Tea for Two and a Piece of Cake (9 page)

He is on top of me, him panting and me moaning in delight. I am oblivious to any other sensation as he plunges into me and I arch back, acceding to his urgent demands. He drives into me and something inside me explodes. It is like a turbulent wave that has seared my very soul. He takes me higher and I call out his name in
pure pleasure. And finally he melts and lies down beside me, running his hands through my hair. I am crying in joy, the kind of which I have never felt before.

He kisses me again, and this time gently on my mouth. I love him so very much at that moment, that if he had asked me to cut out my heart and give it to him, I would gladly have done it. He is tracing my nose with his fingers now, and all I can do is shyly tug the sheet and cover my nakedness. Now that it is over, I want to be covered, as I am aware my body is far from perfect, whereas he is like Adonis.

‘You are gorgeous,’ he says, his fingers still tracing my features. He is lying on his side, with one arm supporting his head.

‘It was my first time,’ I say softly.

‘Oh, Nisha! I am so darn sorry. I would have been gentler had I known any better.’

Oh, if he only knew how happy he has made me! Nobody has ever made me feel the way he has. I feel whole and complete. I feel satisfied. I feel content. I have never known such joy, such serenity before this. He makes me feel like I am truly gorgeous. He makes me feel
loved
, something that I haven’t felt in a long, long time.

‘You are perfect, Samir,’ I say, and I mean it completely.

And at that moment, I know that it is truly what I believe with my entire heart and soul.

Slave to Love

T
he next morning, we do it all over again before the break of dawn. And this time too it is as urgent, as demanding as the previous night. Like a broken dam whose flood of water submerges the both of us, the force is too powerful to resist. When we finish, I scramble hurriedly for the covers, wrapping the bed sheet around me protectively, much to Samir’s amusement.

‘Hurry, or we will get late for the first session today,’ I call out, as I go back to my room through the interconnected door.

‘Relax Nisha, we can afford to miss the first session. Come back here right now!’ he says with affection.

‘No! I do want to listen to the head of Cruise Line Corporation speak. I have only read about him in magazines. This is a real opportunity for me.’

‘That’s what I like about you, Nisha. You do grab every single opportunity, don’t you?’

‘Get out of bed right now and get ready. And please stop staring at me!’

‘Yes boss,’ he says and laughs heartily.

It is only when I am by myself, I realize what Chetana meant all those months ago, when she said ‘You never know,’ while helping me with the dress for my date with Prashant. I rummage through my bag and her morningafter pills are still there. I thank her silently as I pop one into my mouth.

Later, as we walk towards the conference room, I feel really awkward. It’s like I am carrying a large banner which reads, ‘I had awesome sex last night and this morning too.’ Of course, no one can tell, but I still feel very awkward, as though they can guess for themselves.

I push my emotions aside and try hard to not stare at Samir. The presentation scheduled for the day is really interesting and time soon flies. I make notes and catch Samir smiling at me. I smile back and then do my best to ignore him. By the end of the day, we just can’t wait to be with each other again. As soon as the programme for the day is over, we rush into the hotel room.

I do not know if it is plain lust or the ambience of this place that is making me desire him so much. Is it because ‘Nisha-the-plain-Jane’ has bagged herself an Adonis?

Hold on, you haven’t bagged him. You have only had casual sex and there is a difference, you know. He hasn’t made any promises, nor has he even indicated or implied that it is anything more than sex.

Go away. Let me have my Cinderella moments in peace. You know I deserve it.

And when we are alone by ourselves, he does make me feel like a princess. He treats me like I am the only woman on earth. Nobody has treated me with such
reverence before. He kisses my toes and then sucks on them. I gasp in pleasure. He touches all of me gently, light butterfly strokes, and makes me literally beg for more. Later, he holds me close and says he is going to make me very happy soon. He already has. We stay in bed that night and order dinner in. I stare at the bedside clock, wishing for time to come to a standstill. I do not want these moments to end. I don’t want to go back to Mumbai. I wish we could stay in this cocooned space of our own forever. It is so darn comforting, and I feel so content in his arms.

Our flight is only for the next evening. There is a cycling tour organized in the morning for all the visiting delegates. The brochure, which came along with the programme schedule for the day, says that one can cycle into the traditional Balinese village, explore the carved temples set amidst breathtaking natural beauty, and stop for a sip of tender coconut water while chatting with farmers and wood carvers. The route is along a mountain trail and is an insight into the lives of the local farmers, away from the tame package tourism that most resorts offer.

‘Would you like to go?’ asks Samir.

First, there is a confession I have to make,’ I say. ‘I cannot ride a bicycle.’

‘What? You cannot ride a bicycle?’ He sounds genuinely surprised.

‘Most people learn bicycle riding in childhood, but the thing is that I had no one to teach me as a child,’ I say.

It brings back painful memories of when I would watch the children in my apartment go riding on their
bicycles. I would watch longingly and get teased with taunts like, ‘Ugly fatso can’t ride a bike’ or ‘Big pig can’t ride a bike.’ I wanted to ride a bicycle like them more than anything else in the world. I even asked my father if he would get me one, to which he replied, ‘A bicycle? What for?’, and that had been the end of the conversation. I had been dismissed. I remember the years of loneliness, the years of pain, and it all comes back to haunt me like it happened yesterday. How can one feel
so alone and so helpless
? Funny how it still has the power to hurt
this much
, even when one is a full-grown adult.

‘Oh Nisha, there are better things to do in life than go on a silly bike ride,’ says Samir. He walks over to me and hugs me.

‘You know, your eyes are so expressive. They reflect what you feel immediately. I hate the look of sadness in them. Wipe them away,’ he says and kisses me tenderly on my forehead.

I promptly burst into tears, startling him with my action. I have no idea why. Maybe it is because I had thought that this was just about sex for him, and had not in the least expected him to
care
about me. Tenderness is something I have never had in my life, and receiving it so suddenly has totally taken me by surprise.

The Bali trip has indeed been a crossover point in my relationship with him. At that moment, I am too overwhelmed, too excited, and it is all too new to even analyse and consider where it is heading.

When we get back to office, it is really hard to hide my feeling for him from others.

Smriti asks me, ‘So how was your first trip abroad? As exciting as you thought?’

Even more exciting than I could ever possibly imagine. You have no idea!

‘Yeah, it was okay. I did learn a lot. Made a lot of notes.’

‘Well, good for you, girl!’ she says, and gets back to work.

I sigh with relief. Had she asked me a few more questions, she would have probably started to notice how uncomfortable I was discussing the Bali trip.

Later, it occurs to me that when Samir and I had absolutely nothing between us, I wanted to boast and imply there was something more. But now that there is indeed something more (whether it is lust or love, I really cannot tell at this point), I want to hide it, tuck away my little secret, hug it close to my heart, and not share it with anybody.

I try to be as professional at work as possible. Samir is a really busy man, and I throw myself full throttle into my work. But now, on most days, he wants me to have lunch with him and when he does ask, I can hardly refuse. We spend a lot of time together. A lot more than is strictly necessary, really.

Samir has another trip scheduled to Hyderabad for a branch appraisal visit and he wants me to accompany him for that as well. It is a two-day trip. At work, we conduct ourselves in a very professional manner. We meet the branch manager and discuss business plans, strategies,
and the issues which need focussing. The Hyderabad branch is lacking in some areas, and Samir gives some really good suggestions as to what they can do. He tells me to draw up a detailed plan of action. I give my inputs and the branch manager gives his. It is a fruitful meeting, and Samir is happy with the outcome and the systems which have been put in place.

Of course, we have dinner together in the hotel room straight after the meetings, and of course we have sex. Really good ‘can’t-wait-to-get-my-hands-on-you’ sex. What I find amazing is that he is as hungry for me as I am for him. It is as good as the time we had in Bali. Prashant’s taunting words come back to haunt me at times. But I push them aside because this is something so powerful and so addictive, almost like a drug. I am old enough to know my own mind, and I know I want to be with him, more than anything else in the world. Also, there is no one to whom I can speak about it, although once or twice after sex, I am indeed tempted to tell Samir about what Prashant had said. But the moments are too tender and too passionate to spoil with such off-putting talk, and talking about what he said would be like throwing a bag of rotten garbage in a beautiful, calm sanctorum. So I push aside his hurtful words and carry on.

Soon, we are having lunch together on all days. We also work together late into the night and leave together on most days, with Samir insisting on dropping me home. I vehemently protest and decline to accept. After much persuasion, he gives in to my protests, insisting on dropping me at least to the train station every day.

We cannot hide our affair for long. Nobody has spoken to me directly about it so far, but I know that the entire office is talking about it. I can hear their hushed whispers at the coffee-vending machine and how they all go very quiet as soon as they spot me.

I can see the smirk on Leena’s face whenever I go into Samir’s cabin to discuss something. I know Smriti is dying to ask me about it, but is holding her silence. I don’t feel very happy about it, but now Samir has become my daily fix, something that I cannot seem to get enough of. I want to see him every day, I want to talk to him, be there for him, be a part of every single thing he does.

But the whole office talking about it is bothering me too. Prashant’s words fester inside me like a dormant volcano waiting to explode. While on the one hand I feel elated, thrilled, and overjoyed to be this involved in Samir’s life, on the other hand, I somehow feel uncomfortable and uneasy. It is strange to have these conflicting emotions.

It has been five months since the Bali trip. Of course I am sleeping with the boss. But it is not like what Prashant implies. I am also very good at my work. Over the last couple of months, ever since the Bali and the Hyderabad trips, I have realized that I am indeed in love with him. I also know that I have never ever loved anyone or given myself to anyone the way I have given myself so totally to him. All my earlier one-sided crushes seem to pale in comparison to what I feel for him. I know this is the real deal. I am dependent on him. I have given away my heart to him, and he has total control
over it. He can crush it, throw it away, toss it aside. Or he can value it. I have given the power of my very life to him. I truly and completely
need
him now. It is a very scary feeling.

And there is not a single soul on this planet with whom I can talk about this. Once or twice, I do consider calling up Chetana or even Akash. But somehow I have travelled so far down this road that I would have a lot of explaining to do. So I do not call them and continue with my intoxicated state of being this involved with him. I am also now on the pill, having regular sex, and really enjoying my life.