Tell Me You Do (29 page)

Stupid thing number one he wasn’t going to own up to. How many more was he going to chalk up before the meeting was over?

His father leant back in his chair and regarded him carefully. ‘You didn’t come all this way to tell me about Dale McGrath,’ he said. ‘What’s really on your mind?’

Jason swallowed. As always, his father didn’t miss a trick. Of course, he’d have expected his son to trumpet his success in an email or a glossy report his father could pass out to the shareholders. When had Jason last delivered a piece of good news in person? Man to man. Because that was what they were now, he realised, not omnipotent parent and approval-seeking child.

He looked down at his hands, which were resting casually in his lap. ‘I wanted to apologise, Dad. For a lot of things … For not making the time to see you and Mom when I’ve been in the city.’ He looked up to check his father’s expression. The older man had gone very still and his grey-blue eyes were fixed intently on his son. ‘I’m sorry that I haven’t always been the son you’ve wanted me to be, that it’s taken me a long time to learn some hard lessons.’

‘Jason …’

‘No, Dad. Let me finish.’ He inhaled and looked his father in the eye. ‘Most of all I’m sorry for what happened to Brad—for what
I
did to Brad—and for how it tore our family apart.’

His father nodded slowly. ‘Thank you for saying that, Jason. I’ve been waiting a long time to hear it.’

Jason exhaled. He’d never said it before, had he? Had never shown any true remorse to his family. At first he’d been too busy soaking in self-pity, and after that too busy fooling the world he didn’t care. How had he been so thoughtless and so shallow? No wonder his father despised him.

He uncrossed his legs and sat up a little straighter in the chair.

His father stared back at him for what seemed like an age. Well, what had he been expecting? That his father would pull him into a bear hug and tell him all was forgiven? At least he’d said what he’d come here to say. At least he’d started the process of reconciliation. How far they got down that road wouldn’t only be up to him.

But then his father lifted his chin and spoke again. ‘You’re right. I haven’t always been proud of some of the choices you’ve made. You have a way of pushing against any kind of authority that makes it very difficult to get close, and I know you’ve sensed that I found it easier to get along with your brother than I have with you.’

Jason couldn’t find the words to respond. From his father’s lips that was almost both an apology
and
an admission of guilt.

‘But you’ve proved me wrong and done well with Aspire,’ his father continued. ‘And I appreciate you coming and talking to me face to face, saying what you’ve said. It can’t have been easy …’

‘Maybe this can be a fresh start,’ Jason said and, as he did so, he thought of Kelly. This development, as well as the McGrath deal, was down to her too. He wished she was here
with him. He’d have loved to see her butt heads with the stubborn old goat. He reckoned his father would like Kelly. A lot.

His father picked up his phone and dialled. ‘Then I’d better call your mother,’ he said. ‘If she finds out you’ve been to see me and I didn’t invite you for dinner, neither of our lives will be worth living.’

And then he smiled. He actually smiled.

Jason couldn’t help grinning back.

Jason had disappeared from the office on Friday at lunchtime and if Kelly had thought not having to see him every day, not having to pretend everything was fine and dandy when she was really aching to touch him would be easier, then she was wrong. She hated herself for being so weak.

You’ve got to get over this, girl,
she told herself. You need all your strength for Monday when you go to the hospital for the first round of tests. You can’t let him sap you like this.

She swore out loud, realising she’d happily told the computer, no, she didn’t want to save the document she’d been working on all afternoon. Damn Jason. Damn, damn Jason!

Kelly sighed and rested one elbow on her desk and dropped her head onto her hand. It really wasn’t Jason’s fault she’d fallen for him. He hadn’t done anything—apart from being sexy and funny and amazing, of course.

God, men! They were always doing the opposite of what you wanted them to. Want them to stay and they leave. Want them to be a good father and they could only be a crappy one. Want them to be the perfect, no strings, rebound fling and they go and break your heart! It so wasn’t fair.

She shook her head and stared at her computer screen. The little clock in the corner said it was only just past three. Her boss had disappeared off to heaven knew where. She was going home. And if she got fired, that’d be the least of her
worries. She could pick the boys up early and Chloe could claw some of her afternoon back for herself.

When she got to Chloe and Dan’s she discovered that her brother was also home and messing around in the greenhouse he kept at the bottom of the garden. Kelly was still fired up about the stupidity of the male species in general, so she decided she might as well put it to good use. She marched down the lawn and stepped into the sweltering heat of the eight-by-ten glass structure.

Dan turned round, took one look at his sister’s face and sighed. ‘What now?’

‘You’re being a pig-headed wally,’ she told him.

He blinked. ‘Don’t hold back, sis. Tell me how you really feel.’

She glowered at him. ‘You’ve got an amazing woman back there,’ she said, jerking her thumb at the house. ‘And you’re making her really unhappy.’

Dan’s expression became stony. ‘What goes on between me and my wife is none of your business.’

‘You’re shutting her out!’ she said in exasperation. ‘I know you’re scared witless—hell, we’re all scared of something—but at least share that with her. Let her help you. That’s what people who love each other are supposed to do.’

He raised his eyebrows and tipped his head to one side. ‘Really? You want to go there?’

‘Oh, shut up,’ she told him. Why did her stupid brother have to pick right now to start making sense?

She sighed and shook her head. ‘Just talk to her, will you? Tell her how you’re feeling, admit that you’re scared. She’ll understand that after a cot death any parent would be scared to try again, but you can’t stop living your life, doing what makes you happy just because there’s the possibility of something bad happening …’ She trailed off. ‘Oh …’

‘Yes,
oh . .
.’ Dan said and turned his attention back to the straggly little plant he was trying to pot. ‘That’s the thing about greenhouses … Stone-throwing is a hazardous pastime.’

I
T WAS A
nice-enough waiting area, as hospital waiting areas went. Pale green chairs in a durable fabric, muted seascapes on the walls. Kelly folded her arms across her torso and hugged herself. Her boobs had been squished, prodded and subjected to an array of medical-imaging techniques, but she was trying not to think about it all—or watch the consultant’s office door like a hawk.

At that moment a nurse emerged from the very same door and scanned the room of frowning women. Kelly held her breath.

‘Samantha Dooley?’ the nurse asked hopefully.

A girl in her twenties, two rows back, rose and followed the nurse inside.

Kelly exhaled again. This was torture. She turned to Chloe, who was sitting next to her studying a picture of a lighthouse on a balmy summer’s day.

‘Has Dan calmed down yet? I riled him up good and proper the other day.’

Chloe sighed. ‘You really didn’t have to talk to him on my behalf.’

Kelly recognised that weary tone. What Chloe really wanted to say was,
You should have minded your own business.

‘Sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘I think I was venting my frustration at the wrong man.’

Chloe shrugged and sighed again. ‘Well, it did the trick—after a whole lot of shouting, we talked.’

‘You did?’

‘And then he showed me some pictures of Joshua.’ She shook her head. ‘I’d never even seen that photo album before, never even knew it existed …’ She turned and looked at Kelly. ‘I think it did him good to see them again, to share some of his memories.’

Kelly smiled at her sister-in-law. ‘Do you think he’s coming round?’

Chloe’s head bobbed. ‘He bristled a bit when I mentioned the support group I’d researched.’

Kelly snorted. ‘I can imagine! My brother isn’t one for group activities, especially touchy-feely type things. I imagine he’d rather flay himself alive than go to—’ And then she realised she was trampling all over Chloe’s careful plans and had to apologise again.

Chloe gave her a meaningful look. ‘I know they’re not Dan’s “thing”, but sometimes we can’t do everything on our own. Sometimes we need to let people in so they can help us—you told Dan that yourself.’

Kelly breathed in. Yes, she had.

‘He told me that you said he couldn’t just stop living his life because he was scared of what the future might bring.’

Kelly nodded. ‘Stuff happens, no matter what you do to try and protect yourself.’ And wasn’t she living proof of that? ‘You just have to keep going, do what you need to survive.’

Chloe gave her a strange look. ‘And what did
you
do to survive?’

Kelly frowned. She hadn’t done anything. Just stayed strong and determined, had pushed her way through.

Dan’s words came floating back to her.
That’s the thing about greenhouses …

But she wasn’t anything like Dan! She hadn’t shut her heart down and given up on love, as he had before he’d met Chloe. That option hadn’t been open to her. She’d had her boys to keep her heart warm, and they’d needed a mother who could make up for their waste-of-space father.

As always, thinking of her ex made her angry. And she didn’t want to be angry sitting here, staring at that smug-looking lighthouse.

A memory rose to the surface unbidden—the sleepless night she’d spent the week after Tim had moved out. How she’d made a silent vow to herself. How she’d told herself she’d never give anyone the opportunity to let her down that way again.

She realised she hadn’t answered Chloe’s question. ‘I did what I needed to do at the time,’ she said quietly, realising that had been true. Back then there had been no other way. But did that mean she needed to
keep
pushing everyone away?

Like she had Jason.

She hadn’t really given him a chance, had she? She’d just shut down and done what she’d always done—prepared to survive. On her own.

She turned to her sister-in-law and her voice came out scratchy and wobbly. ‘Oh, Chloe … I think I might have made the most horrible mistake!’

Before Chloe could even ask what she was talking about, the consultant’s door opened again and the nurse walked a couple of steps into the waiting room.

‘Kelly Bradford,’ she said, with a rise of her eyebrows.

Jason had no idea where Kelly would be, just that she’d be at the hospital. That was all he’d managed to get from her tightlipped brother. He didn’t care. He’d flash a smile at anyone
female with an ID card hanging round their neck and sweettalk them into telling him where those tests were performed. Kelly should not have to be here on her own.

And, yes, he knew her sister-in-law was with her, but by ‘on her own’ he meant ‘without him’.

But in the end he didn’t need to smile at anyone, charm anyone. He stumbled across Kelly and the blonde he’d seen at the airport before he’d even walked inside a door. He spotted them, half-hidden by a small tree in a leafy little park labelled ‘The Peace Garden’ in the hospital grounds. The blonde was hugging Kelly tight and Kelly was sobbing uncontrollably.

The blonde looked startled when she spotted him striding towards her but, after the initial surprise had worn off, warmth crept into her eyes. She released Kelly and stepped away as Jason moved in and took her place. Kelly just kept sobbing, but the momentary hiccup the moment his arms slid around her told him she knew he was there. He pulled her close, almost crushing her, and whispered into her hair.

‘It doesn’t matter, Kelly. It doesn’t matter what the doctors say. We’ll fight it together.’

She nodded, even as her ribcage continued to heave, as the tears continued to fall. He was just still, held her until the gaps between oxygen-sucking breaths got longer. Then she wound both hands round his neck, pulled him to her and kissed him fiercely before pulling back and looking at him.

She was smiling at him through her tears. This woman was amazing. How had he even thought about letting her walk away from him? Such courage. Such strength. And he didn’t care how much time they had left as long as they spent it together.

She said something in a hoarse, tear-ravaged voice that he didn’t understand. His brain was having trouble making sense of the words.

‘Jason, did you hear that …?’

He frowned and shook his head.

She took a deep breath, steadied herself and looked him in the eye. ‘It’s just a cyst, that’s all. Just a cyst.’

What did that mean? He couldn’t have been looking any less confused because she grabbed him and kissed him again before saying, ‘It’s not cancer. I’m okay.’

And then they were back to kissing again and Jason didn’t care one bit.

There was a soft cough behind him. ‘I don’t think you two need me anymore, so I’ll just … be on my way.’ Jason would have nodded and waved the sister-in-law goodbye if all his attention hadn’t been tied up in showing Kelly just how wrong he’d been and just how
right
he was going to be in the future.

She came up for air eventually and rested her forehead against his. ‘I’m sorry I shut you out.’

‘I understand. But I want you to know you can count on me.’

She swallowed. ‘You mean if … if something happens in the future?’

He nodded. ‘I want to be with you, Kelly. Always. No matter what.’

She pulled back and he could see the joy at his words in her face. But he could also see the flicker of doubt in those cool grey-green eyes.

‘I knew you’d need convincing,’ he told her. ‘So I did something. Something to show you I mean business.’ He shook his head. ‘I’ve spent too long skating on the top of life, pretending I was happy that way, pretending I wasn’t missing anything by going deeper …’

She got his attention by hitting his chest softly with her open palm. ‘Jason? What did you do …? You better not have done something to mess up that McGrath deal because I worked really hard on that and I will be most miffed!’

‘Miffed?’ He laughed. ‘You don’t have to be
miffed
.’ Which
was just as well because he was guessing that would involve a whole lot of earache. ‘I went to see my father, made the first step in patching things up.’ He shook his head gently. ‘It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be …’

Her eyes widened. ‘You did! Oh, Jason, that’s brilliant.’ Then she hit him again. Harder. ‘And about time too!’

Well, he hadn’t expected anything but truth that packed a punch from Kelly but, before she could do anything else violent, he pulled her close and kissed her again.

‘I realised I’d checked out of my own life a long time ago, but
you
made me want to check back in,’ he told her, keeping his arms firmly around her. ‘Not for myself—although I know I need that—but for you. I want to do it for you, because you woke me up, Kelly. You gave me the kiss of life when I was half-dead and didn’t know I needed it. You made me
want
to live again.’

‘And you gave it right back to me,’ she said, grinning through her tears. ‘Let’s do it. If there’s one thing that this scare has taught me it’s that you have to grab every chance of happiness you get. And you make me happy, Jason. I want to be with you.’

He smiled back at her. ‘It’s a deal, then.’ And he pulled away, stepped back and offered her his hand. She stared at it for a moment.

Kelly looked between his hand and his face a few times, but she slid her fingers into his and his larger ones closed around hers. He stopped smiling. This wasn’t a joke or a cute gesture to make her laugh. He was serious about this.

He knew she understood when her eyes filled with tears. She nodded and the motion of her head propelled them over the edge of her lashes and down her cheeks. ‘My problem isn’t that I can’t commit,’ he told her. ‘I just chose not to for a very long time, but you know me well enough to know that
when make a deal I don’t go back on it. Ever. You know what I’m saying, Kelly?’

Julie would be pleased. He was going to be able to tell her she needed to buy a new hat.

She nodded and smiled through her tears. ‘It’s a deal,’ she whispered softly.