Taste of Reality (22 page)

“It really is,” he said.

“So have they met all of your female friends or just the white ones?”

I hoped my question hadn’t sounded rude, but I felt this was something I should know.

“They haven’t met all of them, but they’ve met both black and white friends of mine, if that’s what you mean. And they don’t have a problem with me dating whomever I want to.”

“That’s good to know, because if they weren’t okay with it, holidays would be pretty uncomfortable for all of you if you married a black woman.”

He looked at me, and I wished I could take back what I’d said. I’d left the conversation wide open for any comment he wanted to make.

“Maybe you’ll end up being that woman.”

“Have you forgotten that I already have a husband?”

“But it doesn’t sound like you will for long.”

“I think we’d better change the subject,” I said.

He chortled under his breath.

His remark made me feel special, but I didn’t let on.

We discussed our college years, my childhood, my parents, their divorce, and now he wanted to know about David.

“So what do you think happened between the two of you?” he asked, tossing fifteen cents into the 290 East toll basket, preparing to drive into Schaumburg.

“It’s a long story, but basically we grew apart. I think we really did love each other, but we were never passionately in love with each other like I thought in the beginning. And he’s sort of forgotten who he is and where he came from.”

“Meaning?”

“He hates the fact that he’s black and refuses to interact with other black people unless he absolutely has to.”

“I knew someone like that at Drake. This guy made more racial jokes about blacks than any white students I knew.”

“Then you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, unfortunately I do.”

“He even thinks the reason I’m not being treated fairly by Jim is because I’m too dark.”

“Unbelievable. Even I know the saying, The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. For me, the darker the skin, the more beautiful it is.”

“Well, David doesn’t see it that way. He sees it as something to be ashamed of.”

“That’s too bad. And if that’s why he’s not happy with you, then it’s his loss.”

“He’s probably happy now, though, because he’s seeing someone else—who isn’t black.”

“Oh.”

We pulled into Morton’s parking lot, which was full, and valet-parked. Frank walked around to where I was standing and rested his hand on my back as we entered the restaurant.

“Hello,” the hostess said. “Do you have a reservation with us this evening?”

“Yes. Two for Colletti.”

The woman with long dark hair scanned the book and crossed out Frank’s last name when she found it.

A sandy-brown-haired woman gathered two menus and showed us to our table. Which happened much sooner than the first time David had brought me here, because on that particular evening, there were at least a couple dozen people sitting in the bar waiting to be seated. But that was on a Saturday night around seven, the peak dining hour.

Our waiter was standing at the candlelit, linen-covered table and pulled a chair back for me to sit down. Frank sat across from me. The waiter asked what we wanted to drink. I told him water and Frank requested a glass of red wine.

I’d purposely not made eye contact with any other customers as we wove through various tables. But now I couldn’t help but look around to see who was looking back. I glanced to the right and saw a black couple staring at me. Then I looked to the left and saw a white woman doing the same, but she quickly switched her eyes
back to the man she was having dinner with when she realized I’d seen her. But everyone else I scanned wasn’t paying Frank and me any attention.

I was embarrassed, however, when Frank noticed what I was doing.

“Does it bother you that much?” he asked.

“What?” I said.

“Does it bother you that some people are staring?”

“Actually, it does.”

“We don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

Now I felt bad.

“No, I’ll be fine. I’m just not used to this. Well, actually I am used to going into nice restaurants with David and being stared at because we were the only blacks in there, but for some reason this feels different.”

“I understand, and that’s why we don’t have to stay. It won’t get dark for a couple of hours, so we could pick up something on the run and go sit in a park if you want.”

“No, this is just fine.”

“You’re sure?” he asked, smiling, and I appreciated how considerate he was.

“I’m sure.”

“I always get the filet whenever I come. But if you want to see what else they have, we can wait for them to bring out that huge table of raw meat, trying to impress us with the large cuts they offer,” Frank said, smiling and skimming his menu.

I did the same and said, “The filet is fine for me as well.”

“Do you wanna share some sides?”

“Asparagus and garlic potatoes would be good.”

“I see we have something else in common.”

“You like those, too?”

“Love them. Could eat asparagus seven days a week if someone prepared it for me.”

“I know what you mean.”

The waiter brought our drinks, and Frank told him what we wanted to order, including two salads with French dressing.

Frank rested his elbows on the table, locked his fingers together, leaned his chin on the back of his hands and gazed at me in silence. I looked away from him as if I was searching the restaurant for someone in particular, but when I looked back at him, his eyes were still fixed on me.

He was making me nervous, the same way he had on other occasions.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I love watching you.”

I beamed, took a sip of water and sat my glass back on the table.

“I know I’m embarrassing you, but I can’t help it. You are so beautiful, and I can’t believe I’m actually sitting here with you having dinner.”

“Well, believe it.”

“You are everything I want in a woman.”

“But you really don’t know me that well.”

“But I know what I like. I love the way you look. I love your smile. And I love your personality. So what else is there?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I guess there is one problem. You don’t feel the same way about me.”

The conversation was dipping a little deeper than I wanted it to.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Then are you saying you do feel the same way?”

I didn’t answer. Instead I looked around to see if anyone could hear what we were discussing, but no one was even glancing in our direction. I was self-conscious, and I was starting to realize that I was feeling uncomfortable on my own and not because of what these strangers were thinking.

I looked at the waiter as he approached our table and set our salads in front of us. He also put down a basket of dinner rolls.

“Look, Anise. I know you probably feel like I’m coming on too strong, but it’s hard not to. Being here with you is the highlight of my week. Hell, my year if you want to know the truth.”

I was still speechless.

He continued.

“But if you don’t like me speaking to you this way, just tell me.”

“It’s not that. It’s just that it’s hard for me to believe that you feel so strongly about us being together. I’m attracted to you too, but this is all a little scary for me. I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now, and I don’t want either of us to get hurt. I still have to deal with my divorce, and now this new problem at work.”

“What new problem?” he asked.

“This thing with Kelli getting that position.”

“I know, but why do you say it’s a new problem.”

“Because I’ve decided that I’m not going to let them get away with it. I found out that Kelli’s job is a level higher than mine, even though she’s not more qualified than I am. I’ve taken enough from Jim and Lyle, and I’m not going to do that anymore.”

“I don’t blame you. I didn’t realize that there was a difference in the pay grade. So what exactly are you planning to do?”

“First I want to gather as much information as I can about all Reed Meyers employees, so I can make comparisons of salaries, raises and promotions for women and minorities versus those of white employees,” I said, wondering if he was offended.

“Are you able to get that from the system?”

“No. That’s part of my problem. I have access to the manufacturing side of the system, but not corporate. So all I’m able to pull up is information on factory employees.”

Frank didn’t say anything, but I knew he was best friends with the director of management information systems and could get me whatever I needed. I didn’t know if he’d be willing to put his job on the line for me or not, but that’s what I was counting on. There was a ton of other items and documents I needed to pull together, and access to the corporate system would help me more than anything else.

“If you can get the information, what are you planning to do after that?” he asked.

“I haven’t figured everything out, but I’m thinking I’ll compile a report with my findings and make certain demands. And if they don’t do what they’re supposed to, then I’m driving over to Chicago to file a complaint with EEOC. Then, if nothing happens with that, I’m going all the way with hiring an attorney to file a lawsuit.”

“It’s too bad that you’re going to have to resort to all of this, but they deserve whatever they get, because they never should have discriminated against you. It makes me sick to my stomach to know that some white people believe it’s okay to act this way. The thing is, I know you were the most qualified person for that job they gave Kelli, and that your skin color is the only thing that prevented you from getting it. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but my gut feeling tells me that you were passed over twice on purpose.”

“I know this isn’t going to be easy, but you do understand why I can’t just let them get away with what they’ve done to me?”

“I understand clearly.”

The waiter brought out our dinner and told us to enjoy. I scooped out a helping of potatoes and placed it on a small plate, then lifted some asparagus onto it.

“So that’s where I stand with Reed Meyers,” I said.

“And what about David? Do you really think it’s over for good?”

“Actually, I do. It’s been over for longer than I care to remember.”

“And you don’t think there’s any chance that you might reconcile?”

“No, it’s definitely over, but I’m hoping the legal part of this won’t take forever because of property.”

“Hopefully it won’t.”

Our conversation turned to his position at Reed Meyers and how Lyle and Jim were no longer discussing the idea of Frank being promoted to VP. I wondered why, the same as he, but there was no telling what the reason was. There was no way to tell why Lyle and
Jim did any of the things they did on any day of the week. They basically did what was convenient for them, and everyone else had to live with it.

After dinner, Frank drove back to Marengo in record time, because the traffic had returned to normal. This time the parking lot at the truck stop wasn’t too full, so he pulled next to my SUV and shut his off. I opened the door, but he told me to wait. He came around to open the door the rest of the way and helped me step out.

“So did you have a good time?” he asked, facing me as we stood between cars.

“I really did. It was wonderful, and I’m glad we were finally able to do it.”

“So am I, and I hope we can do this again.”

“I’m sure we will.”

“You’re not just saying that?” he asked.

“No. I’m serious. I don’t know when, but soon.”

“What about tomorrow?”

“I don’t know about that. We’ll see,” I said, but I knew I really wanted to. At the beginning of the evening I’d thought my main reason for going out with him was so he could help me obtain the confidential information I needed, but now I knew it didn’t matter whether he did or not. There was something very real going on between us, and it was time for me to admit that I hadn’t felt this strongly about any man, not even David.

“Just let me know tomorrow. That is, unless you want to call me tonight when you get home.”

“I think I’d better go before it gets too late,” I said, ignoring his suggestion about phoning him.

“So is it okay for me to kiss you good night?”

I felt awkward again. It was like we were sharing illegal chemistry. No matter how I tried to forget about David, I couldn’t forget about the vows we’d taken before God six years ago.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think so,” I said regretfully. I wanted to oblige his request, but I couldn’t will myself to do it.

“I understand, but you can’t blame me for trying.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, and sat inside my vehicle.

He closed the door. I started my engine, threw my gear in reverse and drove away.

I watched him through my rearview mirror and saw him still standing there in the dark. My heart ached, because I’d passed up the opportunity of being held by a man who wanted me.

I drove all the way back to Mitchell imagining how his lips would have felt against my own.

O
F ALL THE APPOINTMENTS
in the world, I don’t know how I could have forgotten my annual pap smear. I hadn’t remembered until I woke up this morning, and although I wanted to cancel, I knew it would take three months to get in if I rescheduled. My gynecologist was always booked three to four months out for yearly exams, and the only way a patient could see her sooner was if they had an urgent situation that needed immediate attention.

I arrived at her office just before 9:15
A.M.
and made it to work by 10:30. Now it was 11:00, and I’d decided to go see if I could find Lorna in one of the training rooms.

I walked toward the corporate HR section and saw Jim and Kelli laughing with each other in a way that implied intimacy. They stopped when they saw me passing, but I didn’t bother speaking to either one of them. I didn’t even offer them the phony smile I would have given them before today. I wasn’t in the mood for any insincere conversations, so I kept the pep in my step and pretended I didn’t see them.