Take What You Want (15 page)

Fuck.

This wasn't what he expected
at all. It felt bigger – more powerful than he or Danni would
probably want to deal with and what would that mean for them? Would
he have to go back to pretending he didn't need the touch of a man?
Would it be an 'either or' decision he'd have to make to keep Danni
in his life? Would he feel the same intensity with any man, or was
it just Alex that had the ability to flip his switch like this?

Double fuck.

Chase woke the next morning
at home in bed feeling hung-over, but he didn't remember getting
drunk the previous night at Alex's very private pool party. Every
muscle in his body ached, like he'd run a marathon; which he knew was
hardly the case. He remembered it was late when he got home –
very late; the sky beginning to display the first hint of daybreak,
slipping from inky black to an almost iridescent violet blue by the
time he finally slid beneath the cool, cotton sheets of his bed.

The
sleep that followed was restless and filled with erotically-charged
dreams of being naked and wrapped up in Alex's arms and legs. In one
dream Danni was there, rolling around between them on a beach
blanket, taking them both and watching them take each other.

Now,
the sun was burning high in the summer sky and streaming into his
bedroom windows, flooding his room with a brightness that hurt his
eyes. He pushed himself into a sitting position on the edge of the
bed with his feet touching the floor and rubbed at his face, trying
to bring more of the details of his night with Alex into focus. He
was having trouble remembering his walk home and there were other
parts of the night that were blurry for him, too, like how many times
he and Alex had each gotten off. His cock jerked to life at that
memory. He reached between his thighs and squeezed himself.

What he did remember were
the many deliciously wicked hours of the most intense foreplay he'd
ever experienced with another person – never mind the fact said
person was a man. His body still tingled at the thought of the
different ways they had touched, stroked, and kissed while they
worshiped the other.

Chase
glanced at his alarm clock. It was almost noon. He remembered Alex
saying something about picking up band members at the airport around
lunchtime. He wondered if Alex was awake yet, then smiled to
himself. Staying up all night was the norm for someone like Alex,
wasn't it? He was reaching for a bath towel to shower when he heard
the low rumble of Alex's Porsche come to life in the garage, then the
crunch of tires on the crushed rock driveway as Alex floored it
leaving the property.

“
There's
the answer to that question,” Chase thought.

Chase finished his shower
and pulled on a pair of shorts. He reached for his cell phone,
wanting to talk to Danni, but he didn't know what to say. He took
the phone with him to the kitchen and toasted a bagel and thought
about calling Danni again. Finally he typed in a quick text message.

“
I
owe you ten bucks,”
his message read.

A few minutes later Danni
called him.

“
Hey,
babe,” he said.

“
Are
you saying what I think you're saying?” she asked.

Chase paused and wiped his
mouth with the back of his hand. “Depends on what you think
I'm saying.”

“
Don't
be coy, Chase,” she said. “Did you sleep with Alex?”

The
question slammed into his chest, sucking the air from his lungs. He
sat down at the kitchen table. “I didn't
sleep
with him,” he finally said.

“
Then,
why'd you lose the bet?”

“
We
fooled around – that's all,” Chase said.

“
What
exactly does that mean, Chase?” she asked. “I'm not sure
I see a difference.”

He slumped in his chair.
“You said you didn't want details, Danni.”

A silence fell between them
so heavy Chase thought Danni might have hung up on him.

“
Oh,
my god,” she sighed. “You really did it, didn't you?”

And then Chase heard her
softly crying. “Please don't cry,” he said. “You
said you wanted me to try this.”

“
I
didn't think you would,” she said, sniffing. “I didn't
think what you were feeling was … real.”

“
Jesus,
Danni, I knew this would backfire. I didn't want to act on this –
and you knew that, because I was fearful you'd get hurt and it would
fuck up what we have together.”

“
I
have to go now, Chase,” Danni said, and ended the call.

Chase called back two more
times before he could get Danni to stay on the phone long enough to
talk it all through.

“
You
said honesty, babe, no secrets between us, and that's why I told
you,” he said.

“
Are
you going to do it again?” she asked.

Chase's
breath caught. “I don't know,” he said, and that was the
truth. He
didn't
know if it would happen again. He wasn't certain what Alex wanted or
what he thought about the previous night. It was obvious they both
enjoyed themselves, but for all Chase knew, last night was a
one-night stand for Alex, nothing more than a convenient opportunity
for him to get off.

“
Do
you
want
to be with him again?” she asked, “And, please be honest,
Chase.”

“
If
he were interested, yeah, I would.”

“
Shit,”
Danni said. “I guess that means you liked it.”

“
Do
you really want me to answer that?” he asked.

Another pause.

“
Hearing
you say it isn't necessary. I already know the answer.”

“
Danni,
I'm so sorry,” he said. “I
knew
this would be a mistake. I didn't want to hurt you.”

“
Could
you have turned him down?” she asked.

Chase
drew in a long breath. “Yes, of course I could've, but I
didn't want to, Danni. I wanted – I
needed
to know.”

“
And?
What did you find out?” she asked.

“
I
discovered …” Chase stopped talking and Danni's anger
pitched.

“
Damn
it, Chase, just fucking say it! Admit what you're feeling so we can
try and figure out a way to fix it.”

“
I
love you, Danni. I love everything about you and the sex is …
bone melting good. You know that, but after last night I realize I
also like … being with a man.”

“
You
say that like this will be a constant thing for you,” she said.
“Are you now going to seek out men to fulfill what I can't
give you?”

“
Jesus,
Danni! I didn't say that. You asked me to admit what I was feeling
and I did.”

“
That
admission comes with a price, Chase,” she said. “When we
fooled around with Allison it was a one time thing. We both knew
that going into it. This feels different. It sounds like this
thing
with Alex is way more than a one time event for you and if that's
true, what does this mean for us? Where does it leave me?”

“
I
don't want it to change anything for us, Danni.”

“
How
can it
not
change us?” she asked.

Chase
held his breath. He didn't have the answers to her questions, he
hadn't had time to think that far ahead, and he really wished he'd
waited to let her know about Alex. It still didn't feel real to him.

“
I
don't know what to say, Danni.”

“
What
if I said I didn't want you to see Alex again?” Danni asked.
“Would you be able to stay away from him?”

Chase felt a sharp pain in
his chest. He swallowed hard around the lump constricting his
throat. “If you don't want me to, I won't,” he said.

Danni stifled a sob. “But,
that's not what you want, is it, Chase?”

“
No,
it's not what I want, but for you, I'd do it,” he said. “You
will always come first for me.”

“
Something
tells me this is something you won't be able to suppress,” she
said. “Now that you've experienced it, you will continue to
hunger for it – with or without my blessing.”

“
I
don't know, babe,” he said. “I don't have the answers to
your questions. All I know is, I don't want one night with Alex to
change what we've planned together for our future.”

“
See,
that's the thing, Chase,” she said in a soft voice. “I
don't think you really believe it was a one-time thing. For me,
Allison was a fantasy that I fulfilled. For you, I think being with
a man goes way beyond fantasy. I think it might be part of who you
are; what you
need
to feel whole, and that scares me. I don't know what I can do with
that. I honestly don't.”

“
Danni,
it was one night. One, stupid night.”

She sighed loudly. “You
don't believe for one second it was stupid,” Danni said. “I
know you too well, Chase. You don't do anything halfway or
impulsive. Your decisions are so thought out you don't have regrets,
and I sincerely doubt there is one damn thing you did last night
you're regretting today.”

“
You're
wrong, babe,” he said. “I regret this is upsetting you
and that makes me wish I'd never done it.”

“
A
part of me would like to tell you to stay the hell away from him,”
she said. “But, I don't think you want to do that. Another
part wants you to spend the next few weeks I'm stuck out here getting
it all out of your system, but I don't think you can do that, either.
I am seriously fearful you are always going to need this, Chase, and
I don't think I can handle that. I hate how I'm sounding right now,
but this isn't what I signed up for when I said yes to your marriage
proposal. Can you understand that?”

“
Yes,
I can, Danni,” he said. “I wish I had been completely
honest with you years ago, but I honestly never thought it'd come to
this. In a million years I never thought this is something I'd act
on. Ever.”

“
You
should've said something after we started getting serious,” she
said. “And, it's unfair to me that you didn't.”

Chase sighed. “Kinda
difficult to work the fact I fantasize about dudes into a
conversation.”

“
Don't
pull that crap with me, Chase. A perfect time would have been back
when I suggested we hook-up with Allison. You could have followed
that up by telling me about your fantasy of being with a man.”

Chase reclined on the couch
and held onto his head. “I don't think I was ready to face it
back then.”

“
Are
you saying Alex brought this out in you?” she asked.

“
This
has always been there, Danni, but I think Alex – and you, made
me feel comfortable enough with myself to experience it.”

Danni
swallowed another sob. “What is it about
this
particular guy, Chase? What does Alex have that makes you so damned
comfortable?”

Chase closed his eyes and
squeezed out the moisture building behind his lids. “My whole
life I've been surrounded by men so uptight with themselves I never
felt at ease to even joke about this with any of them. Alex is
completely different. He's open and relaxed about all of it. He
doesn't judge. He just is who he is and he doesn't make apologies
for it.”