Taking Chances (32 page)

“YOU BITCH!”
She screeched and lunged towards Trish, Konrad barely caught her arms and
slammed her back to his chest. “You whore! He's about to have a baby!”

A painful sob
broke out of my chest when Trish simply smirked at me, then Breanna. “I ha – I
have to – I have to go.” I grabbed for my keys in my purse and dropped them,
before I could bend down to get them, Brandon grabbed them and ushered me
toward the front door.

He walked me to
my car and opened the passenger door, “Get in, I'm not going to let you drive.”

“Harper!” Bree
yelled as she ran down the driveway, “Harper, are you okay?”

“Why would I be
okay?! I thought you were watching them!”

“We were, I
swear we both thought he went back to Mom's so we went to sleep.”

I covered my
face and leaned into the seat, “God, I knew this would happen.”

“Let me take
you to Mom's Harper.”

“I can't Bree,
I can't go there yet. I can't tell her about this.”

She unbuckled
my seat belt and pulled me into a hug, her tiny frame shaking with sobs. “I
can't believe this is happening Harper, I'm so sorry. I swear we were watching
them, I swear!”

“I believe you,
it's not your fault.” I let my head drop to her shoulder, “I always knew he
would leave me.”

“I'll castrate
him for this, Harper.”

I took in a
deep breath and sank back into my seat, “Bree stop. This was his decision. I
was stupid to think he would want to be with me and raise this baby.” Bree
started to talk but I cut her off, “Can you tell Mom and Dad please? I can't
face them yet, and I don't think I can tell them.”

“Where are you
going to go?” She spoke through the lump in her throat.

“I don't know.
I'll come home, just not yet. I can't handle possibly running into him right
now.”

She eyed
Brandon warily from where he was in the driver seat, then looked back to me,
“Call me. Just because he messed up, please don't leave us, we all love you too
Harper.”

“I won't, promise.
I just need a few hours to think, I'll see you tonight. Love you Bree.”

“I love you too
friend.” She squeezed my hand before shutting my door and stepping back to
Konrad, tears still pouring down her face.

“Drive Brandon,
please. Just go anywhere.”

He cranked the
car and turned to leave the neighborhood, my phone chimed before we'd gone more
than a block, it was a message from Chase. Against my better judgment, I opened
the text and slapped my hand over my mouth to cover my disturbed cry.

“Harper?!”

“Just drive!”

I powered down
my phone and threw it to the back of the car, it hit the back seat with a loud
smack. Closing my eyes didn't help, all I could see was those freaking
pictures, so I forced them open and tried to concentrate on each individual
house, tree, lamppost and car we passed. It wasn't working. All I saw was Chase
and Trish, his hand cupping one of her naked breasts, eyes closed tight, lips
locked. The next picture, his lips pressed to her neck, her head tilted back
and mouth parted in ecstasy. Chase's forearm and below were cut off by the
bottom of the picture, but from the way his arm was going down the middle of
her body, I had no doubt where his hand had been. A small part of me noticed
the irony that
Brandon
was now driving me away from the house after
seeing pictures from
Chase's
phone, but this was different. Brandon
hadn't actually cheated, Amanda had just sent pictures of herself to break us
up. Chase was definitely in, and participating in the pictures I'd just gotten,
and our relationship was much farther along than just a week with Brandon.

After a few
more minutes of driving, Brandon spoke, “What was it?”

I stared at the
road ahead of us, and then out the side window. I let another minute go by
before I responded, “Photos of them. Together.” I knew Trish was the one who
took the pictures, since her arm was stretched out, and I was positive she was
the one that sent them from his phone, but that didn't change anything. It
still happened.

Brandon's right
hand clenched the steering wheel ‘til his fingers were white, his left ran over
his buzzed hair, down his face and stopped at his mouth. “I'm so sorry Harper.”

I snorted and
turned my head to stare at him, “Why? I deserve this, it's what I did to you.”

“No you don't.”
He said sternly, “You don't deserve this at all.” He put the car in park and
turned it off.

“Where are we?”
I looked at the cliff overlooking the ocean, it was a beautiful view and there
were benches near the edge.

“I came here a
lot after I found out about you and Chase. I'm sorry, I can take you somewhere
else, I just didn't know where to go.”

“This is fine.”

“Uh, if you
want to sit out there, I'll wait in here. Or if you want to sit in here I can
go outside.”

“I'll go out
there, you don't have to stay Brandon.”

He gently
grabbed my hand, “I'll be here, and I'll let Bree know where you are.” When I
looked down to our hands he dropped mine and forced both of his onto the
steering wheel.

Nodding, I took
off the seat belt and made my way to one of the benches. I sat there silently
screaming. I screamed at Trish for continuously putting herself out there for
my boyfriend and ruining everything. I screamed at Chase for doing this to our
son, for breaking my heart, and leaving me for another woman when he promised
he wouldn't. And mostly I screamed at myself, for hurting Brandon and being
stupid enough to think that Chase and I could be together for any amount of
time. After the anger subsided, the hurt came back full force and I cried and
held my stomach, promising our son that I would make sure he had the perfect
life. I'd been prepared for a life with my baby, one where Chase didn't want to
be involved, but the last two months he'd been so convincing in playing the
part of expecting daddy that it hurt to think about doing this alone.
Regardless of what Claire and Bree said, Chase was their family, and he came
first. I didn't know if I'd still be welcome to stay there, and for a few
moments I panicked while I thought about where I would go, but I knew when the
time came, I could take my money back out of the account and go wherever I
needed. I would figure it out and we would be just fine. My gummy bear and me.
I cried until no more tears would produce, then sat there some more trying to
come to terms with what happened and how different things would be from here on
out.

Brandon sat
down next to me and spoke softly, “I need to take you to eat something.”

Was he serious?
The last thing I was thinking about was food. “I'm not hungry.”

“That's fine if
you're not,” he sighed and turned my head so I was facing him, “but you're
pregnant Harper, you
need
to eat something.”

“I told you at
the house, I just had breakfast.”

“It's almost
five.” His tone was soft, careful.

I quickly
looked at the sky and the placement of the sun. He was right, we'd been here
for over eight hours. Now that I knew how much time had elapsed, I started
noticing my back was stiff, my bottom was completely numb and my stomach was
growling. I tried to stand up but was struggling after being in one position
for so long. Brandon wrapped an arm around my waist, pulled me up and helped me
to the car. We drove to Panera and Brandon led me to a booth in the back and
sat in silence until most of my sandwich was gone.

“Do you want to
talk about it?”

Claire had told
me dozens of times since they “adopted” me into their family that I really
needed to start sharing my feelings. Said it would kill me one day to keep them
all bottled up. I'd laughed at her then, but started opening up more and was
surprised to find how much better I felt when I did. “Um, sure, I guess.” I
watched Brandon's patient expression for a few minutes to make sure I wasn't
going to break down in the restaurant. That must have been why he brought us to
the back. “I'm angry. Not just for myself, but for the baby. It's one thing to
leave me, it's another to leave him. Even if he were to say he still wanted to
be in his life once he was born, I'd always worry that he'd just hurt him in
the end too. I want him to have two parents that love each other and love him.
You understand that more than anyone.”

Brandon simply
nodded.

“I'm upset that
he did this, but I don't know why I am. From the beginning, I knew Chase wasn't
the kind of guy to be in a relationship, and then after that stupid weekend
with him, I kept pushing him back because I knew one day he would leave me.
From the first day I met him, we'd push each other away and he would ignore me
for long periods of time. His family told me it was because I was with you, and
he couldn't stand to see us together. But I didn't know that until you and I
had broken up, and even then wasn't sure I believed it.” I knew I shouldn't say
this next part, but it was like I couldn't stop talking now that I'd started, I
had wanted to talk to Brandon about everything, and apparently I was going to
do it now, “I regretted that weekend with him instantly, I couldn't believe I'd
done that to you. I was so in love with you,” I choked up a bit and had to
clear my throat and take a calming breath to continue, “and for some stupid reason
I was in love with him too. I always had been, and hated it. I wanted him out
of my mind, out of my heart and out of my life.

“All I wanted
was you. But I messed up, I gave in and took that chance with him even though I
knew it would eventually hurt both you and me. When you came back from Arizona,
I promised I would never do anything against you again, that I would love you
and try to be worthy of your love too. Unfortunately, as you noticed, I
couldn't stop thinking about him. It would drive me crazy, thinking about you
and our future, thinking about how much I couldn't stand Chase, and then of
course how much I loved him despite my hate for him. I would go around and
around, but I knew what I wanted, and it was a life with you. I had just
started to realize I wouldn't get over him until I had my closure with him, but
a part of me was afraid of what would happen when I saw him again.”

Brandon was
still silent, but his eyes were shining with tears he was working to hold back.

“Then I found
out I was pregnant, and I knew it was my punishment for what I'd done to you.
Like the universe didn't want me to get away with what I'd done, and my
conflicting feelings, without paying for them. I had to tell you immediately, I
already hated keeping that weekend from you, I wasn't going to be able to keep
this from you too. You deserved to know before he did, you deserved to hear it
from me in the beginning, rather than see the evidence and put two and two
together. And you deserved to have a little time to try and move on with your
life before I told Chase and you had to see us together.”

“The time
didn't make a difference Harper.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “I
have been wondering something though, and after hearing you just now, I'm more
confused than ever. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.”

“I owe you
every explanation.”

He ran his
hands over his face and curled one over the other’s fist, resting his forehead
against them. “I understand that you love Chase, and when we were together you
loved both of us, but you wouldn't take that next step. I was fine waiting as
long as you needed, I thought you weren't ready, and then all of a sudden
you're pregnant with Chase's baby? Why was it okay with him and not me? And
then after, you still wouldn't be with me, but you’re saying you wanted a life
with me, not him. I just don't understand.”

This was going
to hurt him, “I hadn't been ready, and then that night with Chase happened and
it clicked. I remember thinking
this
was exactly why I had never been
able to take that next step with you.” Brandon flinched and mashed his lips
together, “I'm sorry Brandon! I'm so sorry, I'll stop. I was just trying to be
completely honest with you.”

“No, keep
going. I need to know this.” He watched me study his face, trying to figure out
if I should continue, “Harper, please, don't hold anything back.”

Taking a deep
breath I thought back to where I'd ended, “Well, um, after you came back, I
couldn't bring myself to go there with you. I already knew that you were who I
wanted to be with, but I kept telling myself I couldn't do that to Chase, and
was afraid that if I were to be with you, it would just be to clear my
conscious. None of that was true, a huge part of the reason I couldn't bring
myself to have sex with you after I'd been with Chase, was because you were
still under the impression that I was a virgin, and you'd been so patient with
me. Then that one night, I was ready, and Scarecrow called and you got hurt.
That's why I was so frustrated on the ride over, I'd finally decided I was
ready and I still couldn't be with you. I took it as a sign that I should wait.
I figured then that unless you knew the truth, I couldn't tell you I was ready.
And obviously, I didn't have a clue how to tell you, or if I could tell you.
Then all of a sudden it didn't matter anymore, I had to tell you what happened,
and I knew it would crush you.”

“It did.”

“I wish you
knew how sorry I am.”

“Why are you
telling me this now Harper? Is it because of what Chase did?”

My stomach
twisted thinking of him and Trish, “No, I've wanted to talk to you about all
this for so long. But I didn't know how, or if I could and didn't think you'd
ever give me a chance even if I tried. And honestly, I think Chase has been
making sure we don't see each other.”

“Why? You'd
already left me for him, you guys are having a baby together.”

I shrugged.
Brandon knew why, I just didn't want to have to say it out loud. “Have you been
seeing anyone?”