Taking Chances: A Donnelley Brother's Novel (11 page)

Obviously sensing my need to escape, Collin allowed me to pass, but I could see the confusion in his emerald eyes. His shoulders were tense and his jaw was locked, but he didn’t reach out a hand to stop me.

Was his lack of interruption in my internal struggle because of his father’s presence?

Picking up my clothes from where I’d left them on the counter in the shack, I moved behind the privacy wall to change. I struggled with the zipper of my suit for what felt like forever before I huffed a frustrated sigh and stomped from behind the wall. Seeing Collin leaning against the counter wearing only his shorts, I froze. Something climbed up my throat as my eyes wandered over the magnificence that was his body.

He had well defined muscles, but they weren’t so large that they looked unreal. Instead, they were firm, artfully lined, and lean. His entire body was lean, like a runner - or a swimmer. But he definitely had the kind of body that could make a girl feel small and delicate - protected. As my eyes took in his long, thick arms, I couldn’t help but imagine them wrapping around me and holding me tight. I’d be safe in his arms, I thought. And then the thought registered and I stiffened against the track my mind had begun to travel.

God help me, I shouldn’t be entertaining these thoughts for this man.

“You need help?” He asked, nodding at my suit and interrupting the whirlwind of my thoughts. I heard his words and struggled to allow them to sink into my very stimulated brain.

Finally, I nodded, chewing nervously on the corner of my bottom lip. “Please.”

Collin peeled himself from the counter to close the distance between us. My heart raged in my chest, pounding so hard, it was all I could do not to clutch my chest with my trembling hands. Why did he have this affect on me? He was only helping me with the zipper - like Jackson had. But it wasn’t like Jackson. This was Collin undressing me now and although we had agreed that friends was all we’d ever be - this didn’t exactly feel friendly. Oh God, I was confused. And nervous. And I couldn’t seem to breathe quite right.

Collin placed his hands on my waist, spinning me until my front was facing away from him. Then I felt his fingers brush against my neck where the zipper of my suit rested. As the flesh of his hand met with the back of my neck, my entire body began to shake.

“You’re still cold?” There was a question hanging off the edge of his statement.

I nodded, but my reply was barely a whisper. “Yes.”

“You’ll be warm as soon as you’re out of this suit.” He announced, but I couldn’t help but think - he really was taking his time unzipping me.

Ever so slowly, I felt the zipper fall. Warm air touched the skin of my back, but that wasn’t what made me feel as though I was suddenly burning up from the inside out. No, it was the feeling of his knuckle traveling down the length of my spine behind the zipper that made my insides feel as though I were engulfed in flames. Part of me knew I should step away from his touch, because no matter what he said, this wasn’t the way a friend touched another friend. This was intimate. And it - affected me.

I knew when the zippers track had ended, because his hand stopped moving at the base of my spine, but for a moment, he didn’t pull away. And neither did I. Maybe I should have, because what happened next should never have happened. But I couldn’t turn back the hands of time. If I could, I wouldn’t even be here - I’d be at home, facing a new adventure with my brother.

Collin placed his hands on my shoulders, their warmth made me pull in a deep breath as they pushed the wetsuit from my shoulders and down my arms in a slow, fiery path. My heart climbed into my throat as something unfamiliar coiled in my lower belly. Although unfamiliar, I knew with irrefutable certainty what this new feeling was. Desire. I wanted him. I wanted Collin - the man I’d agreed to culture only friendship with. The man I vowed I would never allow myself to pursue no matter how badly I wanted to, because he was, in every way, the wrong man for me.

I felt him step toward me, and his breath warmed the skin of my neck as he dipped his head. Suddenly, I knew I had to move away. I didn’t think. I simply acted.

On a gasped breath, I spun to face him while stepping back to place the much-needed space between us. “Thank you.”

I hated the breathless gasp my words sounded on as I stepped backward again, unable to lift my gaze to meet those warm eyes. I feared if I did, they would be my undoing. I was already so weak as it was, I couldn’t take the risk that I knew staring up into those captivating eyes would do to me.

Collin replied and the sound of his voice was so deep, I swore I felt it moving through my bones. “You’re welcome, beautiful.”

I didn’t look up at him and I didn’t reply as I dashed behind the privacy wall. My heart was pounding so loud and viciously that I could hear it in my ears. My body was trembling so violently that I had a difficult time removing the sticky suit from my still damp skin. Maybe I should have allowed him to undress me, I thought with bitter sarcasm. Then, I shook my head and fought the unstable emotions I felt climbing through my body.

Shit, I was no match for a man like Collin Donnelley. If I allowed myself to give into my desires, he would eat me up and spit out only a shell of who I’d always known myself to be. I wasn’t the kind of girl who could saddle up and play the games Collin had for so long entertained. I wasn’t the kind of girl who thought it was exciting to play her body in the gamble for a possible
something more
. I knew a lot of women used their wily ways to sink their hooks into a man, but for me, before I even threw in my chips, my heart would already be lost. When you had so much to lose, was the possibility of a prize really worth the gamble?

When I’d finally calmed myself enough to dress myself in my clothing and exit the privacy room, I was surprised to find Collin still waiting in the shack. All over again, my breathing, which I had only just steadied, turned short and unsteady.

“Sorry I took so long.” I whispered, unable to meet his eyes. “It was sticking to my skin and I had a hard time getting it - off.”

“Hadley, look at me.” Collin commanded gently and after a moment, I felt my eyes rising to meet his. “Don’t hide your beautiful blue eyes from me.” He took a step forward and I instinctively stepped back. Keeping myself safe from this man’s touch was imperative to the sanity of my mind.

“Can you take me home?” I asked on a plea and his green eyes darkened. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of staring into his hard eyes, he nodded.

“Yeah, I’ll take you home.” He held out a hand for my suit and I watched his fingers curl around the wet heavy fabric. “I’ll drop this off and meet you on the quad.”

“Thanks.” I said as I practically ran from the shack to the quad.

***

Collin pulled the quad up to the walkway of my cabin. I instantly pushed away from the hot warmth I found pressed against his hard body, but I didn’t make it far up the walk before Collin caught my wrist in his hand.

Turning my body to face his, he asked. “Did I do something to bother you, Hadley?”

Oh God, I really was a coward. “No.”

“Then what’s with the cold shoulder all the sudden?”

“Um.” I shifted from one foot to the other. “I’m just...” I stuttered, not quite knowing what to say. “I haven’t eaten today and I’m starting to feel a little funny.”

“You haven’t eaten?” He growled and I felt my eyes snap up to his at the sound of anger in his voice.

“You kind of interrupted my plans for breakfast.” I whispered in defense.

Why in the world was I so responsive to this man’s moods, when they changed as quickly, and unpredictably, as the rapid current of the river? Why, now, was I thinking of dating when I’d never cared for the act before? I mean, I was still so young. No one found their forever love at my age and I had always planned on being with one man and one man only. Collin Donnelley was
so
not that man.

“Hadley.” My name on his tongue was a warning and I fought the urge to flinch at the lashing sound. “You need to take better care of yourself.”

“Excuse me?” I pulled my wrist from his grasp, surprised when I found myself released. “What should I have done when you showed up at my door before 8:00 a.m. this morning? Should I have turned you away so I could make myself breakfast?”

“No.” He pulled in an exasperated breath before tipping his head forward an inch. “You should have invited me in for breakfast.”

I stiffened at the flirtatious tone in his voice before I lifted my chin. “I don’t want anything more than friendship with you, Collin. You know that, right?”

I watched his height rise as his back straightened and his shoulders stiffened. “Whatever you want, Hadley.” There was no longer any play lingering in the undercurrents of his tone. “If you want friendship, I can handle that, but friends tend to have breakfast with one another. And they hang out together. And they tend to accompany each other to family bonfires when they’re invited.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you want to be friends with me, or not? I won’t force you, but I also won’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I’m a touchy guy and I flirt. I don’t mean anything by it - it’s just who I am. So, if you think you can handle all that, then we can continue. However, if you’re still unsure, then maybe we should stop this while we’re ahead.”

“Do you want to stop this?” I asked, feeling breathless and, well, I felt fucking terrified that he’d say yes. I was terrified that he would tell me I wasn’t worth it - that I was too emotional - that I wasn’t enough fun. I was terrified of losing the only person who’d successfully made me feel alive in the wake of Michael’s death.

I couldn’t lose him...

Finally, after a long beat of silence Collin spoke. “There isn’t one part of me that wants to stop this with you, Hadley. I don’t know what it is about you, but I’ve never known a girl I wanted to take the time to get to know - as a friend. I’ve never wanted to bring a girl coffee and I’ve never tried to invite myself for breakfast.”

I gasped, only just realizing that I’d been holding my breath.

Collin continued, shattering the beauty of his previous words the way only Collin could. “As a matter of fact, I’ve always run from breakfast invites. If I’m there for breakfast then I’ve overstayed any welcome I’d been given.”

Shaking my head, I tried to hide the sour taste coating my tongue at the thought of him staying for breakfast with someone else. “Are you saying you’ve never stayed for breakfast - after, you know?”

“After I’ve fucked a hot girl into the wee hours of the morning?” He winked and I blanched. “Naw, I’ve never bothered staying for breakfast. Breakfast means commitment and I don’t bother with that crap.”

“Huh.” I folded my arms over my chest. “Well, apart from all the breakfast talk, I’m really happy you’re still into being friends.”

“So, I take it that means you’re into sticking with me then, beautiful?” He raised his brows expectantly and I laughed.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re stuck with me.”

“Great!” He took a step back down the walkway toward the quad. “I’ll pick you up at eight for the bonfire then?”

“What?” I stammered. “But your whole family will be there!”

“I know. See you then.”

“Collin, I can’t!” I yelled as he threw his leg over the quad, starting the engine.

He didn’t reply as he drove away. And I watched him go. And then I wondered what in the world had I gotten myself into?

Chapter 10

Five hours passed between Collin dropping me off at my cabin and when he was supposed to pick me up. It was now 7:30 p.m. and I only had another thirty minutes until he was expected to arrive - to pick me up - for a bonfire with his family.

Five hours had passed, and I had waited each and every one of those five torturous hours, on pins and needles. I’d cleaned my entire cabin, praying the steady action would help to alleviate my utter nervousness. It didn’t. Now, only a half an hour before Collin informed me he’d pick me up, I felt as though I were trying to maintain a dance in the frying pan rather than be thrown into the fire.

There was no part of me that wanted to go through with Collin’s plans to attend this family bonfire. It was a
family bonfire
. What part, in that sentence, was he not understanding?

Only a few days ago, I’d walked in on Collin having one hell of a hurtful freak out at Gracie over the possibility that she might be trying to Cupid the both of us into some alleged relationship. I knew she wasn’t. Never once had she mentioned her son, Collin, to me with the whole ‘he’s single and gentlemanly’ speech I’ve known so many other mothers to give. She never once tried to push me in his direction. I mean, I was the one who’d chosen this cabin. My dad was the one who’d asked that it be decorated for me to resemble my bedroom at home. It didn’t, not really. Yeah, there were pops of pink and nude, and yeah, that did slightly resemble the girly comfort of my home bedroom, but the big difference, was that out here I was alone.

I shook my head and stepped outside onto the front porch. I was beginning to feel desperate for a breath of fresh air, and my toes were starting to burn from dancing in the proverbial frying pan. There was only so much time before I took a leap into the fire. I mean, I could already taste the smoke on my tongue - I was breathing it in.

But maybe I didn’t have to take that leap. Maybe I could politely explain to Collin that I wasn’t comfortable joining him in this family get together. Maybe I could convince him that my going would make his mother, Gracie, the woman he thought was Cupid, believe she had a good shot with that arrow of hers. Maybe I could make him think my attending alongside him was a bad idea. But all in all, I hadn’t seen anyone since I’d had the awful experience of hearing what my new friend really thought of a possible relationship with me.

I was pacing the porch when I heard the rumble of the quad. Looking up with what I was certain was fear in my eyes, I saw Collin rising from the quad with three excited dogs wagging their tails at him as he lowered himself onto the ground. He looked good.