It's been about fifteen minutes
since they left the school, and so far, all they've really done is talk, while
walking along, occasionally stopping to pull each other into a spontaneous
kiss. It makes Theo feel a bit silly, to be honest, which both he and Max have
pointed out a couple of times, so far, but he has decided that he doesn't really
care. He has just missed Max so much, these past several days, and he doesn't
care if he's being sappy and ridiculous.

"I don't know," Max says,
as they reach the park, which is only a few blocks away from the high school.
"Didn't really think that far."

Theo cocks his head.

"Well," he says.
"I'm fresh out of ideas. We should probably go somewhere, though, it's
getting really cold."

It's true; it's colder than it has
been in a while, and although Theo loves simply walking here, with Max, the
weather will sadly be keeping them from staying out here for too long. And he
has no idea what Max had in mind for them to do, or where to go.

"Yeah," Max says,
huddling up slightly. "You've got a point."

They enter the park, which isn't very
big, but big enough to have an abundance of large trees and several winding,
graveled paths, all lined with old-fashioned, wrought-iron streetlamps. It's
really cozy, actually, and Theo squeezes Max's hand, as he holds it in his own.

"Well," Theo says.
"Why can't we just go back your house?"

Max makes a face, looking a bit
uncomfortable.

"Nah," he says. "My
parents are home, for once. So, maybe not a good idea."

Theo takes a moment to register
that.

"Why not?" he asks, a bit
hesitantly, and Max glances at him, a bit sheepishly.

"They, uh..." he starts,
clearing his throat a bit. "They don't exactly
know
about
you."

Theo blinks, and actually stops
dead, making Max almost stumble for a moment, as their hands are locked
together.

"What?" Theo says, and Max
gets the tiniest hint of anxiety in his eyes, at Theo's expression.

"It's not like that," he
says hastily. "I haven't kept it a secret, or anything, I would never do
that. And they wouldn't mind, I'm sure of it."

He glances at the ground.

"It just... hasn't come
up," he says. "And they haven't asked. So... They don't know."

Theo frowns, trying to wrap his
head around this.

"I thought they didn't care
what you did," he says slowly.

"They don't," Max
confirms, sounding almost a bit sad, looking back up. "And like I said,
they wouldn't mind. That's not really the issue. I mean, they've sorta met guys
I've been with, before."

He adds that last part with some
obvious reluctance, and Theo valiantly tries to ignore the way the thought of
Max being with anyone else makes his insides twist uncomfortably. It's not like
he doesn't know, though; Max is way more experienced with stuff like that, and
Theo has never been under the illusion of anything different. That kind of
shallow dynamic was the one even their relationship had at the start, after
all.

"Then, why―" he
starts, hesitantly, but Max cuts him off.

"Why is taking you home to
meet them such a big deal?" he finishes, eyebrows slightly raised, and
Theo half-nods in confirmation. And Max sighs. He practically fidgets, glances
away, searching for the right words.

"Because it's you," he
finally says, black-lined eyes looking back at Theo. "Because you're not
like anyone I've met, before. You're not just some guy, you're―"

He takes a deep breath, clearly
awkward about explaining this.

"You're
you
," he
says dumbly, gesturing at him vaguely. "You're important. And just
dragging you home when they're there, just like that, like you're just
anybody... It doesn't feel right. Can't really explain it. I just wanna do it
right, I guess."

Max looks down at the ground,
scuffs at the asphalt with his boot, in an uncharacteristically awkward and
timid gesture.

"So," he practically
mumbles, "it is a big deal."

He looks up at Theo, almost
hesitantly.

"It's a big deal," he
says awkwardly, half-shrugging, "because you're a big deal. To me, at
least."

Theo doesn't answer him. Max
usually has a way with words, but occasionally, like this time, he falls a bit
short, and Theo is glad he knows him well enough to interpret what he's trying to
say, correctly. He knows what Max means. He just doesn't know how to react to
it.

So instead, he just stands there,
staring, completely dumbfounded, as Max looks at him, waiting for him to speak.
But he doesn't. For several seconds, there's nothing but silence between them,
and finally, as usual, it seems to get the better of Max, who clearly isn't
accustomed to tense, emotional silence.

"Okay," he says, nodding,
trying to sound like his normal, casual self, and almost succeeding. "That
was... Yeah."

He presses his lips together,
suddenly unbearably awkward, and Theo finally snaps out of it.

"I'm sorry," he mutters,
shaking his head, as though to shake off the daze. "I'm sorry, it's
just... No one's ever said something like that to me, before. I just need a
minute to... to
process
."

He does some awkward gesture trying
to illustrate this, which looks ridiculous and ends up making him feel stupid,
more than anything.

Max nods. He takes a deep breath,
as though he's relieved, and another few seconds pass, without either of them
saying anything, and Theo just looks at Max, takes in his face and his
features. He has noticed how those dark blue eyes look almost scared,
sometimes, when Max tells him something like this. It makes him feel oddly sad,
and strangely protective.

 "It's okay," Theo
eventually says, in lack of anything else, moving one hand up to push that
black hair back from Max's forehead. It's a tender gesture that he only dares
to use, because Max has done it, in the past. And the way Max almost leans into
the touch, ever so slightly, somehow makes his heart ache.

"It's fine." Theo gives
him a small smile. "I get it."

He plants a soft kiss on Max's
lips.

"And you're important,
too," he says, voice low. "You're a big deal."

Max quirks a small smile.

"This is getting way too
cheesy," he says, and Theo chuckles, rather than taking offense at Max's
well-developed defense mechanism.

"You started it," Theo
retorts softly. "And it had to be said."

Max's smile widens, and he scoffs.

"Fair enough."

Neither of them speaks for a few
seconds, and they just look at each other, unblinking. Then Max tilts his head
a bit.

"I love you." He says it
easily, effortlessly, without even blinking, and it makes Theo's heart do a
backflip.

"I love you, too," he
says, and he could have sworn that Max's heart just did a backflip, as well, at
least judging from his expression.

Then, Max clears his throat,
breaking the moment.

"Alright, then," he says,
turning away and taking a few steps. "Onward."

Theo frowns slightly, still a small
smile on his face.

"You know," he says,
catching up to Max, "eventually, you're gonna have to do that with a
straight face."

Max looks at him, and Theo gives
him a look that shows he's only teasing, which makes Max half-smile, almost
self-consciously.

"Yeah, well," he says.
"I haven't actually said that before."

"Really?" Theo sounds
softly disbelieving, and Max half-shrugs.

"Not to anyone but you,"
he says. "And, to be honest, it freaks me out a bit."

He looks at Theo pointedly.

"So, I'm sorry if saying it
takes a little getting used to." He glances down at Theo's hand, entwined
with his own, before looking back up at him. "I do love you, though. No
question, there."

Theo smiles, actually blushing slightly
against the cold, as Max looks straight ahead. It's kind of adorable how he
gets so flustered by this. Cool, sure and confident Max. Theo can't help but
feel slightly amused by it. And moved, simply because Max is doing it for him,
because
of him.

Theo leans in and kisses him on the
cheek, and Max glances at him.

"Then that's good enough for
me," Theo says, half-seriously, and Max quirks a small smile.

"Well, good," he says,
raising his eyebrows. "Or else I'd have to do all kinds of shit to prove it."

"Like, what?" Theo asks,
and Max shrugs, sighing in thought.

"Something rash," he
finally says, melodramatically. "Like climb a mountain, or rob a
bank."

Theo laughs.

"Well, I'm flattered," he
says, with the same joking severity, masking his awkward, actual sensation of
feeling flattered. "But bank robbing
is
illegal, and I'm afraid we
don't really have any mountains, around here."

Max pulls back indignantly.

"Ye of little faith," he
says. Then he looks around, spotting the large statue that's planted in the
middle of the park, as they're just walking past it.

It's a piece that some obscure
artist made a few years back, with some abstract-looking chunk of rock at the
top. There are three stone plateaus leading up to it, fenced off at the bottom
by a black railing, and the plateaus serve as giant steps, with water running
down them from the top, in the summer. Right now, though, the statue is nothing
but a large slab of rock on a pedestal, according to Theo, and he has never
quite understood the appeal of it.

"How about that, then?"
Max says, pointing at it, and Theo frowns, looking up at the looming landmark.

"What about it?" he asks,
and Max looks at him.

"I'd climb that," he
clarifies. "Seeing as how there are no mountains."

Theo chuckles.

"Alright," he says,
nodding. "Sure."

Max raises his eyebrows at him.

"What," he says,
"you don't think I'd do it?"

"That's not what I said,"
Theo points out softly.

"Oh, but I think it is."
Max narrows his eyes, taking a step back and letting go of Theo's hand. "I
know what I heard."

He actually takes a few steps
backwards, then, before suddenly turning around and grabbing hold of the
railing, and Theo starts in surprise.

"What are you doing?" he
says, and watches as Max, with surprising agility, heaves himself up onto the
first stone platform.

"I know what I heard,"
Max repeats, straightening slightly as he climbs up onto the next level.
"And it sounded like a challenge."

Theo frowns, mouth half-open, as
his eyes follow Max's ascent.

"What?" he says. "It
was not a challenge."

Max reaches the top platform,
stands up right in front of the giant rock, and dramatically turns around to
point down at Theo.

"It was a challenge, good
sir!" he exclaims, lowering that already unusually low and gravelly voice,
for dramatic effect.

"It really wasn't," Theo
says, a mix of exasperation and annoyed affection both in his voice and on his
face. He even smiles a bit. "Come on, get down from there."

"You know," Max says,
ignoring him and looking around from his vantage point. "This is actually
kind of anticlimactic. Doesn't feel nearly as impressive, from up here."

Theo glances around; the park is
virtually empty, except for a few people walking around.

"Yeah, okay," Theo says, looking
back up at Max, who's towering on his stone plateau, several feet up.
"Maybe you should come down, then."

Max doesn't answer him, but keeps
looking around the park. It's dark and it's cold, but it's still somehow
pretty, with the old-fashioned streetlights, and the frost that seems to cover
every single fallen leaf and blade of grass. It makes everything sparkle,
somehow.

"Nope," Max says after a
few moments, still somewhat dramatically. "I'm proving my love."

He looks back down at Theo.

"Or, you know," he says,
shrugging, "this lame-ass, thoroughly underwhelming version of it."

He sighs, his breath coming out in
puffs of steam. Theo can see it, even from where he's standing.

"Okay," Theo says,
"I get it. Your love has been proven. Now, please, come down."

Max frowns, as though thinking,
before shaking his head.

"No," he says, and Theo
sighs. "This needs to be more impressive."

"Like, how?" Theo says,
shoving his hands in his pockets, against the cold. Without Max's hand in his,
it suddenly feels much colder.