Talk Sexy to the One You Love (4 page)

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Yes!

YES! I want to talk sexy!

YES, I need to talk sexy!

34 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love

YES, I’m ready to talk sexy!

YES, I’m going to talk sexy!

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!

Good. Now turn to the second page in your notebook and write down all of the sentences on Sample Page 1b, exactly as they appear in this book.

Sample Page 1b

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Yes, I want to talk sexy to my partner before, during, and after we make love!

Yes, I want to discover the deepest recesses of my erotic self!

Yes, I want to break old taboos!

Yes, I want to show my partner the deeply sensual side of me I have always kept hidden!

Yes, I want to live a fuller, more gratifying, more electrifying, more complete life with the man I love!

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!

Giving Yourself Permission / 35

Great. Are you starting to tingle? I’m not surprised.

Now close your notebook. You’re ready to start talking.

At this point, I’d like you to stand or sit in front of a mirror. A full-length mirror is ideal, but a smaller mirror is adequate as long as you can at least see your entire face. Too small a mirror, such as a compact mirror, will affect the impact of the exercise.

Let yourself relax. Breathe deeply. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Look at what a sensual, vibrant, exciting woman you are.

Now open your mouth slowly and mouth the word

“yes.” Don’t speak it, just mouth it. Now mouth it again. And again. And again. And again.

Continue to look at yourself in the mirror. Now, in the softest whisper, say the word “yes.” Whisper it again. And again. And again. And again.

Now say it a little louder, say “yes.” Say it again.

And again. And again. And again.

Now speak it fully—“Yes.” Speak it fully again. And again. And again. And again.

Keep looking at yourself in the mirror. Now raise your voice and announce it: “Yes.” Announce it again.

And again. And again. And again.

Now I want you to shout—“
Yes
!” Shout it again.

And again! And again. And again. Shout it repeatedly:

“
Yes
.”

Now take a few deep breaths and relax. Open your notebook again and, on a new page, write down any erotic thoughts or feelings you’re having right now (see Sample Page 1c).

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Sample Page 1c

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Erotic thoughts or feelings I’m having right now: _________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

That concludes our first exercise. Congratulations.

You did it. There’s no stopping you now. You’re on your way to talking sexier than you could have ever dreamed possible to the one you love.

C H A P T E R 5

I Wish, I Want

N
OW that you’ve given yourself permission to talk sexy, it’s time to start asking yourself some intriguing questions. What is missing from your love life right now? What do you really want? What do you really need? What secrets do you need to share? Do you have any fantasies that are aching to become realities? If you had one wish, what would it be? Your answers to these questions might surprise you. You may not even have any good answers right now. Most people are so scared of rock-ing the boat they never let themselves feel their deepest desires. But you have to know what you want before you start asking for it.

The secret to freeing your tongue and freeing your body lies in freeing your imagination. You’ve probably heard this before, but I think you need 38 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love

to hear it again: Sexual excitement does not begin in the bedroom, it begins in the mind. Free your mind, and the sky is truly the limit.

Just How “Dirty” Is Your Mind?

You are about to discover what an incredible turn-on it is to just
think
about talking sexy. In the next set of exercises, you are going to get your first chance to let your imagination run totally wild. Believe me, it won’t be long before you start running after it. These exercises are creative, highly stimulating visualization exercises designed to help you gently confront your personal “wall of resistance” and to begin climbing that wall.

These exercises are all nonverbal. You’re not going to say a word. You don’t have to. So relax, take out your notebook, and get to work.

Exercise 2: Imagine

(SOLO)

Go into your bedroom, bathroom, home office, or other private, quiet, soundproof room and lock the door behind you.

Sit in a comfortable chair and let yourself relax.

Breathe deeply. Now close your eyes.

I want you to imagine what the rest of your life is going to be like once you start talking sexy to the man you love. Imagine that you have absolutely no fear, that you can completely let go. How will that change the way you make love?

Imagine that starting right now, you had the courage and the vocabulary to start talking sexy I Wish, I Want / 39

to your partner. What would you say? When would you say it? How would you say it? Would you call him on the telephone to tell him your fantasies, or would you wait till the two of you are together? Would you whisper something in his ear when you’re together on the couch, or would you wait until you’re in the bedroom? Would you wait until you’re undressed or would you tell him how to undress you? How would you ask him to touch you? What would you tell him you really needed? What would you tell him about his body?

Now imagine how that would feel. As you start to make love, what might you say? Would you guide him? Would you show him how to touch you? Would you tell him how that feels? Would you tell him how hot you are? Would you whisper all kinds of dirty words in his ear? Would you moan? Would you cry out? What would you sound like? What would you look like?

And how would he respond? What would he say to you? What would he do? How would his body respond to all of the things you’re saying, and to all of the things he is saying? And how would your body respond?

Imagine. Just imagine. Let yourself go. You have nothing to be afraid of. There’s no one here but you, and it’s only an exercise in fantasy.

Give yourself at least fifteen minutes to let your mind wander. If you’re drawing a blank right now, or feeling rather unimaginative, don’t be concerned. The remaining exercises in this book are bound to fill your mind with extraordinary ideas.

40 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love

When you are ready to stop, open your notebook and record what this experience was like for you. Use the questions on Sample Page 2 as a guide.

Sample Page 2

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What was this exercise like for you?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

What did you imagine?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

What was the most memorable part of this exercise?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

What, if anything, made you uncomfortable?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

What would you like to work on the most?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

I Wish, I Want / 41

Don’t Be Shy
…

“Imagine” can be a very exciting exercise. Perhaps you’re already feeling some of that excitement. If this exercise turns you on, you’re not alone. Many of my clients have told me that they can’t complete this exercise without masturbating. Perhaps you’re feeling the same way right now. Perhaps you’ve already attended to that need. Good for you. This is a very normal reaction. There is no reason to be embarrassed by these feelings and there is no reason to hold back. Half the fun of these exercises is the turn-on. So why turn off?

Some of my clients have actually reported reaching orgasm during this exercise without masturbating—without lifting a finger, so to speak (or anything that is battery-powered). Did the same thing happen to you? Once again, there is no reason to be embarrassed or concerned. These are all healthy signs that the exercises are already opening you up to experience a more vibrant, sexual, complete you.

When in Doubt, Get It in Writing

When you are ready to move on to the next exercise, turn to a fresh page in your notebook. It’s time to start getting more concrete and more specific. In Exercise 2 I asked you to simply take a stroll through your own imagination. In Exercise 3 you’re going to wander through your imagination again, but this time, you’re going to record the experience in much greater detail.

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Exercise 3 gives a whole new meaning to the phrase

“get it in writing.” Getting what you want starts by getting it down on paper. The physical act of actually writing down, in as much detail as possible, your wants, needs, hopes, desires, and fantasies is a powerful way of not only stimulating the imagination, but of bringing that imagination to life. It helps you face who you are and get comfortable with who you are, while making it far more difficult to deny those parts of yourself that are tired of being denied.

With this in mind, take a look at Exercise 3.

Exercise 3: Wish List

(SOLO)

Copy Question 1, exactly as it appears on Sample Page 3, into your notebook. Now answer this question, in writing, being as elaborate and comprehensive as possible. Use as many pages as you need.

When you have finished answering Question 1, leave a lot of additional blank space for more writing. You’ll need this space when you return to this question in Exercise 4. If it takes you five lines to answer this question, leave at least five more lines blank; if your answer fills an entire page, leave at least one full page blank, etc.

Copy Question 2 into your notebook. Now answer this question, being as elaborate and comprehensive as possible. Once again, leave ample blank space in your notebook at the end of your answer. Proceed in this fashion until you have answered all of the questions on Sample Page 3.

I Wish, I Want / 43

Take as many days as you need to complete this exercise. You don’t
have
to do them in numerical order, and you don’t need to rush. Think about each question carefully. Do some brainstorming. Revise your answers as often as you need to. Remember that the material you generate now will provide the foundation for many future exercises.

Sample Page 3

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Question 1: What made you want to read this book?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Question 2: What does talking sexy mean to you?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Question 3: What sexy words and phrases do you wish you could say out loud?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Question 4: How would you say these words and phrases? Would you be forceful, playful, gentle, pleading, demanding, screaming? When would you say them?

Over the phone, when you’re cuddling, during a romantic moment, in the shower or tub, before bed, before you undress, while you undress, in bed, 44 / Talk Sexy to the One You Love

during foreplay, during oral sex, during intercourse?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Question 5: What sexy words and phrases do you wish your partner could say to you out loud?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Question 6: When would you want your partner to say these words and phrases to you? Over the phone, when you’re cuddling, during a romantic moment, in the shower or tub, before you undress, while you undress, in bed, during foreplay, during oral sex, during intercourse? How would you want him to say them?

Forcefully, playfully, gently, pleading, demanding, screaming?

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Question 7: If you had the courage to ask your partner for
anything
in bed, what would you ask for? How would you ask—what words would you use?