Sweet Reflection (34 page)

“Huh, well that’s easier said than done. And surely you know that. Have you forgotten that night last year when you thought Cassie was never coming back to you? You were a mess! So excuse me if I’m a little bit depressed.”

The doorbell goes and I drop my head into my hands.

“Please just get rid of them. Whatever they’re selling. And get me a drink while you’re there. One is not enough; I need at least three.”

Blake raises an eyebrow at me before disappearing down the stairs. I hear him open the door and speak to someone briefly before shutting it again. I expect to hear his footsteps walk into the kitchen. Although the house is quite big, he’s a loud motherfucker when he barrels about the place. It’s eerily quiet so I walk downstairs myself to find out where he’s gotten to. I’m in no mood to piss about so if he’s playing some fucked up version of hide and seek he’s out on his ear.

I walk into the kitchen and it’s dark. I briefly switch the light on, but everything’s as I left it. I grab the beer myself because apparently he’s no help in the ‘drowning my sorrows’ pity party. And after everything I did for him.
Idiot.

I prowl back through the hall, towards the lounge. He’s probably watching the T.V in an attempt to get away from me. It was Cassie’s idea he spent time with me tonight. She’s under the impression I shouldn’t be alone whilst my heart is still broken.

I bring the bottle up to my lips, I think I might end up downing this one. I look up and see all those lights off too. I’m gonna kill him when I next see him. He just left. I know I’m not fun to be around right now, but come on! My feet turn in the other direction, I’m definitely gonna down this one. Then the next one. And the next one after that.

“James.”

I freeze mid-step with the bottle resting against my lips. That voice is sweeter than I imagined in every one of the dreams I’ve had in the past few weeks and now I’m conscious that I’m hearing things. For fuck’s sake, I’ve not even finished my second bottle yet. Can’t the hallucinations start after my third? Or fourth? That’s what they call desperation. I shake it off and down the rest of the bottle.

“Are you just going to drink yourself into oblivion?”

Now twice in a row is definitely not a mistake. I turn around, and just like I’ve conjured her up in a dream, she steps out of the darkness into the hall light, like an angel.

“Depends, babe. You gonna be there?” My heart’s racing and my head’s pounding, and there are so many things I want to say to her, which I was starting to think I’d never get the opportunity to do.

She smiles and the world is put to rights. “I love that.”

God, I can’t fuck this up. She’s here, that’s got to be half the battle.

“What?” She asks shyly.

“Your smile. I haven’t seen it in three weeks. Too fucking long.”

Her cheeks flush that rosy pink colour; she’s blushing. Shit, I didn’t want to embarrass her.

“Sorry, I’m just having a hard time believing you’re really here. Do you want to sit down?” I gesture into the room behind her and she nods and turns to walk back in to the lounge.

She sits gracefully on the sofa and I try to play it cool by sitting in a chair opposite. When she clasps her hands on her lap awkwardly, I just want to race over there and put my arms around her but it’s too early for that. I still don’t know what she’s doing here. It might just be to tell me once and for all, she never wants to see me again. I swallow hard and rub my clammy hands together. The worry sets in and my heart’s pumping so fast I can barely catch my breath.

“So, I’m sorry to just show up like this. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t even think. I should have just called or something but I was-“

“Hey, no need. It’s fine. Great, actually. Seeing your beautiful face is better than a damn phone call.” I’m trying to be smooth but I’m so nervous, I feel sick. She’s got me all tied up in knots.

She looks relieved, but I still can’t read her face for any signs of what she’s doing here, I just know I don’t want to rush her.

“Okay,” she breathes out, “I suppose I should go first this time then. I should have never treated you the way I did. I was scared, and immature and living too much in the past. You made me feel love, and love to me meant hurt and abandonment. I didn’t like the feeling of being that vulnerable again. But I’ve found the closure I needed. He won’t be able to affect my life anymore. It was wrong of me to judge you on his mistakes. Because you are nothing like him, there’s just no comparison at all.”

I’m sat perfectly still, trying to take all her words in, rolling them over in my head, thinking about what this might mean for us. But I don’t get why she’s saying sorry to me. I should be apologising. I should be on my hands and knees begging for her forgiveness. I lied to her. And I knew her fears, but still didn’t do enough to ease them.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about Alex. I never meant to hurt you. I was just too damn worried you were going to leave me. But now I’ve learnt what it’s like to live without you anyway and I honestly couldn’t think of much worse.” A small smile lingers on her lips. It’s the second time I’ve seen it tonight; if I can still make her smile, there’s hope for us yet.

“I get
why
you didn’t tell me about Alex in the first place. But you underestimated me. If you had told me at the party, I wouldn’t have blamed you. I would have been relieved that I found out before I let her further into my life. But what’s done is done now anyway. She’s made a mess and I’m having to deal with it. What she did though, wasn’t your fault. She’s a psycho woman, I mean really, who does that? But it’s not your fault. I’ve had some great advice this week, and I’ve realised life is too short.”

“What are you saying, babe? You gotta give me something. I’m on the edge of my seat here.” Is she saying she still wants me?

“I hurt you; and you hurt me. But I still love you.” Her eyes meet mine and I see the vulnerability reflected in them. She’s worried I may not feel the same, she’s opening up to me again but she thinks there’s a chance I won’t want her now.

“You don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that. It’s the second best thing you could say to me right now.”

She cocks her eyebrow, “Oh, and what’s the first?”

“James, kiss me.”

She sucks in sharp breath and I’m holding mine. I swear if she says it, she’s not going to know what’s hit her, I’m jumping up that quick.

“James. Please fucking kiss me.”

And I’m swallowing her moans before she can let them out. I’ve missed her taste, the feel of her body against mine, the way it moves under my touch. The smell of her hair and running my fingers through the length of it.

“Babe, I’ve missed you so much,” I say, punctuating the kisses I place up and down the soft skin of her neck as she lifts her head to give me better access.

“I’ve missed you too. I’ve missed the feel of these around me.” She walks her fingers up my arms and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. The clench of her fingers around my biceps bring out something raw inside, so raw I just want to push her against the wall and fuck her until she comes screaming my name.

“Yeah? What else have you missed?” I can see my girl’s naughty twinkle in her eye so I know we’ve got similar thoughts but it turns me on beyond belief to hear her saying it.

“I’ve missed your hands on me. Everywhere.” I press a small kiss to the corner of her mouth and slide my hands back round to her flat stomach and then up so I’m cupping both her breasts and gently squeezing. She arches her back, to push them further into my grip and lets out a soft moan that makes her even more beautiful to me. She reacts to my hands like they were made especially to touch her, to give her pleasure.

“I need you.” She says desperately. And before I can suggest we go upstairs to bed she starts undoing my shirt and dragging it over my shoulders. My hands are getting involved and peeling away her top and her bra, then she’s pushing me down so I’m sitting on the sofa, and opening my legs wide.

“Right this second.” Shit, condoms are upstairs, dammit.

“Babe I don’t have any-”

“It doesn’t matter. You know I’m on the Pill. I want to feel you in me.” Her hands move over my thighs and up to my belt, which she strips away swiftly and pulls down my trousers so they’re pooled at my feet. I don’t even have time to kick them off before she’s licked my cock and climbed up on my lap.

“Fuck,” I grunt out as she drops herself hard onto me. She’s so tight, and wet and she’s clenching me like she never wants to let go. I’ve missed it, missed her. It just feels so right, like I’m home when I’m with her.

“Mmm this is exactly what I imagined when I decided to put this skirt on this morning.”

“You were at home thinking about me sliding up in you?”

“Yes,” she admits boldly, biting her lip and looking straight in my eyes. Fuck me, it’s a good thing I didn’t know that because I wouldn’t have been able to keep away.

“Babe, next time you’re thinking about me doing this, do me a favour and tell me, ‘cause I’ll be right there, I swear.” She moans and slams her lips against mine as she starts moving up and down the length of me. I clutch at her hips hard so I can control the rhythm; I’ve not had her in three weeks, I’m not gonna last if I don’t.

“You feel so good inside me.” She says in between kissing my lips and jaw and neck. I wet my finger and reach down in between us to stroke her clit. I love how she shakes when I do that so I pull her body closer to me with the other hand and take her nipple in my mouth. As I suck on it she moans louder and throws her head back with abandon, digging her finger nails into my shoulders. That means she’s close.

“I want you to come with me.” She breathes out urgently. Like I could hold back much longer, she’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

“I’m right there, babe, fuck.” She grips my neck tight as I thrust as far inside as I can and the muscles clenching tight around my cock have me exploding my release inside her with a loud growl.

A long shudder racks her body as she comes down from her high shaking and my head is still buried in her neck.

She shifts in my lap and her bare backside moves under my fingers.

“Wait, where was your underwear? I didn’t see you take it off. And trust me, I’d remember that!”

A sly smile crosses her lips and she gives me a flirtatious wink.
Shit
, she hadn’t been wearing any.

“Right, we’re going upstairs
now
. You do realise you’re not leaving tonight, right? We have three weeks to make up for.” We’re still connected, and I lift her up against me while I stand and kick off my trousers. I start up the stairs but she clenches tight around me and fuck, that grabs my attention. “Babe?”

“I think the pool table could be fun again?”

I halt mid-step and make my way back down. Pool table, it is.

Morning comes and I wake up with Laurel’s soft curves draped on top of me. She’s snuggled against my chest and I lay back contentedly with my arms wrapped around her, rubbing slow, lazy circles over her back. Everything feels right now we’re together; everything fits into place, but I know we’ve still got things to sort out and Alex is one of them.

I look down at her as she stirs; her blonde hair is fanned out all around her and as her eyes gently flutter open she places a few little kisses on my chest.

“Morning,” she smiles sleepily at me, with one eye half-shut from the light streaming through the window, which only makes her look cuter.

“Morning gorgeous.”

I’m just about to roll her over and cover her body with mine when the doorbell rings. “Oh,” she squeals, “It’s nine already.” She jumps out of bed so quickly I don’t even get the chance to enjoy the view before she’s grabbing one of my shirts and wrapping it round her.

“What’s going on?” I ask, confused as to why she looks so eager to answer my damn door.

“I have something for you. Wait there.” The only something I want is her naked body in my bed but clearly that’s not happening. She runs out the room and down stairs, and I’m still none the wiser. Five minutes go by, and I know because I impatiently count every second.

“If you don’t get up here right now, I’m coming after you,” I shout loudly so she’ll hear me downstairs.

“Just wait,” she shouts back up, laughing. I throw the covers off and sit up crossing my arms in front feeling like a little kid on Christmas Eve. I don’t wanna wait.

Finally, when I think I’m going to go crazy, the door opens and she comes stumbling in with a huge tray in her hands. Breakfast. I get up and take it off her because she’s struggling, and place it down on the bed to have a look.

“What’s all this?” I ask. She’s only been gone five minutes so I know she hasn’t made it all.

“I ordered breakfast silly.”

“I can see that babe, but why? And when? I didn’t hear you get up.” I say, completely surprised she’s thought of this and quickly tucking in to some eggs when my stomach rumbles loudly.

Her cheeks blush that pretty rose colour again and her hand fiddles with a lock of hair. It’s a nervous gesture, why is she nervous?

“No way,” I shake my head as the realisation hits me. “You did not order this last night before you came here?”

She starts nodding slowly and I pause with the fork halfway to my mouth. I see the apprehensive look in her eye and she’s watching for my reaction closely, but how she thinks I could be pissed off about that is ridiculous. She came here knowing she wanted me, enough to stay the night and be here with me the next day. It wasn’t spur of the moment, it was planned. She was that certain of us, of me.

I put the fork down and pull her by her hips over towards mine so I’m half covering her.

“I love that you did this. Thank you.” I lean down and place light kisses on her mouth, forehead and nose. She grins back up at me with a huge smile and crawls back so she’s sitting against the headboard. I settle back too, and we dig in to the piles of food in front of us.

“So, I didn’t want to ruin breakfast, but we need to talk about her.” There’s no animosity or jealousy or spitefulness in her voice. She’s not whining or crying or worried. She’s all business as she carries on eating the blueberry pancakes. It relaxes me too, we’ll get through it together.