Teen Mom Confidential: Secrets & Scandals From MTV's Most Controversial Shows (11 page)

A friend of Derek's had told me that whenever Farrah would call Derek and Derek was in his car with his friends, that he would have to stop the car, turn the radio off, shut the air conditioner off, roll all of the windows up, tell his friends to stop talking, so that Farrah could hear him without any distractions. His friend told me that happened a lot.

Derek's friends were blown away with how he had changed because of Farrah. Their relationship had become on-again, off-again. I could see that it was tearing Derek apart. His grades, school attendance, job...everything he had worked hard for was going downhill. For a while, I was even concerned about him graduating. I had finally told him that this relationship was not worth him being so emotionally exhausted. He was too young to have all of this going on.

Farrah eventually ended the relationship in the summer of 2008. Farrah's mom had her phone shut off and gave her a new cell phone so that Derek could not have any contact with her. During this time, our family had no idea that Farrah was filming 16 and Pregnant.

There were questions at their school about why these cameras were following Farrah around. Rumors flooded the high school saying that Farrah was pregnant. Derek never mentioned anything about that to me, but my daughters told me what they had heard at school.

I was told after his death that Derek had tried many times to call Farrah and ask her if the baby was his. And each time, she said no. One of their conversations was aired on
16 and Pregnant
.

During this time Derek started hanging out with the wrong crowd. He would stay out late, past his curfew. His attitude changed. His whole demeanor changed. I tried talking to him numerous times, but got nowhere. I knew that I had to step in and do something, because I could see the road he was headed down and I sensed that something bad was going to happen.

I grounded him from everything -- his car, cell phone, computer. But that only backfired and made things worse. Derek became distant and disconnected. I worked long hours at my job. I would get home around 6:00 PM and always have a house full of kids. Eventually it seemed that our house had become a “teenage sorority house.” I hated how Derek's behavior had formed a wedge between us. He came and went and did his own thing. I offered family counseling to Derek but he said no.

Other family members stepped in and tried talking to him as well. It seemed as if we were all hitting a roadblock. This was all very sad for me because we have always been a tight knit family.

Christmas 2008 was like any other. We had Christmas music playing, opening our presents, watching movies and, of course, Christmas dinner. Derek and his sisters loved Christmas. They would always have lots of presents to open, even when they were teenagers. I still have not ended that tradition. I still spoil them. I could tell that Derek was putting on a smile that day, and that he was trying to hide his sadness. I could tell that he was thinking about Farrah. I felt bad for him.

After dinner, as always, Derek and his sisters went out to spend their gift cards and had a wonderful time.

Three days later….

“A day that I will never forget”

The night of December 27th, Derek came home around 7:00 PM and asked me what was for dinner. I was making chili. I asked him if he wanted any. He said no, and that he was going to go out for a bit. I said “OK. Be careful, and don't stay out too late.” He said “OK,” and that was the last time that I saw him.

At 3:30 AM there was a knock at our door. Everyone was sleeping. My husband, Mike, answered the door and there were two police officers standing there. The officer asked Mike if this was the residence of Derek Underwood. He answered, “Yes.” The officer then asked Mike if he was Derek's father. Mike said 'No, but I am his step father, how can I help you?'

The officer then asked if Derek's mother was home. Mike said “Yes, but she's sleeping.” The officer then asked Mike to go and wake me up and to tell me that he needs to speak to me. At that moment Mike knew that it was serious. Mike used to be a funeral director at his family-owned business. He invited the officers in. At first, he thought that Derek had gotten into some kind of trouble, but now realized that it was beyond that. He woke me up and I instantly thought the same thing -- that Derek had gotten into some trouble.

I walked into the living room and one of the officers asked me if I was Derek Underwood's mother. I answered “Yes.” He then asked me to sit down. My heart was pounding with fear. He said that there was an accident. Your son was involved in a motor vehicle accident with two of his friends. As I stood up to get my coat to go to the hospital, he said, “Your son didn't make it.”

As he spoke, it was like my brain had frozen. I just stood there in total disbelief and kept asking him over and over again what happened. I couldn't comprehend anything that he was saying to me. I was still thinking that he was just in a car accident. He then tried explaining what had happened, but all I could see was his lips moving. My hearing had totally shut down. It was like the world had stopped and all I could hear were people talking, and saw that everyone was looking at me. I suppose I was trying to make myself believe that what he was trying to tell me wasn't real, and that this was not happening, and that nothing like this could ever happen to our family.

At this time, I saw the female officer looking at me in total despair, looking so remorseful. I heard Mike and the other officer talking about the accident. I still would not accept the fact that Derek was dead. When the officers left, Mike closed the door and tried talking to me, but I continued to be in a frozen state with a blank stare. There was no way that I was believing that my son was dead.

My first thought was to run down the street screaming “NO!!” and never turn back. I wanted to run to Derek. I had to see it for my own eyes. I also knew I had to wake the girls. Kassy was nine months pregnant and due any day. That didn't matter to me. I felt that they needed to know that there brother was gone. We gathered and fell apart together. The next thing I knew that I had to do was call Derek's dad.

I called several times but there was no answer. I started to leave a message asking him to call me and that there was an accident with one of our kids, and that is when he picked up. He asked what was going on and I told him, sobbing the whole time. I then called my mom. I asked her to call the rest of the family. I was in bed for two days. I didn't want to talk to anyone. The news reporters were at our door around the clock. I was in no shape to be giving any interviews. Alissa and Kassy said that they wanted to speak on Derek's behalf. I told them that it was up to them. Mike then asked me to help him plan Derek's visitation and funeral. Of course I didn't want to, but I knew that I had to.

He had already made all of the necessary calls, and all I needed to do was pick out a casket. I wanted the best that money could buy. I gathered music and pictures for his slideshow. Family and friends stopped by to offer their condolences. I wanted to keep the visits short because all I wanted was to be alone. Now, the holidays will never be the same.

We no longer have Derek, nor do we have you, Sophia.

I went to Kassy's doctor appointment with her to check on the baby. I had gone to every doctor's appointment with her since day one. The doctor told us that we needed to set up an appointment to schedule an induction right away for health reasons. I asked the doctor if we could wait until after Derek's visitation, which was the next day. The doctor said no, so we scheduled the induction on the morning of Derek's visitation, December 30th, 2008. I was hoping that Kassy would deliver the baby before 4:00 PM, which was when the visitation started. Kassy was still in labor during the visitation, ready to give birth at any time. I was hesitant about leaving her. I didn't want to miss the birth of my first grandchild.

Back and forth I was. I finally asked Mike to take over the visitation so I could be with Kassy. She was upset that she couldn't be at her brother's visitation. Fortunately, Ali was born after the visitation and Mike and Alissa were able to be there for her birth. When Ali was born, all I could think of was Derek and how he missed her birth by only two days. It was a bittersweet moment. He never got to meet his new baby niece. And he also never got to meet you, Sophia. I could never begin to describe how sad I am about that.

I was so mad at God for taking my son from me. But when Ali was born, I understood why everything happened the way that it did. A death, and then a birth two days later? I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I believe that Ali's birth came at a time when I needed this “distraction,” so to speak. That this miracle was God's way of telling me that he knew that our family was going to be going through this tragedy, and that this was the reason for Ali's early birth. Maybe I wouldn't have handled Derek's death as well if Ali hadn't been born two days after he died. For the whole next year, I secretly kept waiting for him to walk through our front door. It felt to me like he was just away in the service, and that he'd be coming home soon.

That whole week, I felt as if I had stepped outside of my body and I was a walking ghost. I was sleep deprived, overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. On top of Derek losing his life, we now have a baby coming! I thought I would never make it. But I did. I had to. I had to find the strength to move on, and be there for Kassy and Ali.

As my world was ending, there was a new beginning for all of us. I stayed the night at the hospital with Kassy. Ali was born on a Tuesday. Derek's funeral was in Missouri, three days later. I had to make a big decision very fast, so I chose to have Derek laid to rest in St. Joseph, Missouri at the same cemetery where my father is buried.

We asked Kassy's doctor if she and the baby could travel, and he agreed only because of the circumstances. As our lives moved on with a new baby in our house, Kassy continued going to high school and graduated. We were very proud of her. When she returned to school, Kassy's friends told her that they had heard that Farrah had delivered her baby. We had no idea that Farrah was pregnant with Derek's child. Before his death, Farrah had told Derek that he was not your father.

16 and Pregnant aired in June 2009. We were told that Farrah was on the show, and we saw the previews, so we watched it. We were shocked that they had taped Derek's voice having a phone conversation with Farrah. Although it was nice to hear his voice, it was still traumatic hearing it. We saw the episode of your mom giving birth to you. That is the first time I saw you. I said, “She looks like Derek did when he was a baby.” Then I thought to myself, “Could it be?”

From that day on, I tried reaching out to Farrah. I sent certified letters asking her to take a DNA test so that I would know for sure if you were my granddaughter. I even offered to pay for the testing. But there was no response. I have a copy of every letter that I sent.

Several months later, I received a letter from the social security office asking all of these questions about Derek and Farrah. I was floored. I had no idea why they were sending me this letter asking questions. I sat down and read it thoroughly. It basically asked me if Derek ever talked about Farrah's pregnancy with me. Or if Derek had attended any prenatal appointments with Farrah when he was alive. I answered each question honestly and sent it in. Derek never mentioned anything to me about Farrah being pregnant. It must have been because she told him that he was not the father.

When spring arrived, your Aunt Kassy, Alissa, baby Ali and I had all went to a park one day here in Council Bluffs. As we were getting out of our car, I saw you for the first time in real life. We were all so very excited to see you. You were with your babysitter. We explained our story to her, and then asked her if we could play with you and hold you. She hesitantly agreed. It was the most amazing experience holding you for the first time ever.

I could see myself in you. I could see the rest of our family. I never wanted to let you go. You seemed like a sad baby, which made me sad. Your cousin Ali was walking and talking, and you weren't able to do that yet. We even tried to help you walk down the sidewalk. But you were listless, and I became very concerned.

I took a short little walk with you. Just you and me. I carried you the whole time. I told you that I was your grandmother. I told you all about your daddy, and mostly I told you how much I loved you and wished that we could be together. After lots of hugs and kisses, we were able to get a couple of pictures, and then it was time for us to leave.

Sophia, walking away from you that day was the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. But I was very thankful that I got to at least have that moment with you that I can cherish for the rest of my life.

Oddly enough, a couple of weeks later, a man had called me, saying that he was your attorney. He asked me if I was still interested in taking a DNA test with you and your mother. I immediately said yes! He asked if I was still willing to pay for the tests. I said yes. By this time, I knew that I would have to take a DNA test in order to fight for visitation rights.

I told him that if the tests prove that you were my granddaughter, and if he really was your attorney, that I would like to see you - on a schedule that works out best for Farrah. He immediately said that he would have to ask your mother, and promised to get back with me. But he never did, which was very, very sad.

The next thing we know, Farrah sends a message to Kassy, via Facebook. Farrah hadn't talked to any of us since Derek's death. She asked Kassy to take a DNA test with her and Sophia, and said that it would be aired on the show Teen Mom.

Kassy didn't really want to be on national television, telling our story to the world. She only did it to see you. That was the only way Farrah would let