Teen Angel (23 page)

“Not here,” he said. “We’ll have plenty of time later.”

“I was just being affectionate.”

“Well, it embarrasses me.”

“Okay.”

Sonny trudged up the steps behind Ruben. They were metal, like fire escape steps, and twisted at funny angles so she constantly felt off balance. But they finally got to the top.

“God, this is beautiful!” Sonny exclaimed. “Look, you can see the Empire State Building.”

Ruben nodded.

“And there’s the bridge and look how small the boats look.”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. This is just fantastic.”

They walked around the torch, peering out through the slats.

“Well, we should probably start heading down,” Ruben said several minutes later.

“But we just got here,” she said. “Look at the little island below. And what’s that island over there?”

Ruben sat down on a metal bench while Sonny raced around looking out all the windows. “Gee, I wish I had a camera. I’d love to take pictures of all this. Oh God, look at the birds!”

“I really feel like having a smoke,” Ruben said.

“Okay,” Sonny sighed. “But you may never get to see this again.”

“Come on.” He took her hand but let go of it once they started down the steps.

“So this is the Statue of Liberty. Now I can say I’ve been here.”

There was a souvenir shop at the bottom. Sonny wanted to buy postcards and there was this fat pen that wrote with ten different colored inks. It had a picture of the Statue on it. She turned it lovingly in her fingers.

“Do you want that?” Ruben asked.

“Oh, no. Not really,” she said, putting it down.

“Come on. You really want that pen, don’t you?”

“Well, I don’t need it. Besides, it costs three dollars. That’s too much for a pen, even if it does have ten colors.”

Ruben picked up the pen and brought it to the cashier. She wrapped it up for him. “Here, Sonny.”

“Ruben,” Sonny said, shaking her head. “You didn’t have to. I mean, it’s real nice but–”

“Shhh. This is so you’ll remember our day.”

“Oh. Okay. Would you like some postcards?” She asked him.

Ruben shook his head.

They walked around the island. Ruben bought them each a frankfurter and they shared a can of Pepsi. They sat down on a rock by the water.

“I’m so happy. Are you happy, Ruben?”

“Sure.”

“I mean, have you ever been this happy?”

“Sonny, how come you’re always asking those kinds of questions.”

“I don’t know. It just seems like that’s the thing to talk about.”

Ruben lit a cigarette. He gave Sonny a puff and then just stared ahead of him.

“What are you thinking about?” she asked.

“Nothing. I’m just enjoying my smoke.”

“Have you been smoking for long?”

“How come you’re asking me all these questions?” Ruben asked.

“I just want to know you better. And I want you to know me.”

“Oh. Well, I’ve been smoking since about sixth grade.”

“Yeah? That’s real interesting. I’ve smoked a couple times but I don’t really like the taste too much.”

Another silence began between them. Sonny interrupted it. “What do you think of D.B.?”

“What do you mean what do I think of D.B.?”

“Well, you know she’s my best friend and all. But sometimes she gets me sick the way she acts like she knows it all. Are you and Miguel real good friends?”

“Einstein? He’s okay to hang out with.”

“What do you think of Steve?” Sonny asked.

“He’s a pisser.”

“Yeah, I think so too. He has a good sense of humor,” Sonny said.

“Sometimes I could kill him though. He can be such an asshole.”

“Is this the first time you’re going steady?”

“Why do you ask?” Ruben said, looking at Sonny.

“I just want to know. It’s my first time.”

“Well, let’s just say I’ve been around more than you.”

“You mean you’ve had tons of girlfriends?” Sonny asked. “How many?”

“How am I supposed to know? I never counted.”

“Yeah, but I would know every single one of my boyfriends even if I had hundreds. Even if we ever break up,” Sonny said, nestling close to Ruben, “I’d never forget you. Not in a zillion years.”

“There’s a ferry leaving. Why don’t we get on it so we can have some time alone?” Ruben said.

Sonny knew what that meant. “Uh, couldn’t we stay a little longer? It’s so pretty here.”

“But it’s getting cold. I’d like to go back.” Ruben stood up.

“Okay, I guess.” Sonny gave him her hand.

During the trip back on the ferry and then uptown on the subway, Sonny thought of one thing.
What would Ruben want?
He had taken her to the movies, to the Statue of Liberty and bought her a pen for $3 plus tax, not to mention the frankfurter, half a Pepsi, and the ferry ride. She couldn’t just run home now that it was collection time.

Ruben’s progress, thus far: two weeks in the Humboldt staircase between the third and fourth floors were strictly top surface, devoted to Sonny’s sweaters and shirts. Another week and a half was skirt-rubbing. Then things moved into the second round.
The feel
. Ruben’s hand moved over Sonny’s chest like he was a blind man in a refrigerator. She had to anticipate his moves and make sure to remove the tissues from her bra before the session and stick them back in afterward.

“You look much bigger in your clothes,” Ruben had said after the first session.

“Well, you know, when you lean back, it just flattens out.” Sonny had hoped he didn’t want any scientific proof.

He had tried to touch her down there,
in the Twilight Zone
, but that was definitely off limits. Sonny put his hand back on top for some more northern exposure. She didn’t want him to think she was cheap or fast or a whore or horny. That’s how a girl ended up ruining her reputation–for life. It wasn’t so much what you did as when you did it and making sure that the guy thought you really didn’t want it.

Then, last time, things got steamy. They were grinding down on the Drive near the West Side Highway. It was just like when you danced and the guy rubbed so hard against you, it felt like he was burning a hole. But it was done on a flat surface. They squirmed, humped, wiggled, and wormed their way into position: his knee between her legs so she got rubbed
down there
and his thing smacking against her thigh. She had bit her lip so she wouldn’t sigh.

They got off at the 168th Street stop. “You wanna see if D.B. and Miguel are around?” Ruben asked.

They were probably humping away in D.B.’s bedroom. Ruth wasn’t around much since she got this new boyfriend, Frank. They walked up to D.B.’s apartment and rang the bell.

D.B. answered, wearing her mother’s kimono. “Come on in,”
she said. “You can have the living room. But don’t get anything on the sofa.” She rushed back to the bedroom. “See ya in a while.”

Sonny and Ruben sat down on the sofa. She tried to think of a new topic of conversation. “A penny for your thoughts?” she said.

“You really want to know?” Ruben said.

“Um-have you thought about what high school you’re going to go to?”

“Sonny …” Ruben leaned on top of her and began to kiss her.

“Oh.” A sigh escaped from her lips. “I mean, you have to think about those kinds of things. Oh …”

“Come closer,” he whispered.

“Ruben, I don’t know if–” She did not finish because his mouth covered hers. Then he picked her up, lay her flat on the sofa, got on top of her, and began to grind slowly. Slipping himself between her legs, he forced her skirt up. One of her garters snapped. Then he started to rub her thing with his.
Genitalia!
At first, his was soft and jiggled like a fish with a hook in its mouth. Then it began to grow hard, like when Clark Kent stripped his suit and glasses and became Superman. Sonny knew she should stop him, for his sake. He was going to get all hot. He might lose his mind. It wasn’t healthy. But she didn’t want to. Just one more minute. Pump, pump, pump. Yum, yum, yum. She loved it. She had to stop or else he’d think she was a tramp. Stop, she commanded her body. STOP! It wouldn’t listen. Finally, she forced her legs to clamp shut and pushed Ruben away.

“Oh, Sonny,” he moaned. “Don’t do that to me.”

“I can’t. Don’t ask me to.”

“Please, baby,” he begged. “I love you so much.”

“Ruben, I have to. Otherwise we won’t be able to stop. I’m sorry,” she said, kissing him tenderly on the cheek.

He lunged on top of her again. “Come on!” he demanded.

“No. I said no.” She pushed him away.

“Shit,” Ruben said, moving away from her.

“Don’t be mad. I’m doing this for both of us.”

“What? Driving us crazy?” He acted angry. D.B. had warned her about this. They really wanted you to say no even though they made a big
megillah
out of it.

“Would you respect me if I let you do anything you wanted to me?” Sonny asked.

Ruben nodded his head eagerly. “I would. I’d respect you more if you did that because I’d know you have courage. You don’t care what other people think.”

Here it comes again. They were as bad as used-car salesmen. First they acted like they were dying and unless you jerked them off, they’d bleed to death right there, in your arms. If the pity approach didn’t work, they tried to make you feel guilty. “Baby, you can’t take me all the way here and just stop. It’s
unhuman
.” Ruben tried that one last week. Now he was pushing the I’ll-respect-you-more routine.

“You say you’d respect me but look at the Gooch,” Sonny said. “Did you respect her after you did it with her. No. And–”

Ruben interrupted her. “Will you stop bringing up the Gooch. I told you I never really liked her. It’s not like between us.”

“Then why did you do it with her?”

“If someone offered you an ice cream soda, would you turn it down?”

“So that’s what you think it is? Well, why don’t you go to Liggett’s?”

“But not with you,” Ruben protested.

“We have this fight all the time,” Sonny said. “I’m not going any further. This is it for me.”

“But why?” Ruben groaned. “We love each other. And we’ve been going steady for almost two months.”

“Six and a half weeks. If we do everything now, what is there to look forward to? It’s like eating the whipped cream before you eat the cake.”

“But I always eat the whipped cream first.”

“Anyway, some things are sacred,” Sonny said. She liked the way that sounded. “Yeah, some things are very sacred. They’re more sacred than anything else. That’s what sex is to me. It’s not that I’m a prude. I just believe we should wait. We shouldn’t blow something as sacred as sex. Do you know what I mean?”

Ruben seemed genuinely moved. “Hey, I never thought of it like that.”

“Yes,” Sonny said, putting her arms around him. “It’s something very special and we’re not ready yet.”

Ruben dived on top of her like Bullwinkle. She beat her fists against his back but he wouldn’t move. “Didn’t you hear a single word I said?” she protested. “My stomach hurts anyway.”

He started humping her again, with a sharp, jerking motion. “Quit it! I SAID QUIT IT!” Ruben tried to shut her up by sticking his tongue in her mouth and kissing her. He lifted her skirt and began to climb on top of her.

Sonny bit down on his tongue as hard as she could.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” He leaped off her, holding his tongue in his fingers.

“I’m sorry,” Sonny cried. “I couldn’t get you to stop any other way!” She ran out of D.B.’s apartment as fast as she could. All she wanted to do was go home and bury herself under a stack of comic books and have some of her mother’s steaming
krupnick
, which was a potato soup with mushrooms floating around in it.

“Supposing you really like someone a lot.” Sonny sat rolling her mother’s cookie dough into snakes on the kitchen table.

“Do you want tea with honey? That might settle your stomach,” she said looking up at Sonny.

“And you thought they liked you a lot too.”

“Yes?”

“Well, anyway …” Sonny paused, twisting the snake into a coil. “Supposing they wanted you to do something you weren’t sure of.”

“Like what?”

“Like, um, like … Supposing they wanted you to-oh, lend them some money? No, that’s not a good example.”

“Sonny,” her mother said. “You sound like you have a ball of glue in your mouth and all the words are stuck there.”

“They are-kind of. Oh, forget it. I feel sick to my stomach.” She punched the dough into a ball and dropped it on the table.

Her mother looked into her eyes. “Do you remember when you were little how I could always tell when you were holding something back from me? You used to think I could read your mind and you’d hide your face in your hands so I couldn’t see you?”

Sonny flattened the ball of dough into a pancake. Her mother could tell when Sonny had a fever even if she felt fine. And the time she lost a five-dollar bet to Tommy and was saving up money to pay him back.

“Do you want to talk about sex?” her mother asked.

“Who me?” The word startled her coming from her mother as much as if she’d suddenly said “fuck you.” “Of course not.” She was insulted that her mother might even think that she knew about sex, let alone
do it
.

“Do you like Robert?” she asked.

And she actually believed that she, Sonny Palovsky, Teen Angel, might be caught dead with someone who had a creepy name like Robert Oppenheimer. But she had Ruben’s tie clip pinned to the collar of her baby blue bathrobe. “Kind of,” she said softly.

“What’s he like?” her mother asked.

“I don’t know.”

“You must know. You see him, right?”

“But I don’t know. He’s got dark hair and is real cute.”

“I didn’t mean what he looks like. What’s he like? Is he intelligent?”

“I don’t know,” Sonny repeated. He didn’t need a full-color diagram to tie the laces of his sneakers like Miguel. “I guess so.”

“Does he like you?”

It was a regular interrogation. All that was missing was the wooden matchsticks under her fingernails. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything,” she said with such vehemence that she knew she was about two sentences away from tears. Sonny darted out of the kitchen, straight to the bathroom, and locked the door behind her.
Why did she have to ask all those personal questions?