Sydney Harbour Hospital: Lexi's Secret (10 page)

He still wanted her
.

Lexi could feel her mouth swelling from the prolonged kissing. She didn’t care. She didn’t even care that she tasted a hint of blood. She didn’t know if it was hers or his. She didn’t want the kiss to end. She linked her arms around his neck, her fingers exploring the thick pelt of closely cropped light brown hair on his head.

No one kissed her like Sam did. It was a sensual assault that made her whole body sing and hum with delight. His kiss was erotic and daring, demanding with that edge of hungry desperation in it that suggested he was only just managing to keep control.

Meanwhile, her own control had slipped way out of her grasp. She knew kissing Sam was wrong while she was wearing another man’s ring, she knew it and yet she couldn’t stop herself responding to the intoxicating magic of his mouth on hers. It was like a drug she knew was forbidden and dangerous but craved anyway. She didn’t care about the moral consequences right now. Now was about feeling the red-hot passion Sam incited in her body. Her flesh was tingling and crawling with the need for more of his touch. Her breasts were
aching for the caress of his lips and tongue. Her feminine core was pulsing a primal beat that was reverberating throughout her body. It was an unstoppable desire, a longing for the sensual high of passion that she knew he alone could give her. She pushed against him shamelessly, her mouth locked to the bruising pressure of his, wanting more, needing more, aching for more.

Sam suddenly wrenched his mouth off hers, his hands dropping away from her as if she had burned him. ‘That should never have happened,’ he said, breathing heavily, the fingers of one hand scoring through his hair in agitation.

Lexi took a moment or two to reorient herself. Her senses were spinning so much she felt as if she had just stepped off a merry-go-round that had been going way too fast. Guilt made her go on the attack. ‘You started it.’

‘You should have stepped back,’ he scolded.

She gave him a challenging look, still not ready to accept the total blame. ‘Why didn’t
you
step back?’

He let out a stiff curse. ‘I told myself I wasn’t going to do this,’ he said, dragging his hand down over his face until it distorted his features. He dropped his hand and glowered at her. ‘We should never have got involved,’ he said. ‘Not then and certainly not now.’

‘Who said anything about getting involved?’ she said, waving her hand in front of his face. ‘I’m engaged, remember?’

The ringing silence was accusing.

Lexi glared at him, directing the anger she felt at herself onto him instead. ‘Do you really think I would become involved with you again?’ she asked. ‘I’m not that much of a fool. You might be happy spending your life passing from one bed to another like a game of musical
chairs, but that’s not for me. I want stability and certainty.’

‘So you picked the richest man in your circle and got yourself engaged to him,’ Sam said with a cynical look.

‘You don’t have any idea of what I want or who I am,’ Lexi flashed back. ‘You didn’t know me five years ago, and you don’t know me know. Not the real me. I was just a girl you wanted to sleep with. You didn’t want anything else from me. Sex is easy for men like you. It’s just a physical thing. Emotions don’t come into it at all. I want more than that now. I want the physical and the emotional connection.’

He continued to look at her with his dark, smouldering eyes. ‘Are you going to tell your fiancé about that little physical connection we had just now?’

‘Let’s just forget about it, OK?’ Lexi said, hot in the face, even hotter on the inside where the pulse of longing still hummed like a tuning fork struck too hard. ‘As far as I’m concerned, it didn’t happen.’

Sam thrust his hands deep in his trouser pockets in case he reached for her again. He was sorely tempted. It would be so easy to haul her back against him and force her to admit the need he could see playing out on her features. He could see the battle she was having with herself. He was having it too. Was it because she was now off-limits that this need was so overpowering? He hadn’t felt like this with other partners. Each time he had moved on without a backward glance when the relationship had folded. After a couple of months he hadn’t even been able to recall their names. But something about Lexi drew him like a bee to a pollen-laden blossom. He ached for her. A bone-deep ache that was as strong as it had ever been. How long was she going to deny what was still between them? Or was this just
a game to her, a way of paying him back for leaving without giving her notice

‘Are you happy, Lexi?’ he asked.

Her blue eyes met his, wariness, uncertainty shining there. ‘What do you mean?’

‘With this Matthew guy,’ he said. ‘Are you sure he’s the right one for you?’

A defensive glitter came into her eyes. ‘Of course he’s the right one for me,’ she said. ‘I wouldn’t be marrying him if he wasn’t.’

‘The way you responded to me just then made me think—’

‘I don’t want to hear this,’ she said, swinging away in irritation.

‘You can’t just ignore what happened,’ he said. ‘You can’t just push it under the carpet.’

‘It meant nothing!’ she said. ‘I just got a little carried away. We both did.’

‘Lexi—’

‘Stop it, Sam,’ she said with a warning glare. ‘Just stop it, will you? I want to forget about it. It was a stupid mistake. You’re right. It should never have happened.’

Sam strode over to her, right in front of her, so close he could smell her perfume again. So close he could have touched her. So close he could feel her sweet vanilla-scented breath wafting on his face. ‘How can you even
think
of marrying that guy when just minutes ago I could have had you up against that wall?’ he asked.

Her hand came up in a flash, connecting with his cheek in a hard slap that cracked through the air like a stockwhip.

Sam held himself very still, his eyes locked on hers. The air pulsated with the combined force of their anger. It was a thundercloud of frustration, a hurricane of
hatred and longing, a lethal mix that could explode at any moment. He felt the tension in his body. The wires of his restraint were stretched to the limit.

He had never wanted anyone more in his life.

‘Feel better now, do we?’ he asked.

Her throat rose and fell over a tight swallow but her eyes still flashed at him with glittering heat. ‘You insulted me,’ she said. ‘You as good as called me a slut.’

‘I want you, Lexi,’ he said in a low, husky tone. ‘And you want me. Deny it if you must but it’s not going to go away.’

‘It has already gone away,’ she said, swallowing again.

‘You want me,’ he said again. ‘Go on, admit it.’

‘I will do no such thing!’ she said, struggling to put some distance between their bodies. ‘You just want me because you can’t have me.’

‘Oh, I can have you,’ he drawled. ‘Make no mistake about that, sweetheart. Engaged or not, I can have you and we both know it.’

She pushed away from him, glowering at him with venomous hatred as she wrenched open the door. ‘You’re wrong, Sam,’ she said. ‘You’re so wrong.’

‘Let’s see about that, shall we?’ he asked.

Lexi closed the door on his mocking smile, running, stumbling down the corridor as if the very devil himself was at her heels.

CHAPTER SIX

E
VIE
was coming back into the hospital as Lexi was leaving it. ‘Hey, what’s the rush?’ Evie asked. ‘You look like you’re running from a fire.’

Lexi worked hard to get her flustered features under some semblance of control. ‘I have a lot to get done,’ she said. ‘Things to do, people to see, you know.’

‘Have you been to see Bella?’ Evie asked.

‘Um … no,’ Lexi said, averting her gaze. ‘I got distracted with … with, er, something else.’

Evie cocked her head. ‘What’s that on your face?’

‘What’s what?’ Lexi asked, putting a hand up to her hot cheek.

Evie peered closer. ‘It looks like some kind of rash …’ She straightened and gave Lexi a narrow-eyed look. ‘Beard rash. Where the heck would you get beard rash from when your fiancé is several thousand kilometres away, working in a remote Nigerian village?’

‘Evie, don’t,’ Lexi said, releasing an impatient breath. ‘I’m really not in the mood for this.’

‘It’s Sam Bailey, isn’t it?’ Evie said, frowning.

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘I saw you talking to him the other night at the pub. You were by yourselves for ages, looking all cosy in the corner. What’s going on?’

Lexi threw her older sister a look. ‘You’re a fine one to talk,’ she said. ‘Everyone was talking about you and Finn that night. Finn was looking at you as if he wanted to strip you naked right then and there. Have you got something going on with him?’

Evie pulled her chin back in disgust. ‘Are you crazy? I hate Finn’s guts. You know that. He’s the most arrogant, bull-headed man I’ve ever met. He probably left the pub with one of the barmaids. It wouldn’t be the first time. That’s the sort of jerk he is. Anyway, stop changing the subject. What’s going on with you and Sam Bailey?’

‘Nothing,’ Lexi snapped irritably. ‘Why does everyone assume there’s something going on just because we were once involved? There’s absolutely
nothing
going on. How many times do I have to say it?’

Evie looked at her for a lengthy moment. ‘You
are
in love with Matthew, aren’t you?’ she asked.

‘Of course I love him,’ Lexi said. And she meant it. She really did. Matthew Brentwood was one of the nicest men she’d ever met. He treated her with respect; he made her feel important and special. It wasn’t his fault she didn’t enjoy being intimate with him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, he had been incredibly patient with her. She hated herself for disappointing him. So many other men would have ended the relationship but, no, he had insisted it would get better once they were married. She felt safe and secure knowing he would always be there for her in spite of her shortcomings. She felt a treasured part of his loving family. His parents and two sisters had welcomed her with open arms. Her relationship with Matthew would never be a hair-raising, white-knuckle roller-coaster ride; it was more like a safe, gentle cruise on a peaceful lake.

It was what she wanted.

‘Loving someone isn’t the same as being in love,’ Evie said. ‘Sometimes a relationship can feel right but be totally wrong.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with my relationship with Matthew,’ Lexi said. ‘I just wish people would mind their own business.’

‘Sor-ry,’ Evie said. ‘No need to be so prickly.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Lexi said, her shoulders going down. ‘I’m just dealing with some stuff right now.’

Evie frowned. ‘What stuff?’

Lexi gave her sister a direct look. ‘Did you know Dad had threatened to end Sam’s career five years ago?’

Evie blew out a whooshing breath. ‘I thought you might stumble across that sooner or later. I was hoping you wouldn’t find out.’

‘You knew about it and didn’t
tell
me?’ Lexi asked.

‘I didn’t find out about it until the other night at the pub,’ Evie said. ‘Finn thought it highly amusing to think of Dad trying to suck up to Sam. I asked him what the hell he meant and he told me he’d always suspected Dad had had something to do with Sam leaving. I had no idea he had pulled that sort of stunt. When we heard Sam had left, we all assumed he’d got some sort of scholarship to study overseas. Looking back now, I think Dad encouraged everyone to think that. He wouldn’t have wanted anyone accusing him of blackmail.’

‘No,’ Lexi said bitterly. ‘Instead, he made me think Sam had left because he couldn’t care less about me. How could he do that? How could he act so despicably and think it wouldn’t have consequences?’

‘You can’t change anything now, Lexi,’ Evie said. ‘You were so young back then. You wouldn’t have
stayed with Sam in the long term. Surely you realise that?’

‘How do you
know
that?’ Lexi asked with a furious glare. ‘How can you be so sure of what I would or wouldn’t have done?’

Evie frowned again. ‘No need to bite my head off, Lexi.’

‘I’m tired of everyone interfering,’ Lexi said, clenching her hands into tight balls of tension. ‘I’m so angry with Dad. I’m angry at Sam. But most of all I’m furiously angry at myself.’

‘I don’t see why,’ Evie said reasonably. ‘You thought you were in love and got caught up in the fantasy of it. It’s what kids do.’

‘I was nineteen, not nine,’ Lexi said. ‘I was old enough to know my own mind. I should have fought for what I wanted. Why was I so weak? Why didn’t I stand up for myself?’

‘Lexi …’ Evie’s tone softened. ‘Just let it go, OK? You’re going to make yourself miserable in the long run. You can’t live your life looking back over your shoulder all the time. You’re happy and settled now. Don’t go stirring up a hornet’s nest just for the heck of it.’

‘You don’t understand,’ Lexi said, fighting tears. ‘Dad ruined my life. He’s ruined everything.’

‘I know it’s hard for you to finally realise Dad isn’t perfect,’ Evie said. ‘You’ve had him on a pedestal for such a long time. And while I don’t agree with his methods, I think his motives probably came from the right place. He was worried about you wrecking your life. Sam was so much older and he was battle-scarred. Dad could probably see that and just did what he could to protect you.’

‘I wish he’d left me to sort my own life out,’ Lexi said bitterly. ‘Why did he have to play God?’

‘Tread carefully, Lexi,’ Evie cautioned. ‘You’ve got enough on your plate with organising the ball as well as your wedding without looking for more drama from home. You know what Dad’s like. He can be an absolute bastard if you get on the wrong side of him. I should know. I’ve done it enough times.’

‘I don’t care,’ Lexi said with a steely look of determination. ‘I’m going to have it out with him. I don’t care if he gets upset and rants and raves. I want him to face what he’s done. He’s coming back tonight from his weekend away. I can’t just ignore this. I can’t let him get away with it. It’s my life, my happiness we’re talking about here.’