Taking Risks (9 page)

             
After dinner, Mom explained that she had been flying around the country all week for meetings and that she was exhausted so she went upstairs to freshen up and get some sleep. I couldn’t believe that she left me down stairs with a gorgeous boy when she had nearly caught us doing something dirty just a few hours earlier. Well
my
mind was definitely on something dirty, I didn’t know for sure about him.

             
Risk and I settled in on the couch to watch the classic horror movie “People Under the Stairs.” I was a sucker for a good old fashioned horror film. They just don’t make scary movies like they used to. Gray saw Risk and I start to get a bit more comfortable with each other while we were snuggling so he vanished…probably just upstairs. Almost like Risk knew that Gray had gone and we were completely in private, he picked me up and set me on his lap so that he was facing forward and I was sideways with my rear end pressed into his groin and my legs extended on the couch in front of me. I looked down at him and he said, “Sorry about earlier. You just looked so at ease while you were cooking and it was so comforting and…sexy. You have a way with making me feel good about myself with just a look. I never thought I’d have a chance with someone has beautiful as you. I’m not sure what we’re doing yet, but I’m glad we’re doing it. And I want you to know that I’ll never push you to do anything that you don’t want to do. I don’t want you to ever hesitate to tell me no if you want to.”

             
As soon as the last word was out of his mouth I plastered my lips to his and he instantly responded. He tangled his fingers in my thick waves of hair and tugged a little. I felt him growing beneath me as our kiss intensified and I swung my leg around so that I was straddling him. Even though we were fully clothed I could feel his hardness against me. I began to throb against him as I heard a soft moan that was muffled by our kiss. I started to rock my hips to try and satisfy the ache between my thighs. The harder I pressed against him, the better it felt and the more he squirmed. Just when I thought that I couldn’t take it anymore he pushed me back, breaking the precious contact of our mouths. It was my first real kiss and I had made it to second base.
Holy crap!

             
Risk looked at me through his still darkened eyes. “What’s your secret Marlee?” That really caught me off guard. If I told him my secret, all of this would be over so soon. He would think that I was a lunatic.

             
“I thought we agreed to wait…until we knew each other better.”

             
He shook his head as if he were trying to clear the impure thoughts of what we could be doing together instead of talking. When he looked back into my eyes I could see how conflicted he was. “I feel things for you Marlee, that I’ve never felt before and I barely know you. It doesn’t make sense… It scares me.”

             
I clumsily made my way off of his lap and sat beside him, snuggling into his side and laying my head on his shoulder. “I can’t tell you what my secret is yet. It isn’t safe, but if you want to tell me your secret than I’m more than willing to listen.”

             
Risk was silent for a long time. He seemed to be deciding if he wanted to tell me or not, but then he began to speak. “Well you know that I was adopted, but it wasn’t right in the hospital like most people think adoptions work. When my mother found out that she was pregnant she freaked out and left her parents’ house here. She was just a teenager and she was scared. She spent her pregnancy in Alabama with her sister, my adopted mother, but when it came time to have me, she came back here. She wanted to tell my father why she took off and that they had a son. Right after she gave birth to me she contacted him. When he got to the hospital he took one look at me and spat on the floor before he told my mother never to contact him again. After that, my mom kept me for a few months, but my mother suffered from postpartum depression and I was one of those babies that wouldn’t sleep and wouldn’t stop crying. She went to her sister and begged her to take me. She told her that she didn’t want to hurt me, but she hated me and couldn’t stand to look at me. My parents told her that they would look after me until she started feeling better, but that night she killed herself. My parent’s said that only a child of a demon would cause someone so much pain that they couldn’t even stand to live anymore. I suppose they’re right… and that’s exactly how they’ve treated me my whole life, like some kind of abomination.”

             
Tears were flowing from my eyes by the time Risk was finished with his story. I couldn’t believe that the woman who had posed as his mother for almost his entire life had been so hell bent on making him believe that he was evil. Risk was anything
but
evil.

             
“You’re not who you think you are.” I tried drying my eyes but my tears seeped out steadily.

             
“You don’t know that Marlee. I’ve not been a very good person.” He said and lowered his head in a shameful way.

             
“You haven’t had the luxury of having anyone to look up to. Your parents have made a mess of themselves.”

             
“When I was back home I tried distracting myself with anything that I could. Sex and drugs were a crutch for me. I screwed so many girls and did so much dope that we had to move here just so I wouldn’t get killed by a scorned husband or a drug dealer. I know that you don’t see me as that person, but I was, and I can’t take it back. All I can do is get my shit together, and that’s what I’m doing.”

             
I flinched at his confession. I couldn’t believe that the man sitting beside me was the same person who could do all of those things. Risk saw my reaction and said, “Yeah, I thought that would scare you away. Anyway, thanks for listening. I’ll leave you alone.” He got up to leave and I didn’t stop him. I wasn’t sure what to think about the bomb that had just been dropped on me. I needed to talk to Gray before I made any decisions. I knew that he would know what I should do.

             
Risk walked out the door without another word and I hobbled upstairs in a stupor. When I walked through the door to my bedroom Gray jumped up from my desk chair. “What the hell happened, Spud?” I explained my conversation with Risk in detail and Gray listened patiently. When I was finished Gray appeared to be chewing something over before he said, “That may have been who he was before, but I think that you can agree that he isn’t the kind of person who would do those things now. Also, he’s keeping something else from you, Marlee. It isn’t really my place to tell, but I think it will help your decision if you know…”

             
I was confused about why Gray would know something about Risk that I didn’t. I gaped at him as he continued, “Risk knows about me.” Before he could finish what he was saying I exploded. “What the fuck? Are you serious? Why hasn’t he told me? Why haven’t
you
told me?” After I finally shut my mouth Gray finished what he was telling me, “He doesn’t see me or hear me like you do, but he can sense that I’m around him and he’s so strong in that sense that he can almost physically feel me. He thinks he’s crazy, Mar.”

             
I didn’t know what to say next. I couldn’t grasp the fact that someone else would finally be able to understand me, and not only was it another living person, it was someone that I
really
enjoyed spending time with. But if he thought that he was crazy, he was going to think that I was completely bonkers the way I carried on with ghosts like they were friends and family.
Oh shit, how am I ever going to tell him my secret now?
My inner self was throwing a huge tantrum over her unfair life.

             
“I can’t tell him Gray, I can’t ever tell him. He’ll think I’m nuts and try to have me put away!”

             
“You don’t know that Marlee. Maybe he just doesn’t have the confidence in himself that he has in you. Maybe he needs someone to share this with.”

             
“How do you know about this? How can you tell?”

             
Gray crinkled his nose, “It’s hard to explain. I guess I first noticed when I saw him looking around like someone was watching him. He would almost always find his way to looking directly at me. I confirmed my suspicion today when I laid beside him on your bed. I did it to be goofy and make you laugh, but it was also kind of an experiment to see if what I suspected was true. Sure enough, as soon as I came into contact with him he stiffened and I’m assuming that as soon as I left the room he felt at ease enough to do thing like kiss you, or more. It’s all right there in black and white. He has certain abilities, though not as strong as yours, which make him part of our world too.”

             
I felt like the most ungrateful person in the world. I had always kind of felt like the universe owed me something because I was gifted and I was doing work that wasn’t supposed to be my burden. I never realized how much worse it could be for me. I had Gray to guide me for my entire life and explain ways that I could help people with what I could do. Risk thought he was crazy and had absolutely no one to talk to about it. I felt a little better knowing his story, but I didn’t know how to tell him that I knew what he could do, and that it was okay, without giving my own secret away. I had to make a decision, but it didn’t have to be right away. I needed to do some research first.

             
I got on the internet after explaining to Gray where I thought we needed to start with our search. We needed to find Little Dirty Boys only living relative, his dad. We knew only a few things about him; he was alive, he was in an old folk’s home, and his last place of residence. I searched for a newspaper article of the house fire and when I finally found one I was relieved to see that the previous owners were listed. Dale Harper was his name and when I did the math found that he would be seventy-three years old. It didn’t say where he went after that, but it wouldn’t be hard to call the surrounding facilities and ask about him since I actually had a name to ask for. When I was confident that we would be able to track him within a few days Gray reminded me that I needed to sleep. I knew I needed some rest too, and sleep was the only thing that was going to keep me from being sucked dry of energy.

             
I was glad to have Gray back that night to sing to me again. Ironically his song choice that evening was “Love Shack” by the B-52’s. I laughed at him before rolling over and giving in to sleep.

              Gray woke me up for school the next day after seeing that the alarm clock wasn’t going to do the trick. I mumbled some gibberish and sat up. I had the nightmare again, but I wasn’t making the mistake of keeping it from Gray. He assured me that there really was something to be said for reoccurring dreams. Dreams are a portal of some sorts, and they are also part of our bodies way of communicating things that it had felt or seen, but hadn’t registered with us at the time. Our subconscious holds so much information that we could almost predict the future if we could only tap into it. Unless you’re a real psychic, dreams are the only way our subconscious can communicate.

             
I knew that I was going to have to insist that Risk talk to me when I got to school, but there was no way that I was going to let him walk away from me again. I cared about him, and I was going to make sure that there was no doubt in his mind about it.

             
The ole Delray made it to school in record time. I hoped that Risk would be there. I knew he had to work sometimes during school hours, but it was urgent that I talk with him. When I got into my English class I saw that I was in luck. Risk was sitting at his desk with his arms crossed and his head down. When he looked up at me I could see that he had a bruise on his cheek that was three shades of ugly blue. The seat next to him was empty and I threw my stuff down before anyone else could take it. Risk gave me a quizzical look as I got my things situated. When I was comfortable and saw that everyone was too wrapped up in their own conversations to be eaves dropping I turned to him and tried to mask my worry.

             
“What the hell happened to you, Risk?”

             
“Mom was pissed that I didn’t bring dinner home last night, and by dinner what I really mean is gin. She has a mean right hook.” He tried to smirk at me but flinched in pain instead.

             
My cheeks were red hot as I grew angrier and angrier. “That’s bullshit. What are you going to do about it?”

             
“She said that if I went to the cops that she would say it was you who did it and I was just pissed at her and trying to get her into trouble. She saw that I was upset when I got home from your house and told me that she would tell the cops that we had some kind of lovers quarrel and you knocked me out. I didn’t want to bring you into my drama. No one would believe that I couldn’t defend myself against her anyway.”

             
“She was scared Risk. She was scared that you
could
get her into trouble if you wanted to and you let her manipulate you.”

             
Risk got mad at me and said, “What the fuck do
you
care? You practically kicked me out of your house last night after I told you my darkest secrets.”

             
“I know, and I am
so
sorry. I was just scared. You must know that I have a ton of baggage of my own and I just didn’t know if I was prepared to add to it. It didn’t take me long to think things through and decide that you’re definitely worth it. I can do this with you. Please don’t be angry at me.”

             
His eyes grew softer and I caught a glimpse of Gray standing in the corner of the classroom nodding his head like a proud papa. Apparently I had made the right choice in his eyes. I caught myself thinking that if he didn’t get a chance to be a father while he was alive it would be a real shame. He would have made a great dad. Risk didn’t say another word to me, he just grabbed my hand and held it firmly. We spent the rest of the class that way and once when I glanced at him I could swear that I saw a tear fall.

             
All day at school we only separated for classes that we didn’t have with each other. We walked hand in hand to each class and we both cringed every time it was time to separate. When school was finally over for the day we went to my house, and when we got there I found a note from Mom.

             
Sorry Mar, but I had to leave to meet with a potential client. I’ll be in Arkansas until Sunday morning and we can go shopping for prom dresses then. I miss you already! Love you! –Mom

P.S. Your date is a real hottie!!!

             
I was a little bummed that she was gone again so soon, but I was excited about the alone time with Risk…if only I could get Gray to go away. He kept making me laugh at random moments and Risk would give me strange looks, but he was polite and never said anything about it. I thought it was strange that he wouldn’t ask me about it, but he could have just chalked it up to a funny memory or something.

             
We ordered pizza from a local pizza place instead of cooking and snuggled on the couch. I had some questions about the secrets he told me, but I wanted to ease into it. I saw Gray looking at the pizza with hungry eyes and felt sorry for him that he couldn’t even indulge in such simple acts as enjoying a piece of pizza.

             
Right as I got the courage up to ask Risk one of my many questions, his phone rang. He ignored the call, sending it to voicemail, but it immediately started ringing again so he excused himself
to answer it. While he was on the phone in the other room I took the opportunity to make some phone calls of my own. I flipped through a phone book and called a few of the retirement homes in our town. No one by the name of Dale Harper was at any of them. Then Gray said, “Why don’t you try a mental hospital. Isn’t there one in the county hospital?”

             
“Yeah, that’s actually an awesome idea.
I
would be nuts if all that bad stuff happened to me. I’ll call them now.”

             
I searched for the number and punched it into my phone. Just as it started to ring I heard Risk coming back into the room so I ended the call and set my phone down in a hurry, but not soon enough.

             
“Who are you talking to?” Risk asked with a half smirking, half curious look.

             
“Just checking a voicemail.”

             
“Do you normally tell voicemails that they have great ideas?” He was on the verge of laughing, but I was panicking.

             
“Oh, um…I guess I talk to myself sometimes. It freaks people out.” I tried my best to brush it off and keep his suspicions at bay, but he had seen me doing strange things before.

             
“Yeah…you also laugh and smile at the air and give strange looks to things that don’t seem to be there. I’ve seen you shrug your shoulders like you were talking to someone, but no one was there…Is there something that you want to talk about?”

             
Well I guess it’s decision time.
My inner self was throwing herself on the floor in defeat. I had to decide if I was going to tell him or not. If I wouldn’t tell him he would leave me sooner or later. He knew I had a secret and I knew his so it was only fair. “Yes Risk, I do want to tell you about it, but I’m in sort of a pickle and I can’t bring you into my world just yet. Be patient with me and it’ll all make sense soon. Is that okay?”